Bake Your Heart Out Season 2, Episode 8
Hostage!
Diane: I can’t believe you sent Adam home! He was so good at the start.
Frances: Yeah, at the start.
Charlotte: His cinnamon buns were black on the bottom! They were clearly on fire at some point!
Diane: Yeah, but he was good before! Holly keeps sucking!
Garry: She had one of the best bakes this week.
Frances: Admit it, Diane. You just like Adam because he looks like your son.
Diane: What? No, he doesn’t!
Sam: Look at her face. It’s red!
Diane: Alright, fine. He does look little like Ben. His bakes are good, too!
Frances: Maybe initially…
Sam: The shade!
Leslie: Guys! Come here!
Diane: Oh no, is this what I think it is?
Sam: Is Paul here early?
Garry: I didn’t mentally prepare myself for that yet!
Leslie: No, he’s not here! This is actually fun!
Sam: We’ll be the judge of that.
Charlotte: What is it, Leslie? I want to spare us from Sam’s snark.
Sam: What snark?
Leslie: We’re doing promo shots!
Sam: You think that’s fun? Get your head checked.
Leslie: Come on! We have sailor outfits for all of you.
Diane: We’re gonna look like Kennedys, I love it!
Charlotte: What’s a Kennedy?
Frances: What?
Charlotte: I’m joking! I’m British, not mentally deficient!
Frances: Oh, good. Not knowing the Kennedys is something I’d expect from Garry, not you.
Garry: Oh, come on! I’m not an idiot!
Sam: Well…
Leslie: Guys, I know we finished filming the show early, but we do eventually have to go do these commercials because time is still moving forward.
Diane: Yes, let’s go!
Sam: Don’t tell us what to do. Now, let’s go.
Two hours later…
Frances: Leslie, I gotta be honest. That was pretty fun.
Charlotte: I think it was the boat deck and sail that really made it fun for me. With that screen behind us showing the ocean, it really felt like we were out there.
Diane: When I yelled I was queen of the world, that was really funny.
Sam: Especially because I clearly am.
Frances: Well, Garry sure isn-
Leslie: Adam!
Frances: What about him?
Leslie: Adam, what are you doing here?
Adam: I was thinking about how you all made fun of my dish and sent me home.
Frances: W-
Adam: No. I’m talking. You all ridiculed me and sent me home over a mistake. Now, you’re seeing what a mistake you’ve made.
Leslie: Run, guys. Get out of here and get help.
Adam: I wouldn’t do that. If you step one foot away from me, I will shoot.
Leslie: Then don’t run, guys.
Adam: This isn’t a time for jokes!
Leslie: I’m sorry, I wasn’t -
Adam: Shut up!
Leslie: I-
Adam: What did I say? Don’t answer that! I have the power now. Crew members, drop your phones on the ground, and go to the green room. No one makes any sudden moves or Diane’s a goner.
Diane: Listen to him!
The crew, including the cameraman and consulting producers, walk to the green room, and Adam shuts them in.
Adam: Shut up you old cow.
Diane: I stood up for you!
Sam: Great judgment.
Adam: Does anyone in this room know how to shut up? Alright, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re all going to hand your phones over to me. sound good?
Charlotte: Yes! Sounds great.
Everyone hands Adam their phones.
Adam: Good. Now I’m going to tie you all up, and you’re going to give me answers.
Frances: What about?
Adam: About my elimination.
Adam finishes tying everyone up and he pulls a chair up and sits in it as they sit in front of him on the floor.
Frances: What do you need to know?
Charlotte: We’ll tell you anything you want!
Adam: You see, that’s the problem. I’m afraid you’re just going to tell me what I want to hear and not the truth. If I think your lying, I won’t hesitate to give you a nice shot to the arm. Or worse.
Garry: We will be entirely truthful. We promise.
Sam: Didn’t you do background checks, Leslie?
Leslie: Yes! Sometimes they hide their crazy!
Adam: What was that?
Sam: She said you’re crazy good at baking.
Adam: No she didn’t, that was a lie!
Adam fires a shot near Sam but doesn’t hit her.
Diane: Oh my god! I’m not ready to die!
Adam: I wasn’t ready to get eliminated, either. Sometimes sh*t happens.
Diane: You know, I was an advocate for you. I was just saying earlier today that you were robbed and that it should’ve been someone else going home.
Charlotte: She really was! I remember because everyone else disagreed.
Adam: Oh really? Maybe I should just let Diane go then?
Diane: Would you?
Adam: Hell no! How do I know you’re not lying, too? You’re clearly terrified.
Sam: To be fair, she’s always terrified. That’s her thing. That and downing a bottle of vodka at an alarming rate.
Adam: You know what? You two are a little chatty for me.
Diane: Don’t kill us! I beg of you! Did I ever tell you that you look like my son Ben?
Adam: What? No, why would you? We’ve never spoken before.
Diane: I always wanted to, though!
Adam: Now I know you’re lying.
Charlotte: She’s not! She’s really not! She loves people. She can become friends with anyone.
Garry: Even me!
Adam: Sam, Diane, get up.
Diane: How am I supposed to get up? My hands are tied.
Adam: Just do it! Now, you both follow me to your dressing room. I don’t have anything to say to you two. Just stay quiet in there and cooperate and you’ll live.
Diane: Okay.
Adam guides Diane and Sam down the hall. While he’s gone, the others converse.
Leslie: You guys, I know I put on a brave face but I am scared.
Charlotte: We’re all terrified, Leslie.
Frances: Yeah, a guy with a gun tied us up and took our friends away.
Garry: Just breathe in and out. We’ll get through this.
Frances: Will we? He’s mad at us for kicking him off the show. What are we going to do? Just let bygones be bygones and bring him back. Pretend this didn’t happen? This isn’t going away.
Garry: People are taken hostage all the time. Usually, the cops get there in time and save things.
Frances: Usually. Comforting.
Charlotte: Yeah, only about thirty percent end in someone dying, not bad at all!
Frances: I think we need to volunteer Garry as our sacrifice.
Garry: Why me? I’m the only one with a family!
Frances: Mr. Snuggles is family!
Garry: Human family.
Frances: I got Jane.
Charlotte: Jane?
Leslie: Her old assistant that’s basically a surrogate daughter for her.
Frances: I want to see her again. I didn’t get to before we left LA because her wife booked a trip to Olympia, Washington for a conference and I promised I’d see her soon.
Leslie: You know a lot of lesbians, don’t you, Frances?
Frances: I am considered something of a gay icon.
Garry: Frances, you’ll get to see Jane again. I’ll get to see Anna and Carly again. Leslie and Charlotte, you’ll get to see your… whoever you love again.
Charlotte: My mom.
Leslie: My computer!
Frances: He’s coming back!
Garry: how do you know?
Frances: I hear footsteps, clearly.
Garry: Oh, okay.
Frances: Leslie, I just want you to know that if we don’t make it out, and there’s a real chance of that since Garry is saying otherwise, there’s no one I’d rather die alongside than you!
Leslie: Thanks, I guess.
Adam: What are you people going on about? Can’t you just be quiet and wait patiently?
Garry: W-
Adam: Don’t speak!
Frances: Okay, Gwen Stefani.
Adam: What did I say, granny?
Frances: Granny?
Garry: Frances, shut it!
Adam: Yeah, listen to him. Now, if you’re all on the same page and are ready to listen, let’s get to it. I just need some sort of explanation as to why I was eliminated. Anyone, feel free to let me know.
Frances: Well, uh, you’re a great baker.
Adam: Don’t flatter me.
Frances: Okay, will definitely keep that in mind. Uh, you’re a great baker but this was not your week.
Adam: What does that mean?
Garry: Yeah, what does that mean, Frances?
Frances: Garry, stop messing around. Adam, your cinnamon buns were just not on par with the other bakers’ bakes. It was overdone and a bit charred. It wouldn’t have been fair to keep you if you really had the worst week. It was a close week otherwise. We did what we had to do, and I’m sorry.
Adam: What about Sandra? Her danish was dry and the flavors were off! you said that!
Frances: That’s true. However, your bake was dry as the Sahara and had other flavor problems, to boot. It’s just the way it had to be.
Adam grows violent and pushes Frances to the ground.
Adam: No it isn’t!
Charlotte: I don’t want to insult you, but you asked Frances why you went home and she told you. She’s not trying to be rude, she just wants to be honest.
Adam: Do I have to hit you, too?
Charlotte: No, sorry.
Frances: Thanks a lot, Charlotte!
Adam: Someone just give me an answer. A good one.
Garry: You were sent home because you were the best one left.
Adam: Huh?
Leslie: Yeah, huh?
Garry: We’re having a special episode this season where the eliminated competitors compete to return to the competition. We knew you’d win and thought that you going from eliminated to winning comeback round to winning the whole show would be a great story arc.
Adam: You’re not wrong.
Frances: That’s the only time anyone’s ever said that to Garry.
Garry: Not the time for jokes, Frances.
Frances: There’s always time to make fun of you, Garry!
Adam: Stop your bantering! Leslie, did Garry just lie?
Leslie: No, not at all. He did spoil a great surprise but he didn't lie!
Adam: Now that you say it that way, it almost makes sense. When was the competition going to be?
Leslie: Uh… next week, actually.
Adam: Wait, why did you send home the other eliminated bakers if they’re going to compete in this competition?
Leslie: We didn’t want to ruin the surprise for everyone. We were just going to call them and tell them to get back.
Adam: Weren’t you afraid they’d be busy?
Leslie: You know, we didn’t think of that, did we, Garry?
Garry: I guess we didn’t.
Leslie: I hope everyone is available to come back to lose to you, Adam.
Adam shoots Leslie in the arm.
Leslie: Oh my god!
Garry: You shot Leslie!
Adam: Oops. Guess that’s what liars get. Wanna find out what it feels like?
Frances: Don’t do it yet! I wanna watch!
Garry: Frances!
Frances: What? Someone has to really lay into you now that Sam is probably bleeding out on the floor of her dressing room. He killed them, folks.
Adam: They’re fine!
Diane’s phone begins to ring.
Adam: What is that?
Charlotte: That’s Diane’s phone. Just let it ring.
Adam: Is her ringtone…?
Frances: Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance with Somebody? Why yes, it is.
Five minutes later…
Adam: Why is it ringing again? That’s the third time in five minutes
Frances: Diane is very clingy. She always answers. Whoever is calling probably thinks she’s’ dead. Which…?
Adam: She’s alive.
Frances: Sure.
Adam: Who is Melanie?
Frances: The desk clerk at our hotel that we’re all friends with now. Long story.
Adam: Why is she calling?
Frances: Were friends!
Garry: Let me answer. I’ll get her to stop calling.
Adam: That ringtone is driving me nuts, so go ahead. No funny business, though. And you’re not getting untied to speak to her. You can do it on speakerphone.
Garry: Sounds good to me.
Adam answers the call.
Melanie: Diane, finally! You scared me!
Garry: Hey there Melanie!
Melanie: Garry? What are you doing on Diane’s phone?
Garry: Oh, Diane and Sam are just on a donut run. You guys sure love Dunkin’ here, we wanted to see what the fuss is about since the shoot is running late.
Melanie: didn’t you guys say yesterday that filming for this episode was almost done and that you’d be home early?
Garry: Yeah. Plans changed. We’re on a boat now doing promo shots!
Melanie: A boat? Like in the ocean?
Garry: No, a fake one on a sound stage.
Melanie: Okay, that makes more sense.
Garry: So, what are you calling about?
Melanie: Wait. Why doesn't Diane have her phone on her on a donut run?
Garry: She must have just forgotten here phone. No biggie.
Melanie: Is everything alright there? I don’t hear anyone in the background. Any other time I call you guys, it’s always so loud.
Garry: I’m in my dressing room. It’s a peaceful place.
Melanie: Why was Diane’s phone in your dressing room? Are you guys having an affair?
Garry: Oh my god, no! I love Carly too much to do that.
Melanie: I’m just messing with you!
Garry: Oh, good. So what are you calling about?
Melanie: I was just concerned that you guys aren’t here yet. Usually, Diane would text me if you’re running late because Frances is being a diva or you’re picking up clams or something.
Garry: She must’ve just forgotten this time. It’s all good here! Nice and relaxing and fun. We’re even dressed as sailors.
Melanie: Oh, that’s nice. I guess I’ll let you go, then. Enjoy your donuts and I’ll see you soon.
Garry: Bye Melanie!
Garry hangs up.
Adam: What the hell was that? You’re an awful liar!
Frances: In his defense, he’s an awful everything.
Leslie: Not to break this up, but I am bleeding significantly over here.
Charlotte: It’s going to be okay, just breathe in and out. You’ll get through the pain. Don’t fall asleep.
Leslie: I won’t, I can’t. I’m in too much pain.
Frances: That’s not quite how the whole ‘falling unconscious’ thing works but, okay.
Adam: Shut up! You people really can’t be quiet. No one said you could talk.
Garry: Our apologies.
Adam: I need someone here to tell me the truth. Garry and Leslie clearly can’t. Frances is mean.
Frances: What did I do wrong?
Garry: You’re mean, don’t question it!
Frances: Fine. I’m mean.
Charlotte: Well, at least she finally admits it.
Adam: Stop -
Frances: Talking. See, I know you well enough to finish your sentences now!
Adam: I don’t appreciate that.
Frances: Well, we don’t appreciate any of this.
Adam: Can you possibly bring me back to the show? All I’ve ever wanted is to be a master baker!
Frances: Oh come on.
Adam: What?
Frances: Did you hear yourself. No one calls themselves a master baker.
Adam: Anyway, I quit my job as a marketing analyst to be here. I believe in my abilities. Give me another shot!
Frances: You literally gave a shot to the producer of the show.
Leslie: Can I please get some help over here? Maybe a tourniquet?
Frances: I would if I could! Just try not to die on us!
Leslie: Will do!
Adam: I’m sorry I shot you. I was just trying to prove a point. Now, can you let me back?
Leslie: Yes, fine.
Adam: You didn’t seem very sure of yourself there.
Frances: She did just get shot, you know.
Garry: She’s good for her word.
Adam hears a banging sound in the distance.
Adam: I’m gonna go check on that. Don’t you do anything!
Frances: Wouldn’t dream of it!
Twenty minutes later…
Frances: Where the hell is he? I’m worried.
Garry: Let me get this straight. You’re more worried when the psycho with a gun is not around than when he is?
Frances: I’m worried about where he is and what he’s doing.
Charlotte: He could be hurting Sam and Diane!
Frances: Oh my god, I didn’t even think of that. They’re definitely dead now. I’m sure they put up a good fight.
Leslie: Well, Sam did. Diane probably was just in the fetal position and it happened quickly for her.
Frances: Yeah, probably.
Adam returns, with a long scratch across his forehead.
Frances: What happened to you?
Adam: Sam and Diane happened. Diane scratched me!
Frances: did you kill her? I said kill Garry first!
Adam: They’re alive. She just slipped out of her restraints and I had to fix that. I had to fight with her a bit.
Leslie: So she’s alive.
Adam: More alive than you.
Frances: That was low!
Adam: Why are all acting like I’m a friend you can joke around with? I can kill you all if you want.
Garry: Yeah, guys. Be quiet and listen to him.
Adam: That means you, too. Now, as we were saying before Diane rudely interrupted us… you’re letting me return to the competition?
Leslie: Yes!
Adam: What will you tell the other competitors?
Garry: We made a mistake and needed you to come back because you were too good.
Adam: That’s probably a lie like the last time you said something similar. Anyone else have an actual answer?
The door to the studio opens and two officers walk in.
Frances: Help us! Help us! He has us hostage and he has a gun.
Adam: Why did yo-
The officer shoots Adam.
Frances: Oh my god!
Officer: Is there anyone else here with a gun? Anyone else that’s holding you all hostage?
Frances: No, just him.
Officer: Is anyone injured?
Frances: Just our friend Leslie. She was shot in the arm. We don’t know about our friends Sam and Diane, he took them away.
Officer: Okay, we’ll call the ambulance and check for everyone.
Frances: Thank you.
Charlotte: Did they have to kill him?
Frances: He was probably going to kill us.
Charlotte: We don’t know that.
Frances: I know. I’m just trying to convince myself of that so I can live with it.
Later that night, at the hotel…
Diane: Melanie!
Melanie: Oh my god, you guys look terrible! What happened?
Sam: The police never called you?
Melanie: No. And where’s Leslie?
Garry: Oh boy.
Melanie: What happened?
Diane: You saved our lives!
Melanie: I did? How?
Garry: Some lunatic took us hostage. The cops that you called saved us. But how’d you know something was wrong.
Melanie: That was because of you.
Frances: She was so terrified by having to talk to Garry that she called the cops. Good going, Gar’.
Melanie: I was so baffled by him picking up Diane’s phone and the weird explanation that I had to get confirmation that you were okay. Hey, wait a second. You never explained where Leslie is?
Diane: Oh, she’s in the hospital.
Melanie: What? Why?
Frances: Oh, he shot her.
Melanie: Oh my god! Shouldn’t we be there with her?
Frances: She just got shot in the arm. They’re keeping her overnight for observation but she’ll be fine.
Melanie: Thank god! How are you guys holding up?
Diane: Other than the mild concussion I probably have, we’re all shaken up but fine.
Melanie: Good to hear! I can’t believe this happened to you guys.
Frances: I can’t believe I watched a man die today.
Melanie: Who died?
Frances: The guy that took us hostage.
Garry: What? No, he didn’t. They shot him in the stomach and it missed the major organs so he was fine. He’s going to jail for a long time though.
Sam: Can I just say that it’s bizarre how many dangerous situations we’ve been in lately? And Melanie got us out of both of them!
Melanie: Well, Rhode Island is quite crime-riddled!
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another all-new episode and read spinoff show Frances In the Kitchen on Monday at 8!
