FELIX, ROBERT, LORENZO, ACE, DEVIN, CHARLES, and HARRY are all sitting on the bench. MANNY is reluctantly standing behind the snack table as HARRY has decided to take a game-long break.
FELIX
Guess what guys? For once, I’m excited to be here!
MANNY
Who lied to you and told you that you would pitch? Lorenzo?
LORENZO
I do not lie.
MANNY
Our starter is as good as all the others…
FELIX
This has nothing to do with baseball. Our mascot is stopping by the area today!
CHARLES
I’ve seen it roughly twice a season. I don’t know why they don’t bring it out more.
ROBERT
Well for one, it hasn’t gotten a costume change since the 1960s so it looks at run down.
LORENZO
What do you mean, costume change?
ROBERT
Our mascot is a dude in a costume. Everyone knows that.
LORENZO
I think that’s up for debate.
FELIX
Yeah, I heard there’s nobody in there.
MANNY
Let’s take a vote! So far, we have two for real, one for costume.
CHARLES
Two for costume. I met multiple people who are in it.
ACE
See that just doesn’t make sense. Three for real.
DEVIN
Count me in as four for real.
HARRY
Three for costume, I guess. There’s a 50/50 shot I got it right.
MANNY
Then I’ll make things interesting and make it four for costume, just to cause a tie and not settle things little argument.
FELIX
There’s only one way to find out. Here it comes The Primitive now!
THE PRIMITIVE, the Indianapolis Primitives’ team mascot, stands by the seats above the bullpen. FELIX waves his hands to get THE PRIMITIVE’s attention. THE PRIMITIVE jumps down to the bullpen.
FELIX
It’s so nice to meet you, The Primitive!
THE PRIMITIVE shakes FELIX’s hand. FELIX hugs him.
FELIX
I’m your biggest fan!
HARRY
Alright, let’s settle this.
HARRY goes up close to THE PRIMITIVE and tries to find human eyes inside.
ACE
Harry, give it room! You don’t know its culture!
LORENZO
Excuse me The Primitive, are you real? Blink if you are?
FELIX
You idiot, a mascot can’t blink.
DEVIN
So how are we gonna settle this?
HARRY
Take the head off.
THE PRIMITIVE immediately jumps over the bullpen and runs on the warning track. FELIX follows close behind, as he did not feel as though he had enough time with THE PRIMITIVE.
HARRY
I don’t care enough to run after them.
MANNY
How about we all just leave right now and deny we ever saw anything if someone questions us?
MANNY, HARRY, CHARLES, LORENZO, ACE, ROBERT, and DEVIN all leave. FELIX is still chasing after THE PRIMITIVE.
FELIX [yelling[
I want to talk to you, The Primitive!
THE PRIMITIVE continues to run, swirling around FELIX at times to remain on the warning track.
FELIX [yelling]
Some people I know think you’re just a man in a costume, but I know you’re real! I just know it!
THE PRIMITIVE keeps running, then stops for a second to catch a ball coming his way. FELIX runs right into him, as does the right fielder. All of them are injury free; THE PRIMITIVE escapes while FELIX realizes he’s about to go viral. FELIX waves to the crowd and leaves.