NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS PRESENTS:
COLLEGE
Season 2 Episode 16
"Starquest II: A Galaxy In Crisis"
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
INT. APARTMENT - MORNING
Andrew wakes up in his room and goes into the kitchen. He begins making a bowl of cereal. As he walks into the living room, he eats his cereal, he stops and looks at the calendar. Circled several times is April 1st. Andrew drops his bowl of cereal.
ANDREW
Edison!
Edison hobbles out of his room, his leg still in a cast. He wields a can of AXE body spray and raises it in a defensive position.
EDISON
What! Is someone breaking in?
ANDREW
It’s April 1st and we’re late!
Andrew grabs clothes from the floor and begins getting dressed.
EDISON
Andrew, it’s way too early for an April fools joke.
Andrew shoves his phone screen in Edison’s face.
ANDREW
This isn’t a joke, Starquest Volume 2 just launched and we’re late. We’ll be lucky to get a good spot in line!
EDISON
Why didn't you say that earlier?!
The pair yell as Andrew continues to get dressed and Edison struggles to put on pants over his cast.
EXT. APARTMENT - MORNING
Paige is looking through her mailbox as Sarah walks up to her.
SARAH
Hey, what are you doing down here so early?
PAIGE
I just went for an early jog, figured I’d check my mail before heading to the library.
SARAH
Oh, well I’m about to head to the boys’ place to make breakfast. You're welcomed to join us if you want some.
PAIGE
You’re cooking breakfast for them?
SARAH
Believe me, I don’t want to. If Megan and I didn’t, those two would be living off cereal, energy drinks, and Milky Ways. Plus, they buy the groceries so it’s free food for me.
PAIGE
Thanks but I think I’ll just stick to the library. Edison and Andrew can be pretty noisy.
SARAH
They’ll behave, they’re probably just getting u-
Andrew comes running down the hall with Edison on his back, passing the two girls without notice. Edison is holding one of his crutches out like a sword. The duo screams as if they are charging into battle.
EDISON
To the mall!
SARAH
Well, the apartment is clear now if you want some breakfast.
PAIGE
Sounds great.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Sarah, Megan, and Paige all sit in the dining room eating breakfast.
PAIGE
(Laughing)
So Andrew actually took ecstasy?
MEGAN
Well not intentionally, but it was quite a sight to see.
PAIGE
How did you manage to put up with that Sarah?
SARAH
Oh... well Andrew and I weren’t together at the time.
Andrew and Edison walk into the apartment, sweating and holding bags.
MEGAN
What the hell happened to you two?
EDISON
Only the most epic battle in gamer history.
Edison pulls out a copy of “Starquest II: A Galaxy in Crisis”.
MEGAN
The launch was today? I got to go!
ANDREW
Too late, they’re already sold out.
Edison pulls another copy out of the bag and tosses it to Megan.
EDISON
Since we forgot to wake you. We also got copies for you ladies as well.
Andrew hands one to Sarah and gives her a kiss.
SARAH
Thanks, but I probably won’t play very much.
Edison tries handing one to Paige.
PAIGE
I’ll pass... for now at least. I need to focus on studying. Which reminds me I should head to the library now. Thanks for breakfast Sarah.
Paige kisses Edison as she walks to leave.
PAIGE
See you tomorrow?
EDISON
I thought we had a date tonight?
PAIGE
Let’s be real, I need to study and you're probably going to be busy gaming. See you tomorrow night.
Paige leaves the apartment.
EDISON
Wow, she really is perfect.
ANDREW
(To Sarah)
Are you cool if I play all night too?
SARAH
Fine, go-ahead. You three have fun, I’ll see you tomorrow.
ANDREW
You don’t have to leave, you can play with us.
Sarah is already leaving.
SARAH
Raincheck.
MEGAN
Let’s get started.
THE NEXT DAY
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Sarah and Paige enter the apartment together. There is junk food and empty cans spread all over the apartment. Megan, Andrew, and Edison are all sitting in the living room playing “STARQUEST II: A Galaxy In Crisis” on their laptops shouting random commands at each other.
SARAH
Please tell me you guys went to bed.
EDISON
Not yet, we’ll go to sleep before 2.
PAIGE
It’s 4...in the afternoon.
ANDREW
Oh my gosh, we’ve been playing for more than 24 hours. Maybe we should take a break guys...
SARAH
Plus, we’re supposed to go to the movies today.
MEGAN
Andrew, you take your hands off the keyboard and I swear I will break those girly hands of yours.
EDISON
Ha! You do have girly hands.
MEGAN
That goes for you too Edison, we cannot lose this mission.
PAIGE
You can’t just make them stay. We’re supposed to be hanging out tonight too Edison.
SARAH
We can threaten them too, you know.
MEGAN
With what?
SARAH
Andrew if you don’t get off and come to the movies...I...I’ll withhold sex.
Andrew jerks his head up. Megan slides next to Andrew.
MEGAN
She’s bluffing Andrew. Trust me she needs you more than you need her right now.
EDISON
I’ve been Andrew’s roommate for almost two years now. I highly doubt that.
Megan hits Edison in the head with a shoe, then walks up to Sarah and Paige.
MEGAN
Look, how about this. There’s a tournament this Friday, the winning team gets free milkshakes for a year at the College Club. You guys help us win and you can have your boy toys back.
SARAH
(Sigh)
Fine I’m in. Paige?
PAIGE
I don’t have any tests to study for at the moment, I’m in. I don’t know how to play though.
Edison and Andrew look at each other.
EDISON AND ANDREW
Training montage!
The group of friends spends the next several days in the Apartment teaching Sarah and Paige how to play the game. With the passage of days, the girls learn the basics of the game and improve. On the final day, they achieve their first victory. The team cheers in celebration and clink their soda cans together.
INT. THE COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
The group walks up to the registration table, where a man sits with a clipboard in his hand.
MEGAN
Hi, we’re here for the Starquest tournament.
VOLUNTEER
What’s the team name?
MEGAN
"The Meg"
EDISON
Of all movie references you could have picked.
VOLUNTEER
Umm, sorry but I don’t see your team on the list. Can I see your team’s registration forms?
MEGAN
Registration forms?
VOLUNTEER
Yeah, you should have received the forms in your email and signed up online.
MEGAN
There was an online sign-up?
VOLUNTEER
Sorry if you didn’t sign-up online by last Friday, your team can’t compete in the tournament.
Megan lunges at the volunteer. Andrew and Edison hold her back.
EDISON
It's not worth it.
The group slowly ushers Megan away from the table.
MEGAN
B-but...my free year of shakes…
INT. DINER - NIGHT
The group sits at a booth table eating food. Megan stares at her food, not eating.
SARAH
We could always try out for a different tournament?
MEGAN
They won’t have my free shake prize.
PAIGE
We can always just order a smoothie, we can probably order one here.
ANDREW
I think we should look on the bright side though.
EDISON
Oh, this should be good.
ANDREW
Over the past few days, we’ve spent so much time together. Learned how to communicate efficiently, work as a team, all while growing closer as friends. Maybe that’s the real prize. Our friendship.
SILENCE
MEGAN
I’d rather have my fucking shake Andrew.
END.