Marietta is standing in her kitchen on the morning of the election.
Sarah: You ready?
Marietta: Ready for what? Packing this whole place up?
Sarah: If you don’t want to do that, then you have to go out and fight to keep your job. You’ve always told me to be a fighter, now it’s time to do the same. You’re not giving up now.
Marietta: I also told you to set realistic expectations. I’m just hoping not to get blown out today. Down ten points heading into Election Day isn’t where any politician wants to be.
Sarah: The polls are wrong sometimes, we still have to try. Even if you do lose, isn’t it good to know you went down fighting?
Marietta: The person I’m fighting against is Kent Egerton. Nothing about him makes me feel good.
Sarah: You’re not fighting against him. You’re fighting for New Orleans.
Marietta: That sounds like something Tammy would say.
Sarah: She may have given me some pointers on how to give you a pep talk. Did it work?
Marietta: I dread today a little less, so, you be the judge of whether you were successful.
Sarah: You have some hope now about the election?
Marietta: God, no. I’m screwed. I’ll be luck to even make a runoff. You did remind me, though, that I have a family that’ll always be here for me, no matter what.
Sarah: Now that is the talk of a graceful loser! Just what I love to see!
Marietta: I’m feeling deja vu, and not the fun Olivia Rodrigo kind. I went through all of this five years ago when I was running for Senate, this feeling of knowing I was going down but still having to go through the motions. And I gotta be honest, kid. I love this job, you know I do, but the pill is a bit easier to swallow when it’s a run for mayor than when it’s a run for a US Senate seat. It’s a great job, but it ain’t the Senate.
Sarah: Won’t you miss working with Amy and Tammy?
Marietta: We’re family, we’ll always be bonded. Much like my Senate friends, we’ll stay close even if we’re not seeing each other every day. Unlike my Senate friends, we all live in the same city, so we’ll hang out a lot more.
Sarah: What are your going to do when you’re out of office/
The doorbell rings.
Marietta: Saved by the bell! Coming, Tammy!
Marietta opens the door.
Ellie: Surprise!
Marietta: What are you doing here?
Ellie: You have a big election to lose today! I have to be here for moral support!
Sarah: Ellie! You and Kate aren’t actually attached at the hip?
Ellie: We were surgically detached from one another recently. Painful, but worth it.
Marietta: I have to be honest, I ever would have expected you to end up being the one who cares more about me than Kate does.
Ellie: Kate does send her regards. She wanted to be here very badly but had some sort of family reunion. Thankfully, I do not have a family that cares about me, so I was free to travel down here for the weekend. Speaking of which, why do you freaks have your elections on the weekend?
Marietta: I don’t know, I don’t pick the election schedule. It’s always been this way.
Ellie: I bet they’re trying to suppress turnout. Easier for Republicans to win when nobody votes.
Marietta: Then I guess we’d better go and remind everyone we’ve got an election today.
Ellie: Where to first?
Marietta: I have a speech in the park that Tammy claims is very important. I think that if someone is coming out to see me speak in a park on a Saturday morning, they’ve probably made up their mind on me, but she insisted that this was important, and you know how annoying she is when she has her mind set on something. So I’ll spend some time with that, then I’ll go vote and close it all out with canvassing. You guys can start canvassing right away, though. Tammy has a list of streets she wants to make sure we visit, and we all know I just let her call the shows. Makes her feel better about herself, I think.
Ellie: I can’t believe I flew down to New Orleans just to do the work of an unpaid campaign volunteer.
Sarah: If it makes you feel any better, my whole family is in the exact same boat. We’re all spending today canvassing for voters.
Ellie: That does make me feel better. I’m not the only one doing work that’s beneath them today.
Two hours later…
Marietta: That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Sarah: People actually showed up to see you! I think some thought you were doing Shakespeare in the Park, but most of them appeared to know what you were doing, and they stayed!
Tammy: She always was a very magnanimous public speaker.
Amy: I think you mean “magnetic.”
Tammy: No, us intellectuals use scholarly words like magnanimous.
Amy: Keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.
Marietta: I know how this is likely ending, but I must say, I wouldn’t mind doing a few more of those in the runoff. Now I know why POTUS announced his re-election campaign before his inauguration, it’s fun to have rallies in front of thousands of adoring fans.
Amy: Or, in your case, dozens of curious onlookers.
Marietta: I know this may sound pathetic, but I’ve been feeling so unpopular lately, dozens of curious onlookers is more than enough to make me feel absolutely over the moon.
Amy: That was corny.
Marietta: Can I not celebrate finally being liked by someone other than you guys?
Amy: A lot of people like you, they know the Marks investigation was just a hit job orchestrated because of some garbage allegations.
Marietta: Not enough of them seem to know that.
Amy: They would have if I ran your campaign.
Tammy: Excuse me?
Amy: You heard me! I would have been able to push this campaign across the finish line rather than stumbling out of the gate and limping to the halfway mark.
Henrietta: I think we’re supposed to be lifting her up, not, uh… whatever that is.
Marietta: I already know I’m a loser, it’s fine that she tells me.
Amy: I didn’t say you’re a loser!
Tammy: That’s right. She said I’m a loser.
Amy: I didn’t call you a loser, I just said you didn’t run this campaign that well. It’s okay, you’re a New York senator. Who would expect you to manage a campaign properly?
Tammy: And yet, I still managed a campaign last time that took you to the cleaners.
Amy: We don’t have to get nasty.
Sarah: Hey, can we go and vote? I can’t wait to vote for the first time. Sillman all the way!
Amy: Henrietta, drive her to Oklahoma.
Henrietta: Will do.
Marietta: Do not do that, she’s just being sarcastic. Say, Sarah?
Sarah: Of course. I’m a troll, that’s why I’m obviously voting for Egerton.
Marietta: Okay, despite her talking nonsense, we really do have to go and vote. You four start canvassing, I’m going to meet up with you as soon as I’m done.
Ellie: Am I not allowed to vote?
Marietta: I think they do prefer that you are a resident and a registered Louisiana voter.
Ellie: That’s unfair.
Tammy: You don’t want us there with you when you go in to vote?
Marietta: I don’t think I need a handler, I’ve been doing this a long time.
Tammy: It’s been a tough campaign, I just thought you may want moral support.
Marietta: I will be getting enough of that from my mother. She may get into a fight with a reporter, that’ll be fun.
Amy: Come on, Tammy, we’ve got a big day. Lots of doors to get slammed in our faces.
At Marietta’s polling location…
Patty Lynn: You know, looking around, I’m really feeling like a lot of these people are voting for you. I think you can win this today.
Kathleen: How can you possibly guess that?
Milton: She has a sixth sense. It’s never right, but alas.
Moira: Hey, even if you don’t win, all signs are pointing to Celia capturing John’s seat on the council today. So your impact will remain on the city.
Marietta: I forgot we were trying to elect allies to the council. Guess it’s easy to forget that you were trying to elect political allies to help you in a second term when you’ve already resigned yourself to the fact that you’re only getting one term.
Martin: It’s far too early to think that. If there’s one thing this city loves, it’s the Landfields
Marietta: Amy spent like her entire campaign raging against our dynasty
Martin: And you got double her vote total in the runoff. Miracles happen.
Milton: Are we going to actually vote or are we going to stay out here until the polls close?
Marietta: Let’s head in there. I am ready to get this done.
Sarah: I can’t wait to vote, this is like the last step to adulthood. That, and getting a boyfriend.
Milton: One step at a time.
Reporter: Mayor Landfield! How are you feeling about today?
Marietta: How am I feeling? I’ve got my family with me, we’re all about to mark down seven ballots for myself, and I’m content with that lead! I kid, but I feel good. Obviously, the polls are telling us one story, but there is so much energy on the grown with our campaign, and there’s so much passion. I always say, the only poll that matters is -
Milton (whispering): Don’t say it!
Marietta: election day.
Milton: She said it! No! That’s what every losing candidate says!
Moira (whispering): Honey, you said that out loud.
Milton: Dammit!
Marietta: So, we’re feeling great and very confident that the city of New Orleans will get this one right and give my administration four more years to work for them.
Later that day…
Tammy: Marietta, it’s almost five. You think you wanna start making your way to the victory party?
Marietta: This may well be our last-ever canvas. I just want to soak it all in.
Tammy: Egerton is not getting above fifty percent. I’ve heard that turnout is rough in his home areas. He’s struggling, you still have a fighting chance.
Marietta: Do I? You think the Sandringham voters are going to transfer over to me even if I do make a runoff? I don’t think so.
Tammy: Runoffs are strange. I still don’t fully understand them, or why you have elections the way that you do.
Amy: Exactly. I held you under fifty in our primary and then you crushed me by like fifty points in the runoff. The primary doesn’t tell anywhere near the full story.
Tammy: Like, why vote on a Saturday, and why not just have normal primaries and regularly-scheduled general elections? My ballot had like forty people on it, I almost voted for someone else because I was so confused.
Marietta: Di you?
Tammy: I don’t think so.
Marietta: I am so screwed.
Henrietta: I voted for you. I checked and made sure.
Marietta: Okay, so there’s one vote. Only about 80,000 others unaccounted for.
Henrietta: We always say every vote counts.
Marietta: Yeah, well, that’s the problem. For all we know, Tammy’s one vote went to Egerton.
Henrietta: She’s not, pardon my language, that much of an idiot.
Amy: That required a pardon?
Henrietta: I have a toddler at home, “darn” is a curse word.
Marietta: I think it’s time we get going to the event center. I’m losing braincells listening to you three.
Amy: You’re the one that chose to campaign with us!
Marietta: I wasn’t about to campaign alongside my mother! You know how embarrassing that would be?
Amy: Weren’t you just complaining earlier today about nobody loving you? Now you’re embarrassed your mother loves you too much?
Marietta: I said I felt like nobody liked me, and buy that I meant the general public. I’m still not sure they do.
Tammy: We’re pretty close to finding out, at least. Maybe your mom being your biggest cheerleader will actually turn out to benefit you.
Henrietta: You’d be hard-pressed to find someone that would sell you harder to last-minute undecided voters than Patty Lynn.
Patty Lynn: Did someone call me? Is something the matter?
Marietta: All’’s well, mom. We’re just heading to the victory party. What are you doing on this street, by the way?
Kathleen: We finished the street we were working on.
Patty Lynn: I had to rush, I knew I had a lot of houses to visit. Every vote counts.
Tammy: There’s that phrase again!
Kathleen: It’s a pretty boilerplate phrase in politics, nothing special about it.
Amy: Tammy may have voted for the wrong person.
Tammy: A very small chance of it, like ten percent tops.
Patty Lynn: If she loses by one vote, this is on you!
Tammy: We’re in a race for second, anyway. Not a tight one, either. We got this.
Patty Lynn: You take that back! She can win!
Marietta: Technically, anyone can win. It’s just that only one person will, and it ain’t me. All we can hope for is for me to keep Kent below 50 and for him to implode in some spectacular fashion within the next month.
Milton: Really, who is going to vote in a June Saturday election? Enough of his voters stay home to party, you can sneak past him.
Marietta: I think my base of soccer moms and left-wing college students is probably more likely to stay home than his base of church-going centrist grandparents, but I guess there is a chance.
Tammy: Chance: it’s not just a card in Monopoly.
Amy: How profound.
Three hours later…
Marietta: All right, girls, how’s it looking?
Henrietta: Eight-way tie!
Marietta: Oh, so we’re in first?
Henrietta: I didn’t say that!
Amy: It’s one small precinct with eight votes. Hilariously, they all voted for different candidates.
Marietta: I wasn’t one of them.
Amy: It means nothing, it was a Republican precinct. You never had a chance there.
Tammy: There’s that word again!
Amy: What I’m saying is, we have basically none of the vote.
Kathleen: Hey, Tammy, did Mitch vote?
Amy: Don’t ask Tammy about voting.
Kathleen: Oh, I forgot, she didn’t vote for you.
Tammy: I might have!
Marietta: Doesn’t much matter. Like you’ve said, this is just a game of hoping Egerton goes below fifty. There’s only one poll that had him there.
Tammy: Hey! Ten percent in!
Amy: You going to tell us anything else?
Tammy: Egerton 44.6%, Marietta 31.3%, Sandringham 9.7%, Sillman 4.7%, Ba-
Amy: You don’t have to name them all. That is plenty.
Tammy: Good, I was getting out of breath.
Patty Lynn: He’s under fifty! That’s good, no?
Marietta: I’m barely at thirty.
Ellie: I won my first House primary with only twenty-eight percent.
Marietta: That’s because you live in a hellhole wh- wait, you were never in the House.
Ellie: I’m trying to cheer you up, I don’t have to tell the truth.
Kathleen: I hate to be the bearer of good news, but it looks like a lot of the vote is from Egerton’s home turf. Nothing from the Garden District yet.
Martin: He’s doing pretty poorly then, no way he gets to fifty if he’s under that in his home area.
Tammy: You feeling any better now?
Marietta: I don’t know how to feel. Tired, that’s how I feel.
Patty Lynn: You need a nap?
Sarah: She doesn’t let me nap!
Milton: You don’t let her nap?
Marietta: Naps are not good for you.
Milton: That’s the exact opposite of the truth.
Marietta: Who died and made you the nap expert?
Milton: I’m talking to a child.
Patty Lynn: That’s your mayor you’re talking to!
Milton: Our child mayor.
Marietta: What I was trying to say was that I’m exhausted from all the campaigning and the thought of another month of it is not lifting my mood.
Martin: You have every reason to feel that way, but you are a fighter, and I know you want to give this fight all you have in you.
Sarah: It’s like Kate Bush and that other guy say, “Don’t give up, you’re not beaten yet.”
Marietta: “Yet” being the operative word?
Ellie: I remember, right after that primary in 2018 against Betty Benoit, you felt so down on your chances, but you were determined to fight for it.
Tammy: Not qu-
Marietta: I still lost that runoff, Ellie. Very badly. It was extremely embarrassing.
Ellie: You’re not running as a Democrat in a Republican-plus-twenty state now. You’re the democratic incumbent running against a Republican in Democrat’s clothing. Tell everyone that. Give this man the fight of a lifetime. I believe in you.
Marietta: For anyone unaware, those are extremely rare words coming from her. She’s very rarely nice.
Kathleen: We are aware. That’s why I like her.
Martin: I think she’s nice!
Ellie: Thank you, Martin! It’s nice for someone to recognize my kindness.
Marietta: So what do we do now?
Amy: We’re going to wait. Wait for a call from the news, wait to see a better picture of the results. Then you’re going to go out there and make your case to the city, and you’re going to fight.
Tammy: What she said.
Thirty minutes later…
Milton: Are we sure it was a good idea to let Sarah go do crowd work? She’s just out there telling a story about meeting Billie Eilish.
Ellie: Telling a story about Billie Eilish to a bunch of Democrats can’t hurt.
Moira: Martin, can you un-mute the TV, they’re showing results.
Martin: Of course, dear.
Marietta: I am very nervous.
Tammy: You might be less nervous if you hadn’t banned us from looking at results on our phones.
Marietta: The updates were making me crazy.
Velma BeDreaux: It is nine o’clock in New Orleans, and roughly half the vote in the city has come in. We’re going to start with results for the city council In district A, we can project incumbent Marissa Breyer, a Democrat, has been re-elected to the seat she won in a special election two years ago. In district B, Democrats Florence Packard and George Kittard are advancing to a runoff to replace retiring councilor Pat O’Sullivan, with Packard leading.
Martin: I feel like we haven’t discussed our city councilor retiring nearly enough.
Patty Lynn: The right one is headed for a win, at least.
Velma: Helene Tran has been re-elected to district C uncontested.
Marietta: Hurry it up, woman!
Velma: In District D, DeeDee Adams, another Democrat, has also been re-elected, and will become the longest-serving councilor following the retirements of councilor O’Sullivan and District E incumbent, council president John Jackson is retiring after thirty years on the council. Young progressive Democrat Celia Greenley is the projected winner of his seat, easily defeating her rivals. This is seen as a major victory for Mayor Landfield, who was an early endorser of Greenley.
Marietta: You bet it’s a win!
Kathleen: Is this a good sign? I don’t know what’s going on.
Milton: It’s good. Marietta’s got a new friend.
Velma: In the first at-large district, Moira Donnelly Landfield, who just married senator Milton Landfield, has been re-elected.
Moira: I can’t believe I defeated a guy named Gene who think our government is made of aliens.
Velma: In a very surprising result, at-large district two incumbent Reggie Barrack is heading to a runoff against left-wing activist Mack Larkman, trailing the political newcomer by about ten points. It’s a shocking result for the most high-profile opponent of Mayor Landfield in the government.
Marietta: Oh my god!
Amy: Wow, shockingly people don’t like it when you dedicate all your time to trolling th emayor rather than actually governing.
Moira: Who woulda thunk?
Velma: We are ready to make a major projection in the mayoral primary, as well. Businessman Kent Egerton, the presumed frontrunner heading into the primary, and incumbent mayor Marietta Landfield are heading to a runoff, with both candidates soundly defeating third-place
candidate, Republican Angela Sandringham. They are both on track for results in the high thirties.
Tammy: Close race!
Marietta: Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
Marietta’s phone rings.
Marietta: Dear god…
Patty Lynn: What is it?
Marietta: Kent Egerton.
Patty Lynn: I’ll kill him.
Marietta: All of you, shush. I’m going to pick up. Gotta see what it’s all about.
Tammy: You sure about that?
Marietta: I am morbidly curious.
Marietta answers.
Marietta: Kent?
Tressa: 39%? You said you were going to win today!
Kent: You are my campaign manager, you should have known better than that! And I’m on the phone with Marietta now, be quiet!
Marietta: Kent!
Kent: Landfield! Good to hear from you. Just wanted to talk about the runoff. It’s on, apparently.
Marietta: Yes, that is how it works when no one gets fifty percent.
Kent: I want to wish you luck.
Marietta: You haven’t wished that before, this is nice change of tune.
Kent: I was humbled today. May the best man win.
Marietta: Or woman!
Kent: Best person.
Marietta: That works.
Tressa: What is a runoff?
Kent: Yeah, I gotta go. See you at the debate?
Marietta: Uh, yeah, sure.
Kent: Ha! Got you to agree to one!
Marietta: Dammit!
Kent: All right, I’ll be seeing you. I have a party to get to and supporters to speak to, I guess you have the same. Less people, but they’ve gotta be anxious.
Marietta hangs up.
Marietta: I’m gonna beat his ass.
What did you think of this episode of Marietta? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read the season finale next week!
