Written Screaming at Stupidity by Bridger Cunningham
The only updates to this scorecard involve the final fates of six shows as Trial and Error remains missing in the carnage. ABC rightfully renewed Speechless and Fresh Off The Boat, as FOX paid tribute to its legacy shows and extended added seasons to Brooklyn 99 and New Girl. CBS tragically slaughtered their remains, and NBC holds Trial and Error's fate in their hands. This scorecard correctly predicted 28 of the 32 predictions correctly, missing on Last Man Standing, Dr. Ken and Great News. The Scorecard will continue to populate the remains of the season averages and may potentially add ABC's Downward Dog and NBC entries. Please note the "Final" ranks apply to the core scheduling times between September-February and will return this September. Shows which have yet to air remaining episodes after the carnage: Modern Family, The Simpsons, The Goldbergs, Speechless, The Middle, Family Guy, Man With a Plan, Fresh Off The Boat, Brooklyn 99, Great News and Making History.
Now back to the horror saga which plagued risky sitcoms....
When we left off at the bloodbath at Camp Fractional lake, the smart and strong ladies in the ABC cabin noticed the killer closing in on the grounds. They killed the remaining lights, but someone banged at the door. Quickly, Fresh Off The Boat rounded up all chemicals and weapons as the killer attempted to chop their way through the door. As the killer reached inside, Speechless boiled their hand with a bucket of hot water. They attempted to reach in again, and American Housewife jammed a jagged board through the door, thwarting off the killer. Then, a window shattered as the killer attempted to gain entry and terrorize the ladies, as they cleverly fought them off with a chainsaw. The killer retreated, alarming the beach dwellers.
"Get in the boat so we can hide in the darkness!" screamed Trial and Error. "We have a etter bet feeding off the veterans is we break into their barn." "Suit yourself. CBS has a full shuttle and isn't going to rescue you." As Trial and Error paddled into darkness, The Great Indoors trekked closer to investigate. Along came the ax-wielding killer as The Great Indoors ran through the grounds, screaming upon discovering several cancelled shows, including Powerless. The Great Indoors banged on the barn door, demanding help from the veterans. As their screams went unheard, they quieted. Then New Girl, who had the only working cell phone, received a call from Speechless, stating they were renewed with Brooklyn 99 and they would have to run for help.
Suddenly, the glass shattered in a window as the corpse of TGI was thrown through. The killer cornered the three veterans, as the FOX shows boarded up the loft. 2 Broke Girls was forced to fend off the network killer and was aided by Chestnut kicking the killer across the bar. The girls boarded the horse, as the killer chased them into the woods. As they became shadows in the canopy, the remains could hear Max scream "F--- you sitcom killer! We made it to syndication. And f--- you CBS for kicking us off your crumbling schedule!"
Suddenly, the five survivors, armed with weapons, made it to the road exiting the camp, as Fresh Off The Boat called the sheriff to meet them to get them to safety. The camp went dark, as the network killer searched for remaining sitcoms. They could not find Trial and Error, who was forced to dodge the ax and hide in the dark. The network killer claimed 9 victims this time around and would await the next batch of shows in the 2017-18 season, seemingly ending the bloody purge.
Which shows will be left in the killer's throws next season? It appears the networks will have a thinner crop of sitcoms to renew, so stay tuned....