NUMB HUMOR STUDIOS PRESENTS:
COLLEGE
Season 2 Episode 11
"Sophomore Slump"
Written by
William Fry & Michael Ledesma
2.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Andrew, Edison, and Megan enter their apartment and collapse on the couch.
EDISON
I hate college.
ANDREW
Join the club.
MEGAN
You know what we should do.
EDISON
Drop out. Get in a car and drive until we run out of gas and start a new life wherever we stop. Never look back.
MEGAN
No. I was gonna say that we should go out tonight. Let loose.
ANDREW
I like Edison's idea better.
MEGAN
The College Club is having a dance party tonight. I don't know about you two but I could use a night of dancing.
ANDREW
You know, I think Sarah and I would enjoy that.
MEGAN
Great, what do say Edison?
EDISON
I think I'm gonna stay in. Maybe do some homework. Y'all have fun.
Edison goes to his room.
ANDREW
Ok, we gotta help him. I've never seen him voluntarily do his homework.
MEGAN
Any ideas?
3.
ANDREW
No, no immediate fix.
MEGAN
Then there's nothing we can do right now, just give him time. Edison will be alright.
INT. THE COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
Andrew, Sarah, and Megan enter the College Club.
ANDREW
Y’all go find us a table. I’ll get us some shakes.
Megan and Sarah take a seat.
SARAH
So... you seeing anyone?
MEGAN
No. You?
SARAH
I’m dating Andrew. Remember?
MEGAN
Oh right. Sorry, I’m still having a hard time believing that he could get someone like you. That’s a compliment to you.
SARAH
Oh. Thank you. So there’s no one you've got your eye on?
MEGAN
No. No one.
SARAH
Well, if you are looking for someone, I do know a lesbian.
MEGAN
Is it Phoebe?
SARAH
How did you know?
MEGAN
We went on a few dates. She doesn't like you.
4.
SARAH
What?
Andrew appears with their milkshakes.
ANDREW
Alright. What are we talking about?
SARAH
About how Megan is currently single.
MEGAN
By choice.
ANDREW
You know, I’ve always wondered. Have you ever been in a serious relationship?
MEGAN
Of course I have. But very few.
ANDREW
Did they end badly?
MEGAN
Yes and no. Some were mutual.
ANDREW
You know, I actually know a lesbian who I think you would like.
SARAH
She already knows about Phoebe.
ANDREW
Oh. Well, tonight we’re gonna find you a lovely girl.
MEGAN
That’s really not necessary.
SARAH
Yes it is. You’re our friend. I’m sure one of the girls here is a lesbian.
ANDREW
Yes. We just need to turn on our gaydar.
Megan facepalms herself.
5.
MEGAN
Please don't say that ever again.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
Edison sits at his desk. He closes his textbook.
EDISON
(To Himself)
All done. Now to save the galaxy.
Edison opens his laptop and starts playing Starquest. The volume is loud and he shouts as he plays. There is a loud KNOCK at the door. Edison answers it. Standing in the doorway is an intelligent looking girl wearing large glasses. Her name is PAIGE.
EDISON
Can I help you?
PAIGE
I’m trying to study but it’s a little hard with you playing your game.
EDISON
Ok?
PAIGE
So, could you not be so loud?
EDISON
Why are studying? It’s Thursday. Who studies on a Thursday?
PAIGE
I do. I have a quiz tomorrow.
EDISON
You do realize quizzes don’t matter. It’s all about the tests.
PAIGE
What? Why would you think that?
EDISON
Just a little wisdom I picked up along the way.
PAIGE
Whatever. Could you just be a little quieter?
6.
EDISON
Look, I’ve been having a real hard time lately and this game is the only thing that brings me joy right now.
PAIGE
What happened to you?
EDISON
The love of my life broke up with me and moved to Italy.
PAIGE
(Sarcastically)
Really? I wonder why.
EDISON
Okay you know what, I’m a real catch. Any girl would be lucky to date me.
PAIGE
Ha!
EDISON
Don’t believe me? Fine. Let me take you out to dinner.
PAIGE
What?
EDISON
Right now. Let’s get dinner. Then you’ll see how awesome I am.
PAIGE
I have to study.
EDISON
Oh my gosh, life is not all about studying.
Edison steps outside and closes the door.
EDISON
You like Mexican?
PAIGE
Um yeah.
EDISON
Great. I know a little place across the street.
7.
Edison begins walking. Paige doesn't follow. Edison stops and turns around.
EDISON
C’mon.
Paige begins to follow Edison hesitantly.
PAIGE
Okay. But this isn’t a date.
INT. THE COLLEGE CLUB - NIGHT
SARAH
What about her?
MEGAN
Straight.
ANDREW
What about her?
MEGAN
Hella straight.
ANDREW
Her?
MEGAN
She’s holding hands with her boyfriend.
ANDREW
You never know. She might want to switch teams.
Sarah slaps Andrew’s arm.
ANDREW
Or maybe she’s straight.
MEGAN
Well that’s almost everyone and all of them are straight.
SARAH
There’s got to be one lesbian here. Or at least a curious girl.
MEGAN
Look, I appreciate y’all trying to help but really, it’s ok. Besides, It’s fun being a-
8.
Megan sees a beautiful sorority girl at the milkshakes bar. She is immediately enamored.
ANDREW
Being a what?
Sarah follows Megan’s gaze and sees the sorority girl.
SARAH
Is she...?
MEGAN
Oh yeah.
Andrew sees the sorority girl.
ANDREW
How can you tell?
MEGAN
My gaydar is going off the charts.
Megan leaves the table and goes to the milkshake bar next to the sorority girl. They start talking. Andrew and Sarah watch from afar.
SARAH
Can you make out what they’re saying?
ANDREW
I can’t read lips.
Megan returns to the table.
SARAH
So? How’d it go?
MEGAN
I got her number. We’re getting dinner tomorrow.
ANDREW
Alright! See, you did find someone.
MEGAN
You two were absolutely no help.
INT. MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Edison and Paige are eating at a table. It is a small restaurant.
9.
EDISON
Can I ask you something?
PAIGE
That depends. Are you capable of asking a good question?
EDISON
Why do you care so much about school?
PAIGE
Why don’t you?
EDISON
College is just four more years of high school. I didn’t try then and still made it. Why fix what isn’t broken.
PAIGE
Did your girlfriend really move to Italy?
EDISON
Yeah.
PAIGE
You must have really loved her.
EDISON
(Abruptly)
What about you? You got a boyfriend?
PAIGE
No.
EDISON
Why am I not surprised.
Edison and Paige laugh.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
Andrew, Sarah, and Megan enter the apartment. Edison is sitting on the couch watching tv.
EDISON
How was y’alls night?
ANDREW
Great. You?
10.
EDISON
Same. I met our upstairs neighbor. I think she hates me.
ANDREW
She?
EDISON
Yeah. We also got dinner.
Andrew and Megan faintly smile at each other.
END.