Marietta is in her office meeting with members of the city council.
Marissa: Marietta, did you really call us in here over the renaming of a street?
Marietta: Of course! It’s a major issue.
John: I’m not entirely sure that it is, but no one can accuse you of not being dedicated to the city.
Marietta: Many people do actually. Every single day. It stings.
John: So, you say there’s a petition to rename Lee Street to Martin Landfield Avenue because Lee Street is named after confederate general Robert E. Lee. Do I have that right?
Marietta: Um, yes, you do.
Marissa: No other renaming alternatives? I feel like Reggie’s not going to be thrilled to rename a street after your dad.
Moira: Oh, who gives a damn what Reggie thinks?
Marissa: You’re basically a Landfield now, too. He’s also going to scream about you being biased.
Moira: I like when he yells at me. It makes me feel like I accomplished something for the day.
John: I’m not personally opposed to the renaming because, well, I think it’s high time we stop celebrating Robert E. Lee. I don’t know if everyone on the council is going to be on board, though. You want to have a drawn-out fight over this?
Marietta: Sure. And if I end up on Fox News because of it, that’s just a nice added bonus.
John: What do we tell the councilors who are concerned about the logistical concerns of renaming a major street in the city?
Marietta: Well, John. Can I call you John?
John: We’re friends and that’s my name. Yes, you can call me John.
Marietta: Well then, John. I’ll tell them that every third street in West Virginia has been renamed in honor of POTUS since his inauguration. If the Land of Abandoned Coal Mines can make it work on such a large scale, we can rename one street.
Moira: Well that’s actually not the only street in the city named after a conf-
Marietta: One racist street at a time, Donnelly! I said I’m okay with a fight with Reggie, not an entire war.
Henrietta: Marietta, you have a call.
Marietta: From?
Henrietta: Maria.
Marietta: Just hold her on there for a minute, let me wrap this thing up.
Henrietta: All right, will do.
Marietta: Isn’t she swell?
Marissa: She’s so much cheerier and nicer than Amy.
Amy: Hey, I heard that, you bitch!
Marissa: It came from a place of love.
John: We’ll get out of your hair so you can talk to your daughter-in-law. I’ll make sure to put this vote on the docket for the next council meeting.
Marietta: Thank you, John. And thank you all for meeting with me.
Moira: It’s our pleasure! When you call, we jump at the chance to meet!
John: Yeah, we do. Even if it’s not always productive, at least it’s always funny.
Marissa: Plus, it gives me an excuse to get out of the house. I love my kids, but one person can only handle so much Encanto.
Moira: Thank god I never had children. I know we don’t talk about Bruno, and I’m good with that. I have no desire to!
Marissa: Thankfully, my kids have begun to somewhat move on from Encanto. Now it’s the new Olivia Rodrigo documentary.
Marietta: Oh, I love that documentary! I’ve seen it like three times already with Sarah!
Marissa: By any chance would you like to babysit my kids? Just put it on on loop, they won’t care. You can even sing Traitor with them.
John: Like I said, we’d better get going.
Marissa: I’m trying to get free childcare, John!
John: The mayor has other business to tend to.
Marissa: You are no fun.
John: Once again, goodbye, mayor Landfield.
Marietta: See ya in a couple, John!
Henrietta: You ready for me to transfer the call?
Marietta: Any time, I’m ready.
Henrietta: Okay, transferring now.
Amy: I really feel like we got replaced, Tam.
Tammy: At least I was brought along on the family vacation. You, on the other hand, sure seem to be getting put out to pasture.
Amy: That used to be me transferring personal calls to Marietta while she's supposed to be working.
Henrietta: You can do the next one. I know there will be more today.
Amy: Thanks, you’re a doll.
Tammy: And I am?
Amy: A troll.
Marietta: I am closing the door now!
Tammy: Funny you think that’ll stop us.
Marietta: As long as I can’t hear it!
Maria: You there, Marietta?
Marietta: I sure am!
Maria: Ah, good. We need to talk.
Marietta: Movies and television have taught me that that phrase never indicates anything good.
Maria: Haha, yeah.
Marietta: Maria, you’re scaring me.
Maria: Kyle and I just want to talk about something. Maybe we can go out for dinner together?
Marietta: Dinner? You usually want to meet for lunch. Something’s wrong.
Maria: Nothing is wrong.
Marietta: Do you promise?
Maria: I promise, nothing is wrong.
Marietta: Okay, then we can meet for dinner. I’m thinking Italian?
Maria: That’ll be fine. Just text me the details of wherever you want to go once you figure it out.
Marietta: All right, I’ll see you later. Love ya!
Maria: Love you, bye.
Marietta hangs up.
Tammy: So, what was that about?
Marietta: I don’t know.
Tammy: Oh, no. I think she’s losing it.
Amy: As Vice Mayor -
Henrietta: That’s not your job and we all know it.
Amy: I am prepared to step in if the time comes.
Marietta: That will not be needed.
Tammy: And everybody cheered.
Marietta: All I know is that Kyle and Maria want me to have dinner with them to talk about something. I don’t know what, but something.
Amy: We know it isn’t that she’s pregnant. That much has been obvious for a while.
Marietta: I’m entirely clueless about what this could be. She promised that it’s not anything bad, but I don’t know what could be serious enough to require a dinner meeting.
Henrietta: Maybe they just walk to have a nice dinner with you?
Tammy: Henrietta, why are you talking so silly?
Henrietta: I don’t know, I’m sorry. I’ll stop talking now.
Marietta: No, don’t. You’re the only one here with any semblance of sanity.
Amy: Would someone sane agree to work here? No! They’d go work for Marissa.
Tammy: She’s not taking applications. Trust me, I’ve tried.
Marietta: You’ve what?
Tammy: So, Kyle and Maria!
Marietta: You people give me anxiety. Not you, Henrietta.
Amy: Everything gives you anxiety. You have anxiety disorder.
Marietta: Yeah, but you two make it worse.
Amy: It’s what we do.
Later that day, at dinner…
Kyle: Oh look, mom’s here!
Marietta: I’m sorry I’m late. Your grandmother… well, you know.
Kyle: I do.
Marietta: So, what’s this about.
Kyle: Getting right down to business, I see.
Marietta: I’m scared, Kyle. This isn’t normal.
Maria: Tell her, Kyle.
Kyle: I wanted to wait until appetizers at least. She could throw her martini in my face and storm off if I say it now.
Maria: Better than her throwing hot marinara sauce in your face.
Marietta: I’m not throwing anything in anyone’s face. I’m saving that for my audition for the Real Housewives of New Orleans.
Kyle: Then, here goes nothing…
Maria: Oh, god.
Marietta: You’re changing the baby’s middle name, aren’t you? What rock star are you naming her after now, Grace Slick?
Maria: We aren’t changing any names.
Marietta: Good.
Kyle: We are changing something else. We’re moving, mom.
Marietta: Oh! I’m so relieved, I thought it was something bad! I didn’t know you were looking at new places.
Kyle: We weren’t, really. We aren’t moving to anywhere near here, mom. We’re moving because of my job.
Marietta: Maria, you promised.
Maria: It’s not bad news th… I’m sorry.
Marietta: How far away? Baton Rouge? Mississippi?
Kyle: What job opportunities are in Mississippi, mom?
Marietta: Even as you break your mother’s heart, you can still get in digs at Mississippi. You really are my son.
Kyle: Was there any doubt?
Marietta: You’re abandoning me, so I began questioning things, naturally. Thought maybe there was some horrible mix-up at the hospital. But no, you’re mine, you little traitor!
Kyle: Oh, please don’t start singing.
Marietta: I’m not going to sing, I’m not totally nuts! I am curious, though. Why? Why are you moving? And where? You never answered me!
Kyle: My company wants to promote me and the job is in Virginia. I don't want to take it, but it pays a lot more and we can use that money with a second baby on the way. Uncle Milton said we can stay at his apartment with him and Moira until we find a place.
Marietta: My brother knew about this?
Kyle: Just for a few hours. We only found out about it ourselves last night. Nothing is even finalized yet.
Marietta: Fair enough. Who wants mozzarella sticks?
Kyle: Are you okay, mom?
Marietta: I have to process everything, honey. I am happy for you, though. I want you to be successful and financially secure. Now, I need to bury myself in Italian food to ease the pain.
Kyle: Save room for dessert. I know how sad you’ll be if you can’t eat any tiramisu tonight.
One hour later, on the ride home, Marietta calls Kate.
Marietta: Katherine, you there?
Kate: You’re using my full name… what did I do wrong?
Marietta: Is my idiot of a brother there?
Kate: I feel like you’re angry with him, but that anger is spilling over to me as well. Am I correct in that?
Marietta: Kate, is Milton at the office yet?
Kate: I’m not sure, I can check.
Marietta: Thank you. For this, I will spare you when I come to DC to kill Milton.
Kate: Guess he really stepped in it this time.
Marietta: I don’t know why I’m even surprised.
Kate: Ellie, is Milton still here?
Ellie: I don’t know!
Kate: Thanks for all the help. You always have my back!
Ellie: Yeah, screw you, too.
Kate: Let me walk down to his office. One sec, Marietta.
Marietta: Take the time you need.
Kate: By the way, not to judge, but why did you call me instead of calling him directly?
Marietta: I figure he’s less likely to hang up if I yell at him while you’re there.
Kate: So I get to hear the meltdown live? What a treat.
Marietta: Glad you’re excited.
Kate: Okay, we’re here! And he is in his office.
Marietta: Can’t wait!
Kate: Milton, Marietta called and wants to speak with you.
Milton: She didn’t call me directly? That’s odd.
Kate: Here’s the phone. Good luck!
Milton: Marietta, wha-
Marietta: What the hell is wrong with you, man?
Milton: How are you on this fine day?
Marietta: Not great! My son is moving to Virginia and you’re encouraging it! You stupid idiot!
Milton: Glad to see you’re not resorting to kindergarten insults, at least.
Marietta: Why do you want my baby to move away from me? Do you think we can just trade kids? I get yours, you get mine? I’m watching Sarah as a favor, you can have her back whenever you want!
Milton: I’m helping my nephew out. He’s not moving here because I asked him to, he was going to move here regardless. All I’m doing is preventing him and your grandkids from living in a Days Inn while he tries to find a place to live.
Marietta: You did this out of spite. You’re a spiteful little man.
Milton: Little?
Marietta: That’s the part you’re worried about?
Milton: The rest of it is obviously also insane.
Kate: I’m just going to go…
Marietta: No, Kate!
Milton: Marietta, you have to let him go!
Marietta: Kate uses she/her pronouns, Milton.
Milton: I mean Kyle! You have to let him live his own life.
Marietta: I let him live his own life! Is it that wrong of me, as a mother, to want that life to be lived in the general vicinity of me?
Milton: Even mom let you go to DC.
Marietta: She let me? I was elected, Milton.
Milton: She had to watch her baby, at just twenty-seven, go off to Washington, DC to serve in Congress. She didn’t try to hold you back.
Marietta: I wouldn’t give her that much credit.
Milton: Just have an open mind.
Marietta: You’re stupid when you give advice. Do you know that?
Milton: Thank you. I know, deep down, you’re trying to compliment me, because I make sense.
Marietta: Goodbye, Milton. Don’t betray me again like this, or I will fly up there and kick your ass.
Milton: Promise?
Ten minutes later, at Patty Lynn and Martin’s…
Martin: So, how was dinner?
Marietta: He’s leaving me.
Sarah: I thought you were the one that left Uncle Danny, not the other way around?
Marietta: Kyle is moving to Virginia.
Patty Lynn: AHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Kathleen: My ears are bleeding.
Sarah: What did you say? My ears are ringing!
Patty Lynn: Why is he moving there? That part of the country has stolen enough from me!
Sarah: Grandma seems more concerned about where Kyle is moving than the fact that he’s moving.
Patty Lynn: I don’t want him to move at all, that’s the primary reason I’m upset. It’s just that I don’t understand why everyone in this family that moves from New Orleans has to move to Virginia or DC.
Kathleen: I moved to Arkansas.
Patty Lynn: You don’t count.
Kathleen: Course not.
Martin: Why is he moving, honey?
Marietta: His job. They want to promote him, but have no higher positions for him at this branch. There’s work in Virginia, and that’s where he’s off to.
Martin: You sound less upset than I would expect.
Sarah: It’s hard to seem upset when you’re being compared to… that.
Kathleen: She’s crying to loudly, it sounds like she can’t breathe.
Patty Lynn: WHY? WHY?
Kathleen: You sound like Nancy Kerrigan!
Patty Lynn: I’m going to fix this, okay?
Martin: Fix it? Darling…
Sarah: Grandpa, let her talk. I’m dying to hear her elaborate.
Patty Lynn: I can call in a favor and get someone else at the firm fired and Kyle can get their job.
Marietta: Mom, what favor could you call in?
Patty Lynn: I know people!
Kathleen: The only people you need to know are a team of psychiatrists.
Marietta: There’s no use in trying to change it, he’s made up his mind.
Patty Lynn: You’re fine with him going?
Marietta: Your idiot son raised a few good points.
Patty Lynn: You talked to Milton about this?
Marietta: Yes. Kyle and Maria are going to live with Milton in DC!
Kathleen: Oh, god, she’s gonna kill him.
Patty Lynn: This is madness.
Martin: It’s family helping family. That’s what it’s all about.
Patty Lynn: I’m going to miss him.
Sarah: He’s not dying, grandma. I lived in DC for years!
Patty Lynn: That’s different, though.
Sarah: How?
Patty Lynn: You were getting an eduction.
Sarah: Kyle’s going to try to make a life for his family there.
Patty Lynn: Like father, like daughter, I see.
Sarah: I don’t want him to leave, either. I’m finally getting to know him! But we always come back, grandma. He will come back. Let him go now.
Kathleen: You’re wise beyond your years.
Sarah: That’s the nicest thing you’re ever said to me, aunt Kathleen.
Kathleen: I’m not always a bitch.
Martin: Just most of the time.
Kathleen: I expected that from Patty Lynn but not my dearest and most beloved brother!
Marietta: So, are we good, or are we still in meltdown mode?
Kathleen: She’s not dry heaving anymore, that’s a positive sign.
Patty Lynn: I’m coming around to it, give me time.
Marietta: That’s about how I reacted to it. It takes time. Maybe call Milton for some encouraging and mildly-preachy words.
Martin: I’m proud of you guys. You’re putting someone else’s best interests above your own.
Marietta: Dad…
Martin: Yes?
Marietta: I think I need a hug.
Martin: Bring it in.
Marietta: You give the best hugs.
Martin: I’ve been told that.
Three days later…
Amy: Marietta, you have a call.
Marietta: Tell John I’m not feeling up for a night at the jazz club tonight.
Amy: It’s Kyle.
Marietta: Hand me the phone.
Amy: We’ve been over this, all you need to do is pick up your office phone.
Marietta: Don’t judge me, Amy. It’s been an emotional couple of days!
Henrietta: Amy, let me talk to her if you’re going to be rude about it. You’re making her sad again.
Tammy: She has a way of doing that.
Marietta answers the phone.
Kyle: Thank god you answered, I was beginning to worry.
Marietta: That’s all Amy’s fault.
Kyle: I have great news, mom!
Marietta: I hope its better than the “great news” your wife had for me three days ago.
Kyle: I don’t know how, but a high-level job opened up at the New Orleans firm. They offered me the position, and I accepted it.
Marietta: You’re staying?
Kyle: We are indeed.
Marietta: They weren’t fired, were they?
Kyle: No, they retired.
Marietta: Okay, good. Just had to make sure. Now, I want you to know something, Kyle.
Kyle: What’s that?
Marietta: If there ever is an opportunity that arises for you to better your life and your family’s life, and it takes you away from this city, I want you to take it. Don’t worry about me. I know you’ll always find your way back eventually. Live in the moment, and take risks if you must.
Kyle: I love you, mom.
Marietta: I love you, too, sweetheart.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist and make sure to read the new episode next week!
