Olivia is at Buckingham Palace visiting Claude.
Olivia: How are you, dearest brother?
Ethan: Dearest? I thought I was your favorite brother!
Selina: See, I told you she was a snake!
Claude: I’m fine, really. Everyone’s made far too big of a deal about this for my liking.
Eleanor: You could have died!
Claude: Mum, that’s overselling it a bit too much. I broke my ankle. That’s all.
Eleanor: You suffered a major fall! It was frightening.
Arthur: Yeah, especially at his age.
Claude: Excuse me? My age?
Olivia: We’re old, Claude. When mum called me to say you had a fall and were in hospital, I feared the worst.
Ethan: “King Arthur” has a nice ring to it, no?
Christine: Not for another few decades!
Olivia: I think that is pushing it a bit.
Christine: Eleanor’s still here, well into her nineties!
Eleanor: Not all get this lucky, particularly when they are so klutzy.
Claude: I slipped one time!
Olivia: But you’re recovering well, no? You’re home, that’s a step in the right direction!
Claude: I’m feeling fine. A bit of bruising, a bum ankle, but fine otherwise. I got off easy, I know that. Because, yes, I do understand I’ve reached an age where a fall does pose a serious risk.
Ethan: It’s good to see you’re on the mend. Mum made it sound far more grim than it was.
Claude: You didn’t come to see me! I was in hospital overnight, if you were so concerned -
Christine: I told them all not to bother, because you were fine.
Eleanor: Mummy was there, though! Never forget that!
Christine: Mummy was the only reason he had to stay an extra night.
Eleanor: I just wanted to be safe! He’s very precious to me.
Ethan: What a deeply odd thing to say.
Claude: Anyhow, despite feeling physically fine, I’ve been advised to “take it easy” for a while. That means resting at home and conducting business from here rather than traveling as I always do. You know I had a big trip to Australia planned for next week. I won’t be able to make it, and Christine said she’d like to stay home here with me just to be safe. I don’t want to let them down, especially at a time where their support of the monarchy is at an all-time low. Olivia, Ethan, I want the two of you to travel there and complete my itinerary for me. It’s all planned out, and it’s going to be a ton of fun.
Olivia: Would Selina be going along?
Claude: Of course!
Olivia: I don’t see that being “fun” for me.
Selina: Same here!
Christine: Good job, dear, you’ve gotten them to agree on something.
Ethan: Unfortunately for you, it’s their shared disdain for one another.
Olivia: I’ve had no issue with her. I’ve been polite, I’ve been kind, I’ve done nothing to deserve the vitriol that’s come from her. I don’t want to spend a whole week -
Claude: Twelve days.
Olivia: Much better. I don’t want to spend twelve days getting insults hurled at me by her. What have I done to disgruntle you so deeply that you’re still holding a grudge decades later?
Selina: You turned your back on this family!
Olivia: It’s my family! Not yours!
Selina: The twenty years where I was here and you were not would certainly beg to differ.
Olivia: Oh, shut up! I know what you’re trying to do, and I’m not biting, you wicked witch.
Claude: Ladies! I don’t ask that you get alone, just that you behave yourselves. I know you can do that.
Christine: Do you? Have they shown signs of that?
Olivia: Claude, for your sake, I can put my issues with her aside. I think a tour of Australia sounds fun, and we’ll be helping you out.
Claude: Thank you! Selina, can you do the same?
Ethan: You better say yes.
Selina: I will try my absolute hardest.
Ethan: That’s not a yes. I’m not going all the way to Australia just to have a miserable time!
Olivia: Maybe we leave her home.
Selina: I knew you’d pull a stunt like this!
Olivia: You’re the one who can’t commit to behaving! Act like an adult and all will be well!
Selina: Fine!
Claude: There we go! Off to Australia you go.
Christine: We should send them off right now.
Eleanor: Lord, what a production.
Claire: Maybe Arthur and I should just go -
Claude: No, we need you here. You can all be trusted to tend to the important matters.
Olivia: What are you implying about us?
Claude: You are lovely and hard workers. It’s just that, when you’re around… problems arise.
Olivia: Are you just sending us away so you can get some peace and quiet while you recover?
Claude: No, I really did have that Australian trip planned. And I know there’s nobody better equipped to go than you and Ethan, who perform the most royal engagements per year. The trip would tire anyone else out, but it’s a natural pace for the two of you.
Olivia: Don’t flatter me, Claude! It won’t get you out of trouble!
Claude: I mean it. You two are perfect for this particular job, and Arthur and Claire are best suited to stay closer to home.
Later that night…
Olivia: Get ready to start packing!
Fred: Oh no, where are we going now?
Olivia: Australia!
Fred: Australia? How’d that come about?
Olivia: Claude can’t go now, because of his fall. So we’re going to go in his place. Well, us and Ethan and Elphaba.
Fred: Oh no! You and Selina are going to rip each others’ heads off!
Olivia: We’ve promised to be on our best behavior.
Fred: Because that certainly is foolproof!
Olivia: I’ll just tune her out if need be. I don’t want to look foolish on an international stage.
Fred: Well, I suppose you’ve made up your mind. So it’s time for me to get packing.
Olivia: It’s going to be fun! You, me, and Ethan!
Fred: I guess you’ll have to tell the kids.
Olivia: Yes, they will struggle without me for twelve days. I suppose I should let them know. Maybe I can ask Claude if they can come along!
Fred: I think we could stand to get some time away from them, and they could stand some time away from us.
Olivia: Did you just imply you want time away from my children?
Fred: I didn’t say it to be unkind. I said it to be truthful. We don’t have to do everything together.
Olivia: I guess that’s true. Although, it might be nice to have a few more people around as a buffer.
Fred: You just said you’d tune her out.
Olivia: It’s so hard sometimes!
One week later…
Gigi: Mum, are you sure about this trip?
Olivia: I’m leaving for the airport now. I think it’s a bit late to change my mind.
Gigi: Plane hasn’t taken off yet!
Olivia: You just don’t want to housesit for me.
Gigi: No! I don’t want you committing murder.
Olivia: I’ve vacationed with Selina plenty of times in the past. I can survive twelve days on the job with her.
Gigi: Those were family trips. Lots of people to district the two of you from one another. All you’ve got on this trip is Fred and Ethan! Not exactly the most fascinating people!
Olivia: I’ve also got the entire country of Australia! Also, that was a nasty thing to say.
Gigi: I didn’t mean for it to be nasty.
Olivia: You certainly couldn’t have thought it was nice.
Gigi: Look, I’m just concerned for my mother. Maybe you should bring me along, as your guardian.
Olivia: That will not be happening, but I appreciate the effort. Now, I’ll see you in twelve days. I love you, stay out of trouble, goodbye.
Gigi: Same to you!
On the plane…
Selina: They sent us on Claude’s trip, but they didn’t give us Claude’s plane. This is not the top-of-the-line jet we were promised.
Olivia: I know you’ve been a royal for a long time, but you’re once a woman of the people. Surely, this plane is sufficient for the young lady from Cornwall that still lives within you?
Selina: I’m used to luxury, what can I say?
Fred: Are they getting testy already?
Ethan: It’s not too bad yet. I’m somewhat impressed with them.
Olivia: I’m enjoying this trip greatly!
Selina: You’re enjoying a plane ride?
Olivia: It’s peaceful.
Selina: I don’t agree.
Ethan: Of course you don’t.
Selina: What was that?
Ethan: Nothing!
Olivia: So, what are we excited to see in Australia?
Selina: My bedroom, the one place I know you won’t be.
Olivia: Oh my god. Can’t even make small talk with you!
Selina: You’re not very good at it.
Olivia: I don’t see you contributing anything to the conversation.
Selina: I’d rather not talk with someone as unpleasant as you.
Olivia: My lord.
Ethan: Okay, enough! I know we’re both stuck in a crammed space, but let’s try to give each other space and not actively work on each others’ nerves, okay?
Selina: Olivia, I apologize for my attitude. I’m not a happy traveler.
Olivia: And I admit that I was trying to get on your nerves, and I apologize for that.
Ethan: That was quite mature! I’m proud of you both.
Fred: This is progress. This trip could even make friends out of the two of you!
Selina: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
The next day…
Olivia: Oh, I just love Sydney. You ever been here, Selina?
Selina: Why’s she talking to me? This is weird.
Olivia: I’m trying to get better at small talk.
Selina: To answer your question, I’ve never been. I’ve only ever visited New Zealand before, never Australia.
Ethan: I did suggest it for a vacation once and you turned me down!
Olivia: Ethan, don’t give her a hard time.
Ethan: What on earth is happening? You are telling me to be nicer to Selina?
Olivia: I’m making an effort to mend fences on this trip. I don’t need you getting in the way of that.
Selina: Oh, so you just see this as some sort of project?
Olivia: No, I really want to -
Selina: I’m just giving you a hard time!
Olivia: You make jokes?
Selina: Occasionally!
Olivia: Huh. You learn something new every day.
Ethan: Are we going to make it to the opera house? I’ve always wanted to see it.
Olivia: That’s actually one of our first stops. We’re attending some sort of welcoming performance there. This seems to be a big deal for them.
Fred: Wait until they realize it’s just us and not the King.
Olivia: I think this is more exciting, actually. They can see him on TV all the time! They don’t get to see me and Ethan just any old time.
Ethan: That’s true!
Olivia: It’s going to be a busy day, so we have to be efficient. Can’t spend too much time lallygagging anywhere. We move with speed.
Selina: But I like to lallygag.
Olivia: You’re free to do so, then. But Ethan and I have to remain on a tight schedule. Claude is seemingly trying to kill us with all that he has planned on this trip.
Ethan: It is a very large country.
Olivia: And we’re going to experience so much of it! That’s exciting, I believe.
Selina: Do you think we’ll get to ride an elephant? Because Arthur and Claire got to ride an elephant on their African trip, and I always thought that looked fun.
Olivia: I don’t believe they’re native to these parts, no. Now, the driver’s waiting for us, we’d better get to him.
The next week…
Selina: You know what, Olivia? I had an unexpectedly lovely time on this trip.
Olivia: It turns out, when you don’t spend every waking second tormenting the person you’re with, you can get to know them better, and almost enjoy their company.
Selina: Yes, I’m glad you stopped all your attempts to torment me.
Olivia: We had some productive conversations, we cleared the air, we had fun adventures. This was nice. I think this is the start of an important new chapter.
Selina: I agree!
Ethan: Oh, Claude is not going to believe this!
Fred: There’s no way he was expecting all four of us to return home, let alone as... does "friends" work, ladies.
Olivia: Close enough!
What did you think of this week's episode of The Princess Royal? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
