The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 15: Top Of The Eighth
FELIX, CARTER, and DAVE are at the end of the bullpen bench talking to one another.
FELIX
So a 10 run lead, how about that?
CARTER
Looks like we’re going to the Championship Series after all.
FELIX
And more importantly, one of us is gonna get to pitch.
DAVE
Odd that none of us went in for the 7th though. I mean, I know the lead was 8 runs then and not 10, but still.
FELIX
Yeah I guess they were just being extra careful.
DAVE
Surely one of us will get a call to start warming up any minute now.
CARTER
Come to think of it…shouldn’t that have happened already?
FELIX
Now that you say it, yeah it should’ve.
DAVE
Well, guess we better get Lorenzo’s attention then.
CARTER
LORENZO!
After a pause:
CARTER
No answer.
FELIX
You can’t just say his name if you want his attention.
FELIX looks toward LORENZO.
FELIX
LORENZO, I HAVE COTTON CANDY AND I’M ABOUT TO EAT IT!
LORENZO comes running over to FELIX. FELIX, DAVE, and CARTER start laughing.
LORENZO
Alright, very funny, where’s the cotton candy.
FELIX
I, uh…ate it. So anyways, when are we going into the game?
LORENZO
Jason hasn’t called yet so maybe not this inning. Don’t take it personally, they didn’t let me come into the game with a 3 run lead either.
CARTER
We got a 10 run lead.
LORENZO
10 runs?! Well nobody’s told me about the game in a while, to be fair. Yeah they wouldn’t let me go into a 10 run lead game either.
DAVE
We’re not you. We’re actual pitchers. We usually pitch late in the game. Remember?
LORENZO
Right. Yeah you should probably be going into the game.
DAVE
So why aren’t we?
LORENZO shrugs.
LORENZO
I have an idea.
FELIX
What?
LORENZO
You guys should come over and play bullpen kickball with the rest of us!
CARTER
Is that what you’ve been doing? From what I could tell it looks like you’re just kicking a wiffle ball around.
LORENZO
We are. That’s what bullpen kickball is.
ACE
LORENZO! ARE YOU COMING BACK!
LORENZO
COMING!
LORENZO runs over to the bullpen kickball game.
ACE
Our team won because of you!
LORENZO
Really?! I didn’t know I was doing any good.
DEVIN
You weren’t, but you leaving made us so much more focused.
BRYAN
Yeah and your foot didn’t get in the way.
LORENZO
Happy to hear I was the MVP of the game.
ROBERT
This isn’t fair. Next time, Lorenzo has to play the whole game.
VICTOR
Yeah, we were so close to winning, honestly I’d say we did win. The match should’ve ended when Lorenzo walked away.
MANNY
We were ahead by so much and then all of a sudden Lorenzo leaves and we lose.
HARRY
This is like the opposite of if he went into the Primitives game.
LORENZO
Okay I get it, I suck at baseball and bullpen kickball. But you know what I’m good at? Wait hold on, phone’s ringing!
LORENZO answers the bullpen phone and listens for a few seconds before hanging up.
CARTER
Who does he want warming up?!
LORENZO
Huh?
DAVE
That was Jason, right?
LORENZO
Yeah.
FELIX
So who does he want warming up?
LORENZO
Oh he was just bored. Nobody’s warming up.
DAVE, FELIX, and CARTER angrily walk away as the Primitives take a 12 run lead.
The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 16: Bottom Of The Eighth
HARRY
Alright, bottom of the eighth and the game’s basically over. Anyone want anything before I close up shop?
Nobody says anything.
HARRY
Not even you, Lorenzo?
LORENZO
Nah I’m good for today, thanks.
HARRY raises his voice in case anyone didn’t hear him.
HARRY
OK, I guess I’m done with food for today!
A fan sitting directly behind the bullpen speaks up.
FAN
Did you say food?
HARRY
Yeah.
FAN
Can I have some?
HARRY
Sorry, it’s for the bullpen only.
FAN
Come on, all I want is a hot dog.
HARRY
I said it’s for the bullpen only. If you want a hot dog you have to go to one of the million concession stands at the ballpark.
FAN
But this isn’t fair! I’m gonna miss the last inning if I leave my seat now!
HARRY
It doesn’t take that long to get a hot dog.
FAN
Did you see the score? Practically everyone still here is ordering food. It would take at least an hour.
HARRY sighs.
HARRY
Fine. But I have to charge you.
FAN
Do you charge the bullpen for food?
HARRY
I charge one of the guys. I don’t like him.
FAN
How much for a hot dog?
HARRY
30 dollars.
FAN
I’ll take it.
HARRY makes the fan a hot dog and hands it to him. The fan hands him $30. Another fan sitting next to him approaches.
FAN #2
I’ll have a hot dog too if you don’t mind.
HARRY
$30.
Suddenly, a swarm of fans gather around the bullpen looking for snacks and food. They are all yelling down at the bullpen for what they want to eat.
HARRY
Okay enough is enough, this has gone too far.
LORENZO
I’ll take a hot dog too if you don’t mind. For free please.
HARRY
I have a huge backorder here.
LORENZO
Fine, I’ll just get in line at a concession stand if you’re gonna talk to me like that.
LORENZO hops over the bullpen and exits the stadium.
DEVIN
I think that’s our permission to leave.
ACE
Yeah I’m out of here.
BRYAN
See you guys at the Championship Series!
CARTER
Eh, I’m not sure if I’m gonna go to it. No point when they never let us pitch.
FELIX
Yeah, we might as well boycott if they don’t want us there.
DAVE
I’m showing up. I don’t know about you but I’m ready to be the hero of the game.
VICTOR
Keep dreaming.
ROBERT
I think we should all show up. After all, it could be our last game together.
DAVE
Hopefully.
CARTER
Hey, is Lorenzo ever gonna talk to the general manager?
DAVE
Hopefully not.
ACE
You’d be surprised how much progress Lorenzo can make when he puts his mind to it.
A swarm of fans jumps down to the bullpen. Everyone except HARRY quickly leaves.
HARRY
I could use a little help!
A few fans jump up on the bullpen bench at the same time and leave a visible crack in it. HARRY walks over.
HARRY
You guys just broke the bullpen bench.
The fans look terrified.
HARRY
Everybody out.
Nobody moves.
HARRY
Well I wasn’t here when it happened.
HARRY leaves. The Primitives go on to win the game and advance to the Championship Series.