What In The World! Season 4 Episode 2: The Bailey Show

 


 

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

 

Open in a sitcom-like apartment. 

 

NARRATOR

The Bailey Show is filmed in front of a live audience.

 

Bailey is reading a magazine on the couch. From one of the bedrooms, Claire stumbles out wearing sweatpants. Her hair is messy. She appears to be hungover.

 

CLAIRE

The next time I go out on the town, remind me to NOT go out on the town.

 

The audience laughs.

 

BAILEY

I told you trying to hit up every bar in the city was a bad idea.

 

The audience laughs.

 

CLAIRE

Shhhhhhhhhhhh your voice is decibels away from hitting the sound barrier.

 

The door to the apartment opens and a woman (20s) with brown hair enters. Her name is SUSAN

 

CLAIRE

Where have you been? Wait, did you go home with a guy?

 

SUSAN

Maybe.

 

Bailey and Claire squeal in delight.

 

CLAIRE

Tell us all about it.

 

SUSAN

Well, he’s in the Navy so it probably won’t go anywhere but let me tell you… what they say about submarines is true. Long, hard and full of… well, you know.

 

The audience laughs hysterically.

 

CLAIRE

If only I could find someone like that.

 

The audience laughs. 

 

SUSAN

Well, anyway I was thinking that tonight, we have a girl’s night in.

 

BAILEY

I’m in.

 

CLAIRE

Same. Just us girls getting drunk and…

 

Claire runs over to the sink and throws up.

 

The audience laughs.

 

BAILEY

Maybe diet coke for you tonight.

 

Claire raises a thumbs up. There is a knock at the door. Susan answers the door and standing in the doorway is Joel.

 

The audience cheers.

 

He enters the apartment. 

 

BAILEY

Joel, what are you doing here?

 

Joel lifts up a jacket.

 

JOEL

You left this at my place last night.

 

Bailey gets up and goes over to Joel. She takes the jacket and kisses him on the cheek.

 

BAILEY

Thanks, babe.

 

JOEL

No problem. By the way, are you aware that the pockets are full of Skittles?

 

Bailey shoves a handful of Skittles into her mouth. 

 

The audience laughs.

 

BAILEY

(Mouthful of Skittles)

Taste the rainbow.

 

JOEL

Uh-huh. Hey, are we still good for tonight?

 

BAILEY

Tonight?

 

JOEL

Our date?

 

BAILEY

I’m so sorry, I forgot. We were going to have a girls’ night in.

 

JOEL

Oh, well that’s alright. You girls do your thing and I’ll… Well, I’m sure I’ll find something to do.

 

Joel kisses Bailey.

 

JOEL

Taste the rainbow indeed.

 

The audience laughs.

 

Bailey looks at Joel confused. Joel leaves.

 

SUSAN

Well, I’m gonna go take a nap.

 

Susan goes to her bedroom and Claire goes to hers. Bailey sits back on the couch. For a split second she pixelates. She puts her hand to her head as if she has a headache. She looks around at the large apartment.

 

Only it isn’t an apartment. It’s a sitcom set! In front of Bailey, are cameras and lights. Behind those, are bleachers full of an onlooking audience. 

 

Bailey looks around confused. The lights shining on the audience dim. 

 

BAILEY

What in the-

 

The set begins to change and the apartment transforms into another apartment. Joel is standing at the stove cooking eggs. He is wearing a T-Shirt and boxers. Bailey’s clothes transform into pajamas.

 

JOEL

Would you like your eggs over easy, sunny side up, poached, or scrambled?

 

Bailey gets up and walks over to Joel who turns around to face her.

 

JOEL

Of course, scrambled IS easier but anything for the love of my-

 

Bailey slaps Joel.

 

The audience laughs.

 

JOEL

What was that for? Wait, is today your birthday?

 

Bailey slaps him again and then again. The laugh of the audience grows in volume. Joel’s body becomes pixelated.

 

JOEL

What in the- Bailey?

 

Joel looks around at his surroundings.

 

JOEL

Where are we? Where are the others?

 

BAILEY

Good, you’re back. I don’t know where the others are. Something must have happened when we reentered the simulation. You and I are in some sitcom scenario.

 

JOEL

That’s… weird. Maybe when Adrian shattered the simulation, parts of it transformed into different scenarios or realms. 

 

BAILEY

Maybe, but look I think a piece of the antivirus is here.

 

JOEL

What makes you say that?

 

BAILEY

Claire is here.

 

JOEL

She’s still alive!

 

BAILEY

I know. But if she’s here, she’s probably looking for the same thing.

 

JOEL

Well then, it looks like we have to kill her first. Once and for all.

 

BAILEY

Listen, I know she killed Jacqueline but we’ve got to find the piece of the antivirus first.

 

JOEL

I know. What exactly are we looking for exactly?

 

BAILEY

I don’t know. Something that looks like computer code.

 

JOEL

Well, that should be easy. Let’s look around this room.

 

Bailey and Joel begin searching the apartment set. 

 

JOEL

Hey, did I just imagine it or were you and I playing a couple.

 

BAILEY

Definitely imagined it.

 

Joel

I don’t know. I distinctly remember kissing you.

 

Bailey doesn’t answer.

 

JOEL

Oh my gosh, we did.

 

BAILEY

If you tell Dan, I’ll kill you. No, I’ll destroy you.

 

JOEL

Isn’t that the same thing?

 

Bailey raises her hand in a threatening motion.

 

JOEL

My lips are sealed.

 

They continue searching the apartment set.

 

JOEL

Nothing.

 

The set begins changing. Morphing back into Bailey’s apartment. 

 

Susan is sitting on the couch with a glass of wine.

 

SUSAN

Are you ready for girls’ night? Joel, what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be in this scene.

 

The audience laughs.

 

JOEL.

Uhhhhhhhhh I’m joining girls night.

 

The audience laughs.

 

Bailey looks around and sees Susan’s wine glass. There are letters and numbers and strange symbols inscribed on the glass. They move throughout the glass glowing ever so slightly.

 

BAILEY

Joel, the wine glass. It’s a piece of the code.

 

JOEL

I see it.

 

BAILEY

Susan, I need your wine glass.

 

SUSAN

Huh?

 

Bailey clutches Susan’s wine glass but Susan tightens her grip.

 

SUSAN

Get your own wine girl.

 

The audience laughs.

 

The two begin playing tug a war with the wine glass.

 

BAILEY

Look, I don’t know who you are and you don’t know who I am but I really need that wine glass. Please, I’m begging you.

 

The tug of war calms down and Bailey releases her grip.

 

SUSAN

Um okay, It’s just a glass though.

 

Susan begins handing the wine glass over to Bailey. There is an explosion and Susan is thrown against the wall. Standing on the other side of the room is Claire with a bow and arrow raised. The arrow glows bright green

 

CLAIRE

I’ll be taking that.

 

Joel and Bailey poise to attack but Claire points an arrow at them.

 

CLAIRE

Oh, I don’t think so. You two just stay right there.

Looks like we’re gonna have to reschedule girls’ night. It’s so good to see you again Bailey. You do remember who you are right? Took me a while to break free of whatever the hell this is.

 

BAILEY

How are you alive?

 

CLAIRE

My physical body in the real world is dead thanks to you all. But Adrian and his people were able to save my consciousness. Along with some other friends. You and I are both here for the same reason. The Antivirus. Well, at least a piece of it.

 

BAILEY

Why are you trying to destroy something that’s keeping you alive?

 

CLAIRE

Adrian has promised me and the others a new body once the antivirus is completely destroyed. 

 

JOEL

Wow, you really are crazy.

 

Bailey slowly pulls out the bag of skittles.

 

CLAIRE

LEVEL wants the human race to live in a simulation. THAT’S crazy. Okay, enough exposition, I’ll be taking the wine glass.

 

Claire begins slowly walking towards the wine glass not taking her eyes off Joel and Bailey. 

 

Bailey tosses the skittles at Claire and they hit her in the face.

 

BAILEY

Taste the rainbow bitch!

 

Bailey lunges towards Claire and tackles her.They wrestle on the ground. Joel watches.

 

BAILEY

Joel, get the glass!

 

Joel runs towards the glass and reaches for it but Claire fires an arrow near his hand. Joel stumbles back. Claire hits Bailey in the throat with her bow.

 

Joel and Claire stare at each other. Their eyes dart from the glass to each other.

 

CLAIRE

You can’t stop him. You won’t. You’ve already lost, you just don’t know it yet.

 

Bailey gets up, picks up the wine bottle, breaks it, and charges at Claire. She plunges the jagged edge into Claire’s back. She begins pixelating and phasing in and out. 

 

CLAIRE

This isn’t over.

 

Claire vanishes. 

 

JOEL

Are you okay?

 

BAILEY

Yeah.

 

THE PROGRAMMER

Hello, hello, does anyone copy?

 

BAILEY

Programmer, this is Bailey. What happened?

 

THE PROGRAMMER

There’s a glitch in the simulation. When all of you entered, it messed with your programming. It scattered you across the entirety of the simulation.

 

JOEL

Why couldn’t we remember who we were?

 

THE PROGRAMMER

Another part of the glitch.

 

BAILEY

Look, do you know where the others are?

 

THE PROGRAMMER

Not yet, I’m working on it. Just give me a few seconds. 

 

BAILEY

We found a piece of the antivirus.

 

THE PROGRAMMER

Excellent! Hold on to it. I’ve located Tyler and Greg. I’m inputting the coordinates into your programming. You two can go where they are when you’re ready.

 

Joel and Bailey look at each other and nod.

 

JOEL

You know, just once, I’d like an easy task. 

 

Joel and Bailey disappear in a flash of light. 

 

END.

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