The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 13: Top of the Seventh
FELIX
I can’t believe I care to know this, but where the hell is our coach?
ACE
Getting cotton candy.
FELIX
He was getting cotton candy as soon as the sixth inning ended, it does not take this long to get cotton candy.
ACE
For Lorenzo it does.
ROBERT
Yeah, this is a big decision. He can taste the difference between the different colors.
FELIX
But there is no difference between the different colors!
ROBERT
That’s what they want you to think.
HARRY
He would make different flavors at his restaurant. They weren’t half-bad actually.
FELIX
Well if he’s looking for something like that here, he’s gonna be looking a long time.
BRYAN
Yeah he’s probably looking for something like that.
DAVE
For the love of God can we stop talking about cotton candy?! The phone is ringing!
VICTOR
The phone is ringing?
DEVIN
My phone’s not ringing.
DAVE
The bullpen phone.
DEVIN and BRYAN stare at DAVE blankly.
DAVE
The one that rings when they want one of us to pitch? That only the bullpen coach is supposed to answer?
BRYAN
Oh that phone? Yeah just let it ring, probably a scam.
ACE
Yeah it’s probably some guy pretending to be Jason saying that they want us to go in and pitch.
DAVE
Did you ever think of the possibility of it actually being our coach?
The phone stops ringing.
CARTER
Now they’re gonna have to leave the starter in later than they want. And all because Lorenzo is too busy trying to find cotton candy.
The bullpen phone rings again.
MANNY
I guess I should try to find him.
CARTER
In this huge stadium? You’ll never find him.
ROBERT
Yeah Carter’s right, best we just wait here until he returns.
FELIX
If he returns.
ROBERT
I have hope.
DAVE
I don’t.
FELIX
We lose and we’re out of the playoffs. We can’t fool around here.
DEVIN
Think of it this way Felix: we’re winning by 8 runs.
A ball flies into the bullpen.
FELIX
6 runs. Our pitcher’s exhausted.
The bullpen phone rings for a third time.
ACE
You know what guys? I’ll just start warming up.
DAVE
I don’t know who Jason wants to pitch but it’s definitely not you, Victor, Bryan, Robert, or Devin.
ACE
Maybe not. But I’m warming up anyways.
ACE stands up and starts warming up. Right then, LORENZO returns with 11 bags of cotton candy.
MANNY
LORENZO IS BACK!
DAVE
Finally!
ROBERT
And you brought us all cotton candy too.
LORENZO
Oh no, these are all for me. I couldn’t decide what to get so I just got all of these. Can’t wait to try ‘em!
LORENZO looks at ACE.
LORENZO
Why is Ace warming up?
DAVE
Bullpen phone rang and a certain bullpen coach wasn’t here to answer it.
The bullpen phone rings for a fourth time.
LORENZO
Hello?
JASON
I’ve been trying to reach you guys all inning! Look, there’s no time for anyone to warm up now. Tell Dave he’s pitching the bottom of the inning.
JASON hangs up.
CARTER
What’d he say?!
LORENZO
He said to tell Dave to pitch the bottom of the inning but that there’s no time to warm up.
ACE
Sounds like a scam to me.
LORENZO
Or was it Devin?
DAVE
I’m not going into the game without warming up. It can only end in disaster.
LORENZO
Yeah I’m pretty sure he said Dev, and was talking about Devin.
DEVIN leaves the bullpen and starts his trot to the mound to pitch the bottom of the seventh inning.
The Bullpen Season 6 Episode 14: Bottom of the Seventh
ROBERT
6 run lead, do we think Devin can hold onto it?
DAVE
I seriously can’t believe they didn’t ask me to pitch.
BRYAN
Right? At least you’ve pitched semi-frequently before.
DAVE
Lorenzo, are you SURE Jason said Devin?
LORENZO
As I said, I’m pretty sure. Not very sure. Pretty sure.
DAVE
The first name that came to your mind was Dave. That would make wayyyyy more sense than Devin. Come on Lorenzo, think!
LORENZO
It would, but I’m just the messenger.
MANNY
What’s going on here, do I sense tension?
FELIX
Lorenzo put in the wrong guy.
LORENZO
We don’t know that for sure!
MANNY
You put in Carter?
CARTER (from a distance)
I’m over here.
MANNY
Lorenzo.
LORENZO
What?
MANNY
The wrong guy’s in the game right now. If Jason’s gonna turn to this bullpen in an elimination playoff game where we’re not losing by 10, he’s going with Carter, Felix, or Dave.
BRYAN
I’m just surprised Jason hasn’t noticed yet.
VICTOR
Lorenzo, you gotta do something about this before Jason inevitably walks up to the mound and takes Devin out of the game. Then he’ll realize it’s not Dave. Maybe.
ACE
Yeah plus for the sake of the team…
LORENZO
Ok, I messed up, I get it. I can fix this. Dave, when I come back I want you to jog to the mound ready to pitch.
LORENZO hops the wall and walks onto the field. He makes his way to the infield, and then walks up to the mound in between batters as if he is the manager. JASON runs out to the mound.
JASON
For crying out loud Lorenzo what is going on? Get back to the bullpen!
LORENZO
Just here to take Dev—
LORENZO pretends to clear his throat.
LORENZO
—Dave out of the game.
JASON
You can’t do that, you don’t have any power whatsoever to do that.
LORENZO
You like the way this guy’s pitching?
JASON
Well…no. But—
LORENZO
Time for a pitching change?
JASON
Fine.
LORENZO looks back to the bullpen and motions for DAVE to come to the mound. JASON returns to the dugout while LORENZO and DEVIN return to the bullpen.
FELIX
Lorenzo, I can’t believe you actually pulled that off.
LORENZO
Now watch as Dave shuts down the remaining batters.
DAVE shortly thereafter gives up a three-run home run. The Primitives only lead by 3 at the end of the seventh, and end up winning by 1 after DAVE pitches two more innings.