ROBERT, FELIX, ACE, CHARLES, DEVIN, and LORENZO are sitting on the Indianapolis Primitives’ bullpen bench. HARRY is standing to the side at the snack table, and JASON is standing in front of the bench, facing them.
ACE
Jason, would you mind moving off to the side a bit? We’re trying to watch the game.
JASON
Lorenzo’s trying not to laugh. A telltale sign that you’re not actually trying to watch the game.
LORENZO
Hey Jason, remember when you used to be our coach?
JASON
Yes, it was a whole two seasons ago.
LORENZO
And remember when you used to pitch in the bullpen?
JASON
I hardly ever pitched, but yeah I remember when I was on the payroll as a player.
LORENZO
Those were good times.
DEVIN
Whatever, can we address the issue that Harry doesn’t have a grill today?
HARRY
I forgot it.
FELIX
You did not say that in a convincing voice at all. Just admit that you didn’t want to make any hot dogs today.
DEVIN
So Jason, any major changes now that you’re bullpen coach?
JASON
Nope. I’m basically just a babysitter until Manny comes back and does whatever he does.
JASON points at CHARLES.
JASON
One question though: who’s that?
CHARLES
I’m Charles, new bullpen pitcher kinda. I won a contest to join.
JASON
This was the prize? You sure you didn’t lose the contest?
CHARLES
That’s still up for debate.
JASON
Guys, does he have a position yet?
ACE
Nope.
JASON
Alright then. Congratulations Charles, you are now unofficially Assistant Bullpen Captain! You report to Robert and Lorenzo, the bullpen co-captains.
FELIX
What am I?
ROBERT
You can be my intern. Whenever Harry makes me something, you can get it and give it to me.
FELIX
Can’t tell if you’re serious or not but that will never happen.
JASON
Hey Robert, remember that time when we ditched the game to go out for dessert?
ROBERT
Yes! I still laugh about when they gave Garry two dollars off for his senior discount after overcharging him by like 200 bucks.
JASON
Good times…
LORENZO
Huh?
JASON
We’re talking about that game we went out for dessert. They gave us more brownie sundaes than we knew what to do with.
LORENZO
I thought they were blueberries.
JASON
Nope, brownie sundaes.
LORENZO
Jason, with all due respect I’m pretty sure they were blueberries.
JASON
That’s just not true.
LORENZO
It is! Eli ordered like 20 of them but we only got 10, and then they undercharged him.
JASON
None of that ever happened.
ROBERT
Let’s put it up for a vote. Guys, who thinks Lorenzo is remembering things right and who thinks me and Jason are?
FELIX
Usually I’d side against Lorenzo but the guy knows what he’s talking about when it comes to dessert.
ACE
Yeah, his occasional bits of delusion are not showing here. If they were brownie sundaes, Lorenzo would remember.
HARRY
Would you guys feel crept out if I told you—
FELIX
Yeah, probably.
HARRY
I know the answer.
JASON
Harry, you weren’t even with the team that year.
HARRY
No kidding. I was your waiter.
JASON
I knew you looked familiar!
HARRY
No you didn’t. See, I handed you fruit cups but you guys freaked so you got brownie sundaes. You ordered brownie sundaes.
LORENZO
So we all win?
HARRY
It’s not a competition and I made up the part about me being the waiter, but sure!
CHARLES
Who wants a good brownie sundae right about now?
HARRY
Oh, I don’t have the ingredients on me.
CHARLES
I know a place.
LORENZO
Lorenzo’s Kitchen?
CHARLES
Nope. Well, actually, yeah. But I’m talking about a different place. Come on guys, follow me.
Everyone follows CHARLES to a concession stand.
LORENZO
If this place had dessert, I would know.
CHARLES
It’s not on the menu but they make it for you if you ask.
LORENZO
Whoa…
CHARLES orders everyone brownie sundaes and uses HARRY as an excuse to get a senior discount.
CHARLES
You’re welcome everyone.
JASON
You are a great resource. Too bad we can’t have you around in the dugout.
CHARLES
Hey, maybe I’ll win another raffle!
Everyone finishes eating their brownie sundaes.
JASON
We should really get back to the bullpen.
DEVIN
The game’s over.
JASON
Oh. In that case, go home everyone!
Everyone except for JASON leaves. JASON soon realizes the game isn’t actually over but still leaves.