ROBERT, MANNY, FELIX, DEVIN, and ACE are all sitting on the bullpen bench, which is set to 64 degrees Fahrenheit and lit up yellow. The message setting is on medium.
ACE
This really is an amazing bench.
ROBERT
Right? Just remember, we have to shut the color off by the time the game starts.
HARRY, standing off to the side, interjects.
HARRY
The game already started.
ROBERT
That’s impossible, it doesn’t start until seven.
HARRY
Yeah, thirty minutes ago.
ROBERT
Crap. Anyone remember how to shut off the color setting?
MANNY
Shouldn’t you know? You’ve been here the longest.
ROBERT
I’m not usually the one to do that.
ACE
I think you just flick this switch. It says color on it in all caps.
ROBERT
Yep, sounds like that would be it.
ACE
Also, there’s something written in permanent marker. Says ‘Lonzo was here.’
MANNY
I’m willing to bet that says Lorenzo, and I wasn’t even here when he was a pitcher.
FELIX
He was hardly ever a pitcher.
MANNY
Whatever, he was still on the payroll. Look closer, Ace.
ACE
I still see Lonzo.
ROBERT walks over.
ROBERT
Oh yeah, it does look like Lonzo. Either he was too lazy or he forgot how to spell his name. Both options are equally plausible.
DEVIN
So, what do you all think about the big news?
Everyone looks at DEVIN with a blank stare.
HARRY
Don’t even tell me they hired another bullpen pitcher. Nonstop cooking for six people can get tedious enough.
FELIX
There are only four so-called pitchers plus Manny.
HARRY
I eat too.
FELIX
I’ve never seen you do that.
HARRY
I try not to make a big deal over it. I eat a variety of things, such as—
MANNY
Guys, Ace was saying something.
ACE
No I wasn’t.
MANNY
Wasn’t someone saying something?
DEVIN
I teased having big news, guess no one remembers.
ROBERT
I know I don’t. I really want to know what Harry’s been eating.
HARRY
Never mind that, just let Devin talk.
DEVIN
Thank you. I was trying to ask if you saw the news about our new ranking.
ROBERT
Uh oh.
FELIX
Did we win something?
ACE
If I brought my wallet then my money would be on some food-related category. But since I don’t have my wallet, I’ll bet my shoes on it.
MANNY
Your shoes?
ACE
Not like I’ll be needing them.
FELIX
True. I’ll bet my dignity. It’s not a whole lot.
DEVIN
Focus! I’m trying to tell you all we just got voted most popular bullpen in the country!
MANNY
Most popular bullpen? How did that happen?
DEVIN
Nobody knows.
ACE
That’s great news! Did we win anything?
DEVIN
Bragging rights.
FELIX
Don’t you think people will get annoyed if we brag about it?
DEVIN
Yeah. Hasn’t stopped me before and it won’t stop me this time either.
ROBERT
By the way, how did the Charleston Capitols’ bullpen do?
DEVIN
Let’s just say not good, to put it lightly.
ROBERT
Say it in the harshest terms you can, they’re not here to hear it.
DEVIN
They were one gigantic flop on the list.
ROBERT
Ouch.
DEVIN
You asked.
HARRY
Guys quiet down, you know that guy who does the voice stuff to the fans?
FELIX
The stadium announcer?
HARRY
Sure. He’s about to make an announcement.
FELIX
How would you know?
HARRY
Because I know.
FELIX
That doesn’t answer the question at all but I guess I shouldn’t ask questions I don’t want the answer to.
ROBERT
Definitely. It didn’t take you all that much time to learn that one.
FELIX
A few weeks is longer than it should have.
HARRY
Guys! Quiet.
Everyone in the bullpen stops talking. The STADIUM ANNOUNCER begins to talk.
STADIUM ANNOUNCER
This is usually the time when we wish our young fans a happy birthday, but since we don’t have any young fans in the crowd, the Indianapolis Primitives wish Harry...uh...Harry a happy birthday! Thanks for all your hard work, Harry!
HARRY
Hear that? He thanked me!
MANNY
Happy birthday Harry! I didn’t know it was your birthday!
HARRY
Oh I don’t like to make a big deal over it.
FELIX
Sounds like you do.
ACE
You should’ve made a birthday cake!
HARRY
No way! I had Lorenzo make one.
ROBERT
You do know he’s going to eat all of it, right?
HARRY
Nah, it’s not cotton candy flavored. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.
ACE
When’s he bringing it?
HARRY
He’s not. I’m going over to Lorenzo’s Kitchen to eat it. You all want to come?
Everyone looks around. ROBERT speaks for all of them.
ROBERT
Sure. Don’t see why not.
HARRY
Great! Happy birthday to me!
DEVIN
By the way, I don’t mean to be a downer, but how much longer do you think we’re gonna play?
MANNY
You don’t play at all. But you are talented!
DEVIN
What’s that even supposed to mean? I should’ve worded that differently. I meant the league in general. A lot of people on some teams are getting the—
MANNY
We don’t talk about it in this bullpen. Just take precautions, and we’ll get through this. Hopefully.
DEVIN
But how much longer do you think the season will last?
MANNY
As I said, just take precautions. The bench will always be here for us. Now who’s up for some birthday cake?
Everyone gets up to leave.
STADIUM ANNOUNCER
Bye Harry! Happy birthday!
HARRY
Did you guys hear that?!
ROBERT
Yeah, and I think our pitcher did too. Look behind you.
They all turn around to the screen behind the outfield to watch a replay of the pitcher being startled and dropping the ball mid-pitch, advancing the runners and allowing a run to score.
MANNY
Alright now I’m definitely out of here.
________________
Read about Harry’s birthday celebration on Season 2, Episode 5 of Bar Exam by clicking here!