Cindy walks into the kitchen and opens up the dishwasher.
Cindy: Hey, Teri, I thought you said you were running this thing last night?
Teri: I did. Right before I went to bed, I filled it with soap and turned it on.
Cindy: These dishes are dirty. Did you forget to turn the knob all the way or something?
Ralph: Aww, she’s getting forgetful in her old age!
Jerry: Memory loss before she’s even had a kid, that’s tough. Betty’s gonna be devastated.
Teri: You people make me crazy.
Ralph: From the sound of it, you don’t need any help with that.
Teri: So I forgot to turn the dishwasher on once, is that a crime?
Ralph: No, but it is an early sign of -
Teri: Shut up! It’s not like it’s any sort of emergency, anyway.
Cindy: It sort of is, there’s something I needed in there.
Teri: I’ll wash it for you by hand if you all lay off of me.
Cindy: Sorry, I didn’t mean to lead a charge against you. I should’ve known better than to ask you that in earshot of these sharks.
Teri: It’s fine. They’re the ones that are truly annoying.
Jerry: I said one thing and moved on. I’m just playing on my phone, having a fun time, watching my basketball highlights.
Cindy: How ‘bout that LeBron, huh? What a talent.
Jerry: Yeah, the great, undiscovered LeBron James.
Cindy: I don’t know basketball, I’m just making small talk!
Teri: Anyway, let’s just turn the dishwasher on now. We’ll be up when it’s done anyway, then we can put all the dishes away while we’re watching TV. Not much of an inconvenience then.
Cindy: Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll turn it on now and just wash the dishes I need to use.
Teri: That’s why you’re the brains of the family!
Cindy: I know that was irony, but I don’t choose to see it that way. Thank you!
Two hours later..
Betty: Hey, what’s with the dirty dishes in the dishwasher?
Teri: What do you mean?
Betty: I thought you ran the dishwasher last night and I was shocked no one unloaded it yet, but I went to do it myself -
Karl: She asked me to do it while I supervised.
Betty: and all the dishes are dirty!
Teri: Cindy!
Cindy: Something the matter?
Teri: Didn’t you say you were turning the dishwasher on?
Cindy: I did!
Teri: Mom says the dishes are dirty.
Cindy: Mom can barely see!
Betty: That’s not true!
Cindy: Let me see these so-called dirty dishe- ah, she’s right! Dirty!
Teri: So I thought I turned it on and then the dishes weren’t washed, and you thought you turned it on and then the dishes weren’t washed… either we both have carbon monoxide poisoning and it has both of us acting strange, or the dishwasher is broken.
Betty: Cindy, you were in the kitchen, how couldn’t you tell that the dishwasher wasn’t running?
Cindy: It’s really quiet! I can never hear that thing!
Teri: I have sympathy for you, I was also in denial about my hearing loss for the longest time.
Cindy: The dishwasher was naturally quiet.
Mitchell: Hold on, why are we saying “was?”
Teri: Oh, the dishwasher’s dead.
Mitchell: It wasn’t me, I never touch it! I’m not paying for a new one!
Teri: That’s where your mind goes?
Danielle: Is it not where it always goes?
Velma: I taught him well!
Jerry: I can try and take a look at it tomorrow to see if it can be fixed. It’s not that old, it shouldn’t have stopped working like this so soon.
Ralph: We have been here for seven years, and it’s used hard.
Velma: They used to make things better back in the day!
Mitchell: Yeah, me and Velma had the same dishwasher from the time we moved into our first place until the time we moved out.
Velma: They didn’t need to know that.
Mitchell: Things were made better! Dishwashers could last twenty-five years with only minimal rusting.
Teri: Good lord.
Ralph: So whose job is it going to be to clean all these dishes in the dishwasher?
Everyone but Frank: Not it!
Frank: Oh, darn.
Teri: Look one the bright side, Frank, it should only take an hour or so to get it all done. You like water!
Frank: Swimming in it, sure. Drinking it, yeah. Sticking my hands in it to wash dishes? Not so much.
Teri: Oh well.
The next day…
Teri: So, how are we feeling about the dishwasher?
Jerry: Like we should have called a plumber, but at least I got the day off from being bossed around by Betty.
Teri: So no progress?
Jerry: Oh, this is way more complicated that I could’ve ever imagined. It seems to just be completely broken, and like it was beyond repair, but someone with more experience could’ve been much more confident about that than I am.
Velma: I’ll take your word for it, and I’m glad we didn’t waste money on a plumber in that case.
Teri: So who gets the job of finding a new dishwasher?
Frank: Not me!
Karl: I’ll go with you, Teri. You’re the only one I trust. Velma will get the cheapest one possible -
Velma: Guilty as charged!
Karl: Ralph will get the most expensive one because he thinks that’s automatically the best -
Ralph: Yes.
Karl: and your mother will take three or four hours to pick one out.
Cindy: As if Teri’s any faster!
Karl: Would you like yo go with?
Cindy: No thank you.
Karl: I thought so.
Teri: How did I get dragged into this? I don’t deserve such punishment.
Karl: You actually use the dishwasher, you know what features to look out for. I don’t use it much, so I’ll need help on that.
Teri: Punished for being too helpful, dammit!
Cindy: Think of it this way, at least he trusts your opinion.
Karl: I trust your opinion! You’re just so busy.
Cindy: Likely story.
Jerry: Does this mean you won’t be at work tomorrow at the boutique?
Karl: Yes, it does. I picked up the slack for you today while you broke the dishwasher, so I’m hoping you’r willing to do the same for me.
Jerry: I think that can be arranged!
The next day…
Teri: All right, I think it’s going to be this one.
Karl: You sure? You don’t need to walk down the line and look each one over one last time?
Teri: No, I think I did that enough.
Karl: You take more after your mother than I ever gave you credit.
Teri: Hey! That’s not nice!
Karl: In spite of both of your indecisiveness, I still love you. It’s almost charming.
Teri: Almost?
Karl: Well, it’s been four hours. My legs are tired.
Teri: Let’s go get this thing ordered so we can get home. Elsbeth is on tonight, I want to be home and relaxing.
Karl: All right, let’s go do it.
One hour later…
Rich (store worker): All right, everything looks good. The earliest day we have available for a delivery and install is Monday, if that’s all right.
Teri: I think we can live without a dishwasher for four days. That’ll work fine.
Rich: All right, I’ll get this finalized and you two can be on your way.
Teri: Thank you, I really appreciate it.
Four days later…
Tammi: When are they coming to set up the dishwasher? I don’t want to be in the way.
Velma: You don’t care about being in the way, you just don’t want anyone to see you looking like you just rolled out of bed.
Tammi: Why would I bother to shower and dress up when I’m just sitting in front of a computer? Wake up, eat breakfast, get to work, then shower once the work day’s done so you can feel refreshed. That’s the way to do it.
Teri: I took off of work so you two could continue your own work uninterrupted, so I’m sure hoping they get here before you get off work. They said between eleven and three, so they better stick with that.
Tammi: My lunch break is in the middle of that, that isn’t cool.
Teri: I don’t know what to tell ya.
Tammi: I’ll make myself a PB&J, stick it in a cooler. I can eat in the room.
Teri: Very good idea, how wise!
Tammi: That felt like mocking, but I choose to take it seriously.
Teri: Do you guys mind if I watch TV?
Velma: Why would we mind?
Teri: Well, my ears are bad, I listen to it loud. I don’t know if that’d be distracting for you.
Velma: If I can sustain the level Betty plays it at when she’s home sick, I can sustain whatever level you play it at.
Teri: Ah, good, just a full day of me and SNL.
Velma: SNL? Isn’t that on on a Saturday? And at night?
Teri: Yeah, I’m watching every episode ever. Even the bad ones.
Tammi: That’s all of them.
Teri: That’s not… that’s not true.
Velma: You know what they say about opinions.
Teri: All right, I think it’s time for you two to get to work.
Velma: No, I have -
Teri: No, it’s time.
Five hours later…
Teri: Tammi, I feel asleep briefly.
Tammi: Because SNL’s so exciting?
Teri: You lay off Lorne!
Tammi: Anyway…
Teri: Did we get a call from the hardware store in that time?
Tammi: No one’s called today.
Teri: And no one was here?
Tammi: I think that would’ve woken you up.
Teri: Yeah, you’re probably right about that.
Tammi: It’s not even three yet, they have time.
Teri: Not much. Only an hour yet.
Tammi: That’s plenty of time.
Teri: I’ve just got a bad feeling.
Tammi: That’s probably all the SNL you’ve been watching.
Teri: Oh, stop it!
Tammi: It’s too fun, no!
Later that night…
Ralph: I’m going to address the elephant in the room.
Teri: Don’t even!
Danielle: I think the old dishwasher looks nice.
Ralph: It’s falling apart.
Jerry: Yeah, sorry about that.
Danielle: It looks like an abstract art piece.
Ralph: The door’s about to fall off.
Danielle: Exactly! It’s whimsical. It’s like a kitchen in a Dr. Seuss book.
Frank: Is she high?
Mitchell: I wish I were high.
Velma: You always wish that.
Steven: What’s it like to be high?
Tammi: We’re not talking about this tonight! Just never do it! Ever!
Betty: It’s legal in Virginia.
Tammi: He doesn’t need to know that!
Ralph: But seriously, the dishwasher. What happened there?
Teri: They did not come, they did not call. Apparently, there was an email sent saying it was pushed back to Thursday somehow.
Karl: That’s not so bad.
Teri: I work Thursday, I can’t take off again.
Karl: Someone will surely be willing to bi-
Mitchell: I’ll do it!
Betty: Of course you will.
Mitchell: Basically everyone’s had a day off lately, I’ve had to keep working. It’s only fair.
Jerry: He’s not entirely wrong.
Betty: Fine, you can have Thursday off. If we could survive Jerry and Karl both taking days off, covering for you will be a walk in the park, at least.
Mitchell: Okay, that’s a little -
Betty: Entirely true?
Teri: So Mitchell will be here to supervise the installation. I see no way that anything could go wrong!
Mitchell: None of you have any faith in me!
Danielle: Wow, I wonder why.
Mitchell: Hey, you’re not even in the family, you don’t get to make fun of me.
Betty: She’s more in the family than Frank!
Frank: Frank didn’t even say anything!
Betty: Why are you referring to yourself in the third person? You’re not Flavor Flav!
Three days later…
Cindy: Wow, Teri. This dishwasher is pretty! Big step up from the last one!
Jerry: Can we stop talking about how I ruined the last one? It was already broken!
Cindy: I was referring to the fact that it was ugly.
Betty: It wasn’t what I would’ve picked out, I’ll tell you that much.
Mitchell: I have something to tell you all.
Teri: Oh god! Here it comes!
Velma: This should be good.
Mitchell: So, they dropped it off. And they did slide it into the slot.
Teri: Yes?
Mitchell: It was not hooked up.
Teri: You’re kidding me!
Velma: Yeah, this was always how this was going to end.
Ralph: Did they forget?
Mitchell: They didn’t know how to do it.
Teri: We paid for installation!
Mitchell: I am aware. They said something about setting up an appointment with their plumber, I’m not sure when that could be done. The guys that set it up didn’t seem to have a clue, either.
Teri: This is fantastic. Thank god Jerry broke the dishwasher.
Jerry: I did not break it.
Teri: I know, but I enjoy how mad it makes you when we say you did.
Jerry: I don’t like being slandered.
Karl: I think I’m going to call and set up the plumber.
Teri: It better not be long. This was supposed to be done days ago!
Karl: I’m sure they won’t inconvenience us any further, they’ve always been professional every time I’ve bought things from them in the past.
Velma: The inconvenience we’ve already experienced is ridiculous. We’re going to get a discount for these delays. It’s the least we’re owed.
Karl: I don’t feel comfortable demanding a discount. It’s not that bad.
Velma: Let me do it. I’ll get us ten percent off, minimum.
Teri: I would like a bit of money back in my wallet.
Tammi: Yeah, let Velma call and work out a discount for our troubles!
Karl: All right, Velma, you go ahead.
Velma: You’re about to see the master at work!
Thirty minutes later…
Velma: Good news and bad news. Which do you want first?
Teri: How is there any bad news?
Danielle: I believe a promise was made.
Velma: Sometimes things go awry.
Teri: What happened?
Velma: I… I demanded the refund before the plumber. Suspiciously, they were only able to find a plumber that could come out in three weeks. I took it, I wasn’t about to argue and make the woman “realize” that that appointment was already taken and the soonest was actually a month away.
Teri: Three weeks without a dishwasher?
Velma: We’ve survived worse!
Cindy: Not much worse. My hands are in a state of near-disrepair! I feel like I work as a dishwasher at a restaurant!
Velma: That’s a respectable way to make a living!
Cindy: But it’s not how I make a living! It’s happening in my own house, and I get no help!
Teri: We’re calling our own plumber, who is not Jerry, and getting this done this weekend. This has gone on too long.
Velma: But that would cost too m-
Teri: No. This ends now. Some things are worth the expense.
Velma: I disagree.
Teri: Shocker.
Three days later…
Cindy: Teri, this dishwasher is incredible! I’m so glad we finally get to use it!
Teri: Isn’t it swell?
Cindy: It is, but honestly, even that rusty one Mitchell was talking about would seem like heaven in comparison to having to wash the dishes of twelve people every single day.
Teri: I would’ve gone mad.
Cindy: Oh, trust me, I was quite mad.
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
