ROBERT, FELIX, DEVIN, LORENZO, ACE, MANNY, and CHARLES are all in the bullpen at an away game in Columbus, Ohio.
DEVIN
I have a question. Why is the team we’re playing called the Columbus Rugby Team?
CHARLES
They wanted to change their name from…you know, their name…and people protested Columbus Baseball Team so they had to change it quickly.
ACE
Yeah, but why not, like, the Columbus Aces?
FELIX
You’re not on the team and get over yourself.
ACE
I meant because every team has an ace pitcher. Well, we have five but you get the point.
FELIX
Might as well go with Columbus Third Basemens with that logic.
ACE
But they’re not all third—ohhhh, yeah I get what you’re saying now.
LORENZO
Personally I like the Columbus Rugby Team just fine. I think it fits.
MANNY
Lorenzo, not that I mind you being here, but you never exactly said why you’re here. You and Harry don’t travel with the team.
LORENZO
This is a new stadium. I have to experience it.
MANNY
Who’s in charge of your restaurant?
LORENZO
I never thought of that. I guess they’ll figure it out.
ROBERT
Speaking of experiencing this new stadium and not having anyone here to cook for us, I’m gonna get some concessions. Anyone want anything?
FELIX
I’ll have the hot dog, cooked medium rare.
ROBERT
Do you not know how hot dogs work? I thought you were the know-it-all.
FELIX
Did I say hot dog? I meant sausage.
ROBERT
That’s it, everyone’s getting burgers.
ROBERT leaves. Half an hour goes by and he’s still not back with the burgers.
LORENZO
I’m gonna go find him.
MANNY
I highly doubt you’ll actually find him, but since you’re not actually supposed to be here…go ahead.
LORENZO leaves.
CHARLES
Does Lorenzo even like baseball?
FELIX
He likes food and there’s a lot of that around here.
ACE
I know he’s Lorenzo, but does anyone else think it’s a terrible idea to let one of our guys wander around like he probably is?
DEVIN
You’re right…come on everyone, let’s find Robert and Lorenzo.
Everyone leaves the bullpen.
DEVIN
Alright, let’s all split up.
FELIX
That defeats the purpose of finding people, doesn’t it?
DEVIN
Alright, then let’s not split up. If you were Robert, where would you be?
MANNY
Given he explicitly stated he was gonna buy us all burgers, I’m assuming at the place where they sell burgers.
CHARLES
I’ve never been to this ballpark before, but I’m willing to bet there’s at least 10 of those.
FELIX
That’s it? I’d go with 15.
DEVIN
14.
ACE
There’s 14?
DEVIN
No, that’s just my guess.
MANNY
Only one way to find out how accurate those guesses are. Follow me.
MANNY, DEVIN, FELIX, ACE, and CHARLES walk around the entire stadium.
MANNY
And there you have it. 36 places that sell burgers.
FELIX
I counted 35.
MANNY
Either way, everyone who guessed is way wrong.
CHARLES
I guessed at least 10. So technically, I guessed correctly.
DEVIN
Does anyone care that we walked by 35 or 36 burger places and didn’t find Robert or Lorenzo at any of them?
MANNY
It is a little concerning…they’re probably back at the bullpen.
ACE
So we could’ve just waited there then.
MANNY
It’s just a guess. Let’s go back to the bullpen and find out.
FELIX
Any idea of where exactly that would be?
CHARLES
Felix is right, I also have no clue where in the ballpark we are.
MANNY
Let’s just start walking, I’m sure we’ll find it eventually.
Everyone follows MANNY. An hour later, they arrive back at the bullpen and find ROBERT and LORENZO.
ROBERT
There you are! I got you all burgers. I think you can assume why they’re no longer here.
LORENZO
Actually, it’s not that obvious given I didn’t eat any of them.
ROBERT
I gave them to the outfielders on the Columbus Rugby Team.
MANNY
Also, Lorenzo, why are you running in place? You never run!
LORENZO
Sugar high. I found this amazing cotton candy place. We should have a place that sells cotton candy at our ballfield!
FELIX
Ballpark.
DEVIN
Lorenzo, don’t you serve a ton of cotton candy at Lorenzo’s Kitchen?
LORENZO
Uh huh.
DEVIN
So why don’t you just bring cotton candy with you every game?
LORENZO
You know what? I might just do that! Great idea Devin! Now who wants to play run in place with Lorenzo?
Everyone leaves except for LORENZO, who eventually calms down and also leaves.