BRIAN
So let me get this straight. Neither of you have jobs?
ANDREW
Nope.
BRIAN
And you can still afford to pay rent?
JOSH
There’s no rent on this house Dad, remember?
FRAN
Brian, I told you that already!
BRIAN
And which one of you is having the kid again?
JOSH
Dad, we’re adopting. Neither of us are pregnant.
FRAN
And I’m going to be the first person in the family to see the kid, right?
ANDREW
We already agreed on that. Legally, Josh and I will be the first ones, but then you can see him.
FRAN
Oh. Him?
ANDREW
Yeah.
FRAN
Ok.
JOSH
Are you mad?
FRAN
No, just thought you’d be adopting a girl. Maybe around 10 to 12 years old.
ANDREW
Oddly specific. But no, he’s a four-year-old boy named Evan.
FRAN
You know, my grandmother’s name was Evelyn. Is that why you picked him?
ANDREW
Um...sure.
JOSH
Anyways, we need to come up with a living agreement if we’re going to live together. I think we should either separate the house in two or agree to keep the time we’re in the house together to a minimum.
FRAN
Oh, I understand. Your Dad and I got jobs so we should be gone for a good portion of the day.
ANDREW
You what?
FRAN
Got jobs. We’re both going to work at salespeople at a local mattress store. What’s the name of it again?
ANDREW
I think I know which one you’re talking about.
BRIAN
Andrew, what we’re saying is, I think you and Josh should think about not working there.
ANDREW
Shouldn’t be a problem.
JOSH
Any chance all four of us can live off that income?
FRAN
No way. Being the Senior Salesperson gets me a better salary than Brian, but I’m not sharing it completely.
JOSH
You’re the Senior Salesperson?
FRAN
Yeah, does that surprise you?
JOSH
Yes! I mean, no.
ANDREW
So what are the hours of this job?
FRAN
We leave at 8am and come home at 6pm. Bed time no later than 9pm.
JOSH
OK, so from 6pm to 9pm, Andrew and I have to be out of the house. Got it.
ANDREW
What are we supposed to do then?
JOSH
Not sure. Maybe eat a really long dinner or drive aimlessly?
BRIAN
And in the meantime, you’ll be looking for jobs. I don’t care what kind of job it is, just something that pays the $3 minimum wage.
ANDREW
Actually minimum wage is higher than—
JOSH
No it’s not!
ANDREW
Oh, right. $3 an hour it is!
BRIAN
I actually happen to know a guy who’s looking for workers right now.
ANDREW
Oh? Who is it?
BRIAN
A doctor’s office.
JOSH
We’re not doctors.
BRIAN
That doesn’t mean you don’t know how to entertain kids while they’re in the waiting room.
JOSH
We’re screwed.