STATION MARKET HH RATINGS (+/- LAST WEEK)
RSN Los Angeles: 6.9 (+0.3)
RSN Indianapolis: 6.1 (+0.2)
RSN Santa Fe: 0.7 (-0.1)
RSN Anchorage: 0.3 (-0.1)
RSN Bridgeport: 0.2 (+0.1)
SETTING: Corporate office of RSN. SASHA approaches TREVOR at his cubicle.
SASHA
You doing anything?
TREVOR
Just catching up on some emails. You know how it is.
SASHA
You get emails?
TREVOR
I get plenty of emails. Just because I don’t have a station anymore doesn’t mean I don’t get emails.
TREVOR INTERVIEW
Promotional offers, coupons, spam, you name it, I get it. I like to give everyone the dignity of a reply when I can.
SASHA
Can you help me out for a second? I kind of have a problem on my hands with Santa Fe.
TREVOR
Sure, what’s going on?
SASHA
I’m starting to think the Santa Fe Primitives are gonna be a massive failure. We’re getting closer and closer to Opening Day and ratings are as low as ever!
TREVOR
Don’t worry about it, you still got what, another six weeks before the season begins? That’s plenty of time. Nobody’s even thinking about baseball right now.
SASHA
Pitchers and catchers report today, so I’ve been told.
TREVOR
How bout this: doesn’t Benny’s new assistant there know most of the guys on the team?
SASHA
Nobody good. And also…
TREVOR maintains eye contact.
SASHA
Never mind.
SASHA INTERVIEW
The move from Indianapolis to Santa Fe is turning out to be not as popular among the players as everyone once thought. A lot of people are leaving the team and they’re basically rebuilding a whole new team from scratch. You know, in an expansion market on one of our lowest-rated remaining stations. Santa Fe only made the cut because of the Primitives moving there, so if this doesn’t work out immediately…no, this has to work. It has to!
SASHA approaches NICOLE at her cubicle. NICOLE is clearly much busier than TREVOR was.
SASHA
Hey Nicole, mind if I interrupt you for a second?
NICOLE looks up from her computer but doesn’t say anything. SASHA takes a deep breath.
SASHA
I’m worried about the Santa Fe Primitives. The way things are going, this team’s gonna fall apart after leaving Indy and shut down RSN Santa Fe while they’re at it.
NICOLE takes a few seconds to process what SASHA said, then bursts out laughing.
SASHA
Nicole?
NICOLE
Duh. You can’t just move a team to a much lesser market and expect them to stay together.
SASHA
But like…the ratings will improve at least a little, right?
NICOLE
Look, there’s a reason Indy moved on from the Primitives. Women’s basketball did better for less money. But Benny might have an idea or two for you.
NICOLE returns to her work.
SASHA INTERVIEW
Last time Benny got directly involved in Santa Fe was the Santa Fe Claus promo fiasco. I’m not counting on him to help here.
SASHA knocks on the door to BENNY’s office.
BENNY
Name and station!
SASHA
Sasha and Santa Fe.
BENNY pauses.
BENNY
Come in.
SASHA enters BENNY’s office.
BENNY
What’s the issue now?
SASHA
This is the first time I’ve approached you with an issue. Also I haven’t said there was an issue yet.
BENNY
Oh. I must be confusing you with — never mind. What brings you here?
SASHA
I’m nervous about the Santa Fe Primitives.
BENNY
Oof, tell me about it. That team looks like a disaster waiting to happen. Should’ve stayed in Indy if you ask me.
SASHA
Benny! Not helping! My job’s on the line!
BENNY
Your job’s on the line?
SASHA
I mean…I assumed.
BENNY
RSN Santa Fe’s existence is on the line. But who knows, maybe I’ll move you to a different station. Or start up a new one.
SASHA
But then what would happen to that person?
BENNY
Don’t worry about it. But I do have one suggestion: We rename RSN Santa Fe to RSN Santa Fe Claus. Then people will remember the promo!
SASHA
Unless the city gets renamed Santa Fe Claus, I think that’ll just cause more confusion.
BENNY
Then you got your work cut out for you.
SASHA exits BENNY’s office.
BENNY INTERVIEW
Yeah I think RSN Santa Fe Claus could work. Though RSN Santa Claus has a ring to it too.
SASHA approaches KYLIE at her cubicle.
KYLIE
I heard you’re going around the office asking everyone for help with your job.
SASHA
Uh…no. Where’d you hear that?
KYLIE
Nicole told me. Probably to rub it in my face that you asked her for advice and not me.
SASHA
It wasn’t anything personal.
KYLIE
That’s what I said!
SASHA
I can’t say too much without all hell breaking loose but…just be cautious, okay?
KYLIE
Look at LA’s ratings and look at Santa Fe’s ratings.
SASHA
I know, but—
SASHA pauses, then throws up her hands.
SASHA
You’re right. Forget I said anything!
KYLIE INTERVIEW
I like Sasha. She’s not Nicole so she has that going for her. But the poor girl is too gullible sometimes. That’s right out of Benny’s old playbook, telling someone at a low-rated station that maybe they can take over a higher-rated station when their station gets cut. I’m just surprised Benny’s already gone back to his old tricks.