The day after the primary, in Gretchen’s office…
Gretchen: Can you believe her speech?
Carol: It’s Samantha Pratt, of course I can believe it. She got freaked out by her close primary and tried hitching her wagon to someone far more popular.
Susana: Speaking of which, congratulations, Gretchen!
Gretchen: I didn’t do that well, I’m still damaged goods.
Susana: You did fine. You got outspent by a very strong opponent and you took her out.
Gretchen: That makes it sound like I had her killed.
Susana: You killed her politically. She’s done. That thorn in our side is gone.
Gretchen: Knowing my luck, the next majority leader will be just as annoying. Lord knows there are plenty of people to choose from that would love to make my life a living hell.
Carol: Why do so many Democrats in this state hate you?
Gretchen: I guess I’m just very charming.
Susana: You’re the leader of the state party, you have to have some say in who will get the job.
Gretchen: I will be a big determinative factor in who the next senate majority leader is. Unfortunately, what they’ll be considering is which member will have the most animosity towards me as leader.
Susana: That’s for us to worry about later. For now, we can sit back, relax, and bask in this huge win.
Gretchen: We do have a general to win yet.
Carol: It’s Rhode Island, Republicans can’t even stumble backwards into accidentally winning here.
Gretchen: I only won by eight points last time, I could lose if I fall asleep at the wheel.
Carol: And that’s why you’re not going to do that. But we definitely have the time to just enjoy this win before we get into fight mode.
Susana: Do you hear that?
Carol: Hear what?
Susana: There’s a knocking.
Gretchen: Is it locked?
Susana: I have no idea.
Gretchen: It better be.
Samantha: Hello! Anyone here?
Gretchen: It’s not.
Carol: Maybe if we just stay quiet, she won’t come in?
Samantha: Yoo-hoo!
The door to Gretchen’s office swings open.
Samantha: You were in here and you didn’t say anything? How rude!
Gretchen: Lieutenant Governor Pratt, nice to see you.
Samantha: Don’t lie.
Gretchen: I thought we were going to keep up the fight and work together to get results for Rhode Island?
Samantha: Ah, that was just playing nice for the cameras.
Gretchen: So, what brings you here. You forget what floor your office is on? Floor six.
Samantha: I’m here to ask about campaigning together heading into the general.
Gretchen: Are you kidding me? You just said that anything nice you recently said about me was only for the cameras.
Samantha: This would be the same. It would benefit the both of us.
Gretchen: Neither of us is in danger of losing re-election. We have no reason to subject ourselves to spending time together.
Samantha: You don’t think it would benefit Rhode Island if the two of us had a better relationship?
Gretchen: We work together when we must, I see no need to further that relationship.
Samantha: Well, you think about it, okay?
Gretchen: Think about what?
Samantha: My proposal. It really could be good for our campaigns.
Gretchen: Boosting our final election results by a few tenths of a percent is not worth seeing you for an extra few hours.
Samantha: You always have to be difficult.
Gretchen: You’re the difficult one, Pratt.
Jeanne: Hello, Gretchen!
Carol: It’s a party today, ain’t it?
Gretchen: Madam Lieutenant Governor, could you give the majority leader and I a bit of time?
Samantha: What about Carol and Susana? do they have to go?
Carol: I gladly would!
Gretchen: They can stay, they’re my trusty advisors.
Samantha: And I’m…?
Gretchen: A pain in my ass.
Samantha: Wow.
Susana: There’s the door.
Samantha: I know when I’m not wanted. I can take a hint.
Carol: Can you?
Gretchen: So, Jeanne. For what reason do I get the pleasure of seeing you today?
Jeanne: Well, I didn’t get to speak to you last night, because you didn’t answer any of my calls.
Gretchen: It was a busy night, I apologize for not having someone call you back.
Jeanne: I called six times. I believe you told someone to hang up on me during the sixth and final call.
Gretchen: How would you know that?
Jeanne: You did it in your speech. Live on TV.
Gretchen: Did I?
Carol: You did.
Gretchen: Well, I apologize, Jeanne. I probably just heard a phone ringing and didn’t want it to interrupt my speech.
Jeanne: It doesn’t really matter. I just wanted to come here and let you know that I concede. You won big and you have my full support in the general.
Gretchen: I appreciate it, Jeanne. We’ve had our differences -
Jeanne: That’s an understatement.
Gretchen: but I have never doubted your commitment to the state. I appreciate your support. And, I can’t believe I’m saying this, I’m going to miss you as my sparring partner.
Jeanne: I’m really just your third sparring partner. Samantha and Hank were always bigger pains in your neck.
Gretchen: You were very annoying, too! Never forget that!
Jeanne: And I have four more months to annoy you! Never forget that!
Carol: Is that another knock?
Susana: What’s with this place today?
Jeanne: Everyone wants to meet with the big shot re-elected governor.
Gretchen: I have a general to win, no re-elected yet.
Jeanne: It’s Rhode Island, come on.
Hank: Governor Raymodn, we have a problem.
Jeanne: Speak of the devil!
Gretchen: Yaaaay…
Hank: Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Jeanne: Nope, I was just heading out.
Hank: I’m sorry about how everything worked out. I wish it went differently.
Janne: Thank you, Hank.
Gretchen: You know, I’m right here.
Hank: I said nothing you didn’t already know.
Gretchen: That is true. So, what brings you here?
Carol: We’re on a tight schedule, so if you could make it quick, that’d be great.
Hank: I think you’ll appreciate me coming to tell you about this, so please don’t rush me.
Gretchen: What is it, Hank?
Hank: Your treasury department seems to be struggling a bit. I think the new treasurer has taken on a bit more than he can handle.
Gretchen: What’s wrong, did he not respond to one of your droning emails?
Hank: A few of my constituents have complained that they’ve received pension checks endorsed not by the treasury department, but instead from fictional characters?
Gretchen: That’s absurd.
Hank: I agree, I didn’t believe it until I saw it myself.
Gretchen: There must be some sort of misunderstanding here. What fictional characters were on the checks?
Hank: Bugs Bunny, Tony Soprano, Deborah Vance from the show Hacks.
Gretchen: So our pension checks were operating as promotion for HBO Max?
Susana: Well, they do need the promo. They’re clearly in debt and need those subscribers.
Carol: Susana, serious issue here. No time for jokes.
Susana: There’s always time for jokes.
Gretchen: I don’t know, there’s not always time for Hank.
Hank: I’m helping you here, and you call me a joke?
Gretchen: How are you helping, exactly? I’m not hearing any solutions from you.
Hank: Fire his ass! We can’t just keep accepting incompetence from the government.
Gretchen: They renominated us, Hank, I think they’re fine with incompetence.
Hank: So you have no plan to fix this? You’re not doing anything?
Gretchen: Of course I’m doing something! This is embarrassing! I’ll request the treasurer’s resignation and apologize to those affected I really do appreciate that you brought this to my immediate attention.
Hank: I know you think I exist solely to be an albatross around your neck, but I’m always happy to help you in a crisis.
Gretchen: You cause most of my crises.
Hank: And I’m always right there in the aftermath, happing you pick up the pieces, no?
Seven hours later…
Carol: So, tomorrow you’ll address the check scandal in a TV presser. I’ll put the finishing touches on the speech tonight and we’ll run through it tomorrow.
Gretchen: Sounds good to me.
Susana: I still think we should’ve addressed it today.
Gretchen: It’s a developing story, and we had other duties to tend to today. We’re getting more facts on the case as time goes on, better to wait until then to speak publicly about it
Carol: Plus, we don’t even know if the media’s caught wind of the story yet. They might not even know about it yet, no need to rush.
Susana: I guess I’d rather just be safe than sorry. Show, in some way, that we care.
Gretchen: We can do that tomorrow, with an informed response, not an off the cuff one thrown together in ten minutes before we get out of work for the day.
Carol: Sounds like a plan! Let’s get home.
Outside the State House, Gretchen is greeted by dozens of local news reporters.
Reporter: Governor Raymond, do you have a comment on the pension check mix-up by the treasury department?
Gretchen: I am, uh, still getting briefed on that matter. I will have more to comment on that tomorrow, once I have all the information. No further comment at this time.
When Gretchen returns home…
Lucinda: Gretchen! What the hell/
Gretchen: This could be about so many things.
Christina: I’ll give you a hint. She’s been like this ever since the mail came today.
Gretchen: Oh no.
Lucinda: My pension chef was written as coming from Daffy Duck, and not the treasury. Is this some sort of sick joke?
Gretchen: Not a joke.
Toby: I think a check from Daffy is better than one from the treasury!
Lucinda: You won’t once your realize that the treasury is the only one of those that has any money!
Gretchen: There was an error, it’s being resolved. There’s nothing to say.
Lucinda: The media doesn’t seem to agree!
Christina: Yeah, you’re getting roasted on TV. Online, too.
Gretchen: I’m a politician, when am I not getting “roasted” online?
Christina: It’s happening more than usual today.
Anthony: Don’t listen to the haters, they’re just jealous.
Christina: You haven’t even heard what they’re upset about.
Lucinda: It’s bad, Anthony. She screwed up big-time, and it’s affecting me personally!
Anthony: Like I said, Gretchen. Don’t listen to the haters.
Lucinda: I am not a hater! Not of my daughter, anyway. I’m just angry that my pension check is addressed as being from a talking duck!
Anthony: Would you prefer if it had been addressed from a mute duck?
Lucinda: Not funny!
Gretchen: What, exactly, are they saying about me?
Christine: My favorite was a tweet that said you won your primary and immediately “checked out.”
Gretchen: I hate puns.
Anthony: Gretchen isn’t in charge of the Department of Treasury, she only appointed the treasurer. Can we focus on the primary win instead?
Gretchen: That’s a good point, Anthony. I haven’t really gotten to celebrate it, I’ve been too busy fretting about that idiot I appointed screwing things up.
Lucinda: We’ll talk about your win when you fix your mistake. You appointed him, you own his incompetence.
Gretchen: Jeanne and Hank really are the o-
Lucinda: Don’t divert the blame to anyone else! I raised you better than that!
Gretchen: They were the ones who wanted him! I chose someone that was most likely to get approved by the assembly.
Christina: The local news has also been badgering you on this.
Gretchen: When aren’t they?
Christina: They said you seem unprepared to discuss it.
Gretchen: Do they want a governor who speaks before they have the facts?
Lucinda: You don’t have all the facts yet? What is there to know?
Gretchen: Well, I’ve been unable to contact the General Treasurer -
Lucinda: Oh, Gretchen.
Gretchen: He’s in hiding.
Lucinda: In hiding? He sent bad checks out, he didn’t commit homicide! He’s not in a bunker! Call his cell phone!
Anthony: The vein in your neck was popping out, you’re going to have a stroke.
Lucinda: I’m mad!
Gretchen: Mom, I’m handling it.
Christina: Ooh, this is a funny one! “Governor Raymond’s check-out time? November 8, 2022 at 8 PM.”
Gretchen: You know, if we’re being accurate here, my check-out day would not be the day I lose the election, but rather in January when I leave office.
Toby: You’re going to lose?
Lucinda: Yes.
Gretchen: No, Toby, I’m not losing. You have no need to fret.
Lucinda: The people of this state are very vindictive. You’re a goner
Christina: New article from the Rhode Island Post -
Anthony: They’e a rag.
Gretchen: Can we stop seeking out articles and tweets that make me feel bad about myself? Thanks in advance.
Christina: I only want you to be up-to-date on what people are saying about you.
Gretchen: I got the gist. I’m an incompetent idiot.
Christina: They didn’t say it in those words.
Gretchen: It was implied.
The next day, in Gretchen’s office…
Carol: Gretchen…
Gretchen: Yes, Carol? Something going on recently?
Carol: The General Treasurer has resigned, he said he will allow you to announce it. I really had to force him into that one, just so we could appear to have at least some sort of control over this situation.
Gretchen: This is a nightmare. I look like a fool.
Susana: It’s not your fault, and we’re getting to the bottom of it.
Gretchen: No one else agrees with that. The media, everyone on Twitter… I’m a laughingstock.
Carol: Well, I have to admit, it’s a funny scandal. It’s not corruption, it’s just good ole-fashioned government incompetence. Everyone loves a story like that, it’s funny.
Gretchen: So, is the speech ready?
Carol: Yes, here it is. The press conference is today at noon.
Gretchen: Noon? that’s three hours from now, that’s a lot of time for me to stress over this.
Carol: Also a lot of time to practice.
Gretchen: That is true.
Susana: I think people will be forgiving over this.
Gretchen: My mother won’t be.
Carol: She got a bad check, too?
Gretchen: Of course. Just what she needs to see me as even more of a disappointment.
Carol: I better write the into the speech, people love when politicians make personal connections to the issue they’re discussing. Makes it seem like they care more.
Samantha: Hey, Gretchen.
Gretchen: We’re busy.
Samantha: Just wanted to say thank you for declining the proposal to campaign together. My campaign really didn’t need that added stress.
Gretchen: Happy to help.
Three hours later…
Gretchen: Hello to the people of Rhode Island. Recently, pension checks were mailed out by the Rhode Island Department of Treasury that are not endorsed by the General Treasurer, and were instead addressed by fictional characters. This made the checks appear illegitimate, and banks refused to cash them. On behalf of the government, I apologize profusely. The Department of Treasury is rushing to issue legitimate checks to everyone impacted by this error. In addition, anyone who missed or will miss a bill payment, or was unable to purchase necessary food or medication because of the check mishaps, it’s on us. We will pay off those bills, and the late fees, in full. We will pay for your grocery or prescription order. It’s the least we can do. I have been informed today that the General Treasurer, Mark Hadley, will resign his post. He is devastated over the error and takes full responsibility. I understand the financial burden many pensioners are under, and how this can impact them. My own mother, Lucinda, was impacted by this error, and I know firsthand the stress it has caused. This will not happen again, and I hope you can trust the government to ensure it will not. A full investigation will take place into whether this was an intentional act of sabotage or an innocent mistake. Thank you for your time.
Thirty minutes later…
Hank: Governor Raymond, what was that about the government paying bills for people impacted by the check scandal?
Gretchen: I thought that was pretty clever, no? It’s not like you can just go back on that word now, can you? Imagine causing innocent pensioners ever more undue burden than this scandal’s already given them. You can’t take their hope away.
Hank: You are such a snake.
Gretchen: No, I just care about people. Sorry you can’t see the difference.
Hank: You care about your image.
Gretchen: Glad one of us does! Now, my office has sent you the text for the bill on the pension check debt relief. Go and pass it, so we can move past this.
What did you think of the season premiere of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read a new episode next week!
