DARNELL is sitting in his office at Quizzical Quiz. For the past two years, he has been Vice President of Content Operations after formerly serving as CEO. It is almost 6 pm. DARNELL stands up and walks over to the office of RONAN, the current CEO.
DARNELL
Ronan! Buddy. Look, I have something to say.
RONAN
Can you come back in a week or so, I’m kinda busy. And also have to be on the phone in a minute.
DARNELL
Nah. You see, I’ve been working here in this position for two years, and we grew like CRAZY during the pandemic. But people are over the pandemic and Quizzical Quiz isn’t about to grow until whenever the hell the next one is, so I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on.
RONAN [laughing]
What are you gonna do, run for President again?
DARNELL
No.
RONAN
Well that’s good because you really made a fool out of yourself.
DARNELL
Yeah, I realized straight to President was just too ambitious. So I’m running for Congress instead.
RONAN
WHAT?!
DARNELL
You heard me. I’m quitting Quizzical Quiz for a job in Congress.
RONAN
You’re an even bigger idiot than I thought.
DARNELL
It’s not gonna be permanent, I’m just gonna get Congress on my resume so I can have a better shot next time I run for President.
RONAN
So you ARE running for President again.
DARNELL
I mean, yeah I guess so, but not right now. I’m playing the long game.
RONAN
And you really want to get elected to Congress?
DARNELL
Hell no! But this is my way into the White House.
RONAN
Well good luck with that.
DARNELL
Thank you.
DARNELL leaves Quizzical Quiz, officially quitting on no notice. He texts his former campaign managers, TOMMY and CASEY, to come over to his house ASAP. They both arrive at the same time.
CASEY
What’s going on, is everything okay?
TOMMY
Darnell, before words come out of your mouth, I’d like to say one word: Iowa.
DARNELL
Iowa can go to—
CASEY
Hey!
DARNELL
I would’ve been President if they didn’t vote first. Rigged system.
TOMMY
Okay, what’s going on.
DARNELL
I’m running for Congress, and since I don’t know anyone else, I want you guys to be my campaign managers again.
CASEY
Congress?!
DARNELL
I know, it sounds strange, but this is my path to the Presidency! I won’t do it for long, just a little while to pad up my resume.
TOMMY
Be careful with that. You say that now but then before you know it you’re in Congress 40 years with a life time of will-he-won’t-he run for President.
DARNELL
That would never happen to anyone.
TOMMY and CASEY look at each other.
DARNELL
So since you guys are all politically-minded and whatever, I want you to tell me where I can run for Congress to win. Give me an easy race.
TOMMY
Well…there aren’t many open races where the main issue being anti-equal pay is all that popular.
CASEY
Actually everyone around here has an incumbent running for re-election. You don’t want to try to go up against that.
TOMMY
What are you anyways?
DARNELL
What do you mean?
TOMMY
Republican or Democrat?
DARNELL
I don’t know, what’s easier this year?
TOMMY
That depends on the race but there is a district with no incumbent running and no clear frontrunner for the Republican nomination.
DARNELL
Let’s do it! Where should I make my announcement, right at my house? That sounds like a good idea doesn’t it?
TOMMY
That sounds like a terrible idea. You see, the race isn’t exactly in New York.
DARNELL
Where is it then?
TOMMY
Ohio.
DARNELL
Ohio?!
TOMMY
Still want to do this?
DARNELL
Uh…sure. I’ll pay you double.
CASEY
Looks like we’re moving to Ohio!