It is October 2024. Tammi dramatically falls onto her bed.
Frank: Tough day?
Tammi: I had my annual doctor visit.
Frank: Is something wrong. You look upset.
Tammi: I talked to him about my, you know…
Frank: Your what? Is something wrong you haven't told me?
Tammi: My weight issue.
Frank: Weight issue?
Tammi: You don’t have to scream it!
Frank: Sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just don’t see any weight issue. You look great.
Tammi: I appreciate that, but I’ve been putting on weight, and I’m trying to turn it around.
Frank: Did the doctor give you any advice?
Tammi: Oh, he gave me advice.
Frank: I don’t like the way you said that.
Tammi: I asked him for Ozempic.
Frank: Ozempic? What all the celebrities are taking?
Tammi: Yeah. It’s good to shed some pesky pounds. I don’t have a ton to lose, just twenty, thirty pounds. The doctor agreed, he wrote me a prescription for it.
Frank: Is he supposed to do that?
Tammi: Plenty of doctors are doing it now. If it can help me solve my issue, and keep me from and weight-related health issues, I think he sees that as a good thing, the healthy thing.
Frank: You’re not anywhere near a weight where it would start causing health issues. I think you could easily burn whatever small weight you want to lose naturally, rather than taking unnecessary medication, but it’s your choice. I’ll support whatever you want to do.
Tammi: Good, because I already got it and took the first injection.
Frank: Well, that was fast.
Tammi: I need you to promise me something.
Frank: You want me to keep it a secret?
Tammi: You know me so well!
Frank: Are you never going to tell anyone?
Tammi: I just want to get results first, and then we can talk. I’m not trying to mislead anyone, I just don’t need them to be annoying about it.
Frank: Fair enough.
Tammi: Be honest, do you think you’re doing the right thing?
Frank: Are you already having second thoughts?
Tammi: No, I just… you’re always so supportive, and you seem to have reservations on this.
Frank: I think you’re perfect the way you are, but I want you to feel good. If this helps with that, I’m all for it.
Tammi: I appreciate that, even if you dodged the question.
Frank: It’s what I do best.
Present day…
Teri: Someone’s at the door.
Ralph: That’s nice.
Teri: I’m cooking, can someone else go get it?
Velma: I’m in the middle of a really exciting Candy Crush level.
Teri: Anyone?
Tammi: I’ll get it.
Teri: Thank god! That doorbell drives me nuts!
Mitchell: That doorbell was a gift to me from my father-in-law and it is my most treasured possession.
Teri: Your most treasured possession is a doorbell that plays the Guns n Roses version of Knock-knock-knockin’ on Heaven’s Door?
Mitchell: It is indeed.
Velma: Isn’t he just the worst?
Danielle: You married him!
Velma: People make mistakes! I’m human! Sue me!
Danielle: I don’t sue people over making a mistake, I’m not you.
Tammi opens the door.
Lianne: Wow, I haven’t seen you in a while. You look amazing! Did you lose weight? You look so slim!
Tammi: Oh, stop. So do you! What brings you here?
Lianne: You do not even need to lie about me “looking great” or being “slim.” I look like I swallowed a watermelon.
Tammi: You do not!
Lianne: You don’t need to lie. I’m pregnant, I’m sure you can tell.
Tammi: Oh, thank god you said it. I was afraid of being wrong and sounding mean.
Lianne: Seriously, though, you look fantastic!
Jerry: I don’t think she looks any different.
Tammi: So what brings you around?
Lianne: You guys see her every day. It just looks much more drastic to me. I need your workout routine!
Velma: Workout? She doesn’t have time to work out! She works all day, then she has to deal with our idiocy. I can attest to that, I also work from home.
Tammi: Did you come just to stop in and say hi?
Lianne: Oh, no. Where’s Ralph?
Ralph: Right here, what’s up?
Lianne: I’m having a baby shower, I would love it if you could cater it.
Ralph: Well, not like I’ve got anything better to do. When’s the party?
Lianne: One month from now. It’s going to be a huge bash, so I wanted to give you fair advance warning.
Ralph: Sounds good to me.
Betty: Oh, does the father have a big family too?
Lianne: Oh, no, there is no father. Doing it on my own!
Teri: Good for you, sister! Mom, don’t get any ideas.
Betty: I didn’t say anything.
Teri: And thank god for that.
Lianne: The party’s going to be filled with all my closest business associates and friends and relatives. All the people I want to impress, and also all the people I’m related to.
Tammi: Well, I’m really happy for you. Motherhood is such a joy.
Steven: Mom, can you throw a towel downstairs? I spilled laundry detergent all over the floor!
Tammi: Like I said, a joy.
Lianne: You sound like you’ve got a lot on your hand, so I’ll get going. Ralph, whenever you can send over menu ideas, that’d be great.
Ralph: I’ll get them over tomorrow or Wednesday if that’s all right.
Lianne: Sounds good to me. See you guys around!
Lianne leaves.
Velma: So what’s this about a weight loss?
Tammi: The one none of you noticed?
Velma: Like Leanne said, it’s more drastic when you haven’t seen someone in a while. We see you every day, we’re not going to notice a weight loss as easily because it’s so gradual.
Tammi: Then how do you even know I lost weight? Maybe the pregnancy hormones just messed with Lianne’s brain.
Velma: Now that it’s been pointed out, I can see it.
Betty: You do look great! Are you sure you haven’t been working out?
Tammi: I have been a bit, but, well, it was mostly Ozempic.
Cindy: Ozempic? You? Wow! I never would have guessed.
Tammi: I started back in October, I’ve lost over twenty pounds from it. It’s been a wonder drug for me. I feel a lot better, not that any of you have noticed.
Mitchell: I noticed! It’s just not polite to comment on a lady’s weight!
Tammi: That’s true.
Velma: Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Betty: How did you get Ozempic?
Tammi: I talked to the doctor about my weight struggles, he offered a solution to burn those pesky pounds.
Betty: It was that easy?
Tammi: Why, are you getting some sort of idea?
Teri: When is she not?
Betty: I’ve wanted to lose weight for years, I can never do it no matter what I try.
Karl: Betty, you are not doing Ozempic.
Betty: Why not?
Karl: You aren’t overweight.
Cindy: I would go so far as to call you frail.
Betty: I am not frail!
Ralph: Remember when you fell off the ladder and it bruised your entire back?
Betty: That would happen to anyone!
Ralph: Not quite like that. There was a crunching sound.
Betty: Yet, I didn’t break any bones. Not frail!
Teri: Mom, you don’t need Ozempic.
Betty: I just want to be here a long time for all of you. I don’t want to be unhealthy. I have a little bit of a gut, flabby arms.
Teri: I think they call them “bingo wings.”
Ralph: And every old lady’s got them, nothing wrong with it.
Cindy: Ozempic can’t get rid of flabby skin.
Betty: But it can help with the gut!
Cindy: What gut? You wear a size medium
Betty: It’s a snug fit.
Karl: You don’t need it. I have nothing against people getting it if they need it, but you’re a perfectly healthy weight. No doctor would legitimately prescribe it to you, anyway. Because, once again, you don’t need to lose weight.
Betty: But I want to! Is it so wrong to want to be healthy?
Karl: Excessively thin isn’t necessarily healthy.
Betty: I’m not excessively thin.
Teri: But you apparently want to be.
Mitchell: Weren’t you working on dinner?
Velma: Oh my god…
Teri: How about you go finish up? You’re more than capable.
Mitchell: No thank you.
Teri: Then you’ll wait for dinner.
Mitchell: And I’ll be happy to do so!
Teri: You sure will be!
Karl: So back to you not needing Ozempic.
Betty: I just want to lose like ten, fifteen pounds.
Frank: You know, a good, heart healthy way to do that -
Betty: Don’t even say it! I mean it! Don’t say it!
Frank: Exercise.
Betty: I hate you!
Frank: I mean it! A good job, biking, maybe basketball or tennis… it burns the calories.
Betty: I like to watch basketball and tennis. I don’t like to play them.
Ralph: How about pickleball? That’s basically a sport for the elderly.
Cindy: How many calories can one burn playing that? Ten?
Betty: I don’t do exercise. We all know that. My exercise is going to the mall or to Kohl’s and walking around for a while.
Karl: That sure does slim my bank account quite a bit.
Teri: It would definitely be a better way to lose weight and get healthy than Ozempic, at least when you only want to lose a few pounds.
Betty: The last time I tried exercising, I gained weight.
Teri: Are you telling me you think exercise is bad for you?
Betty: I didn’t say that. I said it doesn’t work for me.
Karl: I’ll work out with you. We’ll join a gym.
Danielle: I’m a member of a gym, I have a regular routine and it works well for me.
Betty: But I’m so busy!
Karl: We can find an hour a day, come on.
Betty: But I don’t wanna…
Tammi: You know, I had to really convince the doctor to give me a prescription, and I have more weight to lose than you. Just try out natural weight loss before you go begging for Ozempic. You don’t want to look like one of those Hollywood celebrities that went overboard, do you?
Betty: Do I want to be as thin as a Hollywood star? Gee, that’s a tough one… yes!
Teri: Okay, she’s not getting this.
Karl: You’re not doing Ozempic! It’s not healthy for you, drop it!
Three days later…
Anita: Um… Betty?
Betty: What?
Anita: Are you okay?
Betty: What do you care?
Anita: Look, I don’t like you, but I see an elderly woman hunched over on the side of the road with her face all red and I can’t help but pull over and make sure she’s not dying.
Betty: I’m fine.
Anita: Okay, uh… you sure?
Betty: I’m sure.
Anita: What are you doing out here then?
Betty: Ozempic!
Anita: Uh huh.
Betty: I wanted to use it to lose weight, they told me it’s not right for me.
Anita: The doctor?
Betty: No, my entire family. They said I’m a healthy weight and Ozempic would make me too thin.
Anita: I don’t think they’re wrong, you’re incredibly thin already.
Betty: That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!
Anita: Yes, well, I’m trying to get you out of the street. Come on, get in, I’ll drive you home.
Betty: Why are you being nice?
Anita: Consider it repayment for that time you were nice to me after my divorce.
Betty: You still haven’t told anyone else about that, right?
Anita: Never have, never will!
Betty: Sometimes, I almost like you.
Later that day…
Betty: You will all be very proud of me!
Teri: What did you do? It’s never good when you come in here all excited like that.
Betty: I went for a jog today!
Cindy: Wow, that is impressive.
Betty: I know!
Tammi: You’re going to keep it up, right?
Karl: I said I wanted to go together!
Betty: You know I’m a bit of a lone wolf!
Karl: It’s fine, I’ll just die an early death due to lack of movement. It’s probably for the best, life’s pretty annoying anyway.
Betty: Glad we’re on the same page!
Teri: Excuse me?
Tammi: You’re going to keep jogging, right?
Betty: Do you people ever stop nagging me?
Teri: That is an absolute no.
One weeks later…
Betty: Oh my god, I’ve lost two pounds! It’s happening! I need to get the family together! They must know of my accomplishment.
Betty runs through the house searching for the family.
Betty: Family meeting everyone, let’s go!
Mitchell: I was napping!
Velma: When aren’t you?
Steven: This better be good, I was doing my homework.
Tammi: Ignore her, do your homework.
Steven: Alright…
Teri: Are we sure he was doing homework or locking lips with -
Tammi: Homework, my son doesn’t lie.
Teri: Sure.
Betty: Has anyone seen Frank?
Tammi: Oh, he’s in the hospital. Do you not pay attention?
Betty: You’re kidding, why?
Tammi: He was so inspired by my weight loss that he decided to drop some pounds himself. He got the gastric sleeve surgery. We told everyone he was going in for surgery a week ago. The doctors say he could lose forty, even fifty points!
Betty: You have got to be kidding me!
Jerry: So what was this big meeting about?
Betty: Just... never mind. Frank ruined it, as always!
What did you think of this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
