Aimee is at her parents house for dinner.
Cherie: How are you feeling, Aimee? The press finally leaving you alone?
Aimee: Oh, yeah. The House is trying to overthrow Nanette, so that’s where all the press attention is now. It’s all good, though, it was a fun week.
Ernesto: Does this mean I should abandon my plans to profit off your future presidential campaign?
Aimee: I hate DC, there’s no job I want less than president.
Kimmy: Come on, every senator looks in the mirror and sees a president.
Aimee: I look in the mirror and see bags under my eyes.
Cherie: You still hate your job?
Carolyn: I’d be glad to take it for you!
Cherie: I forgot you were here, Carolyn! You’re so quiet!
Carolyn: It’s honestly hard to get a word in with this family. I like it that way, I get to eat in peace.
Victoria: You know, you’re the only Republican I’ve ever liked.
Cherie: Excuse me?
Victoria: Republican politician.
Aimee: Excuse me?
Victoria: I always forget you’re a Republican.
Aimee: Why do people always say this?
Ernesto: You’re usually the sixtieth vote for whatever the Democrats want to pass.
Aimee: Not true! That’s Olivia Stowe. Or Sharon Campbell, if Senator Stowe is a no. They never vote the same way, they have a deep-seeded hatred for one another. I find it absolutely hilarious.
Cherie: I’m glad these are the one hundred people running our country, voting on bills based solely on whether or not some other person is voting for them.
Aimee: I didn’t say it was good for America… just good for a laugh.
Carolyn: I imagine Lynette has that effect on people, as well.
Aimee: Sometimes!
Dave: I think we should talk about something besides politics, since Aimee clearly hates it.
Aimee: No, I love making fun of my colleagues! It’s the rest of it that I hate!
Carolyn: You’ll grow into loving it. You hated the House at the beginning, too.
Aimee: And also at the end, hence me going for a kamikaze Senate run before being forced to win because the other guy tried to kill someone.
Ernesto: Don’t vote for the crook, it’s important!
Victoria: Crook feels like an understatement. I mean, I donated so much to him just for him to turn out to be an attempted murderer? Come on!
Cherie: You donated money to him? When?
Victoria: Um, uh… uh… pass.
Aimee: She’s a Democrat, of course she donated to stop me. I am a conservative radical, if you ask the D-Triple-C.
Cherie: Who would ever believe that?
Ernesto: Not the people of Washington’s 3rd Congressional District!
Kimmy: I believed it.
Ernesto: We know you did.
Kimmy: I couldn’t vote against my future, I’m sorry Aimes.
Aimee: You voted for the murderer?
Kimmy: No, I settled for you.
Cherie: Don't say "settled."
Aimee: This was my first election where you were of voting age.
Kimmy: There’s no age requirement for campaign volunteers.
Aimee: You were volunteering against me?
Ernesto: She’s lying!
Kimmy: Maybe.
Victoria: Has anyone here seen the new Scorsese?
Cherie: Kimmy made us go see the Taylor Swift thing.
Ernesto: Hated it. I already have to see her on football now, why do I have to listen to her sing about boys for three hours?
Kimmy: You just hate real music.
Aimee: Maybe we could go see the Scorsese movie tomorrow, guys.
Victoria: Oh, I already saw it. You know, he’s a friend of mine.
Ernesto: Another liar!
Victoria: I met him at a campaign event once. We bonded over how much we hate Spider-Man.
Kimmy: You never told us that!
Victoria: Marty likes to keep a low profile.
Carolyn: I feel like it was a strategic error for me to come here rather than spend the weekend with my family.
Victoria: Why do you say that?
Carolyn: Well, for starters, I’m sitting in what is obviously a child’s chair.
Cherie: You fit in it!
Carolyn: Also, you guys are bickering a lot and it’s uncomfortable.
Dave: That’s our vibe!
Carolyn: Yeah. It’s definitely a vibe.
Aimee: Speaking of vibes, I will say, I’ve been making some new friends lately in the Senate. It is looking up.
Carolyn: It is August now, sometimes it just takes eight months for your colleagues to come around on you.
Aimee: God, eight months already? Where does the time go?
Carolyn: You know what they say… time flies when you’re in misery!
The next week, on the Senate floor…
Senator Pam Martin: The Senator from New York is recognized.
Senator Gwen Gardenia: Thank you, Madam President. I rise today in support of the most important bill at our feet right now, HB2194, which has stalled in our chamber. This bill, which will protect a woman’s right to contraception, has been awaiting action for over six months. Why has it stalled? Every Democrat in this chamber is backing it, but we know it will be filibustered by our Republican colleagues. We only need one of you to be brave enough to support this bill supported by eighty percent of the American people! My colleague from Washington, Senator Ferrera Donahue -
Aimee: Now why am I in it?
Geraldine: She’s desperate, she wants the Republican from the bluest state to have angry people calling them blaming them for not enacting the Democrat agenda.
Gwen: She claims to be a moderate. She says she wants to represent her state. She’s not backing this. She can’t seriously say Washington wouldn’t support this! Senator, if you’re listening, it’s time to grow a spine! You don’t have to tow the party line all the time just because you’re green. You need to care more about your own voters than your party bosses.
Aimee: I’m sorry, Geraldine. I don’t want to listen to this.
Geraldine: Most of the chamber isn’t even here, it’s not mandatory.
Aimee: It isn’t?
Geraldine: You’ve been here eight months and you don’t know you can skip floor sessions?
Aimee: I knew it’s not illegal, but I thought it was highly encouraged that you attend.
Geraldine: They don’t really mean anything. It’s just grandstanding for C-SPAN so people in doctors’ office waiting rooms have something to watch. Heck, only reason I’m here is because it’s my chief of staff’s birthday. Yes, our job really is so menial that I’m just hanging around waiting to give my employee a birthday shoutout. Don’t take anything said here too seriously. No one else does.
Aimee: That should free up some time for me, at least. I’m gonna go talk to Denise about, I don’t know, last night’s Bachelorette.
Geraldine: You watch that?
Aimee: My aunt does, and it’s her house, so that’s what’s on in the living room.
Geraldine: Your husband have a headache last night or something…?
Aimee: I have to say, I’m loving our little girl talks lately! We’re getting close!
Geraldine: Well, you’re one of the only sane people here. The rest of them are animals!
Aimee: I know! They’re all so serious, this job’s really not worth all that frustration.
Geraldine: Seriously! I mean, we pass maybe three bills a week, lighten up Francis.
In Aimee’s office…
Lynette: Oh, I’ve been waiting for you!
Aimee: Joy.
Denise: I’m sorry, I tried to get her to go. I know how much you enjoy having this time to relax by yourself.
Lynette: You don’t have to act so excited to have me here!
Aimee: I’m just pulling your leg! Honestly, I could use your perspective right about now.
Lynette: What’s on your mind? I’m here for you.
Aimee: What is Gwen Gardenia’s problem with me?
Lynette: She’s a bitch.
Aimee: That’s not -
Lynette: No, she is. She’s not a nice person at all. She loves screaming at people.
Aimee: How have I not heard this before?
Lynette: We stay away from the Democrats. We’re freshmen minority party trash, the cool kids don’t mingle with us.
Aimee: Plenty of the Democrats talk to me. I’m friends with Melody Choi, Milton Landfield, John Marley -
Lynette: None of those people have been in office for over twenty years and chair Appropriations. Nor do they have Tony Awards.
Aimee: Oh, I forgot about that. She’s like a big Broadway diva, no?
Denise: Gwen Gardenia? Yeah, she’s royalty. Three Tonys! Any big Broadway show, she’s done it.
Aimee: How’d she end up in the Senate?
Lynette: Democrats and their celebrity politicians…
Aimee: You know, our party elected the host of Ballroom Celebrities as president, let’s not get too bold here.
Lynette: All right, that’s a good point. Either way, Gardenia has an ego. What did she say to you?
Aimee: She called me out on the Senate floor?
Denise: She did?
Aimee: Why do you sound excited?
Denise: I mean… I’m a fan.
Aimee: Oh my god.
Denise: You haven’t lived until you see this woman as Reno Sweeney in Anything Goes.
Aimee: I’ve lived just fine up until now.
Denise: Don’t be bitter that there’s a senator I like more than you!
Aimee: You what?
Lynette: She’s really left-wing, Denise. You know, she’s for medicare-for-all.
Denise: Well, I’ll have to reconsider my position on that.
Aimee: We’ve been in office for eight months, you’ve never mentioned this woman before. Ever!
Denise: I’ve been too afraid to. I’d be so starstruck if I met her. I love her!
Aimee: Love, like how I love Dua Lipa? Or love, like how Kathy Bates loved James Caan?
Denise: I’m not Annie Wilkes!
Aimee: You’re about to stare Gardenia in the eyes and tell her you’re her biggest fan!
Denise: I am! I grew up in New York, my mom took me to the theater and I always loved Gwen Gardenia. She was a dramatic diva, she commanded the stage!
Aimee: And now she’s using those acting chops to drag my name through the mud on the floor of the Senate!
Denise: So how exactly did she do that? I need it replayed for me.
Aimee: She just called me out for not supporting some contraceptive bill. I didn’t even know it existed! I support that, I’m not insane! Why is the rest of the caucus not supporting it? Call them out!
Lynette: Why not call me out? Does she think I’m part of the fringe far-right?
Aimee: I think she’s just angling for one vote and thinks I’m a pushover. Maybe now I won’t sup-
Denise: You’re supporting it.
Aimee: Just because Chita Rivera told me I had to? I think not.
Denise: Oh, yes, vote against contraceptives as a Senator from Washington. That’ll go well!
Aimee: All right, fine, I do have to support it for reasons of practicality. However… I don’t appreciate being publicly bashed.
Lynette: You should go talk to her!
Denise: No!
Aimee: That’s an awesome idea, Lynette! I’m gonna go do that right now, we have nothing better to do today.
Denise: I advise heavily against this, that woman will eat you alive.
Aimee: I’m not afraid of an elderly Broadway actress.
Denise: At least let me come with you!
Aimee: Come on, Kathy Bates, let’s go. I’m giving this woman a stern talking-to.
Lynette: Good luck! Please don’t let her kill you, I know what she’s capable of!
Aimee walks to Gwen’s office.
Gwen: Ah, Senator! You heard my speech?
Aimee: Yeah, I heard it! What the hell?
Gwen: Are you mad?
Aimee: I’m unhappy.
Denise: I’m a huge fan, I just wanted you to k-
Gwen: Do you want an autograph?
Denise: I’m going to faint.
Aimee: Ignore her. Senator Gardenia, is there a reason you dragged my name through the mud on the Senate floor for not backing a bill I wasn’t even aware existed?
Gwen: I got your attention, didn’t I?
Aimee: You know, I believe in respectability in politics. Why can’t we just agree to disagree on things without reading each other for filth, as the kids say?
Gwen: I have to put pressure on you. No one in your party cares about passing this bill, so I had to make you care. I only need one vote to convince Kate to put it up for a vote, but really, eight votes would be great. I think I can get that if you speak up on the floor in support. I just want you moderates to grow spines!
Aimee: I have a spine. I impeached my own party’s president!
Gwen: That was nice, but that was one vote. You’ve not necessarily been of help to my party.
Aimee: I’m a Republican, senator. Why would I help your party?
Gwen: For the sake of decency?
Aimee: I vote with you guys whenever I think it’s right, but I have to stand by my values. We agree on this one. You’re being sensible.
Gwen: I appreciate this open dialogue.
Aimee: I have to say, I don’t appreciate these tactics. You can’t bully people into voting with you.
Gwen: It worked on you.
Aimee: No, it did not. This aligns with my values, so I’ll vote for it. You almost lost me with that little stunt.
Gwen: Honey, you have to get used to this. In this chamber, we do whatever it takes to get things done. Going dirty is worth it if you can pass something important.
Aimee: That’s not how I work.
Gwen: You’re a freshman member of the minority, you know nothing about passing legislation! Maybe you should take my advice, I’m a workhorse.
Aimee: How do I know you’re not sabotaging me? We have very different worldviews. Why would you want to help me pass anything?
Gwen: Well, I know how math works. You don’t have the votes to pass anything I’m diametrically opposed to. We agree on plenty, though, so you can be of use to me. We can be of use to each other.
Denise: Oh my god, this is amazing!
Aimee: What is?
Denise: She wants to work with you!
Aimee: We’re not on Big Brother! Jeff Probst -
Denise: That’s Survivor.
Aimee: We have no reason to make an alliance!
Gwen: I want to help mentor you. Aimee, if I may call you that -
Aimee: I’t my name, you may.
Gwen: I’m still Senator Gardenia to you. Anyways, Aimee… you and I need to work together when we can. I can use your vote, and influence in your caucus, because we need all the votes we can get to get enough votes to override a veto. You can learn from me how to pass bills. We’ll be mutually beneficial, and we’ll never have to compromise our values. Aren’t you all about bipartisanship? That’s like Viagra to you centrists!
Aimee: I would like to work with you. Not many people in this chamber have made an effort with me.
Gwen: Glad to hear it! Tomorrow, you can speak up in support of the bill on the floor, okay?
Aimee: I’ll do that.
Gwen: I’m excited! I made a new friend today!
Denise: Ahhh!!!
Aimee: Ignore her. She’s annoying.
The next day…
Greg: Aimee, about yesterday… Geraldine told me how upset you were about Gardenia. Try not to take her seriously.
Aimee: Oh, that’s fine. She gave me some good advice, actually.
Greg: She did?
Aimee: Yeah, she’s willing to mentor me. I think it’ll be good for me, keep up my relationship with the other party.
Greg: Oh, this will end badly for me.
What did you think of this episode of Evergreen Aimee? Let us know in the comments, and make sure to read the new episode next week!
