Frances in the Kitchen Season 2 Finale - Maliboo in the Kitchen

Frances in the Kitchen Season 2, Episode 10
Maliboo in the Kitchen

Frances pulls into the parking lot.

Jane: Frances!

Frances: Jane! What are you doing here so early?

Jane: It’s nine fifty-nine, we’re supposed to be here at ten.

Frances: Yeah! Since when do you know you’re supposed to be here at ten?

Jane: Beverly told me and I remembered.

Frances: That’s all it took?

Jane: Uh-huh.

Frances: Did we really never tell you we started at ten?

Jane: Not that I remember.

Frances: We must have. Right?

Jane: Maybe I just forgot. I am forgetful.

Frances: I know.

DeAnna: Hey Frances!

Frances: Oh, god.

DeAnna: It’s so rare to see you and your little minion here on time! I’m used to privacy during my ten o’clock smoke break.

Frances: How are you always here?

DeAnna: Unlike you, I actually work.

Frances: We do literally the same exact job. One hour of television airing five nights a week, filmed in three days. It just takes you longer to film than it takes me because you smoke like a chimney.

DeAnna: How dare you?

Frances: What did I say that was untrue?

DeAnna: I don’t know, I wasn’t listening. The fact that you dared speak to me offended me.

Frances: You called out to me! You initiated this entire conversation!

DeAnna: I don’t think that’s true.

Frances: You know what, I have work to do. I guess you do, too. Although maybe you’re already done for the day, you seem to live here.

DeAnna: I do not live here! I just get to work early!

Frances: Okay, enough DeAnna for me today. I’ll see you later, unfortunately.

DeAnna: You don’t know that for sure.

Frances: Oh, I know. Someone’s clearly put a curse on me that makes me have to see you every time I walk outside.

Jane: We should go inside.

Frances: I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, Jane, but I think that would be wise.

DeAnna: Break a leg, Frances!

Frances: You first!

DeAnna: I can break yours if you want me to!

Frances walks into the studio.

Marcia: Wow! Five after ten and Jane’s already here! Aside from that time she set her clock wrong, this has to be a new personal best!

Jane: I would’ve been here even earlier if not for DeAnna!

Marcia: When is someone going to just drop a house on that witch?

Beverly: I can just imagine Frances jumping up and down and dancing like one of the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz and singing Ding Dong The Witch is Dead.

Frances: Can you stop imagining it? Being compared to a munchkin is not a flattering comparison.

Marcia: Come on, Frances! Everyone loves those little guys! And they have such rosy cheeks, like you get when the temperature goes below seventy degrees.

Frances: Just let me get to my dressing room so I can get my makeup on and get my wardrobe on and we can get to work. We gotta stop these morning gossip chats.

Beverly: No we don’t! I like ‘em! I am the producer here so I’m the one who really needs to focus on production delays and I say it’s worth it if it means we can complain about DeAnna!

Frances: You guys keep talking about her if you want. I’m gonna get ready.

Beverly: That works for me.

Marcia: So what happened today with DeAnna:

Jane: Frances, I forget! Can you tell them?

Frances: No, no I can not.

Frances walks to her dressing room and her cell phone rings.

Frances: No, Marcia. I am not telling you about DeAnna!

Lauren: Oh god, what did she do now?

Frances: Lauren! I would’ve sworn that you were someone else.

Lauren: Nope, just little ole’ me!

Frances: Aren’t you supposed to be working right now?

Lauren: Aren’t you?

Frances: Good point!

Lauren: I have a question to ask you, and I didn’t want to ask it when mom and dad were around.

Frances: Are you pregnant? I wish you would’ve used protection but we’ll love your baby just the same.

Lauren: Oh my god! No, I am not pregnant!

Frances: Thank god, that guest house is not big enough to throw a baby into the mix.

Lauren: I asked my boyfriend to come over for dinner tomorrow night.

Frances: You have a boyfriend? And you didn’t tell me?

Lauren: We’ve been seeing each other for two months now, I’ve told no one until recently.

Frances: Is he a convict? Did he kill someone?

Lauren: Your mind wanders into horrifying places.

Frances: It’s one of the things that makes me Frances.

Lauren: I told my parents about him last night.

Frances: How’d that go?

Lauren: They’re very overprotective.

Frances: Your parents? No!

Lauren: I know, hard to imagine. They were concerned, of course, but they agreed that it would be good to have him meet them.

Frances: What was it that you wanted to ask me?

Lauren: I want you to try to sway my parents. They’re going to be harsh on him like all my other boyfriends. I just want you to try to push them towards accepting him. Compliment him if you’re in a private conversation with them, talk about how nice he seems.

Frances: I’ve never even met him, it’ll be hard for me to compliment him.

Lauren: First impressions can be very powerful.

Frances: So basically, you want me to lie to my brother and sister-in-law.

Lauren: Not really!

Frances: I usually wouldn’t have a problem with that, but this time I’m conflicted. Parents have a way of sniffing out the suitors with bad intentions. I never would’ve married Greg if not for my parents warning me about my bad boyfriends. And I sure had a lot of them.

Lauren: We’re not anywhere near marriage, don’t worry about that. I just don’t want the dinner to be super awkward.

Frances: It’ll be hard to ensure that considering who your parents are, but I will try.

Lauren: Thank you!

Frances: Now, tell me about this guy! I want to know who it is that I’m meeting tomorrow!

Lauren: Well, his name’s Jessie.

Frances: Oh boy.

Lauren: He’s from Malibu.

Frances: Oh boy.

Lauren: Are you just going to keep saying that?

Frances: I’m just picturing a dumb Californian surfer type and none of this is swaying me from that image.

Lauren: He’s not dumb, and he barely ever surfs.

Frances: Hallelujah.

Lauren: What do you have against surfers?

Frances: I’ve lived in California for almost thirty years, every surfer guy that hit on me was always so egotistical and full of themselves.

Lauren: Guys used to hit on you?

Frances: That’s your mother’s influence shining through right there.

Lauren: I’m sorry, I had to.

Frances: I’ll have you know that I was once something of a catch. Speaking of which, I’m gonna catch some flack from Beverly if I don’t get moving. I’ll talk to you later, okay?

Lauren: I’ll see you at home.

Frances: That works, too. See ya then.

Ten minutes later…

Beverly: My god, Frances. I thought you got lost. You were complaining about getting to work and then you disappear for a half-hour when it usually takes you ten to get ready.

Frances: Lauren called me.

Jane: What was she calling about so early?

Beverly: Jane, it’s ten o’clock.

Jane: Yeah, and I’m exhausted. Aren’t most people in bed yet?

Beverly: Oh dear.

Frances: Lauren’s having her new boyfriend over for dinner tomorrow night.

Marcia: Lauren has a boyfriend?

Frances: That’s what I said!

Beverly: What’s so big about that?

Frances: My brother and sister-in-law are certifiably insane when it comes to their daughter dating.

Marcia: That’s not the only area where they have a few screws loose.

Beverly: Jimmy’s reacted to Frances and Louise married him. Of course they’re a bit loopy.

Frances: Anyway, Lauren doesn’t think they’ll like him -

Marcia: She’s probably right.

Frances - and she wants me to sorta help sway them towards liking him.

Beverly: What if you don’t like him?

Frances: That’s what I said. She wants me to help her anyway.

Marcia: She doesn’t realize that her parents are just trying to look out for her in their own mildly psychotic way.

Frances: I also said that. I think she really wants this to work, she must really be into this dude.

Beverly: Do you know anything about him?

Frances: His name’s Jessie and he’s from Malibu.

Beverly: That’s a lot to take in.

Frances: He doesn’t surf.

Beverly: That is very good.

Marcia: I have a question, Frances.

Frances: What’s that?

Marcia: Can I come to this dinner? I’m family, I have a reason to be there. I gotta see this for myself because I think it’s going to be hilarious.

Frances: I really don’t care.

Marcia: Yes! Wore you down!

Jane: Well I wanna come. I lived with you guys for a year, I’m family, too.

Frances: The more people, the less I have to speak. Bev, you wanna come?

Beverly: You know, it’s a long drive from Santa Clarita and -

Marcia: Just come! It’ll be fun! Or funny, at least.

Beverly: Fine. Earl could use some time away from me, I’m sure.

Marcia: You are a lot to deal with.

Beverly: Thank you.

Frances: Okay, girls. Be there with bells on, tomorrow at six!

Beverly: Can we get to work now?

Frances: If you insist…

The next night…

Louise: You nervous, Lauren? This is the first boy you’re bringing home since we moved to California!

Lauren: Mom, I’m old enough to drink. He’s not a boy, he’s a man.

Louise: Oh, semantics!

Greg: And technically she’s not brining him home. She’s bringing him twenty feet from home.

Louise: Don’t be silly, this is our home, too.

Jimmy: He’s not wrong. The guest house is technically our actual home. And we don’t even own that.

Louise: We could if we wanted to.

Lauren: I swear we have this conversation every week.

Louise: You’re right, back to the topic at hand. Surely you’re nervous fro us to meet this man. You have to be quite serious about him to be bringing him home to us.

Lauren: I do really like him.

Louise: Hopefully we do, too!

Lauren: Ah, yes. Who can forget that classic Spice Girls lyric “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my parents?”

Jimmy: What’s this about lovers?

Lauren: Nothing, dad. Nothing at all.

Frances: Is anyone here yet?

Lauren: Aunt Frances! You look wonderful!

Frances: Thank you, I put one my best pearls just for the occasion.

Greg: Who all are you expecting to come tonight, The Beatles?

Frances: Don’t be silly! John and George are dead and why would I put on pearls for Ringo?

Greg: Poor Ringo.

Frances: I will never forgive him for Octopus’s Garden.

Jimmy: Who is all coming tonight, though? I’m actually curious.

Frances: I just invited the girls, that’s all.

Jimmy: The girls?

Frances: Marcia, Jane and Beverly. Duh.

Louise: Why exactly are they coming to our family dinner?

Frances: They’re family!

Greg: Marcia quite literally is family. I’m guessing the others are just part of a so-called sisterhood.

Frances: Exactly, Greg. You get me.

Thirty minutes later, there’s a knock at the door.

Lauren: Ooh! That must be Jessie!

Marcia: It could also be Jane.

Jane: I’m right here!

Marcia: You never know when you could wander outside and lock yourself out. I know you’ve done it before.

Jane: One time!

Lauren: Everybody, come here!

Jimmy: We’re all here. Waiting patiently.

Lauren: This is Jessie, everyone!

Jessie: Hi, everyone. It’s so great to meet you all, I’ve heard so much about… most of you.

Marcia: I bet he means Greg. No one ever talks about Greg.

Greg: I’m right here!

Marcia: Just some sisterly love!

Lauren: Let me introduce you to everyone. These are my parent, Jimmy and Louise Mackenzie.

Louise: It’s nice to meet you as well, we have heard absolutely nothing about you.

Jessie: That’s all changing tonight, I’m very excited to get to talk to you both. Your daughter is incredible.

Jimmy: We know.

Lauren: Aww, dad.

Jimmy: You are incredible, I hope you never forget that!

Frances: Look at her, Jimmy. Her face is red as a beet, you’re embarrassing her.

Lauren: This is my Aunt Frances and that’s her husband, my Uncle Greg.

Greg: We’re so glad to have you here. It’s rare for us to ever have guests so this is a nice shakeup.

Beverly: What are we?

Greg: You three are here to often, you’re barely even guests.

Jessie: I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not sure who you three lovely ladies are.

Marcia: I’m Mar-

Lauren: This is Uncle Greg’s sister, Marcia.

Marcia: I was just about to say that, but I am pretty forgetful sometimes so I guess it’s good that you jumped in.

Lauren: Aunt Frances’ producer, Beverly.

Jessie: Producer?

Beverly: Frances stars in a baking show and I produce it! Wouldn’t expect you to know anything about that, though. You’re a man below the age of fifty.

Frances: I was on the cover of Time magazine.

Louise: We know!

Jessie: I didn’t know. I think it’s really cool, though.

Frances: Thank you, Jessie! I so agree!

Louise: Of course you do.

Lauren: And last, but not least, this is Frances’ assistant, Jane.

Jane: Frances told me you’re from Malibu. I went there once. I threw up in the beach and I haven’t been back since.

Jessie: That’s a very interesting story.

Jane: Thank you! Any time I tell Beverly about it, she just tells me it’s gross.

Beverly: It is gross!

Jane: In your opinion!

Lauren: So as you can see, we’re an eclectic bunch. We make it work, though!

Greg: Food’s ready! Let’s continue this conversation in the dining room!

Louise: What conversation? We haven’t gotten to talk at all since he got here, Lauren’s been too busy introducing him to half the state of California. 

Lauren: It’s just common courtesy. We have plenty of time to talk over dinner.

Greg: I made New York strip steaks, hope you all enjoy!

Jimmy: I’m so impressed by Greg’s ability to ignore any drama, I wish I could do that.

Greg: I’m just focused on my steak.

Jimmy: Very admirable.

Frances: Everyone, take a seat at the table. There’s room for everybody.

Marcia: There’s only eight chairs here. There are nine of us.

Frances: There are?

Marcia: Yes.

Frances: Well maybe if Beverly hadn’t forced me to invited her, I’d have room for everybody.

Beverly: You asked me! I didn’t even plan on coming but you and Marcia insisted.

Marcia: Don’t drag me into this, Beverly.

Greg: You know what, let me go and grab a chair from the basement. You guys start eating.

Jimmy: Are you sure? We can wait for you.

Greg: I don’t want to hold you up.

Louise: Okay, then let’s dig in!

Frances: You truly have no chill.

Louise: The man said to eat. I haven’t eaten all day, I’m gonna eat.

Lauren: Jessie, I swear she’s not always like this.

Jessie: She has nothing to be ashamed of even if she is like this all the time. Nothing wrong with liking to eat.

Louise: Thank you, Joseph!

Jessie: It’s Jessie.

Louise: That’s right.

Thirty minutes later…

Jessie: Mr. Conner, thank you so much for this dinner. It was delicious.

Jimmy: He’s right, Greg. I never knew you could grill so well.

Marcia: I’m his sister and I never knew.

Greg: That’s because I never invited you over. Me and Frances used to grill a lot, we’d make a whole romantic night out of it.

Louise: How come that stopped?

Frances: My brother and sister-in-law being here sort of puts a damper on romance.

Lauren: So anyway, we were discussing… what were we discussing?

Marcia: I believe we were talking about last season of American Idol.

Jessie: I love American Idol!

Frances: I stopped watching when they eliminated Haley Reinhart in the top 3, I’m not watching an all-country finale.

Louise: Don’t be such a genre snob. I love country!

Jessie: So do I!

Greg: You watched the finale. Remember, you wanted to see Steven Tyler perform?

Frances: That’s right!

Jimmy: Hey, I hate to interrupt this crucial American Idol conversation, but could we talk?

Frances: Are we not talking right now?

Jimmy: In private.

Frances: Oooh, personal.

Louise: Am I invited to the talk?

Jimmy: You, Frances, Greg. Please, just two minutes.

Marcia: I’m so proud of you, Greg! You’re getting invited to secret, private talks!

Greg: Just stay here and entertain the table, Marcia.

Marcia: It doesn’t take much to entertain Bev and Jane.

Beverly: What’s that supposed to mean?

Marcia: You enjoyed Stomp.

Beverly: It’s creative!

Marcia: It’s awful!

Jimmy, Louise, Frances and Greg walk into the hallway.

Louise: What’s this about? I wasn’t done with my steak.

Jimmy: What are we thinking about this new guy?

Louise: He’s a kiss-ass.

Jimmy: I was thinking the same thing.

Louise: He just agrees with everything we say.

Jimmy: I think he’s just eager to please us, though. He seems nice.

Louise: I hate kiss-asses.

Frances: You’d be annoyed with him if he dared to disagree with you, too. You gotta give the guy a chance.

Louise: I would not. I respect someone who dares to disagree with me.

Frances: I’ve heard you complain about so many of Lauren’s boyfriends. You always find a fault that you’re convinced is the fatal flaw, the reason he’s the wrong guy for her.

Louise: I just want my daughter happy.

Frances: Maybe Jessie makes her happy, and maybe he’s trying his best to make a good first impression.

Louise: He’s failing.

Frances: Has anyone ever passed the test?

Louise: No, no one’s good enough for her.

Frances: Look, I get how you feel.

Louise: You don’t have children. You don’t know how it feels.

Frances: I’m not trying to argue with you! Why do you want to argue with me?

Louise: Because you have no business in this whatsoever.

Lauren: For your information, mom, I asked her to do this.

Jimmy: Lauren! When’d you get here?

Lauren: I heard the chatter in here get progressively louder and I was worried you were fighting.

Louise: This is still considered whispering in Jersey.

Jimmy: How much did you hear?

Lauren: I know you want what’s best for me but you need to let me live. I’m a grown woman, let me date without you meddling in it. I promise you, it isn’t really that hard. I shouldn’t have to ask my aunt to talk up my boyfriend because my parents are so insistent on disliking him just because he’s daring to date me.

Louise: You really asked her to do that?

Lauren: Yes!

Jimmy: Clearly you greatly overestimate how much we listen to Frances.

Louise: It’s like you don’t even know us!

Lauren: Can you listen to me at least? Give him a chance. He really wants you to like him.

Louise: We can tell.

Lauren: He’s a good guy, who cares about your opinion.

Jimmy: That’s quite the step up from the last few.

Frances: I can tell you guys are almost done here but I still feel like I’m intruding on a family moment so I’m gonna head back to the table. Come on, Greg.

Greg: I didn’t even get to say anything but I’m honestly just very glad to have been invited. It feels nice to be included.

Frances and Greg walk back to the dining room.

Marcia: What the heck is going on in there?

Frances: Progress. I hope.

Marcia: Can we make some progress on dessert, please? My mouth is watering at the thought of that strawberry ice cream.

 What did you think of the season finale of Frances in the Kitchen? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll and make sure to return next week for the season premiere of Raymond Island! Frances in the Kitchen will return for season three next summer!

Share this

Related Posts

Next Post »