Aimee is sitting in her dining room when her doorbell rings.
Dave: Are you expecting company this morning, Aimee?
Victoria: I can send whoever it is away if you don’t want to see them. I’ve been taking classes on vocal imitation, I just learned how to sound like a barking pit bull.
Aimee: Please don’t do that. It’s just Denise.
Victoria: Oh. Well, let me know if you ever need a guard dog.
Dave: Aimee, is she all right?
Victoria: Never was.
Aimee walks to the door and opens it.
Denise: Aimee! I’m so glad we’re having this meeting. We have a lot to discuss.
Aimee: What, has it been a busy news cycle or something?
Denise: We just got a new poll in this morning.
Aimee: I love a good poll.
Denise: Well…
Victoria: I think Denise is saying it’s bad, Dave.
Dave: I can hear, they’re standing ten feet away.
Victoria: Oh, well, sorry.
Aimee: How far behind are we. I can take it, Denise.
Denise: It’s still early, Aimee, so keep that in mind. But we’re down fifteen.
Aimee: That’s actually better than I expected!
Victoria: Oh god, she’s down fifteen!
Dave: Again -
Victoria: You can hear. I know. I’m just a concerned aunt expressing concern. It’s a normal emotion, David.
Dave: Very little about you is normal.
Victoria: Thank you, I love you, too.
Aimee: Fifteen’s not bad, really. It’s Washington in an election year with an impeached, unpopular Republican President. We could be down a lot more. This is a nice way to go out.
Denise: We’re going to keep up the fight, Aimee. That’s why I’m so excited to see you, I’ve thought of all kinds of things.
Aimee: You have my full permission to do whatever it is you want regarding this campaign. Run any ads you want, anywhere you want, I don’t care. I’m just tired. I’m six months pregnant, I need some rest, you know.
Denise: I was hoping you could go on a tour of the state, really get your name out there and meet with voters up close and personal.
Victoria: That scares me. Denise, it scares me!
Denise: No need to be scared.
Victoria: She's pregnant and these wacky Delphy supporters are so angry at her! She can’t go to Spokane, Spokane is dangerous.
Aimee: Spokane is lovely. We were there like four months ago. Remember?
Victoria: Spokane has changed, Aimee.
Aimee: No it hasn’t!
Denise: I’m from Spokane!
Victoria: A lovely place!
Denise: Aimee, what do you think about campaigning across the state? It’ll be easy, I’ll pre-plan everything. No need to worry.
Aimee: It sounds great, except…
Dave: Don’t listen to your aunt, Aimee.
Victoria: Don’t be rude, David.
Dave: You can just call me Dave!
Victoria: David, no. You’re not homeless!
Dave: Aimee, your aunt is insane!
Aimee: Dave, I know.
Denise: “It sounds great, except…”
Aimee: It sounds great, except I have to work this week and I cant’ exactly travel across the state in one day.
Denise: The House goes into recess for a few weeks after this week, right
Aimee: Last I checked, that’s how Nanette planned it.
Denise: Then we’ll kick off a barnstorming tour of Washington next weekend. No one in this state will be more than fifteen minutes from an official Aimee for Senate event.
Aimee: That sounds exhausting.
Denise: Doesn’t it?
Victoria: Is she trying to kill Aimee?
Dave: Why are you the way that you are?
Denise: So are you in, Aimee?
Aimee: Why not?
Denise: That’s the spirit!
Dave: Not a word from you. She’s doing this and it’s going to go fine.
Victoria: I wasn’t. saying anything.
Dave: Good. We need to be supportive.
Aimee: What are you two saying over there?
Victoria: How excited we are to tour Washington!
Six days later, in the halls of the Rayburn House Office Building…
Nanette: Congresswoman Ferrera Dona-
Aimee: It’s Aimee! You can call me Aimee!
Nanette: Congresswoman, I wanted to ask you a question.
Aimee: I’m very busy, Madam Speaker.
Nanette: With what? Committee hearings are done for the day and there aren’t any floor votes scheduled.
Aimee: We’re heading into recess, I have to make sure -
Nanette: Actually, it doesn't matter. It’s a quick question.
Aimee: Fire away, I guess.
Nanette: Are you running for Senate to win?
Aimee: What? Of course.
Nanette: You’re a brilliant, young member who has such a bright future ahead of her. You’re a Republican running statewide in Washington. It reads to me like a person who’s just trying to retire in style now that she has a growing family and duties back at home more important than her job here.
Aimee: You’re not as scatter-brained as people make you out to be.
Nanette: How do you think I got here, Congresswoman? It’s not by being dumb. Sometimes you just need to act it. It helps your rivals underestimate you and that’s when you’re most powerful.
Aimee: Why are you asking me about this, Speaker Peretti?
Nanette: I’ve heard rumors from Washington Democrats.
Aimee: Margo?
Nanette: No, party officials. Thing are happening, Aimee. The race isn’t as black and white as you think it is.
Aimee: What is that supposed to mean?
Nanette: Don’t assume you’re getting an easy retirement. Something big is happening. I can’t say more.
Aimee: Is this a riddle?
Nanette: All will be revealed, I promise. See you after the recess, okay/
Aimee: Okay, Madam Speaker. I didn’t know you moonlit as a gypsy fortune teller but this interesting. Thank you.
In Aimee’s office…
Aimee: I just had the most bizarre conversation with Nanette.
Alec: Are you guys best buddies now? Did she ask you to come to a slumber party at her place tonight?
Aimee: Very funny.
Lynette: I thought so.
Aimee: Wait a second. I just realized that you were both in my office while I wasn’t here. How’d that happen?
Lynette: Magic.
Aimee: I’m not dignifying that with a response.
Alec: We asked Nanette to let us in.
Aimee: And I’m the one that’s besties with her?
Alec: That’s why we felt comfortable asking her to open the door, because you’re so close.
Aimee: Can I say what I wanted to say?
Lynette: Feel free to say it any time!
Aimee: So I just saw Nanette in the hall and she stopped me to talk and said she spoke to Democrat officials in Washington state and that something big is going on. She said not to assume that I’m going to get an “easy retirement.”
Lynette: That’s cryptic.
Alec: She’s very old, Aimee. Maybe she’s just confused?
Aimee: It was actually the most lucid I’ve ever heard her sound in one of our conversations.
Lynette: She’s probably trying to get into your head, just ignore it.
Aimee: By giving me a confidence boost?
Lynette: You do your best work under pressure, everyone knows that.
Alec: Do they?
Aimee: What do you know about pressure, Lynette? You’re from Wyoming and your dad was Vice President! You’ve never really had to run a campaign.
Lynette: The President just told an angry mob to “do something” about me and my Republican colleagues stripped me of my leadership role in a landslide vote. That was in the past week. I know pressure.
Alec: Just enjoy the recess, Aimee. Have fun on your tour of Washington. Meet voters. That’s what you love about politics, isn’t it?
Aimee: Yes, that’s my favorite part.
Alec: Then have fun doing that, don’t try to decode what Nanette said.
Aimee: Okay, will do. Anyone else have anything to say.
Lynette: So my fathe-
Aimee: Anyone have any stories that aren’t about Rick Chaffee?
Alec: I got a letter today from my uncle!
Aimee: Oh, that’s nice!
Alec: Not quite.
Lynette: What happened?
Alec: He wrote and told me what a disappointment I am to the Kefauver name, said I don’t represent them and that they stand with President Delphy. They disowned me and said I’m not welcome to any further family functions.
Lynette: That’s horrible! If I was ever banned from Chaffee family fu-
Aimee: Alec, I’m so sorry. They really disowned you for supporting impeachment?
Alec: Yeah, he went on a three page rant about how I’m influenced by the devil and how God is embarrassed by me.
Aimee: Yikes.
Alec: Yeah, yikes.
Aimee: Is Lynette the one in the group with the least problems going on?
Lynette: That can’t possibly be…
Aimee: Sure, people have threatened to kill her but that’s all of us. You’re doing pretty well, Lynette.
Lynette: I’ll screw things up sooner or later, I know it.
There is a knock at the door.
Carolyn: Can I come in?
Aimee: Sure, Carolyn.
Carolyn: I brought a guest.
Victor: Hello, Aimee.
Lynette: Ugh. I’m gonna go, Aimee.
Alec: Yeah, me too. I gotta get my suitcase packed so I can get outta here tonight.
Victor: Don’t be that way, you two.
Lynette: I have nothing to say to you, you incredible coward.
Victor: At least I never betrayed our party.
Alec: At least Lynette never betrayed America.
Aimee: Stop! Carolyn, why’d you bring him here?
Carolyn: He knew you wouldn’t want to speak to him so he asked if I could help him out. He wants to talk to you.
Aimee: I have nothing to say, either. To you, yes. Nothing to Victor.
Victor: We can’t disagree on anything anymore?
Lynette: Are you joking?
Alec: Lyn, let’s go.
Lynette: I agree, time to go.
Alec: Bye Aimee, have fun this week!
Alec and Lynette leave.
Aimee: Victor, shut up. You tried to silence us. When we refused to be silent, you took revenge against Lynette and tried to remove Alec and I from committees, but you failed. You’re supposed to be a friend of mine, but you betrayed me, and I know that it’s all because of your blind loyalty to the President.
Victor: Aimee, I’m the leader of the House Republicans. I have to stand with the Republicans.
Carolyn: I think this was a mistake.
Aimee: You think?
Victor: We need to work together, let’s get past this.
Aimee: I’m not going to be in Congress in a few months, I don’t need to work with you. You’e going to have to earn my respect back.
Victor: I’m trying!
Aimee: Well, this is a nice start. Let’s try again in a few weeks!
Carolyn: I’m sorry, Aimee.
Aimee: Yeah.
The next day, at Cherie and Ernesto’s…
Aimee: Mom, dad! Get on the bus! We need to go!
Kimmy: Give them a break, Aimee. They’re old.
Victoria: I’m old and I’m on the bus!
Aimee: I’d hope you were on the bus because if you weren’t, then you’re not going. The bus left our house already and it’s not going back.
Denise: We’re going straight to Spokane, no stopping!
Victoria: Must we start somewhere so radically conservative?
Aimee: What do you think Spokane is? Surely we’re not thinking of the same place.
Victoria: You’re friend Carolyn is from there and she voted against impeachment.
Aimee: My friend? You lived with her for like a month.
Victoria: But I’m mad at her now.
Aimee: And I’m not?
Kimmy: You’re not supposed to let political differences come between your friendships.
Aimee: Shut up, Kimmy.
Dave: Darn, I wanted to say it.
Victoria: All I’m saying is that I’m worried about your safety, these people are still fired up.
Cherie: What is my sister complaining about now?
Victoria: How freakin’ late you are!
Cherie: It’s Ernesto’s fault, blame him.
Ernesto: This time it actually is. I was -
Aimee: Dad, it doesn’t matter. We’re two minutes later, Denise’s terrible driving will set us behind much more than your brief delay.
Denise: You know, I’ve only been a part of this group for a few months but you’ve all managed to welcome me with such open arms and it’s extremely heartwarming. Thank you so much.
Cherie: I even made you a sandwich for the road! I only do that for people I really like because I make them with love.
Kimmy: You didn’t make me a sandwich…
Cherie: You can make your own damn sandwich, Kimberly. You're old enough.
Kimmy: Wow, mom. Hostile!
Ernesto: That’s why we were late. I told her to make you a sandwich. You’re welcome, Kimmy. Kimmy: This is why you’re my favorite parent, dad.
Ernesto: That warms the heart.
Cherie: How dare you?
Kimmy: You always say Aimee’s your favorite child.
Cherie: That’s different, that doesn’t hurt my feelings.
Denise: Guys, I know this is important -
Dave: No, it’s not.
Denise: but can you do this in the bus? We have to get on the road.
Cherie: I’d be honored to carry this conversation onto our road trip.
Denise: Great! Now, before we go, does everyone have everything they need? Your luggage is on the bus? We’re going to be gone for nine days, you’re not going to want to forget anything.
Aimee: We’re good, Denise. Let’s go!
Victoria: May I ask something, Denise?
Denise: Fire away.
Cherie: Or don’t. Moments where Victoria is not talking are so valued.
Victoria: Spokane is a six hour drive. Why are we not just flying?
Ernesto: What’s the fun in that?
Denise: We’re driving because we’re going to visit a lot of places in the state. If we flew out to Spokane, we’d never be able to campaign as much as we can in this bus.
Victoria: I guess that makes sense.
Cherie: That’s what you said when Antony asked you to marry him. Look how that turned out.
Kimmy: Mom’s mean today.
Aimee: Mom’s mean every day. Denise, let’s go!
Denise: Okay, we’re off! I’m even turning my phone off to keep me from any distractions. This is gonna be a fun group trip!
Aimee: Can’t wait for the fun to begin! I need to pee first, though.
Denise: We have a bathroom on the bus.
Aimee: Thank god. I’ll be back.
Kimmy: Don’t be gross, Aimee. We don’t need to know when you’re going to the bathroom.
Five hours later…
Kimmy: I’m boooored. My phone is dead and I have nothing to do!
Cherie: I told you to bring games, why didn’t you? We could be having a great time playing Pictionary!
Kimmy: You get violent when we play Pictionary.
Victoria: She’s not wrong, I couldn’t guess that you were drawing Cinderella the last time we played and you picked up the art easel and threw it.
Cherie: I get so into the game, I can’t help myself.
Ernesto: That’s me when we get Pizza Hut. I just end up eating the whole pizza because I love it so much.
Kimmy: We’ve noticed, dad.
Aimee: Did you really bring nothing for us to do while we’re driving?
Kimmy: I brought games, but those are in the luggage compartment because dad told me we wouldn’t need them.
Ernesto: In my defense, I didn’t think we were going all the way to Spokane today.
Aimee: Dad, I told you we were staying over at Carolyn’s tonight. Where did you think we were going?
Ernesto: I don’t know, I don’t listen.
Denise: Kimmy, grab my phone. You can use that.
Ernesto: Don’t order anything on her Amazon account, Kimmy.
Kimmy: Why would I do that? I use Aimee’s phone for that.
Dave: That’s why we keep getting mysterious charges on our credit card bill! Why do you spend so much money at Victoria’s Secret?
Kimmy: What? Who still goes to Victoria’s Secret?
Victoria: That would be me.
Kimmy: I feel ill.
Victoria: It’s for women of all ages.
Aimee: Who in this bus does not use Dave and my’s credit card to make their purchases.
Denise: I don’t, please don’t fire me.
Cherie: I usually don’t, only when I don’t want your father to know how much I’m spending.
Aimee: Oh my god!
Kimmy: You guys…
Ernesto: I never use your credit card, you two. I’m responsible. I’m gonna repay you for everything your mother and your sister put on the card.
Kimmy: Guys!
Aimee: You don’t have to do that, dad. Consider it a favor.
Cherie: You do get a nice, big congressional paycheck. Too big, you know.
Kimmy: Hello!
Dave: What? What do you want? You’re twenty years old and you act five! What is it?
Cherie: Dave… NEVER talk to my daughter like that.
Dave: I’m sorry, Cherie.
Cherie: Now what the hell do you want, Kimberly?
Kimmy: Dave, we’re gonna come back to your rudeness. Denise, you’ve got, like, a lot of missed calls and texts on your phone. Can you pull over?
Denise: It’s probably just spam, sweetie. Don’t worry about it.
Kimmy: No, it’s not spam. Geraldine McAllister texted you about five times, and so did Eric Holmann.
Denise: Why would they be texting now? They know I’m busy with this statewide tour.
Kimmy: Can I read you the text from Senator McAllister?
Aimee: Go ahead, Kimmy. Unless it’s personal.
Kimmy: It really relates more to you than Denise.
Victoria: Then do tell!
Ernesto: I hope it’s juicy.
Aimee: Dad, don’t say “juicy.”
Denise: Read it, Kimmy.
Kimmy: I’m gonna read them in order.
Denise: Sure, go ahead.
Kimmy: “Hey Denise, big news dropping soon. Call me.”
Victoria: I wonder what it is.
Dave: Maybe be quiet so you can find out?
Victoria: You have a real sexism problem.
Kimmy: “Denise, please call me back. Very important!”
Denise: I hope it gets more interesting. I hate when people don’t tell you in a message what they want you to call about. Give me a little tease, at least.
Kimmy: “News about Jankler is dropping in ten. This changes everything, we need to talk.”
Aimee: Jankler?
Victoria: The man you’re running against, honey.
Aimee: I know that, Aunt Victoria.
Kimmy: This is the big one.
Aimee: I bet this is what Nanette was alluding to yesterday.
Cherie: I’m nervous. Maybe he has a secret family.
Kimmy: Oh he has a secret something all right.
Denise: I’m pulling over.
Aimee: You didn’t do that already? Very dangerous, Denise.
Denise: I know, I’m sorry.
Kimmy: “Washington AG just announced his office is filing charges against Jankler. Call me!”
Aimee: Oh my god!
Denise: When was this from?
Kimmy: Two hours ago.
Aimee: Oh my god!
Cherie: What does the last message say?
Kimmy: “Are you okay?”
Ernesto: Well that’s a disappointing ending to the text spree.
Victoria: Only the fourth one was really jui- I mean, interesting.
Denise: What did Eric send to me?
Kimmy: Five instances of “Call Gerry,” two of “Call me” -
Aimee: Okay, Debbie Harry.
Kimmy: and one of “turn on the TV.” Maybe let’s do that!
Dave: I’m on it. I’m quite intrigued.
Cherie: I bet it’s tax fraud. It’s always tax fraud.
Dave turns on the TV.
Channel 18 News reporter Sarah Bloomley: If you are just joining us, we’re live covering the news that’s absolutely rocking Washington today. Lieutenant Governor and US Senate candidate Evan Jankler has been arrested today -
Cherie: They move quick.
Sarah: for allegedly contracting a man to kill state senator Patricia Hernandez and her campaign manager, Lauren Hermann. The alleged hiring was done in July of this year, ahead of the Washington Senate primary in which Hernandez was challenging Jankler.
Ernesto: What the fu-
Cherie: That man is sick!
Victoria: He’s not sick. He was sloppy. Who tries to kill a political opponent right before an election? It’s so obvious that it was you! No wonder he was caught.
Cherie: Are you speaking from experience?
Victoria: Perhaps.
Ernesto: That could’ve been Aimee! He could’ve tried to kill you!
Kimmy: Well, congratulations Madam Senator!
Dave: How ya feeling, Aimes?
Aimee: Um… uh… um…
Denise: She’s too excited to speak!
Aimee: Uh…
Kimmy: She’s malfunctioning.
Aimee: What the hell am I gonna do now?
What did you think of the season finale of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to read the season premieres of Frances in the Kitchen and Bake Your Heart Out next Monday and Thursday at 8 PM on The TV Ratings Guide! Evergreen Aimee will return for season two next year!
