RSN Season 1 Episode 5: Blake Your Heart Out

STATION MARKET HH RATINGS (+/- LAST WEEK)

RSN Los Angeles: 7.0 (+0.3)

RSN Indianapolis: 6.2 (-0.1)

RSN Anchorage: 0.9 (=)

RSN Santa Fe: 0.8 (=)

RSN Bridgeport: 0.0 (-0.2)


SETTING: RSN corporate headquarters. BLAKE is at his cubicle, and is looking at the latest ratings report for RSN Bridgeport.


BLAKE

For crying out loud.


SASHA, who is sitting at his own cubicle nearby, overhears BLAKE.


SASHA

Should I ask?


BLAKE

Not if you don’t want to be bothered hearing about Bridgeport’s ratings.


SASHA

Sure, what’s going on?


BLAKE

To start—


SASHA’s phone rings.


SASHA

Hold that thought, Santa Fe is calling me. They probably just want to talk about the Primitives’ roster. Good luck with your thing!


BLAKE INTERVIEW

As I was saying, to start off, RSN Bridgeport should be in full panic mode right now. They averaged a 0.0 Household rating this week, which…I mean I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, you know? But they need a plan before Benny figures out there’s no reason to have this station operating. And that’s why I came up with one.


BLAKE walks up to BENNY’s office and knocks on the door.


BENNY

Who is it?


BLAKE

It’s Blake!


BENNY 

What’s your station?


BLAKE

Bridgeport.


BENNY

Oh. Uh…I’m out of office.


BENNY INTERVIEW

As a manager, sometimes you need to set boundaries with your employees when they’re demanding too much from you. I got nothing against this guy, but I just had to deal with the two girls and I am TIRED!


BLAKE opens the door.


BLAKE

Come on Benny, I think you’re gonna want to make time for this. Bridgeport’s struggling.


BENNY

Bridgeport’s struggling? I don’t like to hear that!


BLAKE

Yeah. We gotta fix this.


BENNY

Circle back to me when you have news I’d like to hear.


BLAKE

Seriously?!


BLAKE storms out of BENNY’s office and returns to his desk, capturing the attention of NICOLE.


NICOLE

You seem like you’re in a pleasant mood.


BLAKE

I tried getting Benny to help me out with something and he told me to —


NICOLE

Wait, like right now you talked to him?


BLAKE

Yeah…


NICOLE

Oh no.


BLAKE

Crap. What?


NICOLE

Kylie just took up like an hour of his time. He can’t be bothered to meet with anyone now.


BLAKE

So that’s why he tried to tell me he’s out of office. Doesn’t he know that only works on email?


NICOLE

Apparently not. Now, how can we get back at Kylie?


BLAKE

Huh?


NICOLE

You know, make her day a little tougher?


BLAKE

Is the ratings gap growing between LA and Indy?


NICOLE

Uh huh. And I HATE IT!!!


BLAKE

Alright but in the meantime I’m trying to figure out how to keep one of our stations on the air…


NICOLE

I have an idea! I’ll just stop making small talk with her for the rest of the day. That’ll show her.


BLAKE

Never mind, clearly you’re not listening to me. 


KYLIE [from a cubicle away]

Also Nicole, I’m right here. Sound travels.


NICOLE

So uh…weather’s been holding up, right?


BLAKE walks away from NICOLE and catches DEVIN sitting on the floor, watching a video on his phone.


BLAKE

I take it Benny doesn’t feel the need to have a personal assistant in his office with him while he naps?


DEVIN

Apparently not.


BLAKE

Whatcha watching?


DEVIN

Nothing.


BLAKE

You’re clearly watching something.


DEVIN gives in.


DEVIN

Bake Your Heart Out.


BLAKE

Excuse me?


DEVIN

Bake Your Heart Out. It’s a cooking competition show, have you never heard of it?


BLAKE

Hold up…a cooking competition show?! RSN Bridgeport used to be a cooking channel before we took over! 


DEVIN looks at BLAKE blankly.


BLAKE

You have no idea where I’m going with this, do you?


DEVIN

Nope.


DEVIN INTERVIEW

I’m not too well-versed in all the history of RSN’s stations and whatnot. I was just trying to watch some TV in my downtime. There are only so many hours in the workday where I can do that you know.


BLAKE

I want to rip off this Bake Your Heart Out show and air it on RSN Bridgeport. And rerun it, and rerun it again, and rerun it again to the point where we’re not doing 0.0s anymore!


DEVIN

But then it wouldn’t be a sports station.


BLAKE

The sports will come later.


BLAKE runs back to his cubicle and calls VICTOR, the new station manager for RSN Bridgeport.


VICTOR

Hello? 


BLAKE

Victor! Look, I got an idea and I think it’s really gonna help the station.


VICTOR 

Who is this?


BLAKE

It’s Blake. Your station liaison from corporate? Does nobody know me?


VICTOR

Don’t worry about it, nobody knows me around here either.


BLAKE

Uh…I think you should change that. Show them who’s in charge!


VICTOR

Yeah. But also like, I don’t know a lot about ratings but I figure a 0.0 isn’t that good?


BLAKE

No. No it’s not. Also where are you right now, I can hear cars going by in the background.


VICTOR

Yeah so I’ve basically been “working from home” for I don’t even know how long now. I thought it would be a good common ground approach between what I want and what everyone else here wants.


BLAKE

Dare I ask?


VICTOR

I want to keep my job, they want me to resign. If I “work from home” but don’t really do anything, everyone’s happy! Or at least, I don’t have to deal with them if they’re mad.


BLAKE

You know what? You’re probably right. I’m sure they all do want you to resign. And I’m not sure what got Benny to give you a leadership position. 


VICTOR

That makes two of us.


BLAKE

But Bridgeport needs you. 


VICTOR

No they don’t.


BLAKE

Literally nobody else would take that job. Now hear me out: RSN Bridgeport brings in some cooking programming. The old viewers from the channel are happy again while we work to bring in new viewers. Think Bake Your Heart Out, but…cheaper. A lot cheaper. Like, as cheap as you can imagine cheaper.


VICTOR

Bake Your Heart Out. Devin introduce you to that one?


BLAKE

Yup. 


VICTOR

It’s a good show. I’ll consider it.


BLAKE

I want us at a 0.5 soon.


VICTOR

I’ll get Bake From Your Heart on the air right away.


BLAKE

There we go.


BLAKE hangs up to find KYLIE hovering over him. He gets startled and jumps out of his seat. KYLIE casually walks away without saying a word.


KYLIE INTERVIEW

Hate me all you want, it’s so much fun just listening in on other people’s phone conversations. I was just curious though. Unlike Nicole, Blake doesn’t think he can take my crown.

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