Bar Exam Season 6 Episodes 4, 5, and 6: Cotton/Lawyer Visit/Phone Calls

 

LORENZO is at the jail cafeteria with GUS and CARL. 


LORENZO

Can I tell you guys a little secret?


GUS

Uh oh. 


CARL

Please don’t. 


LORENZO

Cotton candy is my favorite food. Honestly, I might never look back from this cafeteria. 


LORENZO takes a bite of his cotton candy and immediately spits it out. 


LORENZO

EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!


GUS

Tastes perfectly bland to me. 


LORENZO

Right?! Where’s the sugar?!


A GUARD comes rushing toward LORENZO. 


GUARD 

Is something wrong? PLEASE tell me something is wrong. 


LORENZO

This cotton candy is not up to my standards. 


GUARD

It’s jail food, did you expect something edible? That stuff’s like 95% pure cotton. 


CARL

I like it. 


GUARD

Don’t be a lying criminal, Carl. 


LORENZO

I will not eat this cotton candy until it’s REAL cotton candy. Not this crap with cotton in it. 


GUARD

It’s all there is. 


LORENZO

Well then I’m not eating. 


GUARD

Fine. Have it your way. 


Three days go by and LORENZO has had nothing to eat or drink except water. The news of LORENZO’S hunger strike in jail works its way into the media. Finally, a GUARD approaches LORENZO’S cell alongside the WARDEN. 


WARDEN

Hello Lorenzo. 


LORENZO

Hello. I’m hungry. 


WARDEN

I assumed. Do you have a minute?


LORENZO

I have absolutely nothing else to do. 


WARDEN

You know, your hunger strike is getting a lot of attention. Not just from everyone else here, but from the outside world. 


LORENZO

Does this mean you’ll supply the cafeteria with real cotton candy now?


WARDEN

No way. Everyone else is perfectly content eating cotton and things cost money. We’ve decided to simply release you from this jail and place you on house arrest. You’re too much of a hassle to keep here. 


LORENZO

I get to leave this place early?!


WARDEN

Yep, but you can only stay in your house, and you have to wear an ankle bracelet the whole time. 


LORENZO

OK, I’ll do it. 


WARDEN

Oh this wasn’t an offer, it’s a done deal. The cost of keeping you here way outweighs the benefits. 


LORENZO

I wasn’t finished. I’ll do it under one condition. 


WARDEN

Oh? And that is?


GUARD

Wait a minute since when did we open our ears to the criminals’ requests?!


WARDEN

First off, innocent until proven guilty. Second, Lorenzo is a local celebrity. It’s different for him. 


LORENZO

I’ll only go on house arrest if you can agree to place Gus and Carl on house arrest too. They very clearly did nothing to harm anyone and don’t deserve to be here. 


The WARDEN pauses. 


WARDEN

I’ll take a look at their official records and make a determination for myself. 


The WARDEN returns to her office and quickly returns to LORENZO’S cell. 


WARDEN

I looked at their records. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I’m transitioning them to house arrest. Here’s your ankle bracelet, have fun on house arrest!


The WARDEN opens LORENZO’S cell and directs LORENZO out of the jail. He sees GUS and CARL standing outside of the jail as well. 


LORENZO

Welcome to house arrest guys! I got you out of there!


GUS

Thanks? 


CARL

Yeah we didn’t really ask for this but whatever I guess. 


LORENZO makes his way to his house, wondering why GUS and CARL aren’t as excited to go on house arrest as they are. When he gets home, he quickly forgets about them. 



LORENZO is at home when he hears a knock on the door. He slowly opens the door and sees MADISON, ADAM, LINCOLN, SAM, CHASE, and REAGAN standing at his doorway. 


LORENZO

Oh thank God, I thought you guys were the cops. 


LINCOLN

Scared of going back to jail?


LORENZO

Kinda. 


SAM

Can we come in?


LORENZO

Of course! My home is your home!


SAM

No I mean, can we legally enter this property?


LORENZO

Aren’t you the lawyer?


CHASE

Lorenzo, what’d the warden tell you about having visitors?


LORENZO

That I could have limited visitors in limited circumstances but I couldn’t throw any parties. 


REAGAN

So we can come in then. 


LORENZO

Hey, shouldn’t you do your due diligence and make sure I’m not throwing a party?


REAGAN

If you were having a party, you would tell us. 


LORENZO

Well that is true. Now what brings you here?


ADAM

Simple wellness check. 


LORENZO

Wellness check?! 


ADAM

We haven’t heard from you in a bit. We heard about the hunger strike and subsequent transition to house arrest on the news, but haven’t heard from you personally. 


LORENZO

Ohhh I get it, you wanted to check in to see if I remembered you! That was nice of you. 


MADISON

More like to see if you’re alive. 


REAGAN

Yeah or if like you lost your phone or something. 


LORENZO

I didn’t forget about you guys. I just have a lot going on. Sometimes things slip through the cracks. 


LINCOLN

So you just…didn’t remember us.


LORENZO

Exactly! You get it. 


SAM

Well, we’re happy you’re alive. 


LORENZO

Happy enough to be my lawyer at court?


Everyone goes silent. 


LORENZO

Come on, ONE of you has to be willing. Help a guy out!


ADAM

Lorenzo, between us…did you actually commit campaign finance fraud?


LORENZO

What?! Of course not! I don’t even know what that is. 


LINCOLN

It’s what you went to jail for. 


LORENZO

We can just clear it up and say it was all a big misunderstanding. 


REAGAN

So you’re sure you’re innocent?


LORENZO

Absolutely. I would never intentionally do a crime. 


CHASE

You can unintentionally do a crime. 


LORENZO

Yeah, but then it doesn’t count. 


MADISON

Yes it does. A crime is a crime. 


LORENZO pauses. 


LORENZO

Pretty sure what I did was unintentional. We can just go with that, right? 


MADISON, ADAM, LINCOLN, SAM, CHASE, and REAGAN look at one another. 


MADISON

Excuse us for a second. 


MADISON, ADAM, LINCOLN, SAM, CHASE, and REAGAN step aside.


LINCOLN

We’re not really gonna take this case, right?


ADAM

It could be our big break. 


SAM

Plus, people love Lorenzo here for some reason. He won’t get convicted no matter what. 


REAGAN

You think this could be an easy win for us?


SAM

It’s ours to lose if we want it. 


CHASE

But what if we do lose?


MADISON

We’re too good to lose. 


MADISON, ADAM, LINCOLN, SAM, CHASE, and REAGAN approach LORENZO again. 


ADAM

We’ll work on your case. 


LORENZO

All of you?! 


LINCOLN

Yeah…if that’s okay. 


LORENZO

That’s perfect! With 6 lawyers, I might have a chance of winning! 


SAM

So let’s start brainstorming. 


LORENZO

Pretty sure if you stay much longer I break my house arrest rules. 


MADISON, ADAM, LINCOLN, SAM, CHASE, and REAGAN run out of LORENZO’S house. 



LORENZO is sitting in his house, watching the local news. 


NEWS ANCHOR 1

In other news, the Indianapolis Primitives have put out a statement about their relief pitcher Lorenzo. The statement reads in part, “We have no tolerance on our team for convicted criminals. We are disappointed in his antics in jail and will release him from his duties should he be convicted.”


NEWS ANCHOR 2

Not only that, the company SugarCity, who has previously endorsed Lorenzo and is at the forefront of this controversy, put out a statement that in part reads, “We have nothing to do with any of Lorenzo’s wrongdoings and any claim to the contrary is ridiculous. If he is convicted we will be revoking his lifetime supply to SugarCity products.”


LORENZO shuts off the news and picks up the phone. He calls JASON, the current manager of the Indianapolis Primitives. 


JASON

Hello?


LORENZO

Jason! Old friend!


JASON

Lorenzo?! Are you allowed to be talking to me?


LORENZO

Yeah I’m on house arrest, it’s fine. 


JASON

What’s this about?


LORENZO

Why did you put out that mean statement about me? I want to play bench in the outfield again! In fact, I’m supposed to be bullpen coach!


JASON

What statement?


LORENZO

The one where you said I wouldn’t get to be on the team if I was in prison!


JASON

Well…how do you suppose you’d play if you were in prison?


LORENZO

Didn’t think that through. 


JASON

Anyways, that wasn’t even me who put out the statement. I’m just the coach, there’s a whole group of people above me. 


LORENZO

Can you tell them for me?


JASON

Don’t even know who wrote it. Oh also, even if you don’t get convicted, you definitely shouldn’t be bullpen coach and probably should watch out for your job. 


LORENZO

Phew, I thought one of my old friends was being mean to me! Have fun on house arrest! Oh wait—that’s me on house arrest. Never mind. Uh…bye!


LORENZO hangs up the phone. He calls HARRY, the cook for the bullpen and a waiter for SugarCity’s Kitchen. 


HARRY

What. 


LORENZO

Harry! Always in a good mood. 


HARRY

What. 


LORENZO

So listen, is it true that you’re not going to give me any more food from SugarCity if I get convicted? 


HARRY

I never said that, what makes you think I would say that?


LORENZO

The statement they put out on the news. 


HARRY

Oh. I don’t write those things, those come from the corporate office. 


LORENZO

Ok, well next time you see them can you ask them to stop being mean to me?


HARRY

If it makes you hang up. 


LORENZO hangs up. Sensing good news, he calls CHASE. 


CHASE

Hi Lorenzo, everything okay?


LORENZO

Everything is great! So you’re like the lead lawyer on this case, right?


CHASE

No,—


LORENZO

Dammit. Anyways, I have great news. You know how SugarCity and the Indianapolis Primitives both put out statements saying they’ll punish me if I go to prison?


CHASE

No but go on. 


LORENZO

I talked to people at SugarCity and the Indianapolis Primitives and charmed my way out of it!


CHASE

You did WHAT?!


LORENZO

I know, right?! Well, I called the wrong people, but they’re gonna tell the higher-ups for me. 


CHASE

Um, no they’re not. Lorenzo, you can’t just start doing this like that without consulting with us! That’s what lawyers are for! You could get in huge trouble! 


LORENZO

Oh. I didn’t know. 


CHASE

These people you talked to, are they really gonna speak with the higher-ups like you said?


LORENZO

Eh. Probably not. But I thought that’d impress you guys. 


CHASE

Well you almost fumbled that big time. Next time, just consult us before you do something. 


LORENZO

Fine. 


LORENZO hangs up. He texts GUS to see how he is doing, but does not get a reply by the end of the night. 


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