The Bullpen Season 4 Episode 12: Bobblehead

 

ROBERT, LORENZO, FELIX, ACE, DEVIN, HARRY, CHARLES, and MANNY are all standing outside the Indianapolis Primitives’ stadium. 


ACE
Why do we always go directly to the bullpen when we can experience walking through the stadium like everyone else does?


FELIX
Maybe because we’re not fans. Just a thought. 


CHARLES

I’m a fan. Ace makes a good point. Follow me everyone, it’ll be fun!


Everyone follows CHARLES, who leads them to the gates visitors need to go through to enter the stadium. After letting CHARLES through, a worker stops ROBERT. ROBERT is congratulated for being the 1000th fan to enter the stadium and is gifted a bobblehead. 


ROBERT
Alright, that was strange. 


LORENZO
Was it a good player? 


ROBERT
If it’s a starting pitcher, I’m going with yes. The question is how much are these worth. 


CHARLES
They sell bobbleheads for a pretty penny in the gift shop. 


LORENZO

That stinks. My pennies are kinda dirty. 


Everyone laughs. 


LORENZO
What? 


Everyone realizes LORENZO wasn’t joking and carries on. 


DEVIN
Let’s just get to that bench now. 


Everyone walks over to the bullpen and sits down. 


ACE
So Robert, aren’t you gonna open up that bobblehead box? 


ROBERT
Maybe I should keep it closed in mint condition. One day I’ll sell it and make some money off it. 


CHARLES
Trust me, that’s not gonna happen. Did you know I have seven bobbleheads each of all the starting pitchers? I thought I could sell them but turns out nobody wants them. 


ROBERT
Why only give them out to the 1000th visitor then? Seems to me as though they should hand more out. 


CHARLES
Don’t ask me. If anything, they should give out less. If they give them out for free, they’ll be valued less. 


MANNY
Come on Robert, open up that box. I want to see if this is gonna be a high-valued one. 


CHARLES
Did you not hear me say they’re all low-value? 


ROBERT
Fine, I’ll open it. 


ROBERT opens up the box and stares at the bobblehead. 


ROBERT
I have absolutely no idea who this is supposed to be. 


HARRY
Fair given you only know a few benchwarmers. 


FELIX
Let me see that. I know the starting pitchers from back when I was one. 


FELIX looks at the bobblehead. 


FELIX
Yep, no idea. 


LORENZO

Maybe it’s one of those people who walks up and down selling food. 


ROBERT
I can almost guarantee you it’s not. 


ACE
Check to see if it has a name on it. 


CHARLES
Yeah, those things tend to have names right underneath the feet. 


ROBERT
Alright, I’ll look…oh. 


CHARLES
What? 


ROBERT
It…it says Felix. I didn’t know there was more than one Felix on this team. 


CHARLES
There’s not. 


FELIX
That thing looks nothing like me! And do I not have a last name?! In fact, that’s not even my uniform number!


HARRY

I don’t know, looks spot on to me. 


ACE
I don’t see any resemblance!


MANNY
What do you say we just embrace the fact they bothered to make a bobblehead of one of you guys? That’s a nice gesture. 


A stadium announcer begins to talk. 


ANNOUNCER
Attention everyone: we realize there was a mistake with the bobbleheads today that we gave out to one out of every one thousand visitors. We apologize for this mistake and assure you it will not happen again. Go Primitives!


Everyone in the bullpen laughs. 


CHARLES
Somehow, this probably actually is worth something now!


HARRY

I’ll pay $300 for it. 


FELIX

Um…seriously? 


HARRY

Of course!


ROBERT
Yeah I’m taking that $300! 


HARRY hands ROBERT $300. 


ROBERT
You carry $300 in your wallet? 


HARRY
Who doesn’t?


ROBERT
People who don’t want to be mugged. 


HARRY

Anyways, Charles this bobblehead is yours for $301. 


CHARLES
I don’t have my wallet on me. Sorry Harry. 


HARRY

Someone’s gonna buy this thing…


HARRY starts to wander around the stadium to look for someone to buy the bobblehead of FELIX from him for over $300. 


MANNY

I feel embarrassed for him. Come on everyone, let’s leave. 


Everyone leaves. 

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