The Bullpen Season 4 Episode 7: Celebrity Kickball Game

FELIX, ROBERT, ACE, DEVIN, HARRY, MANNY, LORENZO, and CHARLES are standing behind the Colorado Mountains’ stadium. 

ACE
You got this, Lorenzo. 


LORENZO

I know. People love me here. 


FELIX
Just remember: when they roll the bouncy ball to you, what do you do?


LORENZO
Kick it!


DEVIN
And when you’re in the field and the ball is kicked to you, what do you do? 


LORENZO
Chances are someone will yell at me to throw it to them so I’ll just try my best to do that. 


MANNY
Your best isn’t good enough. 


HARRY
Go easy on the guy, it’s just the Celebrity Kickball Game. 


CHARLES
Gonna be on national television though. You don’t want to not make a fool out of yourself!


ROBERT
Charles is right, if there’s anything people love, it’s Lorenzo being incompetent on a baseball field. 


LORENZO

Gotta go now, bye! Wonder if I’ll meet any celebrities. 


LORENZO runs onto the field. He instantly sees many celebrities, all of whom are also participating in the Celebrity Kickball Game. He goes into a dugout, where he meets his teammates. 


LORENZO
Hey fellow celebrities! 


GREG
I think you know who I is. 


LORENZO

I do! Huge fan by the way, I love the advancements you’ve made to keep water cold. Gotta have cold water when you’re a baseball player. 


GREG

You’re not a baseball player, you sit on a bench.


RON

With no due respect, I hate cold water. Burgers are good though. Ugh, that would’ve made such a good GroupUs comment. 


LORENZO
So what’s our team name? 


RON

It’s really true!


THEO 

The Republicans. 


LORENZO
Republicans? Didn’t know this was the Indiana state legislature. You see, there we have three sides: the Republicans, the Democrats, and whatever the hell I am. 


TAYLOR

It wasn’t my idea for a team name but Theo is the only reason I’m half a celebrity so I’ll compromise. 


RON

About that thing I said about the GroupUs comment: I stand by it! 


LORENZO

Should we take the field?


GREG

I call littlestop!


STADIUM ANNOUNCER
All rise and remove your caps for our National Anthem. 


THEO sings an original song. GREG claps. 


GREG

Amazing song, Theo. 


RON 

I could’ve sung it better. 


STADIUM ANNOUNCER
Play ball!


RON

I really could’ve sung it better! Hello?! Anyone listening?!


A kicker from the other team steps up to the plate.


RON
Boooo! You suck!!!! Sorry excuse of a first name and a last name. And certainly not a Ronublican! That’s the name I wanted, but they don’t listen to me!


LORENZO rolls the ball. 


RON

I’m so right about what I just said!


The ball is a line drive right at RON’s gut. He walks off the field looking disappointed. 


RON looks back. 


RON
By the way, Colorado sucks! Easily the worst of all 20 states. 


LORENZO rolls the ball to a few more batters and managers to get them all out thanks to help in the field. The teams switch sides. 


GREG

Alright everyone, pep talk time. This is the final inning, what I want you all to do is win the game. Nobody beats us on our home field. We need to unite as one! 


TAYLOR

Dude, it’s a celebrity kickball game. Relax. 


LORENZO
Can we all agree that if we win, we get out of here before the other team tries to start a fight? Also, I don’t think I’ve met all of you…


THEO

Don’t worry about them, that’s just my entourage. 


LORENZO

Who wants to kick first? 


GREG

I’s will. Great to play a game of kicksphere against the fine woman pitching. 


The woman pitching for the other team, NELLIE, does an odd dance for a windup and rolls the ball. It hits GREG in the foot. NELLIE starts laughing. 


GREG

Psycho. 


THEO steps up to the plate. He kicks the ball and walks to first base. 


TAYLOR steps up to the plate and kicks an infield single. The bases are now loaded with no outs. 


LORENZO steps up to the plate to try to score the winning run. 


GREG

You got this Lawrence-o! 


LORENZO tries to kick the ball and trips on it. He falls down. 


LORENZO
I’m okay! Let me just sit down for a second…


LORENZO finds a chair. 


LORENZO
This looks new. 


LORENZO sits down. 


LORENZO
Ow! Yikes, must be a LorenzoChair. 


LORENZO steps up to the plate again. He kicks the ball right to the guy who RON booed, who wasn’t looking. LORENZO gets on base and scores the winning run. LORENZO, THEO, TAYLOR, GREG, and THEO’s entourage quickly run off the field. 


TAYLOR
You did it Lorenzo!


LORENZO
You know, even if I don’t win anything material, bragging rights is still good. This was fun, guys. 


NELLIE yells to LORENZO. 


NELLIE

Hey Lorenzo! You’re MVP! Come get your cotton candy!


THEO

Don’t fall for—


LORENZO bolts back to the field to get his cotton candy. NELLIE throws the ball violently at him instead. LORENZO runs back to where the rest of his team is. 


GREG
We tried to warn you. 


LORENZO
I deserved that. 


TAYLOR
Alright she has a pitchfork now so I’m just gonna run. 


THEO

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Everyone runs away and makes it out safely. 


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