Aimee is at Ernesto and Cherie’s for dinner.
Aimee: This is really good, mom. What is it, quail?
Kimmy: Don’t say that word.
Cherie: I still have yet to eat quail because the last time I got one to eat -
Aimee: The one that was for lunch?
Cherie: Yes, that one. Well, I forgot it in the oven because your aunt called me.
Victoria: Don’t blame me for your mistake!
Cherie: Anyway, it was a charred and inedible disaster and I couldn’t eat it.
Ernesto: I ate it. I shouldn’t have, but I did.
Cherie: I didn’t force him to, either. He just didn’t want it to go to waste.
Aimee: What are we actually eating then?
Cherie: It’s turkey.
Dave: Turkey for me, turkey for you.
Victoria: David, stop it. Don’t embarrass yourself.
Cherie: I just love our family dinners.
Aimee: It’s better than spending the weekend in DC, that’s for sure!
Kimmy: What she just said there is that she does not enjoy this at all, but she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Aimee: I did not say that!
Ernesto: Of course you didn’t, you love seeing your dear old dad.
Aimee: I sure do! I especially enjoy it in comparison to the cheap dinners I have in the house cafeteria four times a week because I can only afford to eat out once a week and I don’t have time to cook anything good.
Kimmy: Once again it sounds like she’s saying that being with us is only good compared to the absolute rock bottom back in DC.
Cherie: Either way, she likes being here with us!
Kimmy: Sure.
Aimee: I can’t wait until I can have home-cooked meals every week and see my family.
Ernesto: I’m actually surprised you lasted this long in the House. You didn’t even want to leave home to go to college.
Cherie: That reminds me of someone…
Kimmy: I will go to college when I’m ready. Why is this hard for people to grasp?
Cherie: You’re old enough to drink and you’ve given no sign of wanting to go to school. I don’t think it’s happening. I think I’ll die before you go to college.
Kimmy: It’s not my fault you waited to have me until you were extremely old.
Victoria: Cherie, did you never tell Kimmy she’s adopted? I figured she knew based on, you know, but did you not tell her?
Kimmy: I know I’m adopted!
Cherie: You should be lucky we adopted you because no one else would put up with your sh-
There’s a knock at the door.
Dave: Saved by the knock!
Ernest: It’s seven o’clock. Who could that even be?
Cherie: Honey, get the gun!
Denise (through the door): Hi, Aimee! I have something to ask you!
Aimee: It’s just Denise, dad. Please don’t shoot her.
Ernesto: I wasn’t planning on it but I won’t.
Cherie: What is Denise doing here? I don’t have enough food for nine people.
Kimmy: Yeah, not enough quail for her.
Denise: I don’t need to eat, I just need to talk! Please open the door.
Ernesto: I’m coming!
Ernesto opens the door.
Denise: Thank you, Ernesto. I called Aimee’s cell like five times but she never answered.
Kimmy: That sounds like Aimee.
Aimee: You be quiet!
Kimmy: You first!
Aimee: You should’ve just done a Say Anything. Stand outside the window with a boombox playing Peter Gabriel until I noticed you.
Denise: That does sound much more sane than simply knocking on a door.
Kimmy: Aimee, you okay? Is Dave not being romantic enough?
Dave: If she needs me to “Say Anything” her, she can just ask.
Aimee: It was a joke, oh my god. I’m five months pregnant, romance is not the first thing on my mind. Getting this thing you put in me out of me is my top priority.
Victoria: You’re a bit moody today, Aimee. You feeling all right?
Aimee: I have heartburn, I’m gassy, I-
Kimmy: TMI, Aimee.
Ernesto: Aimee, are you going to ask Denise why she’s here? You’re being a bit rude.
Cherie: Don’t say that to our daughter.
Ernesto: I’m being honest.
Cherie: Brutal honesty is my thing. That and being somewhat bitchy to everyone.
Victoria: That’s true.
Aimee: So, Denise. Why did you decide to come over here on one of your only days off to talk to me on one of my only days off?
Denise: I finally got some voter breakdowns from the primary.
Aimee: It took five days to get that?
Denise: Yes, it was a real hassle. I told you about it on the phone on Wednesday but I guess the euphoria of the primary win made you forget.
Kimmy: Euphoria? I love that show!
Cherie: You aren’t allowed to watch that show!
Kimmy: I’m an adult, mom!
Ernesto: Your mother just isn’t ready to accept that, give her time!
Aimee: It wasn’t so much the euphoria of winning a primary for a general election I’ll lose, it was more the exhaustion of traveling cross-country twice within the span of twenty-four hours.
Dave: You should’ve just stayed here instead of going back to DC. So you miss a few votes, the important ones were already done earlier in the week.
Kimmy: And they failed. Ha!
Ernesto: Kimberly…
Cherie: Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.
Kimmy: Where’d you get that from, Ronald Reagan? Margaret Thatcher? Donald Trump?
Cherie: Donald Trump? The Atlantic City guy?
Denise: Aimee, there were some problem areas that stood out in the exit data.
Aimee: Oh, right. That’s why you’re here.
Denise: Is the pregnancy making you forgetful or…?
Aimee: What did you just ask me?
Denise: I didn’t mean to offend you. I apologize.
Aimee: No, I genuinely forgot.
Denise: Is this a bit?
Aimee: Of course it is! I’m not that forgetful. I’m not Aunt Victoria.
Victoria: My memory isn’t that bad. I don’t think?
Aimee: What are the problem areas? And are they so bad that they required a special trip to highlight them?
Denise: It’s not good, Aimee. As a hispanic woman who has highlighted her culture on the campaign trail, you did a lot worse with hispanic voters than you were expected to.
Aimee: How bad could I have done?
Denise: So you got 26% of the overall primary vote. You only won 17% of the hispanic vote. Patricia Hernandez was the only other hispanic candidate and she got 44% of the vote. She didn’t advance to the general.
Aimee: So… your point is?
Denise: We can not win with 16% of the hispanic vote! Not when that’s kinda your base.
Cherie: Don’t put her in a box!
Ernesto: Yeah, she appeals to everyone!
Kimmy: Yes, like the casually racist middle-aged moms at Whole Foods who like to say they aren’t racist because they voted for “the Spanish lady.” They love Aimee!
Aimee: You’re right, that’s more my base than anything.
Dave: What else worries you, Denise? Unlike them, I actually want her to win!
Denise: Men don’t like you, Aimee.
Aimee: That’s been a theme my whole life.
Dave: I like her!
Kimmy: I’d hope so.
Ernesto: I also like her!
Kimmy: I would really hope so.
Victoria: I like her.
Cherie: You aren’t a man!
Victoria: I thought we were doing a Spartacus thing. Sorry.
Denise: Aimee, you got 13% of the male vote. Again, you got 26% of the vote overall. That’s not really ideal. You need to appeal to men.
Victoria: How does she do that?
Aimee: Yeah, how?
Denise: There’s someone who I think can help. He’s a state legislator, a baseball player and a small business owner. He has a big following on social media. He’s latino, so he appeals to that demographic, and male voters like him a lot because he’s a sports figure and he runs a bar and they love that. If you can get him on your side and get him to cut an ad for you, that could be big.
Aimee: Who is this person? And how can I speak to him about an endorsement?
Denise: His name’s Lorenzo.
Aimee: Lorenzo what?
Denise: Just Lorenzo. Nobody really knows what his last name is.
Aimee: That’s… okay.
Kimmy: Is he a Republican?
Denise: No one really knows that either. But he has agreed to meet.
Aimee: Okay, let’s do that. When can we meet him?
Denise: Monday.
Aimee: Oh, wow. I have to be at work on Monday.
Denise: They won’t mind you skipping one day.
Aimee: They really won’t. They probably won’t notice.
Denise: I should probably tell you one more thing…
Aimee: What else could it be?
Denise: He’s from Indiana. We have to go to Indiana.
Aimee: You know what? Why not.
Cherie: You’re going to Indiana? You’re not running for President. You’re running for Senate in Washington state!
Kimmy: Yeah, you could save yourself the trouble and just let me help you out.
Aimee: Kimmy, how are you, a liberal asian woman, going to help me reach out to hispanic voters and men who are willing to vote for someone that’s right-of-center?
Kimmy: It was a thought.
Aimee: I’m going to Indiana!
Victoria: I’m coming with!
Aimee: Why?
Victoria: It’s a nice stop on the way back to DC. You’re going back on Tuesday, right?
Aimee: I sure am.
Kimmy: I’m gonna go with, too.
Cherie: No you are not!
Kimmy: What if this Lorenzo guy needs some left-wing convincing to endorse Aimee? I’ll help!
Aimee: Aren’t you voting for Jankler?
Kimmy: I am firmly a swing voter. Jankler gives me the creeps.
Victoria: That’s so heartwarming.
Cherie: She’s considering voting for a creep over her sister.
Victoria: Her Republican sister. This is a big step for her!
Kimmy: I’ve also never visited Indiana so this is a new experience for me. I’m excited!
Dave: Honey, I love you but I’m not going to Indiana.
Aimee: Didn’t expect you to.
Dave: I’m glad we understand each other so well.
Denise: I’m gonna leave you guys alone for now to enjoy your dinner. See you on Monday, ladies!
Cherie: Not me, I’m not leaving this state. Not for Indiana!
Aimee: No one expected you to!
Cherie: Good, ‘cause I’m not!
Dave: I think we understand.
Ernesto: She likes to make herself heard.
Dave: I’ve noticed.
Monday afternoon, at the Indianapolis airport…
Denise: I’m gonna go get the rental car, ladies. You just wait out front for me, I’ll be right around.
Aimee: Don’t you think I can walk to the rental car?
Denise: You’re pregnant, we don’t need you walking all that way. Sit, take a load off.
Aimee: Don’t have to tell me twice.
Kimmy: I can use a rest, too. I’m tired.
Victoria: You kids are way younger than me and you act like a couple of old ladies! Maybe if you didn’t pack enough for a month when it’s a day-long trip, you wouldn’t be so exhausted. You need to learn to pack light! I always had to when I went on my road trips. Kimmy, you don’t need a bag of scarves.
Aimee: You’re joking, right? I’ve never seen someone who packs more.
Victoria: Of course I’m joking, I was imitating your mother. You can never pack too much! You never know what you’ll need.
Kimmy: You sounded just like her.
Aimee: I think I’m gonna call Lynette and tell her I’m going to miss work today. They’re expecting me… three hours ago.
Kimmy: I was gonna play a game based on which cars drive by, but I guess Aunt Victoria and I can do it instead.
Aimee: You do that.
Aimee calls Lynette.
Lynette: Aimee! What’s up? I’m at lunch with Victor and Carolyn!
Victor: Hey Aimee!
Carolyn: Where are you? You weren’t on the plane and you’re not here. I tried calling but you didn’t answer, I’ve been so worried! Alec isn’t here either but at least he told me he’d be missing because he had a physical today.
Aimee: I’m sorry, I’m in Indianapolis.
Lynette: You’re in Indianapolis? What’s in Indianapolis?
Victor: Democrats who stole the 5th district from us.
Aimee: I’m meeting with someone who can hopefully boost my campaign. I’ll be in tomorrow.
Victor: Nothing’s happening anyway, Peretti’s being a pain in the ass. Enjoy Indiana.
Lynette: What he said. Have a nice day, Aimee.
Aimee: Thanks, bye!
Carolyn: Bye Aimee! Never do this to me again, I was terrified!
Aimee: I won’t. Bye, Carolyn.
Aimee hangs up as Denise pulls up.
Denise: Get in, girls! It’s time to go to Lorenzo’s Kitchen!
Aimee: I thought we were going to his bar!
Denise: We are, that’s what his bar is called.
Aimee: It sounds like we’re going to his house for tea and crumpets.
Denise: I promise you, we are not.
Thirty minutes later, the group arrives at Lorenzo’s Kitchen.
Lorenzo: Hello, everyone! Welcome to Lorenzo’s Kitchen by SugarCity! I’m Lorenzo.
Aimee: I figured.
Denise: I’m Denise Liletz, we spoke on the phone last night.
Lorenzo: I knew it! And you must be Jaime Her-
Aimee: Congresswoman Aimee Ferrera Donahue, Washington’s 3rd District.
Lorenzo: Sorry, I forget names sometimes.
Aimee: Happens to the best of us!
Kimmy: This place is a bar? What’s with all the candy?
Victoria: Perhaps it’s a play on words? Like a candy bar?
Lorenzo: We serve alcohol and candy, it’s a long story but I can tell you all about it if you wish.
Aimee: I’m sorry these two are so rude. This is my sister Kimmy and my aunt Victoria.
Lorenzo: Kammy and Voctoria?
Aimee: No, Kim-
Lorenzo: Just messing with you!
Aimee: Funny.
Lorenzo: Thank you!
Kimmy: Where is everybody? I haven’t been to many bars -
Aimee: Many?
Kimmy: - but this place doesn’t exactly seem like Cheers. Why’s it so quiet?
Lorenzo: We aren’t open yet. It’s only eleven in the morning, I just came in early to talk to your sister.
Denise: And we’re very happy about that. And grateful!
Lorenzo: My employees aren’t here either, that’s why it’s so empty.
Aimee: Again, you can just ignore those two. I’m not really sure why they’re with. I think Kimmy just wanted proof that red states actually exist.
Lorenzo: Red state?
Aimee: A state that votes Republican.
Lorenzo: I don’t think of Indiana that way.
Aimee: Most people don’t but Kimmy judges every state on how they vote. Suddenly she dislikes Georgia again after loving it the past four years.
Lorenzo: I like to judge states on the character of the people that live there.
Kimmy: I think voting for people who want to strip rights from women and gay folks says something about their character, wouldn’t you?
Aimee: Kimmy, can you not?
Kimmy: Can I not what?
Aimee: Be like that.
Kimmy: I’ll go eat a chocolate bar in the corner if that’s what you want.
Victoria: How much are they?
Lorenzo: On the house.
Victoria: Please limit it to one, she will eat many.
Lorenzo: Let her go crazy.
Kimmy: You are a saint.
Aimee: I think we should talk about the endorsement.
Lorenzo: Do you want a beer first?
Aimee: I’m a little…
Lorenzo: A little what?
Aimee: I’m pregnant. I can’t drink beer.
Lorenzo: Oh, I’m sorry. Would you like some cotton candy instead?
Aimee: To drink?
Lorenzo: No, to eat! I’d really appreciate it if you tried some!
Aimee: Then I’ll try some.
Lorenzo: What flavor? I have strawberry, green apple, blue ras-
Aimee: Blue raspberry is fine.
Denise: I’ll take green apple if it isn’t any trouble.
Lorenzo: No trouble at all!
Lorenzo walks away to get Aimee and Denise their cotton candy.
Aimee: Are we ever going to get to talking about an endorsement? He just seems interested in giving us free food and drinks.
Denise: It’s just his process. He wants us to feel comfortable, I think it’s sweet.
Aimee: I feel uncomfortable. My sister is over there acting like she’s six years old eating every chocolate bar in the place and he’s still getting us more food. Is he fattening us up to eat us like the witch from Hansel and Gretel?
Denise: Aimee…
Aimee: It’s a serious possibility! People are strange!
Denise: Aimee…
Lorenzo: Here ya go! A blue raspberry and a green apple for my new friends!
Victoria: I would be interested in some cotton candy as well.
Lorenzo: I brought some just in case you asked!
Aimee: So, uh, Lorenzo…
Lorenzo: Yes, Ja- Aimee?
Aimee: Do you want to talk about the campaign? Hear my values? My stances on the issues?
Lorenzo: Do you watch Bake Your Heart Out?
Aimee: The baking show?
Lorenzo: With Sam and Diane and Frances and Charlotte and Garry.
Aimee: Yes, I watch it.
Lorenzo: Good, who doesn’t?
Aimee: I was once so obsessed with it that I baked a cake for my colleagues. It didn’t look pretty but it was Frances’s recipe so it was good!
Lorenzo: So, who’s your favorite winner?
Victoria: What are they talking about?
Denise: Bake Your Heart Out.
Victoria: I love Bake Your Heart Out!
Aimee: Martha was my favorite winner.
Victoria: No, Pam was the best!
Lorenzo: They’re all special in their own ways. I can’t pick which one is my favorite.
Aimee: Is there a way that Bake Your Heart Out ties into my campaign?
Lorenzo: I’m just making small talk. Speaking of which, you wanna come tend bar with me?
Aimee: For who?
Kimmy: Come on, Aimee, live your Diane Chambers fantasy!
Victoria: Diane was the waitress, not the bartender.
Kimmy: She tended bar when she needed to!
Aimee: I’ll tend bar with you, Lorenzo. I think my aunt Victoria could use a drink.
Victoria: Sure could!
Lorenzo: Then it’s time to get her one! What’ll it be, Victoria?
Victoria: You got any beer?
Lorenzo: We’re a bar.
Victoria: I’ll take a Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Lorenzo: We don’t have Pabst.
Victoria: I’ll take whatever you’ve got.
Aimee: Blue Moon it is!
Lorenzo: Oh, that’s empty.
Aimee: What do you have?
Lorenzo: Heineken.
Victoria: I’ll take that!
Lorenzo: So, Aimee. Just press this button and the beer will come out.
Aimee: Do I not need a glass first?
Lorenzo: That would be beneficial, yes. Here’s a mug, I don’t want to get any of my glasses dirty before we open for business, they’ll get mad at me.
Aimee: So I just press this button?
Lorenzo: Yes, and release it once the mug is filled!
Aimee: I figured, thanks.
Aimee presses the button.
Victoria: Aimee, stop! It’s going to spill!
Aimee: It’s not even halfway filled.
Kimmy: She’s just trying to politely tell you that she doesn’t want to get drunk.
Aimee: Are you enjoying your candy, Kimmy? You’re on what, your fifteenth bar?
Kimmy: I’ve had two. A milk chocolate and a white chocolate.
Lorenzo: White chocolate? I don’t recall ordering any of that.
Kimmy: Well I definitely ate some.
Lorenzo: Maybe a ghost ordered it.
Aimee: You know, Lorenzo.
Lorenzo: Yes, Aimee?
Aimee: I’d really like to talk about the campaign if that’d be okay. That is why I’m here.
Lorenzo: I promise I will but there’s something else I want to do first.
Aimee: “What would that be?,” she asked frightened.
Lorenzo: I’m gonna teach you how to play baseball. Or, at least, I’m going to try.
Aimee: You’re what?
Denise: This would be great to use in the ad, Aimee. Perfect way to appeal to male voters. What’s more American than baseball?
Victoria: Apple pie!
Lorenzo: I have an apple pie chocolate bar!
Kimmy: Is that what I ate?
Aimee: When do you suppose we’ll go play baseball?
Lorenzo: Right now. I’ll lock up and we can drive to the field right down the road.
Aimee: Then we can talk about the campaign?
Lorenzo: I promise.
Aimee: Let’s go then!
Ten minutes later…
Lorenzo: Okay, Aimes!
Aimee: It’s Aimee.
Lorenzo: Yup. So, I’m gonna throw you the ball and you hit it with the bat. That’s basically it.
Aimee: Far too many details there for me to remember.
Lorenzo: I will throw-
Aimee: I was joking.
Lorenzo: Sorry, you sound so serious, I didn’t catch onto the joke.
Aimee: People always say that.
Kimmy: It’s because you’re a bi-
Victoria: Don’t you finish that word. We’re having a nice girls’ trip!
Kimmy: I’m only joking anyway, I love Aimee.
Aimee: Aww.
Kimmy: Even if she is a corporate stooge.
Aimee: Not aww.
Lorenzo: Aimee, you ready?
Aimee: For baseball? Sure.
Denise: Give me a second, I need to film this.
Aimee: That’s right, we’re here to pander. I almost forgot!
Denise: Okay, I’m ready.
Aimee: That was fast.
Denise: I just needed to get my phone out and open the camera app.
Aimee: That’s right, this is a professional campaign.
Denise: We make do with what we have.
Aimee: Throw the ball, Lorenzo.
Lorenzo: Are you sure you’re ready?
Aimee: Yes!
Lorenzo: Sure?
Aimee: Yes!
Lorenzo: Really sure?
Aimee: Are you afraid to throw it or something?
Lorenzo: They don’t let me do this often, maybe I am! I’m usually stuck in the bullpen.
Kimmy: Let me do it!
Kimmy grabs the baseball from Lorenzo and throws it to Aimee, who hits the ball.
Aimee: Do I run the bases now?
Lorenzo: It’s a home run, Aimee! Go!
Aimee: This is kinda fun! I’m glad I took my heels off!
Kimmy: Am I supposed to chase after her or something?
Lorenzo: Just let her go, she hit the ball completely out of the park. It’s probably in Gary by now.
Kimmy: Who’s Gary?
Aimee: So, Lorenzo. We talked about Bake Your Heart Out, I got my aunt drunk -
Victoria: I’m not drunk! I’m just naturally tipsy.
Aimee: I even played baseball with you. Can we talk about the campaign now?
Lorenzo: Yes, you have my full endorsement. Complete, unequivoctal support.
Kimmy: Unequivoctal?
Lorenzo: Is that not how you say it?
Kimmy: Not quite.
Aimee: Kimmy, don’t blow this for me.
Lorenzo: So you want me to shoot some ads? Do some social media stuff for you? I can name a cotton candy after you.
Aimee: Denise can take care of all of that.
Denise: I sure can. I’m gonna stay here in Indiana for a few days and we can film some ads. Aimee’s gonna head to DC.
Lorenzo: Great! I think this is going to be a great partnership.
Victoria: Speaking of which, Lorenzo. I have a proposition.
Aimee: This should be good.
Kimmy: She’s drunk, if she offers to buy your bar, ignore her.
Victoria: I feel bad about eating that candy and drinking that beer and not paying you anything. Would you like to go to dinner tonight? It’s on me.
Lorenzo: You’re a very pretty lady but I don’t think that would be appropriate. You don’t even live in the same state as me.
Victoria: Not a date! I want you to join us for a family dinner at that fancy Italian place I saw in town.
Lorenzo: Oh, I’d love to!
Aimee: I gotta get back to the hotel early, though. Early flight tomorrow.
Lorenzo: Four o’clock work?
Kimmy: Why does everyone I know want to eat dinner before The Kelly Clarkson Show is over?
Victoria: He’s our special guest, he can pick the time!
Lorenzo: I’ll see you at four then! I hope they serve cotton candy!
Aimee: I don’t th- yeah, I hope so, too.
Denise: This is gonna be such fun!
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below, and make sure to return for a new episode next week!
