STATION MARKET HH RATINGS (+/- LAST WEEK)
RSN Los Angeles: 7.0 (+0.3)
RSN Indianapolis: 6.2 (-0.1)
RSN Anchorage: 0.9 (=)
RSN Santa Fe: 0.8 (=)
RSN Bridgeport: 0.0 (-0.2)
SETTING: RSN corporate headquarters. BLAKE is at his cubicle, and is looking at the latest ratings report for RSN Bridgeport.
BLAKE
For crying out loud.
SASHA, who is sitting at his own cubicle nearby, overhears BLAKE.
SASHA
Should I ask?
BLAKE
Not if you don’t want to be bothered hearing about Bridgeport’s ratings.
SASHA
Sure, what’s going on?
BLAKE
To start—
SASHA’s phone rings.
SASHA
Hold that thought, Santa Fe is calling me. They probably just want to talk about the Primitives’ roster. Good luck with your thing!
BLAKE INTERVIEW
As I was saying, to start off, RSN Bridgeport should be in full panic mode right now. They averaged a 0.0 Household rating this week, which…I mean I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, you know? But they need a plan before Benny figures out there’s no reason to have this station operating. And that’s why I came up with one.
BLAKE walks up to BENNY’s office and knocks on the door.
BENNY
Who is it?
BLAKE
It’s Blake!
BENNY
What’s your station?
BLAKE
Bridgeport.
BENNY
Oh. Uh…I’m out of office.
BENNY INTERVIEW
As a manager, sometimes you need to set boundaries with your employees when they’re demanding too much from you. I got nothing against this guy, but I just had to deal with the two girls and I am TIRED!
BLAKE opens the door.
BLAKE
Come on Benny, I think you’re gonna want to make time for this. Bridgeport’s struggling.
BENNY
Bridgeport’s struggling? I don’t like to hear that!
BLAKE
Yeah. We gotta fix this.
BENNY
Circle back to me when you have news I’d like to hear.
BLAKE
Seriously?!
BLAKE storms out of BENNY’s office and returns to his desk, capturing the attention of NICOLE.
NICOLE
You seem like you’re in a pleasant mood.
BLAKE
I tried getting Benny to help me out with something and he told me to —
NICOLE
Wait, like right now you talked to him?
BLAKE
Yeah…
NICOLE
Oh no.
BLAKE
Crap. What?
NICOLE
Kylie just took up like an hour of his time. He can’t be bothered to meet with anyone now.
BLAKE
So that’s why he tried to tell me he’s out of office. Doesn’t he know that only works on email?
NICOLE
Apparently not. Now, how can we get back at Kylie?
BLAKE
Huh?
NICOLE
You know, make her day a little tougher?
BLAKE
Is the ratings gap growing between LA and Indy?
NICOLE
Uh huh. And I HATE IT!!!
BLAKE
Alright but in the meantime I’m trying to figure out how to keep one of our stations on the air…
NICOLE
I have an idea! I’ll just stop making small talk with her for the rest of the day. That’ll show her.
BLAKE
Never mind, clearly you’re not listening to me.
KYLIE [from a cubicle away]
Also Nicole, I’m right here. Sound travels.
NICOLE
So uh…weather’s been holding up, right?
BLAKE walks away from NICOLE and catches DEVIN sitting on the floor, watching a video on his phone.
BLAKE
I take it Benny doesn’t feel the need to have a personal assistant in his office with him while he naps?
DEVIN
Apparently not.
BLAKE
Whatcha watching?
DEVIN
Nothing.
BLAKE
You’re clearly watching something.
DEVIN gives in.
DEVIN
Bake Your Heart Out.
BLAKE
Excuse me?
DEVIN
Bake Your Heart Out. It’s a cooking competition show, have you never heard of it?
BLAKE
Hold up…a cooking competition show?! RSN Bridgeport used to be a cooking channel before we took over!
DEVIN looks at BLAKE blankly.
BLAKE
You have no idea where I’m going with this, do you?
DEVIN
Nope.
DEVIN INTERVIEW
I’m not too well-versed in all the history of RSN’s stations and whatnot. I was just trying to watch some TV in my downtime. There are only so many hours in the workday where I can do that you know.
BLAKE
I want to rip off this Bake Your Heart Out show and air it on RSN Bridgeport. And rerun it, and rerun it again, and rerun it again to the point where we’re not doing 0.0s anymore!
DEVIN
But then it wouldn’t be a sports station.
BLAKE
The sports will come later.
BLAKE runs back to his cubicle and calls VICTOR, the new station manager for RSN Bridgeport.
VICTOR
Hello?
BLAKE
Victor! Look, I got an idea and I think it’s really gonna help the station.
VICTOR
Who is this?
BLAKE
It’s Blake. Your station liaison from corporate? Does nobody know me?
VICTOR
Don’t worry about it, nobody knows me around here either.
BLAKE
Uh…I think you should change that. Show them who’s in charge!
VICTOR
Yeah. But also like, I don’t know a lot about ratings but I figure a 0.0 isn’t that good?
BLAKE
No. No it’s not. Also where are you right now, I can hear cars going by in the background.
VICTOR
Yeah so I’ve basically been “working from home” for I don’t even know how long now. I thought it would be a good common ground approach between what I want and what everyone else here wants.
BLAKE
Dare I ask?
VICTOR
I want to keep my job, they want me to resign. If I “work from home” but don’t really do anything, everyone’s happy! Or at least, I don’t have to deal with them if they’re mad.
BLAKE
You know what? You’re probably right. I’m sure they all do want you to resign. And I’m not sure what got Benny to give you a leadership position.
VICTOR
That makes two of us.
BLAKE
But Bridgeport needs you.
VICTOR
No they don’t.
BLAKE
Literally nobody else would take that job. Now hear me out: RSN Bridgeport brings in some cooking programming. The old viewers from the channel are happy again while we work to bring in new viewers. Think Bake Your Heart Out, but…cheaper. A lot cheaper. Like, as cheap as you can imagine cheaper.
VICTOR
Bake Your Heart Out. Devin introduce you to that one?
BLAKE
Yup.
VICTOR
It’s a good show. I’ll consider it.
BLAKE
I want us at a 0.5 soon.
VICTOR
I’ll get Bake From Your Heart on the air right away.
BLAKE
There we go.
BLAKE hangs up to find KYLIE hovering over him. He gets startled and jumps out of his seat. KYLIE casually walks away without saying a word.
KYLIE INTERVIEW
Hate me all you want, it’s so much fun just listening in on other people’s phone conversations. I was just curious though. Unlike Nicole, Blake doesn’t think he can take my crown.