Bake Your Heart Out Season 1, Episode 13
This Is It
Sam and Diane arrive at the set of Bake Your Heart Out to film the finale.
Sam: Why do you look like that?
Diane: Like what?
Sam: Like you’ve been crying.
Diane: I have been! This is a big day, I can’t believe you’re not upset about this.
Sam: I’m sad about it, I just don’t show it. There’s so much going on in the world and we have plenty of opportunities to get a new show in the future. We can still see our friends, it’s just going to be a little different. Change isn’t always bad, and you and I just have different ways of coping with it.
Diane: So you didn’t eat three pints of Ben & Jerry’s last night I’m guessing?
Sam: You ate three pints? That’s not healthy.
Diane: It’s finally hitting me that this journey is over. Leaving felt like the right thing to do at the time but now I worry that it wasn’t.
Sam: It was. The network didn’t respect us at all and we did something about it. Now, let’s go in there and film our last show. It’s all going to be okay.
Sam and Diane walk into the studio.
Frances: LESLIE!!! I can’t believe you!
Leslie: What did I do now?
Frances: I just heard about our new hosts.
Leslie: Is there a problem?
Frances: You know there is.
Leslie: I thought you and Pam Garritty got along just fine.
Frances: Not Pam.
Sam: Oh, it wouldn’t be a day on the Bake Your Heart Out set without an argument!
Leslie: Come on Frances, everyone knows about your feud with DeAnna Clifton! It’s gonna be great for ratings to see you two back together.
Frances: Do you want me to quit, too?
Leslie: Like I said before, you’re still under contract. You can’t leave!
Frances: I re-upped my contract as a favor to you. I could’ve left along with them.
Leslie: Just don’t be a diva, that’s all I ask. You, Charlotte, DeAnna and Pam are going to be a great team. I know your history, but just let it go.
Frances: Fine. I won’t be a “diva.” I’ll make nice with the worst person I’ve ever met. Fine.
Garry: She’s always been lovely to me, Frances. Why do you hate her so much?
Frances: She knows what she did.
Diane: Guys, we’re here! Stop fighting!
Leslie: Diane! Sam! This is pretty crazy. Final show for you guys.
Garry: And me!
Leslie: Yeah, you too.
Diane: We apparently “trended” on Twitter when the announcement came out. Apparently people care about us leaving. We gotta make our exit perfect!
Leslie: It’s all going to be great. Now, you two get off to hair and makeup. Garry, you too.
Garry: I always feel like the third wheel around here.
Sam: Don’t worry Garry, you aren’t.
Garry: That’s sweet coming from you.
Sam: You’re like the fourth wheel. Maybe the fifth if you count Leslie.
Garry: That makes more sense.
One hour later…
Leslie: Guys! Everyone to the stage! It’s time to film the finale!
Diane: You ready, Sam?
Sam: Yes, I’m ready. Are you?
Diane: I think so.
Garry: I’m not!
Frances: Are you crying?
Garry: Yes! I don’t know why I’m leaving, I need the money so bad! I’m about to become a father! I need all the cast they’re willing to give me!
Frances: Get it together! You’re a multimillionaire.
Diane: Yeah, I was a struggling actress and comedian when I first became a mother and everything turned out just fine. You’ll be good, you have a family that loves you and boatloads of cash.
Sam: Plus, if things go south, you can just join the president’s cabinet. People are leaving all the time and you have connections!
Leslie: Alright, we really have to start filming! Everyone to the baking cabin!
Sam: Hello and welcome to Bake Your Heart Out! I’m Sam Ellwood.
Diane: And I’m Diane Smith, welcoming you to our final episode of Bake Your Heart Out. Fear not, because the show will continue on without us.
Sam: Yes, it makes way to much money for the network to end just because we’re leaving.
Diane: It is time for the ninth cycle of the show to come to a conclusion, though, so let’s welcome our final three!
Sam: Veronica has had an unorthodox path to the final three, never winning Top Baker and having more weeks that the judges considered her a weaker performer than a strong one.
Diane: Hailee has been one of our most dominant finalists ever, and she was never starving for attention from our judges. She won Top Baker five times and was in the top tier for the week a further two times. Will a late-stage trip to the bottom two end her momentum, and thus her chance at victory?
Sam: Patrick has been a consistent performer, managing three Top Baker wins and only finding himself in the bottom once, ending in the middle of the pack most other weeks.
Diane: Who will win?
Sam: Will Frances and Garry agree on who should win?
Diane: Will I get through this episode without crying?
Sam: All of those questions, and more, will be answered in this week’s grand finale of Bake Your Heart Out!
One hour later, in Sam’s dressing room…
Frances: Wow Sam, you really cleared this room out fast.
Sam: Yeah, I sure did. I have to say, this is when it felt real for me. I teared up a little.
Diane: You didn’t tell me that! You’re acting like you’re totally fine with this!
Sam: Ah, crap! I forgot you were here.
Diane: You’re gonna miss this. I knew it.
Sam: Yes, I am going to miss it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to cry all the time about it though. I’m moving on to a new era. Sam 2.0.
Garry: Isn’t that the name of your standup special from the nineties?
Sam: Fine. This is Sam 3.0.
Frances: I feel like we haven’t talked about it nearly enough… this is the last time we’re ever going to all be together in this room together.
Diane: Don’t put it that way! We’re not splitting up, we’re just not going to see each other as often.
Frances: Of course, we’re family forever. Weekly gatherings at Sam’s have to continue.
Sam: Why does it always have to be me?
Frances: You have the nicest house.
Garry: She’s not lying.
Diane: So, we talked about this room a lot, but I never asked. Who’s gonna get it now that we’re gone?
Frances: Oh… me. I’m not letting these newbies get it. This is the best dressing room I’ve ever seen.
Sam: I honestly think this is what I’m going to miss the most.
Frances: Well now I feel like chop liver.
Sam: I’ll miss you too! But look at this room!
Frances: I know. It’s beautiful.
Leslie: Guys, get out here!
Sam: Oh, crap. I forgot about the show!
Diane: Yeah, so did I. Let’s go before Leslie kills us all.
In the baking cabin…
Diane: The first of three rounds in our grand finale is over!
Sam: As always in the finale, you’ve been asked to prepare a savory dish as an appetizer for this first round. Frances and Garry will both taste your dishes and determine which of you will get a special advantage, which of you will get nothing at all, and which of you will receive a ten-minute penalty in round two. Veronica, you’re up first!
Veronica: I made a bacon and mozzarella quiche for you guys today.
Frances: Alright, let’s try it.
Garry: It cuts really well. Firm, but not over-baked.
Frances: Oh, it’s so good. The crust is so flaky and the cheesy filling and that smoked bacon makes it perfect.
Garry: I’m just going to say it… this is the best savory dish I have ever tasted on Bake Your Heart Out.
Veronica: Oh my goodness! I’m honored!
Sam: That is high praise.
Diane: You’re really sending us out with a bang, Veronica!
Sam: Not to put too much pressure on anyone else! Speaking of which… Hailee, come on down!
Hailee: I made toasted Italian bread with bruschetta for you guys today.
Frances: That is a little… what’s the word, Garry?
Garry: Simple.
Frances: Yes, a little simple for the finale. However, it looks good. The ingredients look very fresh, and they’re beautifully placed.
Diane: Those are the touches that have made her Top Baker multiple times.
Frances: They are! Presentation matters!
Garry: So does taste, and this really tastes great.
Hailee: Thank you.
Frances: Do I taste a hint of lemon in there?
Hailee: You do!
Frances: I love it. Absolutely brilliant addition to this.
Sam: Greatest of all time, brilliant, that’s a lot to compete with, Patrick.
Patrick: I don’t think I have much to be worried about. My dish is probably last regardless of how they did.
Diane: Don’t say that! You gotta have faith!
Patrick: I made mozzarella sticks for you guys with a side of marinara sauce, all made fresh.
Frances It does appear to be a bit… burnt.
Patrick: Yes, I left it in too long.
Garry: You sure did. It’s not bad though. Everything else here was competently done, you just hurt yourself on the last leg of it. It’s a real shame.
Diane: That ends round one! The judges will deliberate -
Frances: No need, we’ve already made our decision.
Diane: Oh, wow. Well, go ahead and announce it.
Frances: Veronica, congratulations on winning. Hailee, you’re second. Sorry Patrick, you’re last.
Sam: So that means that Veronica will gain an extra ten minutes in the second round, Hailee will have just as much time as normal, and Patrick will lose ten minutes of work. And with that, begin work on round two! This time, you’re making a dessert you’ve already made this season, with a twist!
Diane: Our producer Leslie loves tiramisu more than anything, and with Christmas right around the corner, we’re challenging you to make us a peppermint tiramisu.
Sam: Hopefully you know tiramisu like the back of your hand, because we aren’t giving you any instructions on this one!
Diane: Good luck everyone!
Two hours later…
Diane: So that was that! Our last day of filming.
Leslie: No. Did you all forget that we have to film part three of the finale tomorrow?
Diane: Somehow, we apparently did.
Leslie: We do this every week. It’s not that hard to remember.
Diane: I cried in the car for a half hour today for nothing!
Sam: I cleared my dressing room out for nothing!
Frances: Not for nothing, I really enjoyed seeing them scrape your name off the door and putting mine on it.
Sam: Don’t rub it in! I don’t have a dressing room now!
Frances: I’ll be nice. I’ll let you use it tomorrow.
Sam: Oh, thank you. You’re my hero, Frances!
The next day, when Diane and Sam arrive at the studio…
Diane: It’s really the last day of filming now! Are you sad now?
Sam: More than yesterday. Maybe because I now had a whole day for it to rest on me and I am going to miss it.
Diane: That’s is emotional growth and I am proud of you. Now, if you excuse me, I need a tissue. I have to get to my dressing room.
Sam and Diane walk into the studio.
Leslie: Surprise!
Diane: Aww, you baked us a cake! Isn’t that nice, Sam?
Sam: It’s very sweet. Literally.
Leslie: Frances made it.
Frances: Not all heroes wear capes.
Sam: You’re right Frances, you are a hero.
Frances: Thank you, I’m honored.
Sam: I have news of my own, guys. I want to have a party at my place tonight to celebrate this journey, just like I did at the start of the seaosn.
Diane: Samantha Candice Ellwood! You really do care! I am so proud of you!
Sam: Don’t get all mushy on me now.
Diane: Alright, fine.
Leslie: Guys, I don’t mean to be rude, but we have to start filming.
Diane: Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. I’ll go get ready.
Five hours later…
Sam: It’s time to crown our winner! All three of you have been tremendous throughout the season, but only one can win.
Diane: This isn’t an enviable position, but I have to first announce the third place finisher. That person is… Patrick.
Sam: And I get to announce the winner! Without further ado, the winner of the ninth cycle of Bake Your Heart Out is… Hailee! Congratulations!
Diane: For all of you that have joined Sam, Garry and I for all these years, we thank you. It’s been a wonderful ride and we couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you all so, so much.
Sam: Bake Your Heart Out will be back with some fresh faces and the same amount of love and care in February, and Frances and our crew will see you then.
Diane: Until next time, America, good night!
Leslie: Cut! That’s a wrap, guys. It’s been a pleasure this season. I’ll see most of you in January!
Diane: I’m never going to introduce anyone to Bake Your Heart Out again. I’m never going to sign off again. I’m never going to be in the baking cabin again. I’m never going to announce a new winner again.
Sam: Technically you didn’t do that now.
Diane: My life is changing so fast. My kids don’t live anywhere near me, my husband drove off a bridge, and now I don’t have my job anymore! This was the one constant!
Garry: It’s going to be okay.
Diane: You have a family! I don’t! You don’t get to tell me that!
Garry: Don’t lose it on me, I’m just trying to calm you down.
Diane: Never tell a woman to calm down!
Garry: I didn’t!
Sam: Some on, Diane, let’s go back to my place. We’ll get ready for the party and you can calm down. We’ll see all of the rest of you guys later.
Diane: Alright Sammy.
Sam: Don’t call me that.
Leslie: I’ll see you later. Do you need me to bring anything?
Sam: No, don’t worry about it. You allowing us to break into here tomorrow to clear Diane’s dressing room is enough.
Leslie: Oh! Alright, sounds good. See you tomorrow too I guess!
That night, at Sam’s house…
Sam: I’m so glad you all showed up today for this party. This has been a special show and getting to say my farewell to it with all of you guys is special. Thank you for being here. Now, let’s have some fun.
Sam retreats from the kitchen to meet with the gang.
Sam: Guys, let’s go talk out on the porch.
Diane: Sounds like a plan.
On the porch…
Sam: I just wanted to have a quick chat together because this is a big day for this group. We aren’t going to see each other as often, no matter what we say. Leslie and Frances, you guys are gonna be busy filming. The rest of us are going to move on, and that’s fine. However, I wanted to give us this one last special moment. We’ll still get together, but it won’t be the same. Let’s enjoy this moment, and appreciate our time together. You don’t always get such a special group of co-workers and I’m happy I got such wonderful people to call not only my co-workers, but my friends. So, that’s what I wanted to say. If you guys want to go get some deviled eggs now, go ahead.
Diane starts crying.
Diane: Oh my god that was so beautiful.
Garry: I knew you were an old softie all along.
Sam: I’m not soft! I just love you guys and I needed to tell you.
Frances: It’s okay Sam, we know you’re still tough. And we love you too. I don’t make cakes for people I don’t love.
Leslie (choking up): I can’t believe Paul let you guys go. He really ruined something special.
Diane: Come on Leslie, I know you have something more heartfelt in you.
Leslie: Alright, I love you guys and I’m gonna miss you so much. Even you Garry, our resident fifth wheel.
Garry: I’ll let it slide today.
Leslie: Thank you guys for making my show something people love. I don’t know how we’re gonna get by without you but I’m gonna try because I know you guys won’t want it to fail.
Diane: Let’s get in there and party!
Sam: Yeah, maybe Frances and Garry can sing All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You one last time!
What did you think of the episode? Let us know in the comments and make sure to return next week for another new episode!
