Aimee is sitting on her campaign bus.
Denise: Aimee! Aimee! You there?
Aimee: Ah, yes! Right here!
Kimmy: For a second, I thought she was dead.
Ernesto: She looks it. Honey, you’re whiter than Casper!
Aimee: What’s going on?
Cherie: You’re about to be elected to the Senate is what’s going on!
Aimee: Oh, yeah, right. I need to lie down.
Kimmy: Are you sure she’s not dying?
Cherie: I think so?
Victoria: She may be having a heart attack! Driver, hospital! Ándale!
Aimee: I’m fine, it’s just shock.
Denise: I know you’re in shock, but the news dropped a half-hour ago and I’ve gotten so many texts and emails that my phone is currently on fire. We’ve got to talk to someone. May I suggest Geraldine? She seems really concerned.
Aimee: Senate? Me? Senate? Ahh!
Ernesto: Use your words!
Kimmy: She did use words. Not in a sentence, but she did use words.
Aimee: I’ll call, um… redhead.
Denise: Geraldine?
Aimee: Yeah, her.
Cherie: What do we do about the campaign rally?
Denise: We’ll postpone it a few hours until she’s less, well, you know.
Dave: That sounds fair to me. As long as you’re up for it, honey.
Aimee: What state am I in?
Kimmy: Shock.
Cherie: She’ll be fine!
Denise: Aimee, let’s go to the private room to call Gerry.
Aimee: You mean the bathroom?
Denise: Since we didn’t spring for the bus with a bedroom door, yes, I mean the bathroom.
Ernesto: You don’t want to go in there!
Victoria: Was that necessary?
Ernesto: I’m being courteous!
Aimee: We’ll go in the bed“room” and pull the curtain. Okay?
Denise: I guess that works.
Dave: No eavesdropping, you guys.
Kimmy: Damn, I was going to do an Instagram Live. Buzzkill.
Denise and Aimee call Geraldine.
Geraldine: It’s about time! Aimee, you’re the talk of the whole darn town right about now.
Denise: She’s experiencing shell shock, so bear with us.
Geraldine: That’s understandable. With all due respect to the future senator, this race was not supposed to be close.
Denise: We were aware.
Geraldine: In fact, we wer-
Denise: Senator!
Geraldine: Right, sorry. My point is that I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine!
Denise: I don’t know if she’s in the mental space to be -
Geraldine: Nonsense! Y’all, say hello to the incomparable Senate Republican leader himself, Mr. Greg Sherwood!
Aimee: I’ve never met someone from Indiana before!
Greg: Hi Aimee! We are all so excited about your candidacy!
Aimee: It’s funny to be excited about a man trying to murder his political rivals.
Greg: No, that’s not it!
Aimee: I’m just pulling your leg.
Denise: I think, maybe release his leg. Just for now?
Aimee: Okay, I’ll be serious.
Geraldine: Aimee, we really weren’t too involved in your campaign when you seemed like an also-ran.
Denise: All right, you gotta stop doing that.
Aimee: No, it’s fair.
Geraldine: But now, we’re going to dump a lot of money into this. We’re going to make sure you pull this off. Trust me, Aimee. There are a lot of scumbags in the Senate, but we are not letting a murderer get in!
Aimee: You’re really making the Senate sound like a lovely workplace.
Geraldine: Can’t put lipstick on a pig.
Greg: Gerry, stop it. You’re gonna make her want to lose!
Aimee: Haha, that’s a good one! Never!
Geraldine: In all serious, Aimee, we’re going to be your lifeline for whenever you need it. You are one of the very few chances we have of flipping a Senate seat this cycle, so give me a ring whenever you need advice or campaign help or if you need some extra campaign funds. If you need to get into contact with Greg, I can do that for you also.
Greg: I could give her my contact information, too.
Geraldine: Don’t be such a control freak, Greg!
Aimee: What am I supposed to tell the press? Everyone wants to talk to me, and I don’t really know how to respond to all of this. I’ve never been at the center of a huge scandal like this before.
Geraldine: Weren’t you just thrust into the center of the impeachment debacle?
Aimee: Oh, yeah. Well, to be honest, I didn’t really know how to respond to the media then, either.
Geraldine: Let Denise and me handle that. I’ll write up a statement about Jankler’s arrest for you to post to your social medias, and Denise and I will worry about getting you booked on some of the major news shows once you’re ready. We’re going to take advantage of this situation and make sure it’s not forgotten about quickly.
Greg: And I will just sit here and twiddle my thumbs, I guess.
Geraldine: That’s about all Hagelin and Wilson ever let you do. They do not respect you.
Greg: They do not delegate my responsibilities.
Geraldine: We’re not getting into this argument now.
Aimee: Can’t wait to serve with both of you! I’ll talk to you later, bye!
Aimee hangs up.
Aimee: Gee, that was… something.
Denise: I couldn’t get a word in.
Aimee: Why would you want to?
Denise: Good point.
Aimee: Okay, I guess it’s time for this rally.
Denise: You’re sure you’re ready for this? You will be asked about.. you know.
Aimee: I’m good. Just post whatever Geraldine sends by the time my rally is, and I can point reporters to that statement.
Denise: Okay, sounds good.
Kimmy: Hey, Aimes!
Aimee: Yes, my darling sister?
Kimmy: I’ve been looking over your campaign music playlist on Spotify, and it really sucks. Tears in Heaven? The Gilmore Girls theme? The Cha-Cha Slide? What are you doing here?
Aimee: I picked songs I like. Fun songs!
Kimmy: Tears in Heaven? Fun?
Aimee: Give me a break, Kimmy. I’m pregnant and emotional and on the brink of being elected to the Senate!
Kimmy: How horrible for you.
Ernesto: Kimberly, be nice to your sister! I can and will send you to your room!
Kimmy: What room? We’re on a tour bus.
Ernesto: I will remember this when we get home.
Kimmy: I’m twenty-one years old.
Ernesto: My house, my rules!
Cherie: Children, please! We have campaigning to do, we can argue about nothing when we get home in a few days.
Dave: Who has the campaign brochures? We need to hand those out.
Victoria: I thought you were bringing those?
Dave: How does this happen every time?
Kimmy: Have you considered that maybe we’re bad at this?
Aimee: I think Kimmy threw them away to sabotage me. She doesn’t want the Democrats to lose this seat.
Kimmy: I would never be so underhanded! I’m a good person! I’ve even come around to the idea of you winning!
Aimee: Good lord, if my own sister is still a swing voter after Jankler’s attempted murder debacle, maybe I’m not actually going to win.
Cherie: The brochures are right here, on the table! You idiots!
Dave: I thought I looked there!
Kimmy: Dave… poor, sweet, stupid Dave. What are we going to do with you?
Victoria: Give him a break, honey. It’s just sinking in that he might have to stay in DC for another six years. Yikes!
Cherie: I thought you loved it in DC?
Victoria: I do, but I’m not going to have to go to all those uptight Senate spouse dinners. I can’t think of a worse hell for someone like Dave than to have to be around a bunch of uppity rich snobs.
Aimee: Someone like Dave?
Victoria: Someone normal.
Kimmy: Don’t go that far.
Cherie: Enough distractions! Let’s get to work, we have a lot of work to do!
Ernesto: Do we? Seems to me like all Aimee has to do is run an ad about her opponent trying to kill someone and she wins! We can go home now!
Cherie: Ernesto, get your ass off of this bus and start handing out flyers.
Ernesto: Will do, my darling angel.
Kimmy: Puke.
The next week, in the hall of the Rayburn House Office Building…
Nanette: Congresswoman Ferrera Donahue!
Aimee: You know the Paul Simon song, You Can Call Me Al?
Nanette: Of course. I’m old! In fact, I went to a Paul Simon concert once in the 1980s.
Aimee: You can call me Aimee! Remember that!
Nanette: Aimee, I saw the big news. On a political level, I can’t say I’m thrilled about it. Howver, this is very exciting for you! You’re a good person, you’ll do an admirable job in the Senate.
Aimee: That’s very sweet, Madam Speaker.
Nanette: You can call me Nanette!
Aimee: I’m not sure if I feel comfortable doing that.
Nanette: And you wonder why I never called you Aimee!
Aimee: That’s different! You’re the Speaker of the House!
Nanette: I’m not any more special than you are. Sure, I get extra Capitol Police protection, but that’s really it.
Carolyn: Hey, uh Aimee… can we tal-
Aimee: We’re fine, Carolyn.
Nanette: I’m going to let you two talk. Again, congrats, Aimee.
Aimee: You did it!
Carolyn: So, can we talk?
Aimee: Just get in my office.
Carolyn: Were you having a friend chat without me?
Lynette: She said get in here!
Alec: It just started, anyway. You didn’t miss anything aside from Lynette’s happy screeches.
Carolyn: That probably saved me a bit of hearing loss.
Aimee closes the door.
Aimee: So… things have changed.
Lynette: I’d say so! I’m gonna have a buddy in the Senate!
Aimee: Guys, I’m still not.. you know… sold on it.
Alec: Aimee! The other guy’s a murderer!
Aimee: Attempted murderer! But yeah, I do see the concern there.
Carolyn: Did you guys replace me with Margo while I was gone? I feel like I saw her in here a lot.
Lynette: We just finally forgave you, don’t push it, toots. Stay on topic!
Carolyn: Sorry. Won’t happen again.
Alec: Yeah, only Lynette is allowed to say inane nonsense that isn’t related to the conversation.
Aimee: Guys, I need help here!
Lynette: We need you in the Senate!
Aimee: I’m sure the Democrats would just expel Jankler if he did win.
Alec: You don’t know that for sure? What if he legalizes murder?
Carolyn: These are the same people that want abor-
Alec: Shut up, Carolyn.
Carolyn: Oh lord, am I the new punching bag of the group?
Lynette: How the turntables…
Aimee receives a phone call.
Aimee: While this convo has been going wonderfully, I should probably take this.
Lynette: Do what makes you happy, Aimee!
Aimee answers the phone.
Denise: Kay, Aimee. I know you’re probably busy -
Aimee: Not really?
Denise: Either way, I’ll make this quick. Pennsylvania Senator John Barlowe wants to endorse your campaign.
Aimee: I’m pretty sure you’re getting pranked. John Barlowe is one of the top-ranking Democrats in the Senate. One of the most left-wing, too.
Denise: Yeah, as left-wing as he is, he cares even more about getting corruption out of politics. He doesn’t want Jankler to win, and he is willing to endorse you publicly and cut an ad for you if that’s something you want.
Aimee: John Barlowe, medicare-for-all supporter and founder of the Senate Progressive Caucus. That John Barlowe?
Denise: I thought this was already established.
Aimee: I’m just in shock. I don't know if I can accept the endorsement.
Denise: For what it’s worth, I think it can only help you. Some Republicans may not like it, but what’s the alternative? Letting the murder guy win? This can sway a lot of Democrats, if a recognizable member of their party tells them it’s okay to vote for a Republican.
Aimee: It’s not even that I’m worried about turning Republicans away. I just have a lot to think about. I’ll let you know, okay?
Denise: All right, just make it soon. I don’t want him to get offended and retract the offer.
Aimee: We’ll talk soon, bye Denise.
Aimee hangs up.
Lynette: John Barlowe wants to endorse you?
Aimee: How did you…?
Lynette: I have incredible hearing.
Carolyn: Also, you pretty much said as much out loud. It’s easy to forget, you were in shock.
Aimee: Yeah, I’ve been feeling that a lot lately, haven’t I?
Alec: It’s a shocking time to be alive.
Lynette: Not as shocking as the Crocodile Rock, though. I mean, your feet just can’t keep still!
Carolyn: What in the hell are you talking about?
Lynette: It’s an Elton John song. I forgot I was in the presence of someone who thinks rock and roll is the devil’s music.
Carolyn: I know Elton John! I just didn’t see how it applied to this conversation.
Lynette: It was a joke!
Alec: So, anyway… what are you going to do about that Barlowe endorsement? Considering that you don’t want to win, after all?
Aimee: I’m reconsidering that idea, really.
Lynette: Oh, yay!
Alec: That was fast!
Aimee: Well, it’s finally hitting me that I have a real path to winning this thing.
Carolyn: You’ve had a real path to winning for, eh, about a week and a half now.
Aimee: I know, but I still didn’t really believe it. It’s just sinking in. I only ever saw this campaign as a way to go out in style. You know, get that cross-state road trip adventure and have it paid for by the RNC. I didn’t dare dream of actually winning. I’m a Republican running statewide in Washington! Now, though… I could get six more years out of this.
Alec: I’m not saying I’m against you trying to win. All Im saying is… why is that suddenly something you want?
Aimee: I don’t know! I’m still not certain I do! But I’m warming to the idea of being a senator. Sure, I got sick of this job, but the Senate can be a fresh start! I can be an independent voice there. Plus, I won’t have to worry about re-election. I know it’s not happening! Just six years of consequence-free fun!
Lynette: What if this is all just the pregnancy brain talking?
Aimee: In that case, I’ll probably wake up on the day I’m sworn in and hate myself for ever agreeing to this. But I really think this is what I want now.
Carolyn: If that’s what you want, then try your damnedest to win. We’re here for you.
Alec: On the plus side, you still get away from Victor! That is a truly incredible bonus for you.
Lynette: For anyone. What an annoying man.
Victor: Did I hear my name called?
Aimee: Go away!
Victor: Will do…
Lynette: Such a strange bird.
Carolyn: You should probably call Denise back and tell her to run with that endorsement before its gone.
Aimee: Yeah, I’m going to. Although I think Victor was coming here to tell us to get to the floor for a vote, so maybe let’s go do that first.
Lynette: Good idea! Sometimes I forget we’re supposed to actually do work.
Carolyn: And they’re gonna be in the Senate…
Lynette: Thin ice, Carolyn! Thin ice!
Meanwhile, in Washington state, Aimee’s family and Denise are on the campaign bus…
Denise: I just had the strangest conversation with Aimee.
Cherie: I blame Victoria, she made her weirder.
Victoria: I did not! I opened her horizons!
Cherie: Look at you! You’re in head-to-toe jeopardy print and you have a giant feathery hat on. You just exude the energy of insanity.
Victoria: It’s okay to be jealous of interesting people.
Ernesto: Ladies, ladies! You’re both nuts!
Denise: I called Aimee with the news about Barlowe’s endorsement and asked her about running an ad with him in it and she acted so strange. She said she’ll have to “let me know” because she has “a lot to think about.” This can help her win! She does realize that, right?
Ernesto: She always has had a dislike of those people.
Kimmy: Those people?
Victoria: That’s not a very nice way to talk about the voters your daughter needs to win in this state!
Ernesto: I don’t mean Democrats! I mean Pennsylvanians! Allentown was always her least-favorite Billy Joel song.
Victoria: Can you be serious for once? What’s going on with Aimee?
Dave: She’s just a bit confused right now. There are many emotions at play here. For one, she could have easily been the target of one of Jankler’s
Denise: I think, and tell me if I’m off-base, that Aimee doesn’t really want to win this race.
Cherie: Have you lost your damn mind?
Denise: I said it may be off-base.
Cherie: It certainly is! My daughter is a winner, she wouldn’t run if she didn’t want to win!
Kimmy: Think of it, mom. Aimee comes out and tells us she’s retiring. Then, all of the sudden, she’s running for the Senate! As a Republican! In Washington!
Cherie: There are more of us than you’d think.
Victoria: Certainly not in elected office…
Kimmy: It’s an odd switch is all I’m saying. I don't know why she’d run if she didn’t want to win, but it seems that she may have potentially been thrust into a situation she did not want to be in.
Dave: Who would want to be running against a guy who tried to commit murder-for-hire?
Kimmy: Someone who wants an easy ticket to victory?
Denise: Again, just a theory! I think I’ll ask about it tomorrow when she returns home. I don’t want to bug her about this over the phone while she’s busy in DC.
Kimmy: Is anyone ever really busy in DC?
Dave: What do you know about busy? You don’t even have a job!
Kimmy: Uncalled for!
The next day…
Cherie: Oh, Aimee! You look so tired!
Aimee: Imagine how I feel. For starters, I’m in Spokane! What a nightmare!
Victoria: Let’s not say that in proximity of others.
Kimmy: Aimee’s going to somehow manage to make Spokane vote Democrat while Olympia votes Republican. What a legend.
Dave: Let’s get you to the bus, you need rest.
Ernesto: When I was a kid, I always said I’d be living on a tour bus. Never thought it would be like this! I thought I was gonna be the Mexican Elvis Presley!
Cherie: Look at you now! The Mexican Joe Kennedy Senior!
Victoria: Don’t insult MY Kennedys like that!
Denise: Aimee, there was something I wanted to ask you about. A concern I had that some of your family also shared.
Cherie: Not me! I believe in you!
Aimee: And just like that, I’m worried again.
Kimmy: Hey, it’s Che Diaz!
Aimee: What?
Kimmy: You said the name of my least-favorite HBO Max show, which has a character named Che Diaz on it.
Denise: Anyway, I’m starting to get the feeling that you don’t really want to win the Senate seat. Why else would you hesitate to accept John Barlowe’s offer?
Aimee: Can we do this in private?
Cherie: Oh, god. Are the lunatics right?
Aimee: To the bus, okay?
Denise: Fine by me.
In Aimee’s campaign bus…
Denise: I’m right, aren’t I?
Kimmy: I knew it! You scammed us! I bet dad put you up to it to get me to work!
Ernesto: Honey, if I wanted you to work that badly, I’d drop you off at the froyo shop that’s always hiring and force you to apply.
Aimee: Until yesterday, I didn’t want to win, no. I’m pregnant, I have two children, I have a wonderful family. I was ready to pack up my political career and move on!
Denise: Until yesterday?
Aimee: Yeah, that’s when all of the events of the past week and a half really sunk in. I am now ready and willing to serve!
Denise: Well, I guess that’s better than you still wanting to lose to a murderer.
Aimee: Isn’t it?
Cherie: Why would you run if you didn’t want to win? We have dedicated so much of our own time to this.
Kimmy: All that campaigning we did over the past few months was for a campaign you wanted to lose?
Aimee: I didnt’ want to get completely smoked, you see.
Kimmy: Oh, so it was all due to your own vanity. What a shock!
Dave: No one go too hard on her. She-
Kimmy: Is under a lot of stress. We know.
Aimee: Remember, I wanted to retire because I love you all so much!
Kimmy: Being in Congress really keeps you from spending time with us that much?
Aimee: Yes! Very much so!
Kimmy: Well, in that case, I should really consider running in a few years!
Ernesto: To clarify, Aimee, you now want to win. Correct?
Aimee: Yes!
Ernesto: So our work will be put to good use after all?
Aimee: Correct! As always, dad.
Ernesto: Okay, we’re not mad!
Kimmy: We aren’t?
Ernesto: No, Kimmy. We aren’t.
Kimmy: Guess that settles it then!
Aimee: And, Denise, I want you to run the ad with Barlowe!
Denise: Looks like everything end up going right in the end, then! We are on track to win this election!
Kimmy: Poor Aimee!
Ernesto: Kimmy, I said we’re not mad!
Kimmy: I will continue to tease her for this! For a long, long, long time.
Aimee: You are a spiteful little troll.
Kimmy: I am not little!
What did you think of the season premiere of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
