Scene: Chris (18), Julian (14), and Drew (11) in the living room of their house, where their parents pay the rent.
JULIAN
We’re screwed.
CHRIS
Can you stop saying that? We know.
JULIAN
I’m telling you, we’re screwed.
DREW
When are Mom and Dad getting back?
JULIAN
None of us know!
CHRIS
Whenever they can.
DREW
Weeks? Months?
CHRIS
No clue.
JULIAN
Don’t we have godparents?
CHRIS
Britney and Britney 2.
DREW
How is that even possible? You’re older than Britney 2!
CHRIS
It was originally their parents but they decided to give the duty to them.
JULIAN
To be clear we’re not going over to their place right?
CHRIS
Absolutely not.
DREW
You still into Britney?
CHRIS
Ew, no! We’ve been over this!
JULIAN
Do you know how to cook?
CHRIS
Ew, no! We’ve been over this!
JULIAN
Is that going to be your answer to all our questions?
CHRIS
No! We’ve been over—oh, yeah I get it.
DREW
I can have water for dinner.
CHRIS
Oh good, guess I just have to figure out myself and Julian now.
DREW
That was sarcasm. I ordered three pizzas for you to pick up.
CHRIS
I have no car.
DREW
Oh. Guess I really am having water for dinner tonight.
CHRIS
I also have no credit card or cash.
DREW
This is working out just about the way I expected.
CHRIS
We probably have frozen vegetables.
JULIAN
Do you know how to warm those up?
CHRIS
Nope.
JULIAN
And I’ll say it again: we’re screwed.
CHRIS
Let’s have fun with this.
DREW
How?
CHRIS
I don’t have all the answers.
JULIAN
You don’t have any answers.
DREW
Yeah, I think it’s time to put someone in charge of us.
CHRIS
We have no way to pay them. It’s not happening.
JULIAN
We’re—
CHRIS
Don’t say it, Julian.
DREW
—screwed.