Fred: CEO
Kevin: CFO
Gregory: General Manager
Christina: Director of Marketing & Promotions
Ruthie: Project Manager
FRED, KEVIN, GREGORY, CHRISTINA, and RUTHIE are all in a SugarCity boardroom.
FRED
Christina, the results are in.
CHRISTINA
I know that, I told you the results.
FRED
So the ad backfired. Now what?
CHRISTINA
You’re CEO.
KEVIN
Somebody get me up to speed. How exactly did it backfire? $1 backfire or $100 million backfire?
FRED
Pretty much everyone found it insensitive about something.
GREGORY
I didn’t.
FRED
None of us did.
CHRISTINA
Networks are issuing apologies for showing the ad. I mean, that’s going a little too far don’t you think?
FRED
Not when it’s offended basically every already-oppressed community?
GREGORY
It did? I for one thought white men would love it.
RUTHIE
Oh no Gregory, you’re gonna want to take that comment back before I write it into my tell-all book.
GREGORY
What tell-all book?
RUTHIE
I’ve always dreamed of writing one. So maybe someday.
CHRISTINA
On the bright side, curiosity for the AGRUS Bar is through the roof. People hate the ad, but they can’t help themselves from trying out the candy themselves!
FRED
That’s great news! See, I knew this would work.
CHRISTINA
They hate the bar. 92% say they wouldn’t consider buying one again.
RUTHIE
But they liked the packaging, right?
CHRISTINA
Oddly, yes. Good job Ruthie.
RUTHIE
Now maybe if you let me take over all OTHER aspects of this rollout, this wouldn’t have happened!
CHRISTINA
The Baby Ruthie would be a massive lawsuit waiting to happen, we’ve been over that.
FRED
Alright, so my first product as CEO didn’t work. Big deal. We’ll get ‘em next time.
GREGORY
Wait a minute—
FRED
What is it?
GREGORY
While you all were babbling on, I was looking at my phone. Turns out, some people have claimed that cancel culture has come for the AGRUS Bar.
FRED
Huh?
GREGORY
More people are going to try out the bar now!
CHRISTINA
How do you cancel something that never even really happened?
GREGORY
I don’t know but let’s take a win where we can get one!
FRED
Speaking of taking a win where we can get one; elections are coming up. We’re going to endorse the group of people who helped make me CEO and make this into a non-toxic workplace.
RUTHIE
This is non-toxic?
FRED
Well it’s not as bad as Albert.
RUTHIE
It’s not?
FRED
I haven’t been arrested yet.
RUTHIE
Fair enough.
FRED
I’m pretty sure they’re all, like, super popular, so endorsing them will make our brand look way better!
KEVIN
Maybe there’s a glimmer of hope here after all.
FRED
Maybe. Good meeting. I’m gonna work on my endorsement now.
CHRISTINA
Okay.
FRED
You guys don’t need to be here for that.
CHRISTINA, RUTHIE, GREGORY, and KEVIN all leave.