LORENZO, ADAM, CHASE, REAGAN, SAM, MADISON, and LINCOLN are all in the state legislature. ADAM, CHASE, REAGAN, and MADISON all look defeated.
REAGAN
You know when we made the Climate Change Education Act, we were trying to solve the climate change and education issues in our communities.
SAM
No crap.
LINCOLN
At least you don’t have to defend this bill, Sam. You didn’t help write it.
SAM
I certainly feel for those who did.
MADISON
Why do people not want to solve these problems? Why do corporations find loopholes with everything?
LORENZO
If you don’t mind me interrupting, what are you all talking about?
ADAM
Chase, Reagan, Madison, and I all wrote the Climate Change Education Act last year. Contractors have found loopholes in it that allow them to cut down trees and build buildings other than schools. The exact opposite of what we were trying to do.
LORENZO
Wow, I’ll admit it must’ve been really terribly written if they could find loopholes that big!
ADAM
Not helping. We need a solution.
CHASE
How is it that we end up screwing up everything we try to fix?
LORENZO
Maybe you’re just bad at your jobs.
SAM
Hey! We are NOT bad at our jobs you take that back RIGHT NOW!
LORENZO
Ok…I take it back. Just a suggestion.
SAM
Sorry, I’m just stressed. Let’s throw together a bill banning what’s going on.
MADISON
No, what’s the use? They’re just gonna find a way around that too. Let’s just try to put together something new, something fresh, and hope voters forget about this disaster.
REAGAN
So in other words, you want to ignore this disaster and create a new disaster instead?
MADISON
Exactly. Wait, no, that’s not what I’m saying at all!
ADAM
Face it, nothing we do works. At this point, our only hope for re-election is to ride off of Lorenzo’s popularity. By the way, Lorenzo, how are you so popular?
LORENZO
Easy. People vote for the candidate they want to grab a cotton candy beer with.
CHASE
I think it’s just a regular beer.
LORENZO
Oh. I don’t really like regular beer.
CHASE
You owned and operated a bar and didn’t like regular beer?
LORENZO
Yeah, why else would I make all those special kinds? I wanted a place that was different.
LINCOLN
I got it! We’ll make Cotton Candy Beer the Official Beer of Indiana. I’ll draft up the bill and put all our names on it.
LORENZO
Exclude mine.
LINCOLN
Why? You should want this more than anyone else.
LORENZO
You all need this. If my name is on it, people will just see it as a Lorenzo bill.
SAM
Thanks Lorenzo, that’s…very kind of you.
LORENZO
Also, I’m just thinking about cotton candy beer and how much I want one right now so it’d look bad if I’m not even present for the vote on the bill that I’m a coeditor on.
SAM
Cosponsor.
LORENZO stands up and leaves.
MADISON
Hopefully it’s not a close vote.
LINCON
And…the bill is finished.
ADAM
Already? That was fast!
LINCOLN
There’s not really anything to it. I just had to define beer, cotton candy, and Indiana.
CUT to the bill being brought to a vote.
REPRESENTATIVE 1
Now I could care less about what our National Bear is, but I do have an issue with the definition of Indiana. Instead of saying state, I’d rewrite that to say shithole state, and I’d also add in drug-infested den full of junkies.
SPEAKER
Are you trying to lose?
REPRESENTATIVE 1
I got gerrymandered out of my seat next session.
SPEAKER
Well then I understand why you feel that way. But Indiana is actually ranked #32 in the country overall.
REPRESENTATIVE 2
That’s considered good to you?
SPEAKER
It’s better than our neighbors in Michigan and Ohio!
REPRESENTATIVE 3 [filming himself]
INDIANA IS THE GREATEST STATE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
SPEAKER
What did I say about filming campaign videos while in session? Anyways, let’s vote on this cotton beer bill.
The bill goes up for a vote. It passes, 70-29.
MADISON
Well that’s a win. For us. Not the guy who hates everyone and everything because of gerrymandering.
CHASE
Who wants to celebrate with a cotton candy beer?
LINCOLN
I’m tempted to, but Lorenzo’s probably already there and drunk off them and I really don’t want to deal with that. Let’s regroup next time Congress convenes.