The year is 1988. The Landfields are sitting at their dining room table.
Patty Lynn: So, kiddo, what’s going on?
Marietta: Well, as you know, I’m getting older.
Patty Lynn: Older? You’re twenty-five!
Marietta: I’m basically a senior-citizen, I have to find a greater purpose in my life!
Martin: My god, you’re still a child!
Milton: No, she has a point, she’s gotta get it together.
Patty Lynn: So what’s your plan?
Marietta: You know you two inspire me, so I am following in your footsteps.
Patty Lynn: No…
Marietta: Yes!
Patty Lynn: You are too pure to get yourself involved in the rough and tumble world of politics!
Milton: Pure? I just saw her -
Marietta: Whatever you think you saw, you did not.
Patty Lynn: I’d like an elaboration on that.
Martin: She’s an adult, Patty Lynn.
Patty Lynn: I don’t think I agree.
Martin: She’s twenty-five, she lives across town from us. She’s grown.
Patty Lynn: She’ll always be my baby!
Martin: Marietta, I’m sorry about her.
Marietta: No need to be sorry for her, I’ve come to expect it. You don’t spend twenty-five years with Patty Lynn Landfield as your mother without knowing that she’s nuts.
Patty Lynn: Is it nuts to love your children?
Marietta: To this degree? Yes.
Martin: You know what? We are so rude!
Milton: Not me!
Martin: We’ve done all this talking without asking how you’re getting into politics! For all we know, you just got an internship or something and you aren’t even getting into the utter slog that is electoral politics.
Marietta: Oh, no, I’m running.
Martin: Of course you are.
Marietta: It’s in my blood! Landfields are political animals.
Martin: I was hoping you’d break out of that. It’s a horrible field to work in.
Marietta: Then why did you jump from the mayorship to the governorship to the US House to the Department of Education?
Martin: I’m mentally ill!
Marietta: The whole family is, running for office is in our DNA!
Milton: Not me! Not ever!
Marietta: We’ll see about that.
Patty Lynn: What are you running for? It better not be anything that takes you away from me! Maybe you could even run for a season on the city council with me! My friend Gerry thinks her granddaughter Amy’s going to run one day and they’ll serve together!
Marietta: Mom, I love you, but working with my mother sounds like literal hell.
Patty Lynn: It does not! Say, Milton!
Milton: It doesn’t sound fun.
Patty Lynn:I can’t believe you two, after all I’ve done for you!
Marietta: I’m just afraid of living in the shadow of my parents. You’re both so accomplished, and so well-regarded. I want to carve out a legacy of my own.
Martin: What are you running for, then? President? That’s about the only position no one in this family has held before.
Patty Lynn: No Landfield has ever been a senator, either!
Martin: What an awful job. So I hear, at least.
Marietta: Our state rep, Allison Griggs-Cuellar, is retiring from the state house. State rep is about as low as it gets on the political totem pole, I’m qualified for it. I’m going for it.
Martin: State rep, huh?
Patty Lynn: Well, they do only work an hour away, so you wouldn’t need to move. I approve.
Milton: Is that the only thing you ever think of?
Patty Lynn: My proximity to my babies? Yes! I gave birth to you, I should get to see you whenever I want!
Milton: You have such an outdated view on parenting.
Patty Lynn: Martin, the children are rebelling!
Marietta: I’m not rebelling! I’m following in both of your footsteps, that’s the opposite of rebelling!
Patty Lynn: You’re at least running as a Democrat, correct?
Marietta: Why are you under the impression that I’m some sort of a rebel?
Patty Lynn: Your brother just has me worried.
Milton: I didn’t say anything!
Marietta: Can we focus on my big announcement instead of delinquency, please?
Martin: I’m excited for you! I know I’ve made it clear it’s not my first choice for you, but if it’s what you want, it’s what I want now.
Marietta: Thank you for being normal. Some people can’t relate.
Patty Lynn: Everyone stop being mean to me! I’m overprotective, but it just means I care. Marietta, if this is what you want, I’m for it. I’ll be by your side every step of the way.
Marietta: I don’t doubt it. I have a request, though.
Martin: Anything!
Marietta: I want to do this on my own.
Patty Lynn: What does that mean?
Milton: look at her, Marietta, she’s malfunctioning. You broke mom!
Marietta: No, mom, don’t get upset!
Patty Lynn: You don’t want me in your life anymore!
Marietta: I didn’t mean it like that! I just don’t want you two campaigning for me more than I can campaign for me. I want this campaign to be about me and my qualifications for the seat. In don’t want to only win because of who my parents are.
Martin: I think that’s very fair.
Patty Lynn: I can do that.
Milton: Are you gonna change your last name too? Because people will still v-
Marietta: Knock it off.
Milton: I was just asking a question!
Two months later…
Patty Lynn: Marietta, only a week left until the primary! Are you excited?
Marietta: No! I’m down five points in the polls and I have to go to a debate!
Martin: Well, your aunt is in town, so if you want all of us to campaign for you…
Marietta: Oh, boy. What a question.
Martin: What are you worried about?
Marietta: I’m losing on my own merit! I win, and I’ll always think it’s because I called in my accomplished relatives to hand the seat to me.
Martin: How about this: if this debate passes by and you do well but you’re still feeling anxious about your campaign, we’ll campaign for you. If you struggle, we’ll leave you to flounder on your own. If you nail it and think you don’t need help from us, we’ll stay out of it.
Marietta: I guess so.
Milton: Have you considered having a campaign manager that’s not your eighteen year-old brother who’s fresh out of high school?
Marietta: Mom made me pick you, she said you needed a job!
Milton: If mom told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that?
Patty Lynn: I’d never!
Milton: It was a hypothetical.
Patty Lynn: Think of something less horrifying to use as a hypothetical.
Milton: Will do.
Marietta: Well, I think I have to go get ready for the debate. Apparently they’re airing it on TV. Who woulda thought?
Milton: I didn’t know that, and I’m your campaign manager.
Marietta: That worries me, but that’s a concern for later. Bye, guys.
Martin: Good luck, sweetie!
Marietta leaves.
Martin: Kathleen, get down here!
Kathleen: What? Did I do something wrong?
Martin: No, we’re about to do something right.
Kathleen: I’m confused.
Martin: We’re going to campaign for Marietta. We have one week to turn this disaster around, let’s do it. We’re going to cover every square foot in the district in mailers, posters, everything. I’ll do events in the park -
Milton: I know I’m her campaign manager, and I shouldn’t be saying this to a willing volunteer, but: she doesn’t want this.
Martin: She doesn’t know what’s good for her. I can’t bear to see my daughter be crushed by loss. I’ve felt it, I’m going to shield her from it.
Patty Lynn: I agree.
Milton: You see how insane you’re being. Mom agrees with you!
Martin: I hear your point, but a parent has a natural desire to help their kids. That’s just how it is.
Kathleen: What’s she running for?
Martin: Oh my god…
Kathleen: I just got here!
Martin: I’ve told you about it many times!
Kathleen: So spill, what is it?
Martin: State representative!
Kathleen: Eh, you lose that, you still live.
Martin: I’d rather she didn’t.
Kathleen: Well, I’m in town two weeks and I’ve really got nothing to do, so I’ll help. You’re supposed to be in charge of our county’s education system, though, so I’m not sure what you’re doing here.
Martin: I’m here because you’re here! We get time off! I have an undersecretary.
Kathleen: Good to know our country’s youth are under such a watchful eye!
Martin: Do not say it that way.
One week later…
Marietta: Mom, hold me!
Patty Lynn: I’m on my way over!
Milton: What are you so worried about?
Marietta: I don’t want to lose! I don’t want to know that people don’t like me!
Martin: You’re not going to lose.
Marietta: I mean, I did well in the debate, I told Howard that he’s a sexist bigot, and people seemed to agree, but I was down in that poll, and it’s Louisiana… I don’t know. I’m on the edge of my seat.
Milton: How do we find out the results, anyway?
Marietta: You don’t know?
Patty Lynn: The local news station will be reporting them, it’ll come in any moment now.
Kathleen: I was lucky enough to get to have Tom Brokaw himself report my loss on national TV! He feigned surprise, but I think he knew it was coming.
Patty Lynn: Don’t say that word!
Kathleen: Brokaw?
Patty Lynn: Loss!
Marietta: Stop saying it!
Milton: You’re not gonna lose. I mean, you might. I don’t think you will.
Marietta: You’re a horrible campaign manager!
Milton: Hey, you wouldn’t be doing this well without me!
Marietta: Are you sure about that?
Milton: I don’t know, I’m in way over my head.
Kathleen: This is fun!
Patty Lynn: Is it time?
Martin: It’s starting. I don’t know when New Orleans will report.
Kathleen: And just think, this is only the primary!
Patty Lynn: There’s no Republican running!
Kathleen: No Republican ran against me, then I lost two years later. Never get too comfortable!
Thirty minutes later…
Patty Lynn: Where are these results? It’s been half an hour!
Martin: It takes time!
Patty Lynn: Other parts of the state are reporting, just look at the map of the governor’s race!
Martin: There are more votes in Orleans Parish, those take a while to compile.
Kathleen: I see your name at the bottom!
Marietta: Am I on the right or the left?
Kathleen: 54% it says. 70% reporting.
Marietta: You’re right! Did I win?
Milton: You won!
Patty Lynn: There’s a checkmark!
Martin: Never count out a Landfield!
Marietta: Thank you all for your support. I think I have to go talk to that little room of people now!
Martin: Congratulations, kid. You deserve this moment!
Patty Lynn: I’m so proud of you!
Milton: Her? What about me! I made her win!
Marietta: You keep telling yourself that.
Marietta leaves.
Milton: So, are we telling her that she only won because you guys campaigned for her and told everyone in the district she’s your daughter?
Martin: We’re taking that to our graves.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the new episode next week!
