Our House Season 6 Episode 2 - Our Little Shop of Horrors

Our House Season 6, Episode 2
Our Little Shop of Horrors

Betty walks into Betty’s Boutique with boxes in her hands.

Betty: You mind helping?

Mitchell: Me?

Betty: Who do you think I’m talking to, the mannequins?

Mitchell: I didn’t know if Jerry or Karl were in here, too.

Betty: You don’t even know who’s in the store with you?

Mitchell: I’m working very hard.

Betty: The store is not open, and your eyes were closed.

Mitchell: I’m brainstorming ideas for our fall ad.

Betty: Would you just shut up and give me a hand with these boxes?

Mitchell: What’s in there, anyway?

Betty: It’s the decorations that I had to take off our Halloween display back at home because it was too “scary.”

Mitchell: What are you doing with them here?

Betty: My god, did you and Frank swap bodies? What’s with all the idiotic questions this morning? You still a little groggy?

Mitchell: I always am.

Jerry: I told you I was right behind you, why’d you leave without me?

Betty: You poked around too long! Snooze, you lose!

Jerry: Thanks for making me waste gas money.

Betty: You can thank your governor for those gas prices!

Jerry: They’re lower than when Franzello was in office!

Karl: Are you two bickering again?

Mitchell: Ah, there he is!

Karl: She had me grabbing things from the car. This is heavy!

Betty: I have a lot of work to get done here. Two weeks until Halloween, four boxes of decorations to get up.

Mitchell: You’re decorating the store?

Betty: Of course! It’s festive, it brings in people.

Mitchell: It just seems like a lot of work.

Jerry: You would say that.

Mitchell: You sound like my wife.

Jerry: I’m glad she’s honest.

Betty: I think a nice, decorated storefront will bring people in, grab their attention, make them stop. Plus, it’s just fun for us.

Mitchell: Don’t make it too scary, though.

Betty: Be a man.

Mitchell: Where’d that come from?

Jerry: We were all thinking it.

Later that night…

Cindy: So, how was everyone’s day?

Teri: I missed General Hospital, so it was a rough one for me.

Cindy: People still watch that?

Teri: It is my lifeblood.

Cindy: I thought that was Olivia Rodrigo.

Ralph: I thought it was chocolate chip cookies.

Danielle: She always told me wine was her lifeblood.

Teri: Okay, fine, I need all of those things to live. You got me, I have many joys in life. Kill me!

Ralph: Sometimes we’d like to!

Steven: Alysa told me she like-likes me today!

Tammi: Well, I’ll be having a talk with her mother.

Betty: No! Don’t do it! Don’t subject yourself to that!

Tammi: I will not be having my child throwing such strong words around willy-nilly.

Teri: Are you for real? “Like-like” is too sinful for you?

Tammi: I’m just scared of the path that’s going down.

Teri: Gimme a break.

Karl: Tammi, don’t worry about it. When your grandmother and I were raising our kids, we were hearing that all the time. It always ended up being fine, Steven’s got a level head.

Tammi: Grandpa, you do realize how I ended up here, right?

Karl: Your dad didn’t say that, he cut right to the chase.

Tammi: Dear God.

Ralph: Your God ain’t helping you here!

Cindy: Can we move on from the worst conversation I’ve ever been subjected to listening to?

Steven: Is no one happy for me?

Teri: I am! You go, kid!

Betty: I had a very productive day!

Ralph: I don’t know if I believe that.

Cindy: What did you do, mom?

Betty: Thank you for showing interest in my day! I decorated the store for Halloween!

Danielle: God knows you’ve got enough decorations. I mean, this house looks like a Tim Burton movie threw up on it.

Teri: It’s my fault, I never should’ve introduced her to Beetlejuice.

Danielle: She didn’t know Beetlejuice?

Betty: I thought it was a movie about bugs.

Danielle: Good lord.

Frank: I did notice th-

Betty: Ugh.

Frank: What?

Betty: I can’t stand the sound of your voice.

Teri: It’s Halloween, you deal with scary things this time of year.

Frank: What I was trying to say is that I’d noticed we had less decorations this year, was that a conscious decision?

Betty: I really didn’t need to hear whining from Anita again this year. I toned it down enough to try to avoid complaints.

Teri: By the looks of it, you just brought it all inside. I feel like we’re the Addams Family, not that I’m complaining.

Betty: I did bring some of it inside -

Tammi: Why was one of those things the life-sized grim reaper with a scythe? I wake up at five in the morning, I see that thing in the living room, I almost scream.

Betty: The point is that it’s scary!

Cindy: Too scary to be seen outside, according to the HOA.

Tammi: Maybe we could sell it on Facebook? Or burn it…

Ralph: It’s not that scary. Certainly no scarier than what you lay next to every night.

Frank: Okay, that’s a little too far.

Ralph: Wrong.

Velma: How much decorating did you do?

Betty: Just the four or five boxes of things I didn’t put out here. I didn’t go crazy or anything.

Teri: Good to hear you kept it to a reasonable five boxes, wouldn’t want you to go crazy or anything.

Karl: The store looks like an asylum.

Ralph: Hasn’t it always? You see who runs it.

Betty: I think it looks festive! We all know what time of year it is, why not have a little fun?

Mitchell: It scares me, personally.

Velma: Ha! Good!

Mitchell: Why are you so mean to me? Did you not promise to love and honor me?

Velma: I crossed my fingers when I said that.

Mitchell: Do you people see what I have to put up with?

Teri: Yeah, we find it hilarious.

Betty: So, who wants pictures?

Ralph: We’re still on this?

Betty: I’m excited! It was so much work but it was worth it!

Velma: Aww, she’s kind of cure when she’s happy. For a brief moment in time, she’s not such a terror.

Betty: The real terror is my storefront. It looks so good for Halloween!

Teri: She’s just gonna keep saying this until we look at the pictures.

Karl: Finally, someone takes the hint. The faster you let her show you, the faster she’ll let us move on.

Betty: Okay, so look how good this lo- what? Are you kidding me?

Steven: Is grandma malfunctioning?

Tammi: Probably?

Cindy: Mom, what’s wrong?

Betty: It’s… the pictures are blank.

Teri: They’re not blank. You put your thumb over the camera.

Betty: What?

Velma: You were holding the phone where the camera is.

Betty: Ah, dammit!

Ralph: For tonight, we’ll take your word that the decorations are nice. You can take pictures and show us tomorrow, we’re all excited for that.

Betty: You sure you don’t want to go see it now?

Ralph: Ah, dinner time!

Betty: We can j-

Cindy: Mom, it’s one day.

Betty: Okay, but I gotta warn you, it’s better than you could imagine! You’re just not prepared for how nice it’ll be!

Velma: I think we can somewhat imagine. We’re all still horrified by when all those decorations were here last year.

Betty: Horrified or delighted?

Velma: Eh… it was scary.

Steven: I had nightmares.

Betty: You guys gotta grow up, Halloween is a magical time!

Steven: I love Halloween. You just didn’t give us a warning it was going up.

Velma: It looked like a slaughter in our lawn.

Betty: I know! That’s great!

Teri: It’s hard to believe someone so old and sweet-looking could have such a sick and twisted mind.

The next day…

Betty: Mitchell, did you see who left that note on our door?

Mitchell: I just got here. What does the note say?

Betty: I don’t even have the heart to read it.

Mitchell: Do you want me to?

Betty: Do you know how to read?

Mitchell: Yes!

Betty: Okay, read it. But let me sit first. I’m scared, it looked official.

Mitchell: It is official. Town of Lakey seal right at the top.

Betty: Oh no!

Mitchell: Maybe they’re congratulating you on your great business success?

Betty: No, no one in this town likes me enough to do that! Keep reading, I’m ready for heartbreak! They’re shutting me down!

Mitchell: “Dear Mrs. Bellwood and the staff of Betty’s Boutique, We have received numerous complaints about your storefront display that was recently installed. While we welcome and encourage the festive celebration of the Halloween holiday, we must ask that you tone down the display to avoid frightening residents. You have three business days to remove it before police take action. Thank you, the town of Lakey.”

Betty: Nonsense! Nonsense!

Karl: What’s nonsense? Last night’s Big Brother? I agree!

Betty: This letter! We have to take down the display!

Karl: Oh, not again!

Betty: I’m freaking furious! Where’s Jerry?

Karl: He wasn’t on the schedule today, remember?

Betty: Oh, man. He’s getting a piece of my mind.

Karl: Why?

Betty: If he hadn’t blown that election, he could’ve stopped this!

Mitchell: That was kind of our fault for not voting for him, no?

Betty: Who in their right mind would vote for Jerry?

Mitchell: Okay, I’m not fully following.

Betty: Why do people in this town hate Halloween? Did Jamie Lee Curtis do something to them?

Karl: We can just tone it down a little. Make it more fun, less scary. Less blood, maybe?

Betty: Let me get a picture first, okay?

Karl: Sure, honey. You put a lot of work into it. Then we’re editing it heavily so as to avoid the police shutting down our store.

Betty: This is so upsetting. I could never be a grinch like this. Let people enjoy things!

Mitchell: Hey, on the plus side, they’ll probably let you do a big Christmas display, that’s not scary.

Karl: Have you seen her Santa?

Mitchell: Okay, it’s not super scary.

Later that night…

Betty: You guys will never believe my struggle.

Teri: I’m sure this’ll be good.

Cindy: Hold on, let me sit down! I know this is gonna be a long one and I don’t want to miss any key details!

Betty: The town made me tone down my Halloween display! This is horrible!

Frank: Didn’t that happen last year?

Betty: That was the HOA, and I talked Anita out of it with my excellent persuasive skills.

Teri: I do have to give you credit, I don’t know how you pulled that one off.

Betty: She secretly loves me. This one, I couldn’t get out of. My little shop of horrors is no more. Now it’s “fun” and “spooky.” Boo!

Teri: I’m so sorry for this heinous act, mom. How will you get through it?

Betty: I’m gonna make our home display scarier than ever!

Velma: Oh, good! I was hoping for that!

Karl: On the plus side, we’ll probably be welcomed in the community trick-or-treat now that the display is PG-13 friendly.

Cindy: That’ll be fun, right mom?

Betty: I don’t know how I can celebrate Halloween after this community stabbed me in the back like a killer from one of my favorite horror movies.

Steven: Who’s your favorite horror killer? Mine is Michael Myers.

Tammi: Honey, not now. Grandma’s on a tangent.

Cindy: Mom, you’re being overdramatic. There are kids that go in town square, they probably got scared. The school bus drives right past your store.

Betty: They need to grow up. It’s all in good fun!

Teri: So mom’s boycotting Halloween because the town told her to dial it back slightly. Makes sense, definitely doesn’t remind me of when I was a kid and I was told I couldn’t do something so I shut down entirely and stopped talking to everyone and stopped eating.

Karl: Let your mother have a fit if she wants, it was a stressful day.

Mitchell: Yeah, I had to work the register! Yikes!

Betty: Shut up!

Two weeks later…

Betty: Oh, you guys all look so good in your costumes!

Cindy: You’re really sure you don’t want to come?

Steven: Yeah, we still got your costume!

Betty: I’m really just… not in the mood.

Danielle: I bet Mitchell’s used to hearing that.

Mitchell: It’s how she tells me goodnight.

Velma: He’s not wrong.

Betty: You guys all look good, though! Wednesday Addams, that demon Ted Lasso, Barbie and Ken -

Teri: I wanted to be Oppenheimer, but I was told it was inappropriate.

Frank: And then I took the idea!

Betty: Oh, that’s what you are? I just thought you were dressed as a giant douche.

Teri: Good one, mom!

Karl: I have to say, my Paul McCartney costume won’t be complete without his John Lennon.

Jerry: But you’ve got George and Ringo!

Cindy: Yeah, thanks for that, honey. Just who I want to dress as for Halloween, Ringo Starr. Imagine explaining that one to the kids at school.

Betty: You all have fun, I don’t want me ruining your celebration! I’ll be home, watching Dancing with the Stars.

Teri: Oh, it’s Halloween night!

Betty: You’ve gotta be kidding me.

Teri: Record it, I’ll watch with you later!

Betty: I don’t even want to watch now.

Karl: I know, I’m still pissed they kicked off Mira Sorvino!

Cindy: Since when does dad care so much about reality TV?

Karl: Since that’s all that’s on! You know, Big Brother kicked off -

Cindy: Dad, I love you. We don’t care.

Teri: I wanted to hear his thoughts on Bachelor in Paradise.

Steven: We have to hurry before Halloween is over!

Tammi: Honey, it’s five o’clock. It starts at six. I think we’ll be good.

Steven: Not with how this family moves!

One hour later…

Teri: I have to say, this is a cute display. It looks like it was decorated by a normal person.

Karl: That’s what I said! I don’t know why she’s s-

Betty: Hey Jude!

Ralph: That was a McCartney vocal, but… hi, mom!

Karl: I thought Halloween was canceled for you?

Betty: It’s one of my favorite days of the year, I won’t let myself stay home and sulk because some people are cowards who can’t face scary decorations.

Karl: That’s the spirit!

Betty: Can I say one quick thing, though?

Teri: It’s never quick, but we can never stop you, either.

Betty: The quality of some of these costumes that I’m seeing here tonight is much scarier than anything I had in that display. People need to try harder!

Ralph: Not all families have a costume budget.

Betty: They should!

What did you think this episode of Our House? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next Thursday!

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