Milton is in his office when Kate and Ellie walk in.
Ellie: Milton, we have a question about a campaign.
Milton: No, I haven’t decided if I’m running for re-election or not.
Ellie: Not that campaign.
Kate: Though, we are really going to need you to run. Who else can we run in Louisiana, Marietta?
Milton: Ah, god no!
Ellie: Anyway, we wanted to know about the Washington race. Is the DSCC endorsing in that race? Marnie wants to know since it is her seat after all.
Milton: We’re staying out of that race. There are a few qualified candidates in the race and we’re going to let Washington Democrats decided for themselves who they want to vote for.
Ellie: Okay, good to know.
Milton: Did you really come here to ask that? You could have called.
Kate: We have concerns about Evan Jankler, the lieutenant governor
Milton: Concerns?
Ellie: He’s an idiot, Milton. An utter fool.
Milton: Yeah, he’s not the brightest.
Ellie: He’s a Danny McBride character come to life.
Milton: So you want me to endorse another candidate?
Ellie: No, I’m sure Washington will figure out soon enough that Jankler is incompetent. We’ll be fine.
Milton: So you came down here just to roast Evan Jankler for no particular reason?
Kate: The President’s a maniac, we need to have a bit of fun every once in a while. To keep from crying.
Ellie: She cries a lot. A lot.
Kate: So, how’s your life been, Milton?
Milton: Funny you should ask! I wanted to ask both of you a question.
Kate: Yes, I got a haircut. Oh, that’s not the question?
Milton: My question is, unfortunately, much more complicated.
Kate: Beware Ellie’s answer, she might intentionally give you bad advice.
Ellie: I would never do that. Not to someone I like, anyway.
Milton: I am thinking of asking Moira to move in with me, but I don’t know how to go about doing that.
Kate: This is so exciting! I love love!
Milton: You sound like my mother.
Kate: Oh, what advice did she give you?
Milton: Are you joking? I didn’t tell her!
Kate: Ellie, he told us before he told his parents. This is thrilling!
Ellie: Yeah, this is more thrilling than a Michael Jackson album.
Milton: My question is, should I go through with it, and how should I go about asking her?
Kate: Have you never lived with a girlfriend before?
Milton: Uh, no. Not unless you count my college girlfriend.
Kate: Why would she not count?
Milton: We only lived across the hall at our dorms.
Kate: Oh, yeah, that doesn’t count.
Milton: She kept a toothbrush in my room, though!
Ellie: And they say romance is dead.
Milton: I need some real help here. My family is insane, so I can’t ask them advice. Is this a good idea?
Kate: You care for Moira, correct?
Milton: Of course I do. I’m in love with her.
Ellie: The recent season finale of The Bachelor is forcing me to ask this: is she the only person you are in love with?
Milton: Who do you think I am?
Ellie: That’s right, you’re not a player. You don’t have any game.
Milton: I wouldn-
Ellie: Shh… embrace it.
Kate: If you do love her, then take that next step. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Ellie: She could break up with him for being too clingy.
Kate: Ignore her. She’s a hopeless cynic.
Ellie: I’m not a cynic, I’m a realist. I just want you to consider all options. Still, I do think you should ask her. You have a great relationship and I don’t personally see her saying no.
Milton: Okay, and how should I ask her? And what would “moving in” entail? Living together on the weekends or her coming to live here? I don’t think that would be feasible, she works for the city government in New Orleans.
Kate: Honey, that second part is not for us to decide. You and her will have to figure that out for yourselves.
Ellie: About that second part… ask her when you’re alone. Do not do it in front of your family. That would be so awkward.
Kate: Oh, yeah. Do not do it at family dinner. That’s putting her on the spot and it’s a huge no-no.
Ellie: ‘No-no?”
Kate: Shut up, Ellie.
Milton: You guys are so helpful, thank you very much.
Ellie: You’re welcome. I know what a help I am.
That weekend, in New Orleans…
Moira: Honey, it’s so nice to see you. FaceTimes are not enough! I need real kisses!
Milton: I think we should go out for dinner tonight.
Moira: It is pretty late, and I don’t feel like cooking. Where do you want to go?
Milton: Wherever you want. I’m just happy to be here with you.
Moira: Aww.
Milton: Mainly because you picking me up from the airport means Marietta’s not picking me up, and she yells at me.
Moira: I yell at you, too.
Milton: Yeah, but you’re usually right when you yell at me.
Moira: What can I say? I have a brilliant mind.
Milton: So, where does this brilliant mind want to go for dinner?
Moira: Hold tight. I’m going to surprise you.
Milton: As long as that surprise is not McDonald’s, I’m up for anything.
Later that night…
Milton: Moira, I have a question for you.
Moira: Could you hold on? I need to find my tea bags.
Milton: You take your time, it’s nothing important…
Moira: Found it!
Milton: Okay, good. Moira, I -
Moira: Let me run the water real quick.
Milton: Go ahead!
Moira: All right, what did you want to ask me?
Milton: Moira… my love…
Moira: I’m frightened. Are you bre-
Milton: No! No!
Moira: You can’t start like that. My heart sunk.
Milton: Moira, we’ve been together for almost two years now.
Moira: See, that also could be way to start a breakup. I’ve been divorced, Milton, you can’t just start a sentence like that around me.
Milton: Is there an appropriate way to address you?
Moira: Are you giving me attitude?
Milton: This is not going well…
Moira: I’m just messing around, ask your question.
Milton: Moira, the past two years have been an absolute joy, and you’re one of the people I most look forward to seeing every time I come home to New Orleans. I want for us to move in together.
Moira: That’s significantly better to hear than a breakup, I can’t lie.
Milton: So, what do you think?
Moira: I think it’s a great idea. We’re going to have to figure out what that means, though.
Milton: What do you mean by that?
Moira: Well, does it mean I move my life to DC or does it just mean we live together when you’re in town. It’s very complicated.
Milton: It means whatever you want it to mean. At the very least, we can share a place when I’m home.
Moira: Well, you live in a beautiful house and I live… here.
Milton: This place is great!
Moira: It’s just an apartment. I don’t think you’d want to move in here after living where you live.
Milton: This is a palace compared to where I live in DC.
Moira: It is? Oh boy…
Milton: Just remember, Sarah lives at my house with me. Let that factor into your decision of whether we’ll move into your place or mine.
Moira: Honey, she’d live with us if you moved in here, too.
Milton: Damn, that’s right. Although I suppose we could say there’s no room for her and ship her off to Marietta’s place.
Moira: Milton, that’s child abuse.
Milton: I know. No one deserves that.
Moira: So, is it settled that I’m going to move in with you?
Milton: I guess so.
Moira: I should probably tell my landlord then. And maybe cancel my plans to go to the movies on Tuesday. Marissa will be disappointed, but I have to begin packing.
Milton: Wow, you’re really excited to get moved in!
Moira: Love will make you do crazy things.
Milton: That’s what Will Smith said at the Oscars.
Moira: Don’t worry, I’m not going to slap you. Unless you really get on my nerves, that is.
Milton: I appreciate that.
The next night, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…
Martin: Milton, how have you been? You’re beaming from ear-to-ear.
Marietta: That is such an insensitive question! Can you not see I’m in mourning?
Martin: Oh, I’m sorry, honey. Did someone pass?
Sarah: She’s still upset that Olivia Rodrigo lost Album of the Year at the Grammys.
Marietta: She was robbed!
Amy: Marietta, do you not have real problems to be worrying about? You’re the mayor of a major US city.
Marietta: This is traumatizing!
Tammy: She still won three awards, which is something I found out via Google on Monday in an attempt to cheer you up. It hasn’t worked yet, but maybe sometime soon!
Sarah: I never should have played her songs around you. If I just used earbuds, you never would have found out who she was. I created a monster.
Patty Lynn: So, on to Milton!
Kathleen: Wow, even Patty Lynn thinks Marietta’s crisis is ridiculous.
Patty Lynn: I never said that!
Kathleen: Usually, you’d act as if the world was ending if one of your kids was sad. You ignored this entirely.
Patty Lynn: I’m trying to focus on the positives here. Like what Marietta should be doing about her favorite little pop star winning three Grammys. Milton, what are you so chipper about?
Amy: Family dinner with my second family is always so exciting. You never know when you’ll be in danger of getting shanked.
Marietta: Amy, shut up.
Amy: Aww, she expressed an emotion other than sadness! Nature is healing!
Milton: So, everyone!
Tammy: Finally we can hear the answer to the mystery of how someone at this dinner table could possibly be happy!
Kathleen: Not if you don’t shut up!
Tammy: I deserved that.
Milton: Moira and I have -
Patty Lynn: Are you getting married? Aww, my baby’s finally getting married! He’s gonna give me grandbabies!
Sarah: Excuse me?
Patty Lynn: I mean more of them!
Sarah: Thought so.
Moira: Well, this certainly makes the news a bit less exciting.
Marietta: So you aren’t marrying him? I’m happy for you, Moira. Don’t tether yourself to him for the rest of your life.
Milton: We are moving in together. Here in New Orleans, that is. We haven’t worked out the logistics of whether she can move to DC with me or not. But it’s a start!
Martin: That’s great!
Sarah: Why was I not informed of this before now? I feel like I should have been.
Martin: You have a big mouth, Sarah.
Sarah: Not like grandma!
Patty Lynn: There’s no need to be mean!
Martin: We should do something to celebrate this news! Do we have cake?
Kathleen: Yes, Martin. We just have spare cakes lying around in case of an emergency.
Martin: That’s an unusual practice, but I guess it works.
Moira: Hey, girls, could I talk with you in the other room?
Milton: Oh boy, a girl chat is always frightening!
Patty Lynn: Am I being included in this conversation?
Moira: Of course!
Patty Lynn: All right, then. Milton, I’ll defend your honor if they start bashing you.
Sarah: Okay, let’s go! I’m excited to hear the gossip!
Moira: Sarah, honey, not you.
Sarah: I’m the only girl here! the rest of you are all…
Kathleen: We’re all what?
Sarah: Ladies.
Kathleen: Nice save.
In the living room…
Patty Lynn: So, what’s with the secrecy? Why is this ladies only?
Moira: I need advice, and I trust you all to give me good advice.
Amy: That’s a mistake. Take a look around.
Tammy: I only see one person here whose advice I wouldn’t trust.
Amy: Don’t talk about Marietta like that!
Moira: I trust all of you. Even Kathleen, and she usually just yells her advice at everyone.
Kathleen: People listen to you when you raise your voice. It’s because they’re afraid of you.
Patty Lynn: I’m not afraid of you.
Kathleen: PATTY LYNN, IF YOU DON-
Patty Lynn: Okay, fine. I’m afraid of you.
Martin: Is everything all right in there?
Patty Lynn: Martin, no boys allowed!
Martin: I’m going!
Moira: I need your advice, because Milton and I have not settled this yet and your wisdom could help us. We have not yet decided on how to proceed with moving in regard to when he’s in DC. You know, I have a job here that I love. I have three years left in my term, I can’t abandon my constituents even if I wanted to.
Tammy: Amy did.
Amy: I moved on to bigger and better things.
Moira: I also do want to be with Milton in Washington. I’m very conflicted.
Marietta: Moira, how often does the city council even meet? Twice a month.
Moira: I do other things beyond that, you know that.
Marietta: Things you can’t do from a distance?
Moira: Well, I don’t know.
Marietta: I’m more experienced about this than anyone else, because I’ve been a senator.
Tammy: A-hem.
Marietta: Sorry, Tammy and I are more experienced than anyone else. The Senate is in recess a lot! I’m sure you’re aware, but Milton is going to be home a lot more than most people that work out of town would be home. So, if you could work out your schedule, you can make it work.
Tammy: Speaking from experience, Mitch was still busy a lot of the time when I was in the Senate, so there would weeks where I’d go back to DC without him. So, if you have engagements with the city council, just don’t go to DC that week.
Patty Lynn: I think y’all are forgetting something major here.
Marietta: What’s that, mom?
Kathleen: I don’t know if she’s the one to ever criticize someone for forgetfulness…
Patty Lynn: I was on the city council at the same time that Martin was serving in the cabinet. I lived the same exact experience as you may be about to, Moira.
Moira: Was it hard?
Patty Lynn: Oh, it was a pain in the rear, just like my Martin is. It was worth it, though. I was able to support my husband and support my constituents at the same time. Like Tammy said, there were some times where I’d have to come down to New Orleans for work and leave him behind up in DC. That was okay! We were together most of the time. You have all this technology at your hands, you can make this work a heck of a lot easier than I did.
Moira: You all seem to think I should move to DC, too.
Kathleen: I mean, you really don’t live together if you’r only sharing a place half the time.
Moira: Marissa is going to be crushed.
Marietta: Don’t worry, I can take her out to lunch.
Moira: I should tell Milton.
Kathleen: We know you're moving to DC before Milton does. That’s fun.
Patty Lynn: Now I feel a little better about being left in the dark about this to start with.
Back in the dining room…
Martin: You guys are never going to believe this. I found a cake!
Sarah: Why do you guys have cakes in the freezer?
Kathleen: Like I said, it’s good to have in the case of an emergency!
Moira: Okay, so I have a bit of news to announce.
Milton: Did my mother sell you an NFT? I promise, she doesn’t know what that is, you can back out of it.
Patty Lynn: Would Dionne Warwick and the guy from OneRepublic sell me something that I don’t need?
Sarah: Who is OneRepublic?
Patty Lynn: Revolutionary artists. That’s who.
Moira: Anyway, I wanted you to all know that I’m going to be moving to moving with Milton to DC!
Milton: I thought you had to work some things out yet?
Moira: I talked with my advisors about it, they said it’s okay!
Sarah: That’s a mistake, his apartment is awful!
Milton: We’re going to maybe look for a better one.
Martin: I should et another cake, this is quite momentous.
Kathleen: No more frozen cake!
Tammy: I don’t mind frozen cake!
Kathleen: Good for you, Tammy.
Tammy: Oh no, she said the line…
Marietta: Olivia was robb-
Patty Lynn: Put a cork in it.
Milton: Let her rant, she clearly needs the spotlight back on her.
Tammy: You don't know what you just got us all into.
Milton: Trust me, I know. I had to hear the same thing when Madonna lost in the nineties.
Martin: I’m gonna cut the cake!
Kathleen: It’s frozen, Martin.
Martin: Don’t be a buzzkill.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist and make sure to read the new episode next week!
