Frank walks into the house.
Frank: I have horrible news!
Mitchell: So, Cindy, what’s for dinner tonight?
Frank: I said I have horrible news!
Teri: No one cares, Frank!
Cindy: I’m thinking burritos. Everyone good with that?
Teri: I love a good burrito! You making them from scratch or are they frozen?
Cindy: Frozen! Who has time to make them from scratch?
Frank: Does no one care about my bad news?
Teri: I already told you, no!
Tammi: I care! What’s wrong?
Frank: Finally!
Tammi: Honey, I was just about to head into the shower, so don’t be an attention hog. Just spit it out!
Teri: Wow, that was as vicious as anything I’d say to you! You gonna cry, Frank?
Karl: Teri, stop bullying Frank.
Frank: Thank you! So the news I have is that my school just announced they’re making staffing cutbacks, so now I’m worried my job is at stake.
Teri: That’s your big news? I was hoping it’d be something juicy!
Frank: I could lose my job!
Teri: Eh, I’m shocked they let you work in a school for that long anyway.
Frank: What is that supposed to mean?
Teri: You look like you drive a van that says “free candy” on it.
Tammi: Too far!
Mitchell: Why do you think you’re going to be part of the cut? It’s not like they can get rid of their computer department. How many of you are there?
Frank: There are three of us, and I can see the school believing that they don’t need all of us. They’re wrong, but it’s what they’re going to think.
Jerry: I’m sure you’ll find a job somewhere else, somewhere that will appreciate you.
Frank: I’m a computer repair specialist, it’s not the easiest area to find a job in.
Teri: McDonald’s is always hiring!
Frank: Very funny!
Teri: Thanks, I thought so!
Betty: Have you considered Best Buy?
Frank: Best Buy?
Betty: They’ve always got people in there to fix computers, no?
Frank: Do they?
Cindy: I don’t know, I’ve had the same computer for the last ten years.
Steven: Oh my god, how?
Cindy: I have better things to do with my time than use the computer.
Tammi: Hey, mom, you’re a principal! You have a lot of pull at your school, you can get him a job!
Cindy: Oh… that’d be nepotism. Nepotism’s bad.
Teri: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Lee Curtis, Nicolas Cage, Drew Barrymore… nepo babies can be good. This would not be an example of that.
Tammi: Mom, he needs help!
Cindy: He hasn’t even lost his job yet. Besides, I’m not the one who makes hiring decisions at the school, I can only make recommendations to the school board. We don’t really need anyone in our computer department right now.
Frank: I get it, it would look like an abuse of power.
Velma: How does a school even have to make budget cuts, anyway?
Ralph: Republicans.
Velma: What does that have to do with anything?
Ralph: They cut funding for our schools in the state budget! You all voted for it, now you’re paying the price!
Betty: Ralph, don’t… I’m sorry, I can’t even reprimand you for it. I also find it hilarious!
Jerry: Really?
Betty: You can’t deny the irony isn’t funny.
Frank: I’m glad you find my misfortune hilarious.
Betty: You brought it on yourself!
Karl: They actually didn’t cut the funding for schools, though. That bill was blocked in the state senate.
Betty: Oh… never mind.
Ralph: So why is the school cutting funding, then?
Frank: The costs to operate the buildings are just too high, so they’re making cuts where they can.
Jerry: So it’s the Democrats’ fault! They were the ones who raised our taxes before control of the governorship flipped!
Danielle: Must everything be political?
Jerry: I’m not the one who started it!
Danielle: I didn’t say you were, I just said asked a question.
Teri: Yeah, do you have a guilty conscience or something?
Frank: I didn’t mean to bring this up to start a political argument, I just needed a bit of support from my family.
Velma: Well, is that something you feel you accomplished with this?
Frank: No, no it is not.
Cindy: I’m gonna go start those burritos. It takes a while to make them when you have to make so many.
Teri: The kitchen is five feet away.
Cindy: Just let me get out of this conversation!
Betty: If only it were that easy to avoid conversing with Frank!
Frank: Hey, I’m right here!
Betty: I know, that’s why I said it!
Later that night…
Jerry: You look befuddled.
Cindy: Since when do you say “befuddled?”
Jerry: Since you look befuddled.
Cindy: Well, I am befuddled.
Jerry: And why are you b-
Cindy: Don’t say that word again.
Jerry: Why are you… that word?
Cindy: I’m thinking about Frank.
Jerry: He’ll be fine! We all joke about him being an idiot, but he’s quite capable. He’ll land on his feet.
Cindy: I just can’t help but feel like I could, you know, help him out.
Jerry: You explained yourself very well tonight, you can’t just give him a job, it has to go through other people.
Cindy: The school board basically does whatever I ask them to do, though. If I told them we needed a new computer guy, they’d go right ahead and hire him.
Jerry: Do you need a new computer guy?
Cindy: No.
Jerry: Well, then telling them you do would be lying, and you’re not a liar.
Cindy: Family is more important to me than my morals, Jerry. You know that.
Jerry: Think of it this way… they’re going to find out almost immediately that he’s your son-in-law. Do you think they’d hold it against you if they know you’re trying to get them to hand your son-in-law a job? They might not take your recommendations as seriously if they think you’re trying to pull one over on them.
Cindy: You raise a good point, but I still can’t help but to feel guilty that I’m theoretically in a position to help him but I’m not actually helping.
Jerry: It’s not your place to solve everyone’s problems. There are plenty of places he can find a job, you don’t have to be the one to fix this. We don’t even know if he’ll need a new job, anyway.
Cindy: I guess you’re right.
Jerry: Now, can we go to sleep?
Cindy: I don’t really feel any better, but I guess.
Jerry: That’s the spirit!
The next day…
Frank: Well, it happened!
Tammi: Oh no!
Mitchell: What happened?
Danielle: My god, do you even pay attention?
Velma: Of course he doesn’t! He’s an idiot.
Danielle: He got fired, Mitchell.
Mitchell: Oh, that sucks!
Frank: I didn’t get fired.
Danielle: Then what was the “it” that happened.
Frank: I’ve been laid off until summer, when they will need additional help with the computers because all of the students’ computers will need updates and repairs ahead of the new school year. After that, no guarantees.
Karl: So we were wrong about the optimism.
Frank: No, being hopeful is always good. Things just didn’t pan out this time, that’s fine. I’ll get back on my feet. It’s just going to suck to go three months without pay, and then only have a job for two months, and then it could be gone all over again, and for good this time.
Velma: You never know, they could always decide to keep you on in the fall. I’m not an “optimistic” person, and you drive me nuts, but I know people value hard work, and you are a hard worker.
Betty: It pains me to say this, because you are the bane of my existence, but you are the reason we’re undefeated in the Fall Run.
Teri: We lo-
Betty: No we didn’t!
Frank: These are all very kind words, I appreciate it.
Cindy: You know what else is great, Frank? You’re gonna be home all day to do the cooking, the cleaning, all those things the rest of us are too buys to do!
Frank: Um, aren’t Jerry and Mitch-
Mitchell: Nope! We work hard for the money!
Jerry: Almost as hard as Donna Summer!
Frank: Ralph and the ladies are just so much better in the kitchen, though.
Teri: Oh you did NOT just imply that cooking is women’s work!
Frank: I said Ralph first! He’s the best cook here!
Betty: Oh, is he?
Frank I can’t win.
Betty: There’s a reason for that, bud.
Frank: I think I’m gonna go watch some TV and relax.
The next week…
Cindy: Hey, uh, Superintendent MacInroy, can we talk?
Dawn MacInroy: What’s up, Principal Delacroix?
Cindy: I want you and rest of the board, if you bring up this idea to them, to know in advance that the candidate I’m recommending is my son-in-law. That would typically go against my ethics, but he’s down on his luck and a very skilled worker and he’d fill a position that we suddenly do need filled. So, our head of technology at Peyton Randolph High just announced he’s moving to Hawaii, and he has to leave at the end of April. Now, we have a very skilled computer department, and all four guys are great at it, so one of them is getting the promotion. That’ll leave a vacancy, and that’s where my son-in-law comes in. He’s very qualified, he’s worked at a different school for years as a computer technician. This will solve a lot of problems for us, I promise you. A smooth transition is always good.
Dawn: I have no problems with that. Have him send in his resume and we’ll give it a look.
Cindy: Wow, it was that easy? I almost gave myself a stomach ulcer just thinking of how to go about this conversation.
Dawn: You’re that scared of me? I never realized I had so much power!
Cindy: Oh no, now I’ve inflated her ego!
Dawn: We have fun here, don’t we?
Cindy: Yes, my internal bleeding sure suggests that.
Meanwhile, at Lianne’s…
Ralph: Hey, Lianne, I have something to ask you.
Lianne: Can it wait until I take these frittatas out? My guests are all very hungry.
Ralph: Oh, yeah, of course!
Lianne: All right, what’s up?
Ralph: That was fast! And they’re already gone?
Lianne: They’ve all starved themselves just to fit into their outfits for tonight, they’ll eat anything they can get their hands on now.
Ralph: So, I need your help on something. My, uh… he’s my niece’s husband, well he needs a job. He’s a computer guy and he just got laid off by the school he works at. I usually wouldn’t care about him finding a job, but he’s home all day, and I’m home five days a week, and he’s driving me nuts. Nuts!
Lianne: So you want me to hire the man who drives you crazy?
Ralph: Give him so low-level tech job, you’ll never have to see him. You own a big company.
Lianne: That is true. You know what? I like you a lot, and you make some great food, so I’m going to go ahead and look for a position for him in the company.
Ralph: He’s actually a good worker, too. He’s just got an unbearable personality.
Lianne: You already made the sale, Ralph, don’t blow it. That’s the first rule of business.
Ralph: Got it!
At Anita’s house…
Steven: So, I need help, Alysa.
Alysa: With math?
Steven: No, not with school.
Alysa: Are you asking for like a kiss or…?
Steven: No, not that.
Alysa: Oh…
Steven: I mean, we could kiss, but that’s not really what I needed the help with.
Alysa: So what’s up?
Anita: Door open!
Alysa: We’re not doing anything! Go away, mom!
Steven: No, don’t go away!
Alysa: Why would you ever say that?
Steven: Ms. DeFleur, I have a question.
Anita: No, you can’t propose. Now, I have to get going, I’m a very busy woman with very important HOA responsibilities.
Steven: It’s not that! You’re very well-connected in this community, and you have lots of friends that own businesses, correct?
Anita: That is very correct, yes.
Steven: My dad lost his job, do you know anyone that could help him find a job in tech?
Anita: I have connections all over this city, Steven. I’m a powerbroker.
Alysa: Mom, stop embarrassing me!
Anita: I am one!
Alysa: You sound so full of yourself!
Anita: Confidence is cool.
Alysa: Cockiness is not.
Anita: Go to your room.
Alysa: I’m in my room.
Anita: Steven, get out of her room. She’s grounded for talking back to her mother.
Steven: All my papers from school are on th-
Anita: I’ll grab them, she’s being punished. We’re gonna talk in the living room about finding a job for your father, because I am a good person who helps people in need.
Alysa: Not me!
Anita: I said no talking back!
Three days later…
Cindy: Guys, I have amazing news!
Steven: So do I!
Ralph: I also have decent news.
Teri: Something’s wrong. Things aren’t supposed to be going right for three members of this family at once. On a good day, two of us are doing well. That’s the best-case scenario.
Betty: Cindy, what’s your news?
Tammi: If any of your news is work-related, I’d recommend keeping it to yourselves for obvious reasons.
Frank: No, I have news, too!
Ralph: My news is work-related, but not my own personal work.
Teri: Oh, did you see they fired a Real Housewife? It’s tragic.
Cindy: I talked with the school board, and they’ve agreed to hire Frank in the Randolph High computer department!
Tammi: That's amazing!
Ralph: You’ve gotta be kidding.
Karl: Ralph, you can’t be upset about Frank getting a job. At least don’t voice it out loud.
Ralph: No, I got him a job, too! Lianne agreed to give him a job at his company!
Steven: Well, no I feel stupid.
Tammi: Why would you feel stupid?
Steven: I spent an hour last week telling Anita about dad’s qualifications and she just told me today that she found him a job at Fiona Campbell’s.
Frank: Fiona Campbell’s? The restaurant?
Steven: They also have their own food supply company, and Anita is friends with Fiona, and they need an IT guy!
Frank: Okay, this is a lot to process.
Betty: Oh, god, I don’t even like Frank and you guys are still all getting me emotional.
Jerry: That was so sweet.
Betty: You all took initiative to help out family. It’s beautiful!
Frank: I don’t know how to tell all of you this, but the school called me today to tell me that they were giving me my job back starting next week because they realized that one person can’t take on that entire workload.
Tammy: Well, you’ve got options now!
Frank: Yeah, I’d say so!
What did you think this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
