Marietta Season 5 Episode 23 - Sigh Gap

Marietta Season 5, Episode 23
Sigh Gap

Marietta walks into Martin and Patty Lynn’s house.

Marietta: Well, kiddo. We made it!

Sarah: We?

Marietta: Yeah, we. You think that you getting through school was all on you? No, we busted our butts off to get you through. I’m the mayor and I stayed up at night helping you with trig.

Kathleen: That must be why trigonometry was by far her weakest subject.

Martin: French was pretty far down, too. Not great, living in New Orleans and all.

Patty Lynn: I’m sorry, mon eraser. My French is a bit rouillée.

Marietta: Okay, first of all you just said “my eraser,” and you know that, because you said “eraser” in English. Second, how do you know the French world for “rusty?”

Patty Lynn: I’m wise!

Kathleen: A wise-ass, maybe.

Sarah: Can we focus on my special day?

Marietta: Hey, it’s mine, too. I get a day off from Tammy bossin’ me around.

Tammy: I’m right here.

Marietta: Yes, but you’re just Tammy now, not Bossy Tammy.

Tammy: I’m sorry that I want you to win.

Patty Lynn: I can’t believe our little girl is graduating high school today. They grow up so fast!

Kathleen: Yeah, it feels like just yesterday Milton was sending her off to boarding school.

Patty Lynn: You weren’t even around to know anything about the situation.

Kathleen: No, but I still have to hear the stories!

Martin: No petty arguing today, please. Sarah deserves to spend her graduation day enjoying this moment and living in it, not listening to pointless arguing.

Sarah: I like the arguing, it’s funny.

Martin: Then carry on.

Sarah: You mention my father, and the doesn't leave me wondering where he actually is. We have to leave soon, no?

Patty Lynn: We need to be there in an hour, we need to leave in a half-hour.

Moira: The last I heard, his flight was delayed a half-hour.  If they stuck to that time table and didn’t delay it any more, he should be here in a few minutes.

Patty Lynn: He’s cutting it close. He shouldn’t do this, he should make sure he’s back home the night before big events.

Moira: There was a big Senate vote last night, I’m fairly sure that’s why he didn’t fly back home then.

Marietta: Yeah, Milton has an important job. I would know, it used to be mine. He can’t just fly down here on work days because of family functions happening the next day. Sure, plenty of other senators do, but not any of the good ones. A true public servant knows they have to prioritize their state over doing what’s convenient for them.

Kathleen: Exactly right. I always prioritized my work in the House over family things and look where that got me.

Patty Lynn: Divorced twice, kicked out of office after four terms, and you live with your brother and sister-in-law rather than with one of your kids?

Kathleen: Yes, but I was also chair of the House Ag Committee for two years!

Patty Lynn: That is the dream.

Kathleen: It’s the true answer to that age-old question about what women want.

Martin: I think we should divert our attention back to Sarah. We seem to all be forgetting what we’re here for today.

Tammy: Yes, this we aren’t just taking a day off from campaigning for no reason!

Marietta: You stress me out so badly.

Tammy: The polls are narrowing, it’s exciting!

Mitch: Tammy, shut it. I’m the President, she has to listen to me.

Tammy: You were twenty years ago, and I didn’t even listen to you then. Why would I listen to you now?

Mitch: Fair point, I guess.

Kathleen: Look how lucky you are, kiddo. Not many other people get to say a former president attended their high school graduation.

Sarah: I don’t think my school’s too happy about that, with all the security it entails. Makesme even more excited about it.

Patty Lynn: This sure is some motley crew we’ve assembled to cheer you on. A president, senators, state senators, whatever Amy is -

Tammy: Where is she, by the way?

Kathleen: You forgot me! US House of Representatives, 1973 to 1981!

Martin: We know.

Marietta: I have no clue where Amy is, I kinda just assumed she was here already and being quiet.

Tammy: When is she ever quiet?

Marietta: Good point.

Henrietta: I have to ask, Sarah, how did you ever get so many tickets for us to attend? I hot three for my graduation. Granted, only two people wanted to come, but that’s besides the point.

Elena: Our neighbor Olga was more than willing to come, if she hadn’t had that stroke that left her confined to her living room.

Henrietta: How’s she doing, by the way?

Elena: She can’t talk, I don’t know how she’s doing.

Eliza: Last I heard, she regained some motor function. Her daughter sold her house to pay for full-time care.

Sarah: This is sad! Why are we talking about this?

Kathleen: Just showing you how lucky you are to have so many people that care for you.

Sarah: I feel the luck.

Marietta: By the way, Henrietta, the reason we got so many tickets is that the school remembered who our family is. It pays to have power.

Tammy: Wow, that sounded so corrupt. Was Ron Marks right about us?

Moira: I just got a text from Milton! His plane just landed, they had to sit on the runway for a bit due to some technical difficulty. He’s going to meet us at the auditorium.

Patty Lynn: What did I say? Never play back the day you gotta be somewhere. It’s too risky! What if he misses Sarah’s graduation?

Martin: Then he better really make sure he’s there for the college graduation!

Sarah: Yeah, college. That’ll be soon.

Martin: Have you picked out a college yet?

Mitch: I can put in a good word for you with whoever you want. I have some sway.

Tammy: Aren’t we old news by now?

Mitch: A president never goes out of style.

Henrietta: Please don’t remind me that I couldn’t get tickets to see Taylor Swift.

Kathleen: I did!

Henrietta: That makes it so much worse.

Kathleen: Three tickets, two grand, let me know if you want them.

Patty Lynn: You are not selling our tickets!

Martin: Haters gonna hate!

Marietta: I have so many questions, we have time for none of them.

One hour later…

Patty Lynn: Will Milton be able to find us here?

Marietta: I think seeing the Secret Service guys will help him figure it out.

Tammy: Do we need so many of them, by the way?

Mitch: This is the lowest number that they would accept.

Eliza: Who among us didn’t wish that they could be supported at their graduation by their entire extended family, their family’s closest friends, and their friends’ fifteen best bodyguards? And also Amy!

Amy: What is that supposed to mean?

Marietta: You’re fully aware of what it means.

Moira: Oh, he’s here!

Patty Lynn: I don’t see him.

Moira: He’s asking for our row number. What is it?

Marietta: Who has the tickets?

Martin: I have them, let me rummage through my pocket.

Marietta: Just tell him to look up, we’ll be waving.

Henrietta: Doesn’t someone need to take him his ticket?

Moira: Ah, crap. I guess I should go.

Marietta: Yeah, you married it. You go help it get in here.

Moira: I already feel like a valued part of the family.

Eliza: She’s only this mean to the people she really loves.

Elena: She’s never this mean to me.

Marietta: I don’t know you like that.

Elena: You’ve known me for four years, we spend ever Christmas together!

Marietta: Just be glad you’re not Amy.

Amy: What did I do?

Marietta: Nothing, it’s just funny to watch you melt down. It’s so easy to make it happen.

Ten minutes later…

Patty Lynn: Milton! You’re lucky our last name doesn’t start with A!

Milton: I know I‘m late, I’m sorry. This is Kate’s fault for scheduling voting on a Wednesday. Who does that?

Marietta: You are notably the only one who has to work on a Wednesday.

Milton: I was clearly being sarcastic.

Marietta: That does not matter, I will mock you anyway. You’ve known that for a long, long time.

Kathleen: Shh! Some of us are watching the ceremony!

Martin: You don’t know any of these children, why do you care?

Kathleen: It’s about community spirit?

Martin: Since when do you have that?

Kathleen: I really don’t, I’m just tired of hearing them yapping.

Milton: I’ll just walk on down to my seat and that’ll be that. Could you get up, please?

Amy: You can’t squeeze past us?

Milton: I don’t want to run into any of you.

Moira: He doesn’t want to put his butt in any of your faces.

Henrietta: As someone wearing a skirt that is I didn’t realize was so inappropriately short for an event like this, I can relate.

Twenty minutes later…

Patty Lynn: Okay, surely “Landfield” has to be alphabetically right behind “Kzanowicz.”

Kathleen: Does that not start with a Z?

Patty Lynn: Silent K.

Kathleen: The silent killer.

Martin: Shh, the principal is saying something.

Principal: Sarah Lan-

Milton: Whoo! That’s our girl!

Principal: -der

Marietta: Ah, not quite.

Tammy: There’s a Sarah Lander and a Sarah Landfield in the same school? In the same grade? That seems confusing.

Amy: I’ve sen you at work. A lot confuses you.

Principal: Sarah Landfield.

Milton: Woo hoo! That’s my girl!

Patty Lynn: We are so proud of you!

Tammy: Honey, it’s bad enough you’re blaming The Stars and Stripes Forever on your phone right now, was the confetti really necessary?

Mitch: I’m just so proud.

Henrietta: Why did no one care anywhere near this much when I graduated?

Eliza: I was busy taking care of your daughter.

Amy: We are so embarrassing.

Marietta: We’re politicians. We don’t feel shame.

Tammy: Then why have none of us done The Masked Singer yet?

Marietta: They haven’t called.

Kathleen: I’ve called them. They haven’t returned my calls.

Two hours later, at Martin and Patty Lynn’s…

Sarah: Wow! When did you put all this up?

Moira: I had Marissa and Helene do it! Pretty impressive, huh?

Sarah: So this whole party was decorated and prepared by members of the city council?

Moira: Yes! Free friend labor is great, ain’t it?

Sarah: We could have at least invited them to the graduation ceremony after all that work.

Marietta: I think your school would have killed us if we asked for two more tickets.

Sarah: We could have at least let them stay for the party, then.

Moira: They were invited too, sadly they had other business to tend to on a Thursday evening. I don’t know what’s more important than this, but it apparently was in their minds.

Milton: Honey, I have a present for you. I want you to see it now.

Martin: Here’s the blindfold.

Sarah: Blindfold? What kind of present is this?

Milton: Come this way and you’ll find out.

Marietta: Is he sending her back to boarding school? Little late for that, no?

Milton walks with Sarah out into the garage.

Sarah: It’s hot in here.

Milton: The A/C doesn’t reach out here. That’s a hint!

Sarah: I can smell gas, I know it’s the garage.

Milton: Just take the blindfold off, then.

Sarah: What am I looking at here? Is it what I think I’m looking at?

Milton: This is your new car! It’s not actually new, it was a used car, but it’s in great shape and it'll do the job you need it to do.

Marietta: We all chipped in on it.

Mitch: Some of us more than others.

Tammy: Because some of us have more to give than others.

Amy: I was not informed about this, so I didn’t chip in. I got you a Target gift card, which seems lame in comparison.

Sarah: The thought that counts.

Amy: Would have been nice if they’d thought to include me in their group project, but I’m glad you don’t hold it against me.

Milton: This car is going to be perfect for you when you head off to college, you’ll be able to travel anywhere you want around the campus all on your own. Not to mention, you can use it to drive home and back without relying on us.

Sarah: Okay, I think this is probably the time for the talk. Let’s go in the house, I can’t do this while I look at the car with the bow on it in this hot garage.

Kathleen: What revelation does she hate to drop? Is she dying?

Amy: Maybe she lied about getting her license.

Henrietta: Maybe she’s a lesbian.

Eliza: How groundbreaking that would be.

Elena: You aren’t a lesbian.

Eliza: I’m close enough, it would still be copying.

Elena: I am a lesbian, she would be copying me.

Sarah: I’m not a lesbian! Not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian, I’m just not that . I’m also not dying, and I do have a license.

Moira: She’s not going to college. I can see it in her eyes.

Kathleen: You see the look of stupid in there?

Sarah: Like I said, we should go in he house.

Mitch: I think me and Tammy and the guys are gonna peel out, they have families to get hom-

Tammy: We’re staying. You, me, and the Secret Service team. We’re all going to see how this turns out.

Everyone walks into the living room.

Sarah: So, college.

Milton: You can tell us. We won’t judge either way.

Henrietta: I never went, and I managed to have a great career, thanks to nepotism. You can, too!

Amy: That was beautiful.

Henrietta: Hey, at least I didn’t lie my way into a job like you did.

Amy: I’m in politics, lying to the top is an accomplishment.

Martin: Let her talk! My god, this is not your moment.

Kathleen: That’s the first time I’ve sen Martin get mad at anyone other than myself or Patty Lynn in years.

Sarah: I am going to college/

Milton: Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!

Sarah: Not next year, though.

Milton: Then when? Ten years from now?

Sarah: I’m going to take a gap year.

Marietta: What is a gap year? We didn’t do anything of the sort I was your age.

Milton: She didn’t even define it yet.

Sarah: I’m going to take a year off of school, experience life and the world, maybe travel in my new car, and then I’m going to college.

Marietta: Yeah, we didn’t do that.

Sarah: It helps a lot of people. I’m burned out, I’m ready for a break before I take on higher education. I don’t even know what I want to major in.

Kathleen: You’re in this family. Poli sci.

Sarah: I don’t know if I want to be Landfield that runs into the political minefield. I don’t think I have the temperament.

Marietta: If I can do it, anyone can.

Amy: I’ve said that a lot.

Milton: Honey, you can do what you want. But are you going to be able to get into college after taking a year off?

Mitch: I’ll handle it! She has no worries.

Sarah: I already spoke with my guidance counselor, who also is the college counselor because, and you may not have noticed, I did not go to a good school.

Eliza: Are those supposed to be separate jobs? 

Sarah: The guidance counselor says that I can take a gap year and submit applications for colleges for the school year after next. That’s what I’m doing.

Patty Lynn: Honey, you’re bright, you’re creative, you have all that it takes to be successful. If you need to take a year off before you reach that potential, you do that. We just want you to be happy.

Marietta: However…

Martin: No howevers, please.

Marietta: I have to be the one to take care of you, you dad doesn’t and neither do your grandparents. Why didn’t you take to me about this?

Sarah: I was nervous. I didn’t know if you’d want to keep taking care of me, you always say how glad you are I’m off to college soon.

Marietta: Because I want to see you succeed! I love having you here. I don’t get the gap year thing, but it does not matter. I just wish you’d let me into your headspace sooner.

Sarah: I also see how stressed you are with this campaign, I didn’t want to make it worse.

Marietta: You’re more important than a campaign. Shut up, Tammy.

Tammy: I said nothing!

Marietta: You’re an adult now, anyway, so I don’t have to look after you 24/7.

Milton: Don’t you?

Marietta: She’s an adult, Milton.

Milton: Don’t remind me!

Marietta: What I’m trying to say is that you can take care of yourself on the days I’m busy, you basically do already.

Sarah: So you all accept that I’m taking the year off?

Marietta: Yes, we do. Right, Milton?

Milton: I already said yes, you were the one in your feelings about it.

Marietta: Kids don’t say that anymore.

Milton: Wrong.

Patty Lynn: Can we get the party started, now? Enough about school, we have a graduation to celebrate! She is done with school!

Martin: For one year’s time, beginning in two weeks.

Patty Lynn: Exactly!

Moira: Sarah Landfield graduates!

Marietta: That was a 90210 reference, correct?

Moira: Yes!

Marietta: It’s 2023.

Moira: Don’t make me feel old.

Sarah: You are.

What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!

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