Evergreen Aimee Season 1 Episode 5 - My Big Fat Washingtonian Primary

Evergreen Aimee Season 1, Episode 5
My Big Fat Washingtonian Primary

Aimee is meeting with Denise about the campaign.

Denise: Aimee, I just got some internal polling data. I’m not going to lie here.

Aimee: It’s bad. Of course it’s bad. I’m a Republican from Washington. Lay it on me!

Denise: You’re in third.

Aimee: Third! Oh, lovely! What an incredible way to end my political career. I am so thrilled that Gerry and Victor talked me into this.

Denise: It’s not over yet, Aimee. You’re only two points behind the second-place candidate.

Aimee: Who else is even running?

Denise: See, that may be part of your problem here. You don’t appear invested in this race.

Aimee: I’m very busy here in DC.

Denise: I get that, but you can do some virtual appearances in local media, get your name out there. You’re a big name in your corner of the state but most of the state isn’t that familiar with you. You’re a political rock star, I’ve never seen someone as electric as you on the campaign trail. Use that, because you currently aren’t. We have three weeks to get into second place or this all ends now. It’s been lovely knowing you and I don’t want it ending now!

Aimee: So, who else is running?

Denise: So in first is Lieutenant Governor Evan Jankler at 27%.

Aimee: Lightweight.

Denise: His gaffes are potentially the reason that we got bumped into second. He’s well-known but he sticks his foot in his mouth all the time and the Dems are looking for a backup plan. That’s where state senator Patricia Hernandez comes in. She’s at 23% in the latest poll. She’s more liberal than Jankler, more polished, but her name ID is lower.

Aimee: I’ve never heard of her.

Denise: I’d say that’s a problem for you.

Aimee: I mean it isn’t great.

Denise: I’m launching attack ads specifically against her and I’m pulling our anti-Jankler ads. Our path to the general election is formed through knocking her out of the top two, not Jankler.

Aimee: What am I even polling at? 21%? That’s abysmal!

Denise: State representative Lyle Mackley is running to your right. He’s been unsuccessful in ever pulling ahead of you in polling, but he’s managing to hold you back. He’s saying you’re a liberal corporatist who doesn’t stand up for Republican values.

Aimee: Is it bad now that I don’t believe there’s a secret government pedophile ring that’s run out of a pizza parlor? 

Denise: According to 16% of Washington, yes.

Lynette, Carolyn and Alec walk in.

Lynette: What are you talking about?

Aimee: None of your business, Lynette.

Carolyn: Did you see the poll? We are so sorry.

Aimee: How do you know about the poll?

Alec: FiveThirtyEight is already declaring that your political career is over.

Aimee: Last I checked, I’m still in Congress and no one from FiveThirtyEight is. So take that.

Denise: I think I’m gonna go, Aimee.

Aimee: We weren’t done talking about which irrelevant people I’m barely ahead of in the polls!

Denise: They’re just that, irrelevant. Don’t worry about them. I have to get back to Washington and get to work on the campaign. It’s hard to do anything on the other end of the country. My flight leaves at noon so I better hurry.

Aimee: Safe travels, Denise. Call me with any updates. Start planning some in-person campaign events beginning on Saturday, I’m gonna get to it. I can miss some votes here.

Carolyn: You can?

Denise: Will do!

Denise leaves.

Lynette: She’s wacky. She’s already in Washington.

Carolyn: Honey…

Aimee: Lynette, I live in Washington. The state. I’m running for Senate there.

Lynette: We should change the name of one of them, it’s confusing.

Alec: Our conference chair, ladies and gentlemen!

Lynette: I’m not stupid!

Alec: No one said that. You’re just a bit flighty! We all have our moments.

Aimee: I need some advice. I couldn’t say it in front of Denise for a few reasons.

Carolyn: We’r always here to help.

Alec: Well… not always. We bring our own problems to her far too often.

Carolyn: You aren’t wrong. Right, Lynette.

Lynette: I am never a problem.

Carolyn: You’re funny.

Aimee: So, as you all know, I have no interest in actually being a US Senator.

Lynette: Whaaaaat?

Alec: You see, if Carolyn reacted the way Lynette did I’d know she was being facetious but I think Lynette is genuinely surpriesed.

Lynette: Remember that I can kick you off the Homeland Security Committee if I want. You want to be on Agriculture?

Alec: What? God no.

Lynette: No one does! No one wants to spend their day talking about cucumbers!

Aimee: Anyway! I don’t want to be in the Senate, but I want to make it to the general! What am I supposed to do?

Lynette: Campaign? That feels like a good start.

Carolyn: I bet she never thought of that!

Aimee: How much campaigning am I supposed to be doing? I’m pregnant, I have a job across the country, what’s the proper amount of campaigning to be doing?

Carolyn: Didn’t you ask Denise this?

Aimee: Yes, but she thinks I really want to win. I don’t.

Carolyn: Yeah, we’re clear on that.

Aimee: Should I really go campaigning across Washington just to get into the general? Or should I just run some ads and hope that works?

Lynette: Can I tell you a story?

Alec: Oh god.

Lynette: I’m telling it now. Okay, it’s 1976. My father -

Alec: Rick Chaffee

Lynette: My father Rick Chaffee is running for House. Suddenly, he collapses to the ground. Appendicitis.

Aimee: Is there a long version of this story?

Lynette: Dad’s immediately taken in for surgery. Mom leaves her Tupperware party that she’s hosting and heads to the campaign event that dad was hosting. That was the first of many campaign stops that my mom did on dad’s behalf in the weeks that he was in recovery. It helped get him elected!

Aimee: That helps me in no way.

Lynette: I’m saying that campaigning in person is what matters! Just take a few weeks and do it, we can go without you here for a little while. Do whatever Denise asks you to.

Carolyn: I agree with Lynette. Could’ve done without the story that was longer than a novel, but I agree.

Alec: It horrifies me to say that I agree with her also.

Aimee: But I don’t want to go to Yakima!

Alec: No one does.

Lynette: What is Yakima?

Carolyn: Aimee, I’m gonna say to you what I say to my kids when they cry about eating vegetables: suck it up and do it anyway!

Aimee: I guess you’re right. I’m gonna actually try to make my political career end in a way that’s only somewhat embarrassing instead of unbelievably embarrassing.

Carolyn: That’s the spirit!

Three weeks later in Washington, on the eve of the primary…

Victoria: Aimee, are you coming? They’re all waiting in the bus for you.

Aimee: I don’t wanna do this another day. I’m pregnant! I’m tired!

Victoria: I’m getting your mother.

Kimmy: Ooh, what did she do now?

Victoria: She doesn’t want to come with us.

Dave: We’re going to the suburbs of King County. That’ll be great turf for you, Aimee. Moderates love you! Suburban moderates even more so!

Aimee: Why is my husband speaking to me like he’s my campaign manager? And better yet, where is Denise?

Kimmy: I don’t like the suburbs. You see, I had a bad experience in the suburbs when I went to my friend’s house and almost got hit by a car. I like being here where no one else lives.

Cherie: You what?

Kimmy: Also, I never told mom because I knew she’d get worried!

Ernesto: She told me though!

Cherie: You kept that from me?

Ernesto: My little girl told me not to bring it up, I couldn’t break her trust!

Denise: Aimee, let’s go! We gotta get this bus back to the rental place by eight!

Aimee: Really?

Denise: No, we’re not that broke.

Kimmy: I can’t believe I’m campaigning for a Republican.

Cherie: I knew this day would come. I’m so proud of you.

Kimmy: To be clear here, because some people aren’t capable of listening: I’m voting for Aimee in the primary because I don’t want my sister to be super embarrassed. I’m voting for the Democratic nominee because I still have principles.

Aimee: No one cares, Kimmy.

Kimmy: Someone’s grumpy today! She’s gonna win over tons of voters like this.

Victoria: Cherie, how did you raise such a lovely girl?

Kimmy: She just got lucky.

Ernesto: Are we going or not? It’s a long drive ahead of us.

Aimee: Yes, let’s go! I can think of nothing better than a three-hour drive to Sammamish with my family!

Denise: And Denise!

Cherie: I can’t believe the primary is tomorrow! We’ve worked so hard in the past few weeks. I’ve gotten to spend so much quality time with you, it’s so nice. I don’t get it very often!

Aimee: Sometimes you act like I never come home. I see you every weekend.

Kimmy: We know.

Cherie: All I’m pointing out is that it’s nice to have spent uninterrupted time with you. I don’t have  to worry about you going back in two days.

Aimee: Trust me, mom. I like being back just as much as you like me being back. There’s a reason I’m retiring.

Kimmy: Actually, you’re running for the US Senate.

Aimee: We all know how this is going to end.

Denise: Keep the faith, Aimee!

Dave: She can’t keep the faith if she never had it! I keep telling her that she has a chance but she tells me not to get my hopes up.

Aimee: It’s such a long-shot, it isn’t even worth considering that I could win. This is just me trying to retire in style.

Aimee’s phone rings.

Aimee: You guys are gonna kill me, but I need to take this in private. We can leave in five minutes.

Ernesto: I’m watching the clock!

Aimee walks into the house.

Aimee: What is it, Lynette?

Victor: Victor here!

Aimee: Why is it that whenever I call someone, someone else picks up for them, and whenever I get a call, it’s someone calling from someone else’s phone? I’m so confused all the time.

Lynette: Now you know how it feels to be confused!

Aimee: Oh, good. You’re here too.

Victor: Aimee, how’s the campaigning going?

Aimee: Denise says that I’m up five points from where I was a few weeks ago, I should be able to get to the general. How is… whatever it is you do going?

Victor: That’s actually what we’re calling about.

Lynette: You see -

Victor: Tomorrow we’re voting on a bill crucial to President Delphy’s agenda.

Aimee: The Dems have the House and the Senate, don’t put it up for the vote, it’ll kill the bill and any momentum for it.

Victor: That’s the thing…

Lynette: Remember this is really important to the President!

Aimee: What is it? What do you want from me?

Victor: We need you to come back to DC today.

Aimee: What? It’s six in the morning now, I won’t get in until six PM and that’s if I get to the airport immediately.

Victor: Did you hear where Lynette said it was important?

Aimee: Yes, I heard that. You know what’s important for me? Campaigning. This bill will be defeated, I’m hoping to not lose the primary tomorrow.

Victor: We have the votes. We swayed three Democrats, we can not get any others. We need you.

Lynette: He’s not lying, Aimee. 

Aimee: What bill is so important that I need to upend my plans to vote for it?

Victor: It’s the tax relief bill.

Aimee: Okay, you guys are in a crisis and I’m on my way.

Victor: Thank you, you’re a lifesaver, like always.

Aimee: Why does the vote have to be today, though? Can’t it be, like, Friday?

Victor: Nanette controls when we vote, you know that.

Aimee: It was worth a try! See you in about twelve hours.

Lynette: Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

Aimee: Shut up, Lynette.

Aimee hangs up and walks back over to the family.

Aimee: Some news.

Cherie: Don’t even say it.

Dave: Say it, Aimee. This is a safe place for everyone.

Victoria: David, I’ve been rubbing off on you.

Kimmy: Don’t take all the credit, Aunt Victoria. I’d like to think Im at least party responsible for making him a liberal.

Dave: I’m not a liberal.

Kimmy: You will be when we’re done with you.

Aimee: May I speak?

Ernesto: You can always feel free to talk over them, no one would mind.

Aimee: I have to go back to DC.

Cherie: I knew it!

Aimee: There’s a bill that’s being voted on today and I’m the swing vote. I need to get there so I can support it.

Victoria: Are you sure you don’t want to stay here and campaign?

Aimee: I know why you’re saying that. You know what bill it is.

Victoria: I don’t know what you’re speaking of.

Cherie: What about the campaign, dear? It’s so important to get out there and show people why you’e the right choice. You were gonna do TV interviews and everything today.

Denise: Don’t worry about any of it, your job’s more important. This whole campaign is so you can get a different job in the government, let’s not neglect your current one. Don’t feel any guilt or worry. We’ll campaign for you.

Aimee: So I can’t campaign, but Kimmy will do it for me. No reason to be stressed about that!

Kimmy: You’re right, there isn’t any reason for it. I’m great at vote canvassing. I do it all the time for -

Cherie: Don’t even say it out loud, Kimberly.

Kimmy: The progressive candidates I support.

Ernesto: Calm down, Cherie. Everyone has the right to their own opinion.

Cherie: What did we do wrong?

Kimmy: You say that every week!

Cherie: Because I need to know!

Aimee: Okay, guys. I’m heading to Portland so I can get back to DC. Good luck, and thank you for all your work!

Three hours later, in Sammamish…

Denise: Okay, guys. We have a rally today in about three hours with Washington Secretary of State Kathryn Wineford. Until then, let’s knock on as many doors as we can to raise awareness. Leave no door un-knocked.

Ernesto: Is that a word?

Cherie: Don’t be rude, Ernesto.

Dave: Yeah. So she said something that’s not proper English. I hear you say things that don’t make any sense all the time!

Ernesto: I was only asking! sorry!

Cherie: Just don’t do it again.

Denise: It isn’t that serious, don’t worry.

Kimmy: Are we splitting up for this?

Denise: I think that would be most efficient. Groups of two?

Kimmy: I’ll go with Aunt Victoria!

Cherie: No way! I can’t even imagine what the two of you would go around telling voters.

Victoria: Cherie, you don’t trust your dear old sister?

Cherie: Not even slightly.

Kimmy: You don’t trust your beloved daughter?

Cherie: I trust Aimee.

Kimmy: Woooooow.

Cherie: I trust you, too! It’s just that Tori is such a bad influence. She’ll make you campaign for the liberals, I know it.

Victoria: I love Aimee, I’d never try to sabotage her. She’s a good public servant! Also, no one’s called me Tori in thirty years.

Cherie: I don’t buy that a flaming radical like you could possibly change her tune and campaign for a Republican all of the sudden.

Ernesto: Cherie, enough. Your sister’s been nothing but helpful for three weeks.

Cherie: Stay out of my business, Ernesto.

Ernesto: Will do.

Victoria: It’s true that I’m no Republican, but I’m only here to be helpful. Now, let’s stop wasting time.

Cherie: You and me are canvassing together.

Kimmy: Mom!

Cherie: You can go with Dave.

Kimmy: Dave! I don’t want to fall asleep!

Dave: You warm the heart, Kimmy.

Cherie: Kimberly…

Kimmy: Fine, I’ll canvass with Dave. Just this one time.

Dave: We’re gonna have so much fun!

Denise: I guess I’m going with Ernesto! Great, he’s the funny one!

Kimmy: The funny one? Let’s get this straight, I am the funny one.

Ernesto: Whatever you say.

Victoria: I thought I was the funny one?

Cherie: People always tell me I terrify them, I knew I wasn’t the funny one.

Kimmy: At least we can all agree that Dave is not the funny one.

Cherie: Oh my god, yes.

Ernesto: 100% agreed.

Victoria: You’re a sweetheart, Dave, but you’re as funny as a root canal.

Denise: You’re married to my boss, I’m not going to say anything.

Dave: Oh, come on!

Two hours later…

Dave: We should probably start heading towards the park, Kim.

Kimmy: The park isn’t an hour away.

Dave: You don't know where the park is.

Kimmy: I know about where it is.

Dave: You know where the bus is parked. That isn’t where the park is.

Kimmy: Well that’s just stupid. Why did we park ther?

Dave: Can we just go back?

Kimmy: This is fun! I want to keep talking to voters. It’s nice to meet so many elderly Republicans that I don’t want to scream at for a change.

Dave: You make me feel like I’m your father sometimes.

Kimmy: You wish you were my father.

Dave: What does that even mean?

Kimmy: That I am amazing to spend time with and you wish you could spend every waking second with me! Speaking of you being a dad, how is Aimee doing with the pregnancy? She never talks about it with us so I’m curious if everything’s okay. I wasn’t a huge fan of being a fifteen year-old aunt, but being a twenty-one year-old aunt is pretty cool and I can’t wait for the little one!

Dave: EJ made you an aunt when you were like six.

Kimmy: Yeah, but I don’t see EJ or his kids like I see Aimee. So I didn’t mind it.

Dave: That actually does make sense. The pregnancy’s going great this time, Aimee’s handling it like a champ.

Kimmy: Great to hear. Almost as great to hear as you allowing me to go knock on some more doors!

Dave: Okay, a few more houses and then we’re going back.

Kimmy: Thank you, Dave. You are the funniest one in the family after all!

Dave: You already got what you want, you don’t need to butter me up any more.

Kimmy: Okay, because that was a lie.

Dave: I know.

Kimmy runs up to a house and knocks on the door. The owner, Sophia, opens the door.

Sophia: What’s this all about?

Kimmy: Hi, I’m Kimmy, I’m campaigning on behalf of Aimee Ferrera Donahue. She’s running for Senate here in Washington and the primary is tomorrow.

Sophia: I’m going to save you the trouble, I don’t take too kindly to Republicans coming up to my house and I certainly will not vote to put one in the Senate. Okay? You guys believe in everything I’m against. And that Aimee is a coward like no other. She never listens to her constituents and she rubber stamps every far-right Republican plan even while she calls herself a moderate. Her whole persona is a joke and I’m going inside.

Kimmy: Ma’am, I’m not going to allow you to take about my sister like that. I am a Democrat, a proud Democrat. Honestly, I probably agree with you on about ninety-five percent of the issues. Here’s one I know we disagree on: my sister is the hardest worker I’ve ever met, she’s got more courage in her pinky than you have in your entire body, though your rant was quite something She stands up for what she believes in. I rarely agree with what she bellies in but she’s not owned by corporations or by her party leaders, her ideas are what guide her. So vote for her or not, I don’t care. Don’t slander her character.

Dave: Yeah, don’t say that about my wife!

Kimmy: What he said. Don’t talk about the character of a person you clearly know nothing about. How can you claim to be morally superior to her when you act like she’s a monster for disagreeing with you and you keep up that “us vs. them” mentality and say she’s lacking courage despite clearly not knowing anything about what my sister’s gotten done in her time in Congress. Have a good day, and vote for who you want. I don’t care.

Dave: I hope we can count on your vote!

Dave and Kimmy walk away.

Dave: Wow, Kimmy! I didn’t know you felt like that!

Kimmy: I feel like a centrist, it’s horrifying!

Dave: No, it isn’t! it’s wonderful!

Kimmy: Don’t tell mom.

Dave: I’m telling your mom.

Kimmy: You are useless.

That night, Aimee calls Denise…

Denise: So, how’d the vote go?

Aimee: It failed. I came out here to vote for it and it failed. A Republican flipped. I tried to blackmail Margo into voting with us but she said no because she “has principles.” Gross. How was your day? How was the rally?

Denise: It was a huge hit, Aimee! Kimmy spoke and gave the most impassioned plea to get out and vote for you, I couldn’t believe it.

Aimee: Kimmy? My Kimmy?

Denise: Yes, that one! Dave said she went off on a person today who insulted you when they were canvassing. I think she really wants you to win.

Aimee: Wow, what is going on with my Kimmy?

Denise: She loves her sister.

Nanette: What are you talking about, Congresswoman Ferrera Donahue?

Aimee: Madam Speaker, not a good time. I’m tired and cranky because I have to fly back to Washington tomorrow after flying to DC today thanks to you forcing a vote for something that failed anyway. Goodbye.

Nanette: I was just trying to check in on you, I know the traveling’s a lot with your pregnancy. 

Aimee: Let me talk in peace, please.

Nanette: Good luck on your primary tomorrow.

Aimee: Thank you.

Denise: What was that about?

Aimee: Lunacy. Now, I gotta get to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow. Big day!

Denise: Big day indeed. See you then!

The next night, at Ernesto and Cherie’s…

Cherie: Honey, I’m so nervous for you. I know you can win and I know we worked hard but it’s scary.

Aimee: No need to be scared. Not when we have the newest Young Republican over here.

Kimmy: Don’t ever use that word to describe me.

Aimee: I heard what you said in that speech.

Kimmy: Dave, how dare you.

Dave: It wasn’t me!

Denise: It was me. I was so moved by your sisterly bond.

Aimee: Shh, results are coming!

Victoria: Thank heavens, it’s almost 9:30 and we haven’t gotten anything.

Ernesto: Cherie needs to hear any results from Ken Corbin’s mouth for it to be true!

Ken: Hello ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this episode of Big Brother to deliver -

Kimmy: Damn, I wanted to see who won HOH!

Ken: the results of the 2022 Washington Senate primary. It’s a hotly-watched race featuring top Democratic candidates lieutenant governor Evan Jankler and state senator Patricia Hernandez and leading Republican candidate Representative Aimee Ferrera Donahue. Washington State reported issues with vote tabulation -

Cherie: Are you fu-

Ken: That is resulting in a massive vote dump right this minute. We are at 50% of the vote in and thus we can make a projection from the top because this is not close.

Aimee: Hold your breath, everybody. This is about to be over.

Denise: It could be just beginning!

Aimee: Don’t give them hope.

Ken: Advancing to the general election are Evan Jankler for the Democrats and Aimee Ferrera Donahue for the Republicans.

Cherie: You did it!

Kimmy: I think I did it!

Aimee: I agree! We all did it. Now we keep fighting, because I’m not about to lose this by twenty points.

Denise: You can win! Not likely, but you can!

Aimee: Don’t be insane, Denise.

What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!

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