The Bullpen Season 4 Episode 11: Plate In Another State

FELIX, ROBERT, ACE, DEVIN, CHARLES, and MANNY are all in a van heading to an Indianapolis Primitives game. MANNY is driving. 

MANNY
So we’re on our way everyone: Plate In Another State. 


ROBERT
Yeah about that, I don’t see why everyone cares that we’re playing at a neutral field. 


MANNY turns to ROBERT, who is sitting in the second row, to answer. 


FELIX
WHOA! Eyes on the road, Manny. I thought you were doing bad enough as it was!


MANNY

Well do you want to drive then? 


FELIX
No way. 


MANNY

Then calm down and enjoy the thought of us about to arrive at a baseball field off the beaches of Hawaii. 


CHARLES

Which beach? 


MANNY
One of the good ones, I guess. 


ACE
Are there really any bad beaches in Hawaii?


ROBERT
I just hope we’ll be able to see the beach from where we’re sitting. Manny, how close is the beach? 


MANNY

Not sure. But if you can’t see the beach from the bench and want to see it, I’m sure no one will miss you. 


DEVIN

Ouch, that’s harsh. 


MANNY

I mean no one on the team!


DEVIN
No better. 


MANNY

On the actual team. The people who take the field. 


DEVIN
Are you done bullying our most senior member? 


ACE
Robert is so old. 


CHARLES
How old is he?


ACE
Huh? 


CHARLES
Oh, so you weren’t doing a joke setup. Got it. 


FELIX
I got one!


ACE
What? 


FELIX
Robert’s so old that remembers a time when this bullpen wasn’t a joke!


ROBERT
Felix that’s the truth and you know that. 


CHARLES
Back on topic guys. Robert was saying something about a beach. 


ROBERT
Yeah. If we can’t see the beach from our bench, we’re gonna check it out right after the game. Or at least, I am. 


ACE
Speaking of which, do you think we’ll be on TV? 


ROBERT
It’s a nationally-televised game, I’m sure you’ll see us in the distance whenever they focus the camera on the outfield. 


ACE
Hopefully we don’t make fools out of ourselves. 


ROBERT
Lorenzo isn’t here so the chances of that are slightly less than usual. 


DEVIN
He’s here in spirit and that’s all that matters. 


CHARLES
Huh?


DEVIN
I brought cotton candy! Here, take some everyone!


DEVIN hands cotton candy out to everyone in the van. 


ACE
Do you think Lorenzo would like that we’re eating cotton candy without him? 


ROBERT
Only one way to find out. 


FELIX
Robert if you even THINK about calling Loren—


ROBERT [on phone]

Hey Lorenzo! We’re on our way to the game and—[pause]—the baseball game—[pause]—the Primitives one—[pause]—alright, nevermind where we are or why, we’re all eating cotton candy and were wondering if you’re okay with that—[pause]—hello? 


ROBERT [to everyone else]

He hung up on me. 


DEVIN
Now I feel bad. But at least the cotton candy was good!


FELIX
I thought I was getting a break from that today. 


MANNY

Alright everyone, enough with the blabbering. Save it for the game. 


FELIX
Aren’t we gonna be there soon? 


MANNY

Just around the corner. 


CHARLES
Also, where are we? This doesn’t look anything like the Hawaii they show on TV. 


MANNY

I’m just following the directions. 


MANNY pulls into a parking lot. 


FELIX
You typed in the wrong address, didn’t you? 


MANNY
Nope. 


ACE
Isn’t Hawaii all beach, basically? 


MANNY

Apparently not this game. I also wouldn’t have come had I known. 


DEVIN
We’re legit in the middle of nowhere. This place is beyond rural. 


ROBERT
So Hawaii has all this rural land. You learn something new every week. 


MANNY
Maybe it’s not terrible. Come on guys, follow me to the field. 


Everyone walks to the field, looks around, and runs back to the van. MANNY speeds away. 

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