Marietta is sitting in her office when Tammy walks in.
Tammy: Marietta, they’ve landed. We gotta go pick ‘em up
Marietta: Who’s landed? The Eagles?
Tammy: You know damn well who.
Marietta: I’m sort of busy. Can you pick Kate and Ellie up by yourself?
Tammy: I’m capable of it. You know I don’t like doing anything alone.
Marietta: You can take Amy with you. What’s she busy doing, tweeting?
Amy: I do a lot more than that!
Marietta: That’s right, you also eavesdrop.
Tammy: You ready to go, champ?
Amy: Champ?
Tammy: I thought it was a fun nickname. Guess not?
Amy: Not really.
Tammy: Well, guess we’ll get going then. Marietta, I know you’re “busy” -
Marietta: What’s with the air quotes?
Tammy: - but I just want you to remember we have a lunch date tomorrow with your mom and aunt.
Marietta: I completely forgot about that.
Amy: No one’s surprised.
Later that day, at Marietta’s…
Kate: Marietta, it’s so sweet of you to let us stay here.
Ellie: Us and all two-hundred of our suitcases.
Kate: Do you have room for all of this luggage?
Marietta: Look around, girls. It’s only Sarah and me in this mansion. I think we can make room.
Ellie: We were joking, dear. We don’t have that much luggage.
Kate: We’re only here a week, we can make do with four suitcases each.
Marietta: I can’t believe you’re only here a week. You missed the men’s skating!
Kate: I’m just glad we were able to make it to town in time for the ice dance.
Sarah: Wait, you guys came to town to watch Olympic figure skating? Don’t you have TVs where you’re from?
Ellie: It’s sort of a tradition we have with your aunt.
Amy: One I hope to be let in on this year!
Tammy: Since when do you watch figure skating? You yelled at me when I was watching the Worlds at work a few months ago.
Amy: Well, that’s because you weren’t getting any work done.
Tammy: So?
Amy: You were at work.
Tammy: You’re not my boss.
Ellie: Can you gals talk about this later? I just want to relax, that was such a brutal flight.
Kate: It wasn’t that bad!
Ellie: For you. I had to listen to you provide hockey updates throughout the flight.
Kate: Those were informative!
Ellie: They were not.
Marietta: Ah, it’s good to have the band back together!
Kate: That reminds me! I heard about your big band reunion. How’s that going?
Marietta: We only got back together for the high school reunion. Trust me, I’m not abandoning politics for a music career.
Sarah: You’d be homeless if you had to rely on music as a career!
Ellie: Well I, for one, am glad that Milton is coming to town tomorrow and will be taking her off our hands.
Sarah: That was so rude.
Ellie: Sweetie, I know.
Tammy: Well, I’m going to let you guys settle in and relax. We’ll see you tomorrow for lunch.
Ellie: What about lunch?
Kate: Ellie, are you that forgetful?
Ellie: It’s been a busy day. I started it by screaming at some kook from Arizona on the phone and then followed that up with a long flight. My brain’s shot.
Tammy: She’s grumpy today.
Ellie: I’ll show you grumpy!
Marietta: See you tomorrow, Tammy. Best to go before there’s a murder in my foyer.
Tammy: See you tomorrow, girls!
Amy: No one ever answered me on whether I could join your skating viewing parties.
Kate: The more the merrier! As long as you don’t root for the Russkis!
Amy: Why would I root for Russians?
Marietta: Ask Ellie.
Ellie: Tammy did it, too!
Tammy: Leave me out of this.
The next day, at lunch…
Patty Lynn: Kate! Ellie! It’s been so long!
Kathleen: It’s been, what, a few weeks?
Kate: Month and a half, but who’s counting?
Patty Lynn: It’s so nice to see you both!
Ellie: Where’s Martin? Didn’t he want to interrupt his day to sip cafe au lait and eat sandwiches while listening to us gossip?
Kathleen: He’s too busy watching curling.
Patty Lynn: Whatever that is.
Kate: It’s like sweeping but on ice.
Ellie: Oh, so it’s the only Olympic sport you could do, Kate.
Kate: I could’ve been an ice dancer.
Marietta: We should grab a table.
Patty Lynn: We will soon! We’re tryin’ to catch up now!
Marietta: Can we not catch up at the table? I thought that was the point of the lunch. I had to delay a very important meeting with Marissa for this.
Patty Lynn: I think you’re just hungry.
Tammy: She’s more “hangry” than anything.
Marietta: Tammy, stop making words up.
Tammy: I didn’t make it up.
Kathleen: Oh, look. There’s a table over there.
Ellie: We should probably sit down before Marietta blows an artery.
The ground sits down at the table.
Patty Lynn: So, how have you girls been?
Kathleen: They’ve been blocking the entire Republican agenda, so I’d say they’e been pretty good!
Kate: Oh, I don’t think it’s that bad!
Ellie: Kate, we don’t have a Secretary of Transportation.
Kate: Well maybe if Jankler would nominate someone who doesn’t oppose the concept of infrastructure, we could get one.
Kathleen: I’m not calling you out or anything. Block their nonsense all you want.
Marietta: Can we not talk about politics? I’m sure Kate and Ellie don’t want to focus on that over their senate hiatus.
Kate: Actually, I don’t re-
Ellie: Yeah, let’s talk about something else.
Marietta: The Olympics! Did y’all see the figure skating
team event?
Kate: Do you need air to breathe?
Tammy: Why are there two American ice dancers named Madison? Are they the same person, are they not? It’s confusing!
Amy: One of them was what?
Marietta: You’ll get to see tonight.
Kate: Tomorrow.
Ellie: What I’m really excited for is the women’s event.
Patty Lynn: Our Louisiana girl is skating again this year! Vicki something?
Marietta: Mary Bradshaw.
Tammy: It’s hard for me to be so passionate about it when they’re letting a girl skate who was doping! Those damn Russians, what a disgrace!
Patty Lynn: Didn’t you root for the Russians in 2018?
Tammy: We all agreed not to talk about that.
Ellie: I don’t recall that.
Patty Lynn: You rooted for them, too!
Kathleen: You guys really, uh… you really… you care a lot about his.
Marietta: Aunt Kathleen, are you okay? You look clammy.
Kathleen: I’m just having some trouble catching my breath. I just need a bit of water
Patty Lynn: All the Olympic talk is making her tired just to think about it. We’re old, even thinking about doing anything athletic takes our breath away.
Kate: Shortness of breath and spontaneous sweating are both signs of a cardiac event.
Kathleen: I’m fine!
Kate: I’m not saying you aren’t, but there are reasons to be cautious. My aunt died of a heart attack that didn’t show any signs that are stereotypically associated with heart attacks.
Kathleen: It’ll be fine, let’s just order our drinks and our food.
Patty Lynn: I’ve been looking forward to this shrimp po’ boy all day.
Kathleen: You wouldn’t shut up about it.`
Marietta: How do you know they’ll have it?
Patty Lynn: Honey, I have been here plenty of times. I know the menu like the back of my hand.
Marietta: Well, it says on the sign that they ran out of shrimp.
Patty Lynn: Are you fu-
Marietta: Aunt Kathleen!
Patty Lynn: What’d she - Kathleen! Get up from there!
Kate: Call an ambulance!
Ellie: I’m not your assistant, Kate. You do it!
Kate: I’m not joking, Ellie!
Ellie: Oh. I’m on it!
Thirty minutes later, at the hospital…
Martin: I don’t understand what happened here!
Marietta: She fainted at lunch. She was complaining about shortness of breath beforehand but she insisted that nothing was wrong.
Patty Lynn: I thought she was just flustered or something.
Martin: Flustered?
Marietta: We were discussing figure skating. This family takes it very seriously, you know.
Tammy: Kate could tell something was wrong. She acted really quickly when she fainted, too.
Martin: Well, thank you, Kate. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I’m glad she had you there to help.
Kate: I was only helping a friend. I’ve seen firsthand what can happen when you don’t act fast enough, I wasn’t about to wait and let disaster potentially happen. She’s getting the best care possible now, it’ll all be okay.
Martin: You girls are all so sweet to be here, but I think I need to go sit alone with my thoughts.
Marietta: THat’s perfectly valid, dad. Just give us a shout if you need us
Patty Lynn: Do you want me to sit with you.
Martin: Would you be okay with sitting in silence?
Patty Lynn: I think we both know the answer to this.
Martin: I’ll see you later, sweetheart.
Twenty minutes later…
Milton: I got here as soon as I could! Do we know what happened yet?
Tammy: Nothing yet. Kate’s convinced it was a heart attack.
Kate: It’s just based on my personal experience, I know I’m not a doctor.
Ellie: She can say that, but does she believe it? Eh…
Marietta: Where’s Sarah?
Milton: I thought you had her?
Marietta: I came here in Tammy’s car following the ambulance. Why would I have her? I told you to get her!
Milton: I suppose I should call Moira.
Marietta: I suppose you should.
Patty Lynn: Don’t be mean, Marietta. It’s very traumatic for all of us, we’re not thinking straight.
Marietta: I know, I know. That doesn’t mean I won’t take any excuse I can get to make fun of Milton.
Milton: Thanks, sis. I’m so lucky to have someone like you to lean on.
Marietta: I know, right?
Martin: Patty Lynn…
Patty Lynn: Yes, honey? Did they give an update that I missed while our children were arguing?
Martin: I’m going to the vending machine, do you want anything?
Patty Lynn: Mixed nuts?
Tammy: But what about us?
Amy: Tammy…
Tammy: Oh, come on. We can all use a laugh right about now!
Martin: I’ll see what they have. See you soon.
Thirty minutes later…
Patty Lynn: What is taking them so long? We should know something by now! Anything!
Ellie: It’s a busy hospital. Lots of people needing treatment for keg stand-related injuries, I guess.
Marietta: We don’t talk about keg stands.
Tammy: Even the word gives me ‘Nam flashbacks.
Sarah: Aunt Marietta, you’re okay!
Amy: I don’t know about “okay…”
Tammy: Are any of us “okay?”
Marietta: Why do you sound surprised, Sarah?
Sarah: Moira said my aunt was in the hospital!
Moira: I said your dad’s aunt is in the hospital.
Sarah: What happened to Aunt Kathleen?
Patty Lynn: We don’t know, sweetheart. The doctors at this good-for-noth-
Annie (nurse): Are you Kathleen Landfield’s family?
Martin: Yes, we are!
Annie: And what is your relation?
Patty Lynn: We have basically every relation imaginable here.
Martin: I’m her brother. Martin.
Annie: The former mayor?
Sarah: He’s sort of a big deal.
Annie: All right, the doctor is going to come out and explain in greater detail, but your sister suffered a heart attack. She had a massively blocked artery. If this would have happened in the middle of the night, she probably would not have survived. Whoever was with her and called 9-1-1 most likely saved her life.
Ellie: Kate the lifesaver. I’m sure this won’t inflate her ego any further.
Kate: Ego? I believe you’re confusing me for you.
Annie: The doctors performed an emergency triple bypass surgery.
Martin: Triple bypass?
Annie: Like I said, the doctor will explain in greater detail. The important thing is that, though she is in intensive care and is in a medically-induced coma, she’s recovering.
Martin: A coma?
Marietta: They do it to help patients recover. She’s going to be okay.
Milton: What did you hear that on, Grey’s Anatomy?
Annie: She’s actually right. It’s scary to hear, but when we put a patient into an induced coma, it’s just a method of recovery. It’s our best chance at helping her recover.
Martin: So, when can we see her?
Annie: Not for a bit yet, but soon. For right now, just hang tight. In a few hours, the doctors will likely give the all-clear for you to visit her.
Martin: So she’s going to be all right?
Annie: I can’t promise anything, but her vitals are positive and she’s in the best hands possible.
Patty Lynn: Thank you so much for all your help. I never doubted you guys for a second!
Milton: Weren’t you calling it a g-
Patty Lynn: Again, thank you. And, don’t listen to my son. He’s in a state of shock still.
Sarah: Is that what they’re calling the truth now?
Milton: Good one!
Patty Lynn: My dearest friend is in the hospital right now, please don’t do this to me.
Sarah: You’re always giving her hell!
Martin: From a place of love. Kathleen always knew that.
Milton: I bet those road trips couldn’t be good for those arteries.
Patty Lynn: We didn't have that much junk food!
Milton: That isn’t exactly what I meant.
Marietta: I think Milton is accusing mom of attempted murder.
Milton: I did not say that!
Moira: You sort of did, honey.
Milton: Oh, not you, too!
Sarah: Don’t worry, dad, I have your back!
Two hours later…
Dr. Hamilton: Landfields!
Martin: That’s us!
Dr. Hamilton: Oh, trust me, I know.
Marietta: The way he said that, I don’t know if he meant it in a good way or a bad way?
Dr. Hamilton: I just wanted to let you know that you can visit Kathleen now. She’s not conscious, we don’t expect her to be for a few days, but you can visit. Two at a time, please.
Tammy: We’ll be done with our visits in about four hours.
Marietta: Good, just in time to watch ice dancing!
Martin: Thank you for everything, doctor. Thanks for saving her.
Dr. Hamilton: Just doing my job. It’s an honor to serve good people like you and your family.
Marietta: Kate saved her, too. She’s a hero!
Ellie: Again with that word…
Patty Lynn: I’m gonna go in and talk to her. Martin, you coming?
Milton: Oh god, she’s trying to finish the job!
Patty Lynn: You little…!
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments, listen to the official playlist, vote in the poll below and make sure to read the new episode next week!
