Gretchen walks into her office.
Gretchen: Good morning, ladies! Happy November!
Carol: Ugh.
Gretchen: What an energetic bunch. Burned out from Halloween?
Carol: Please don’t talk about Halloween.
Susana: It’s far from a good morning, sorry to say.
Gretchen: Who died? Did we lose another Golden Girl?
Sarita: How do we tell her…?
Gretchen: Tell me what?
Sarita: You sweet summer child.
Gretchen: I’m forty years older than you.
Carol: The Golden Girls are all dead, Gretchen, that’s what she’s implying.
Susana: The right-wing media has a new story out about you!
Gretchen: I am truly the main character. What’s the big hullaballoo today?
Carol: Sit down.
Gretchen: Oh, it’s bad. Can I get my tea first?
Carol: You haven’t earned tea.
Gretchen: Oh, I’m guilty, aren’t I?
Carol: I’m pretty sure you are.
Gretchen: What are they saying?
Carol: Remember when Mary got that speeding ticket last year?
Gretchen: Oh my god, they’re trying to bring down her campaign with speeding ticket? That was thrown out!
Carol: Yeah, exactly.
Gretchen: I’m not understanding.
Carol: The judge who threw it out, you appointed her to the Supreme Court a few months later.
Gretchen: And…?
Carol: They’re saying you bribed her with an appointment in order to get the ticket thrown out.
Gretchen: Are you serious?
Carol: It’s bad.
Gretchen: It’s all speculative!
Carol: Speculation can still ruin a career!
Gretchen: It’s not true! You know how long it takes to vet a nominee to the Supreme Court.
Carol: I do know… the timeline would add up in the event that there was no vetting and they were simply nominated as a political favor, without vetting.
Gretchen: This is ridiculous. Who has picked up this story so far?
Susana: Just some right-wing blogs and people on Twitter.
Gretchen: Like I care about Twitter.
Carol: You just better hope it doesn’t spread. It’s a terrible look.
Gretchen: Well, then we should get out ahead of it. Deny, deny, deny.
Carol: Oh, yes, draw attention to it. Amazing idea.
Susana: Don’t be too rude to her, this is a lot of information for her to process. She knows she’s about to get raked over the coals, in all likelihood.
Gretchen: You know what I really worry about here? I can’t win re-election again anyway, I’m termed out. I’m worried about Mary. She won’t lose, the district is too blue, but can they force her to resign over this?
Carol: I put nothing past Hank Matthews and his desire to cling to power.
Gretchen: So we’re ignoring this?
Carol: That’s the plan with any scandal, is it not?
Gretchen: That’s true. Usually, they go away.
Carol: That being said, we have a busy day today.
Gretchen: Oh, what restaurant opening do we have to appear at today?
Carol: It’s budget day!
Gretchen: Oh, god… it feels like we’re always working on this damn budget.
Carol: Well, they keep rejecting it, so… yeah.
Gretchen: One of these days we’ll get it!
Carol: Or maybe Governor Pratt will get it.
Gretchen: Shut up!
Carol: I kid! You probably won’t have to resign over this.
Gretchen: Probably?
Carol: I say it with eighty-five percent confidence.
Gretchen: That doesn’t make me feel great.
Carol: This will most likely blow over.
Later that night…
Lucinda: Honey…
Anthony: Who the hell’s she talking to?
Gretchen: I think Toby?
Toby: Don’t make me go in there.
Anthony: Who are you calling, Luc?
Lucinda: Gretchen!
Gretchen: Honey? Good lord, what have I done this time?
Lucinda: Did you bribe a judge?
Gretchen: Ah, crap.
Anthony: Are you really asking her that? Where would you get that from?
Lucinda: The news!
Anthony: What news? Fox?
Lucinda: The local news.
Gretchen: I’m going to bed, I have a fever.
Toby: And the only prescription is more cowbell!
Lucinda: You look fine. Get your ass in that seat, explain yourself.
Gretchen: I’m innocent, I just look guilty.
Lucinda: I raised you, I know that line far too well. It’s never been true.
Gretchen: It is this time. This judge is very well-respected, she was on my radar for a while because I knew a justice was retiring. It’s all completely coincidental.
Lucinda: You think people will buy that? That you put a judge on traffic court duty onto the state Supreme Court because she has a good reputation? Come on!
Gretchen: It was an attempt at appointing a justice with a history of working with the people. So many top court picks are from the higher courts, and they’re people with connections who went to the big-name schools. I only looked at lower court judges with histories of working with the people.
Lucinda: Again… you think people will buy that?
Gretchen: It’s the truth!
Lucinda: Regardless, it makes you look extremely guilty. This is a classic pay-to-play scandal, you’re screwed!
Anthony: You aren’t screwed, your explanation is clearly believable.
Lucinda: You sleep in bed with her every night, you have to say that.
Toby: Don’t talk about that!
Anthony: I believe her, because she’s trustworthy. End of discussion.
Lucinda: She’s a politician. People naturally don’t trust them, let alone when they fall into a scandal…
Gretchen: Mother, are you trying to push my buttons?
Lucinda: No, but I greatly enjoy it.
Anthony: We can tell!
The next day…
Gretchen: So, how are we getting through this?
Carol: Is something going on?
Susana: Mom, don’t get smart.
Samantha: Can I step in?
Gretchen: I’m screwed, so we might as well enjoy my last day in office together, governor-designate.
Samantha: I know you think I’m celebrating the impeachment -
Sarita: Wait, impeachment? What did I miss?
Carol: What, have you been stuck on commercial break this morning?
Sarita: No one told me! I’ve been stuck down in my office!
Samantha: I’m very bummed about this, Gretchen. I never wanted this. How are you handling it?
Gretchen: I’m being impeached for something I didn’t do, I’m pissed!
Samantha: They only announced articles so far, they’ve passed nothing. In fact, I’d be shocked if they actually did get two-thirds support for it.
Gretchen: You think Hank and Jeanne would announce it if they didn’t think they had the numbers?
Samantha: I think they might announce it in an attempt to strong-arm people into going with them, even if they know they don’t have the votes.
Carol: Let’s look at it this way, no governor in our state’s history has ever been impeached, or removed. You’d be making history!
Gretchen: Well, that's something.
Susana: We can still fight this. You get to defend yourself. We have dated transcripts of our meetings with Supreme Court contenders, no?
Gretchen: Um… do we?
Carol: I’ll look into it.
Gretchen: Okay, so the only thing between me and the unemployment line is the hope that Carol took the minutes on my meetings and that she didn’t misplace them. I’m screwed.
Carol: I’m very good at my job!
Gretchen: Is that a job you usually do?
Carol: Occasionally.
Gretchen: Oy vey.
Samantha: Like Susana said, you get a defense. Even if you don’t have transcripts, you can explain the situation.
Gretchen: Will they believe me?
Samantha: You just have to convince half of our own party in either chamber to believe you.
Carol: Maybe bribe them, too!
Gretchen: Not funny!
Carol: I know you didn’t bribe the judge, but is it not hilarious that, after all the nonsense we’ve pulled, we’re getting thrown out for something we’re innocent of?
Gretchen: No!
Susana: I’m just heartbroken for you.
Gretchen: Just for me?
Susana: I’ve got opportunities. You’re screwed if you get impeached.
Gretchen: Thank you for the reassurance!
Susana: We’re gonna fight like hell to keep you in office.
Gretchen: Oh, god, are you gonna do an insurrection?
Carol: I’m down. I have absolutely nothing else in my life besides this job.
Samantha: You didn’t have to tell us that, we know.
Carol: Don’t be cold.
Gretchen: Okay, strategy session. You are, somehow, my closest allies and advisers. I need advice on how to get through this.
Samantha: We should leave that to the lawyers, no?
Carol: Yeah, no public statements on this. Ignore the media attention, defect any questions about it, tell your family to do the same.
Gretchen: Even Mary? This directly impacts her own campaign, how can she ignore it?
Carol: Gretchen, I’m sorry, I know it’s family, but that’s not your concern.
Gretchen: She’s going to feel the same way.
Carol: I don’t know what to tell you. We just can’t make waves.
Gretchen: The waves have been made.
Carol: Let’s just not make them even more intense.
Gretchen: Ah, man. This is tough.
Carol: We’ll get through it. I’ll go look right now for those transcripts, actually.
Two hours later…
Jeanne: Thank you for requesting this meeting, governor.
Gretchen: Cut the crap, you’re impeaching me. Why?
Jeanne: Have you seen the news? This is a frenzy, we can’t sit back and ignore it.
Gretchen: I didn’t do anything!
Hank: Sure.
Gretchen: Judge Hanford was being vetted for an appointment since Justice Carlton announced his retirement from the Supreme Court, a month before Mary’s case. I wasn’t involved in that case, either, as it was a minor traffic infraction. I’ve been informed as time’s gone by that the officer involved even agreed that it wasn’t worth putting points on her license or fining her, as the infraction was so minor and she has a perfect driving record. I’ve done nothing wrong, it’s just a hit piece aimed at Mary where I am the collateral damage.
Hank: It’s about public perception. The state sees you as a crook.
Gretchen: So the truth doesn’t matter anymore, Hank?
Hank: The truth looks to be that you used a Supreme Court vacancy to get your sister out of a ticket. There’s a lot of evidence backing that theory.
Gretchen: All of it circumstantial.
Hank: Not true.
Gretchen: Then name this evidence.
Jeanne: We’re not lawyers.
Gretchen: Even you don’t believe in your case.
Jeanne: I know you’re desperate, but did you just call us here to insult us?
Gretchen: I’m begging you to throw this out. I know we haven’t gotten along, but our state deserves better than petty revenge.
Jeanne: You’re floundering. I feel pity.
Gretchen: You’re condescending. I feel pity for your husband.
Hank: Let’s not do personal insults, our time together is nearing its end and we want to retain the positive memories.
Gretchen: I have none, of either of you.
Hank: That’s the hostility that’s made the last five years so painful.
Carol: Governor Raymond, I found something.
Hank: A box to pack your office?
Carol: Shut up, Hank!
Gretchen: Madam Majority Leader, Mister Speaker, I have to step out, I’ll be right back.
Gretchen walks into the hallway.
Carol: Gretchen! I did it! I found the transcript of your meeting with Judge Hanford! It’s dated a week before Mary’s traffic incident and it is heavily detailed regarding your intentions for interviewing her. You’re not getting impeached.
Gretchen: I could kiss you!
Carol: I’m waiting.
Gretchen: Let me go rub this in their faces, then we can have a mahout session.
Carol: Wait, for real? Let me go get my chapstick…
Gretchen: Oh my god, I’m kidding!
Carol: So was I! Duh!
Back in the meeting room…
Gretchen: Read it and weep!
Hank: Goddammit.
Jeanne: You didn’t even read it yet!
Hank: I know, I let my glasses in my office.
Jeanne: You’re, like… old old.
Hank: I am not!
Gretchen: I have a pair, here ya go. Bask in my innocence!
Hank: This is an official document?
Gretchen: It has my seal on it and everything. Carefully filed and stored for safekeeping, like every other document in this place.
Hank: When was the traffic incident again, Jeanne?
Jeanne: A week after this…
Hank: You’re kidding!
Jeanne: Wish I weren’t.
Gretchen: Told ya so! Told ya so! Told ya so!
Jeanne: You’re unbearable when you’re gloating.
Gretchen: Fully aware! Speaking of which… we’re having a press conference tomorrow clearing my name, because I’m sick of having it dragged through the mud. It’s gonna be fun!
Jeanne: I suppose we owe you that much.
Gretchen: I look forward to continuing to work beside you, my dear friends!
What did you think of the midseason finale of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the season premiere of Our House next Thursday!
