Raymond Island Season 3 Episode 3 - Queen For a Day

Raymond Island Season 3, Episode 3

Queen For a Day

Gretchen runs into her office.

Carol: Gretchen! What are you doing here?

Gretchen: I work here! I’m still the governor the last time I checked.

Carol: Aren’t you going to Michigan to meet with Governor Whilder?

Gretchen: I am indeed. I forgot my laptop here last night, I had to quickly grab it before I go. What are you doing here?

Carol: You do realize that I have work that doesn’t involve you, right? I’m your chief of staff, I’m not your assistant. I have a staff to manage and an office to run. Speaking of which, where is Susana? I thought she was with you.

Gretchen: She’s waiting for me in the c-

Susana: Gretchen! We need to get going!

Gretchen: I’ve been gone for two minutes!

Susana: I know how you can be…

Gretchen: Which is?

Susana: Easily distracted. But that’s okay!

Carol: It just means you really like to engage with people you run into. That’s delightful!

Susana: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have to get to the airport before the plane leaves without us. Come on, governor.

Gretchen: I got my laptop, I’m ready to go. And, Carol, I want you to tell me all about your staff management when I get back! I bet it’s going to be thrilling!

Carol: Please don’t actually make me do that.

Gretchen: Have a nice weekend, Carol!

Carol: Gretchen, it is Tuesday.

Gretchen: Susana, why are we going to Michigan on a Tuesday.

Susana: The tickets are cheaper. Let’s go.

Two hours later…

Samantha: Carol… what are you doing here?

Carol: Is everyone unaware that I actually do work around here aside from following Gretchen to ribbon-cutting ceremonies?

Samantha: I’ve never seen you do anything else.

Carol: I’m a very hard worker. I have to manage a staff that in-

Samantha: How come I have never met any of Gretchen’s workers aside from you and your daughter?

Carol: They work on another floor.

Samantha: The basement?

Carol: Why are you harassing me? Do you have nothing better to do?

Samantha: I’m the governor, I have to consult with the chief of staff.

Carol: So you do know my title!

Samantha: That’s the only thing you have a response to?

Carol: Well, obviously I have no interest in addressing the insane statement that preceded it. Just because you launched a quixotic bid to unseat the popular, effective governor does not mean you’re actually governor.

Samantha: Gretchen is out of the state right now. I’m the acting governor until she’s back.

Carol: Emphasis on acting. You have no real power as governor, it’s just a title. And she’s probably not flown out of the state yet, so hold your horses.

Samantha: I can do anything she can do. I can sign bills into law, I can go to cut ribbons, I can tell them to fly the flag at half-staff. Anything!

Carol: That’s nice. Why are you in my office?

Samantha: You are the chief of staff, and I’m the governor. I want to use my office. What more is there to explain?

Carol: I’m Gretchen’s chief of staff, not yours. You have your own.

Samantha: And she’s great, but she doesn’t have all the secrets to the government like you do. Face it, you’re Gretchen’s henchwoman. You know all her secret plans and all her secrets.

Carol: You’re talking about her like I’m Igor and she’s Dr. Frankenstein. Though, you do look and act like Frankenstein’s monster so that’s fitting.

Samantha: Thank you!

Carol: What is it, exactly, that you want from me?

Samantha: Let me use my office!

Carol: Will you shut up and leave me alone if I do that for you?

Samantha: I will consider it.

Carol: You have to promise you will.

Samantha: Fine. I will shut up and leave you alone.

Carol: Then let me go clear the desk for you and get you set up.

Samantha: I can live with a messy desk.

Carol: I need to make sure I know where all of the governor’s documents that are on the desk are. If you move them, they could get lost. I don’t want them to get lost. It’s my job to make sure they don’t get lost.

Samantha: Okay, fine. I’ll go grab my things from the lieutenant governor’s office.

Carol: You mean your office? You do realize that you are going to be acting governor for less than there days, right? You’ll be back to being the LG soon enough.

Samantha: That’s what you think.

Carol: Presuming you aren’t going to kill Governor Raymond, I am entirely certain that you will not be governor come Friday.

Thirty minutes later, in Gretchen’s office…

Samantha: Speaker Matthews, I’m glad I was finally able to reach you.

Hank: I don’t tend to answer calls from the governor’s office that haven’t been screened by my secretary. Gotta know her mood before I answer.

Samantha: Gretch is a moody bitch, I know.

Hank: What are you doing in her office, actually? Did you tie her up? I know she’d never voluntarily let you use her phone.

Samantha: The Governor is thankfully out of the state right now, I am the acting governor. You should know this, Hank. She emailed us all about it.

Hank: I screen those too. That one must’ve fallen through the cracks.

Samantha: We need to have a meeting about the bill.

Hank: What Bill? Murray? We can just go see Ghostbusters after work if you want, we don’t need to do that on the job.

Samantha: The infrastructure bill!

Hank: Oh, right!

Samantha: One o’clock good for you?

Hank: Sounds happy and healthy.

Samantha: You’re too old to be quoting Olivia Rodrigo, Hank.

Hank: You’re never too old t-

Samantha: Yes, you are. Buh-bye.

Samantha hangs up with Hank and calls Jeanne.

Jeanne: Governor Raymond, I thought you were in Michigan. Change of plans?

Samantha: Jeanne, it’s just me!

Jeanne: Lieutenant Governor Pratt! What are you doing in Governor Raymond’s office? On the one hand, it’s absolutely hilarious. On the other hand, if she finds out about it, you’re a dead woman.

Samantha: Her chief of staff let me in, she’ll be the one to get taken out.

Jeanne: If Gretchen turns to murder, she’s taking us all down with her. Let’s just be honest.

Samantha: I think I should jump to the point of the phone call.

Jeanne: That would be swell.

Samantha: I want to set up a meeting at one o’clock today to iron out the details of the infrastructure bill with you and Hank. He said it works for him. Will it work for you. And before I let you answer, please do not reference any of the musical artists of today’s kids in your answer.

Jeanne: Huh?

Samantha: Never mind.

Jeanne: It’ll work for me. I’ve been trying to get this thing done for weeks. I don’t know what you can do to help, but I’d like to find out.

Samantha: That’s great! I’ll see you then!

Jeanne: Okay, looking forward to it!

Samantha hangs up.

Carol: Who was that?

Samantha: My god, you’re like a ghost! I thought you wanted me to not speak to you or bother you today.

Carol: I don’t want to be speaking to you but I came in to grab the stapler because mine jammed and I hear you discussing the infrastructure plan. With who?

Samantha: I don’t see how that’s any of your business.

Carol: It is my business as the governor’s chief of staff. This is her defining piece of legislation and she’s not even in the state. I’m not letting you sabotage it.

Samantha: I’m not sabotaging it, jeez. I’m just going to discuss it with them because I’m not happy with the progress and want to try to make it easier for Governor Raymond to get it passed when she gets back.

Carol: Sure.

Samantha: I am! I care very much for this state, I’m just doing what I can to get this passed.

Carol: I want to come to the meeting.

Samantha: Don’t you have anything to do with… staffing?

Carol: The “staffing” can wait until tomorrow.

Samantha: Okay, then sure, you can come.

Carol: Thank you! I’m very excited to help hammer out a deal.

At the meeting…

Hank: Hellow acting governor Pratt, welcome to my office.

Samantha: Hank, you don’t have to be so formal. We see each other ten times a day. I’ve seen your office plenty of times, you don’t have to act like you’re a tour guide at The Breakers.

Hank: Okay then, I won’t be respectful and kind.

Jeanne: Why start now?

Hank: I am extremely respectful AND kind!

Jeanne: Since when?

Carol: Yes, I would also like to know the answer to that.

Hank: So, infrastructure!

Jeanne: He’s not going to answer.

Hank: I’ve always been respectful. Now, let’s move on.

Jeanne: At least he admits he’s not kind.

Samantha: Can we cut the nonsense and try to work out a plan here? We don’t have much time.

Carol: Much time for…?

Samantha: It’s one o’clock, the day’s almost over.

Carol: Sure.

Samantha: You say that a lot.

Hank: She’s a very doubt-filled woman.

Carol: I don’t know what my gender has to do with anything, Hank.

Hank: I wasn’t commenting on your gender.

Carol: I’m only messing with you.

Samantha: Can we mess around later and start discussing things now? We have a lot of work to get done.

Carol: Fine…

Two hours later…

Carol: So that was very… well, it was something. I have things to do in my office, I think it’s time I get back to them.

Samantha: I think we did a lot of important work here today.

Carol: It was a waste of time. I’m done wasting my time. See ya.

Carol leaves the room.

Samantha: Okay, finally, she is gone!

Hank: Why did she stay for two hours while we got nowhere?

Samantha: I have no idea. She must have really thought we were planning something.

Jeanne: We are!

Hank: It’s so annoying when people try to spoil your plans!

Jeanne: So, Governor -

Hank: Acting Governor.

Jeanne: I wasn’t talking about Samantha, let me talk.

Hank: Oh, sorry.

Jeanne: Governor Raymond wants to pass three billion dollar infrastructure bill to fund road and bridge repairs, main trail railways, among other things.

Hank: There’s a very long list of things she wants funded, the size of the package is absolute insanity.

Samantha: She’s terrible at getting to the damn point, we all know this.

Hank: Anyway, the progressives in the senate and House don’t have leverage on this without being able to bank on the governor’s veto. We can easily trim down the size of this package and pass it on the support of most Democrats. Three billion is not happening.

Samantha: I was thinking we can do one point eight billion. Would that alienate too many Democrats?

Jeanne: I don’t personally want it below two million, but whatever agreement we can come to is fine by me. It’s absolutely crucial that we usher this through the assembly before Governor Raymond touches down at T.F. Green on Thursday.

Samantha: Would one point nine work for you?

Hank: Did I say it would work for me?

Samantha: You’d scrap the whole bill if it were up to you.

Hank: That’s true. It’s such useless spending, the roads are fine.

Jeanne: Are you serious? Have you seen the roads?

Hank: They’re fine in Cranston!

Jeanne: They’re terrible in Narragansett!

Hank: Well, good for Narragansett.

Samantha: Can you two stop fighting?

Jeanne: We’re not fighting, this is a respectful disagreement.

Samantha: We’re about five minutes away from Hank asking POTUS to order a missile strike on Narragansett Bay.

Hank: I would never do that! I’m pro-life.

Samantha: Jeanne just rolled her eyes so hard, I could hear it.

Hank: So we’re doing one point eight billion.

Samantha: Fine by me. Jeanne?

Jeanne: Whatever.

Hank: It’s so funny that Jeanne is considered the radical liberal of this group because they always call her a Republican online.

Jeanne: That’s just the far-left socialists. I’m a mainstream Democrat. You two, however, are indeed basically Republicans.

Hank: And I own it. I’m a proud centrist!

Jeanne: Ew.

Samantha: Do we have a deal?

Jeanne: Hank and I will get a few members to clean up the existing bill and allocate it based on the new price tag, but it should be good. I think we’ll be able to pass this by tomorrow.

Samantha: That’s amazing! This will really help my campaign.

Jeanne: Getting rid of Gretchen will help us all. So, therefore helping you helps us.

Samantha: I can’t even imagine Gretchen’s reaction when she gets back.

Jeanne: We may want to stay home the next week or so. Maybe look for a nice house in Maine to move to.

Samantha: It’s all worth it, though.

Hank: We hope. This could end in death, that’s not worth it.

The next day, outside the capitol building…

Carol: Gretchen, are you enjoying Michigan?

Gretchen: I don’t know, Gina. Am I?

Gina: We’re having so much fun, Carol!

Carol: I’m so glad! I miss you two hanging out together!

Gina: We had dinner last night and talked all night! It’s been so long since we’ve gotten to do this, it was such fun!

Carol: I hate to rain on the parade, b-

Gretchen: Then don’t. Please?

Carol: I think you’re going to want to hear this.

Gretchen: Just make it quick.

Carol: I think Samantha is plotting something.

Gretchen: When isn’t she?

Carol: No, this is bad. It has to do with the infrastructure bill. I think she’s planning to sign a watered-down version into law. We met with Jeanne and Hank to discuss it. It lasted two hours and it just went in circles the whole time. I think it was to distract me from some secret negotiations they were doing.

Gretchen: What do you want me to do about it? Providence is not exactly a ten minute drive from Michigan.

Carol: I just want you to know. It’s very concerning. She’s trying to sabotage your agenda.

Gretchen: We’re not going to let her. She’ll screw this up. Now, I’m going to try to enjoy my time here in Michigan.

Gina: We’re going whitewater rafting!

Carol: Was this not a business trip?

Gretchen: That’s why I brought Susana!

Carol: Good lord.

Gretchen: Bye Carol! See you Friday!

Carol: Friday?

Gretchen: Well, I’m not coming in to work tomorrow after a long flight.

Carol: Oh, fine. See you Friday.

Later that day…

Samantha: I’m heading to the senate chamber to chat with Jeanne. See you in a few.

Carol: Is that a pen in your hand?

Samantha: Ah, I forgot to set it down. Oops.

Carol: What are you up to, Pratt?

Samantha: Nothing!

Carol: Sure.

Samantha: Why do you keep saying that?

Carol: I don’t trust you.

Samantha: Find a new way to express that. Maybe spend my time away doing that.

Samantha walks out of the office. Two minutes later, Carol follows her to the senate chamber.

Jeanne: Ladies and the gentlemen of the press, members of the assembly, we are so happy to be here with acting governor Pratt to sign into law the 2021 Rhode Island Infrastructure Plan, which will allow nearly two billion dollars to be used to fix our state’s infrastructure. It couldn’t have been done without her leadership.

Samantha: I think, it’s a testament to Leader Rivero and Speaker Matthews’ tenacity that we were able to hammer out a deal for this plan so quickly. I’ve only had two days as acting governor and we’ve already passed this landmark legislation. It’s a miracle and it shows what government can do for the people when we work together. Now, to sign it into law!

Carol rushes towards the table and throws her smoothie onto the bill just as Samantha is about to sign it.

Carol: Oops, sorry! It was an accident.

Samantha: Sure.

What did you think of this episode of Raymond Island? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll below and make sure to return next week for a new episode!

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