Bake Your Heart Out Season 3 Episode 7 - Miss Sigh, Gone

Bake Your Heart Out
 Season 3, Episode 7
Miss Sigh, Gone

Sam, Diane, Garry and Charlotte are in Sam’s dressing room.

Paul: Are you guys ready to get back to filming? Leslie sure is.

Sam: Is she nagging? She does that a lot.

Diane: Oh my goodness! Sam just said something to Paul without mocking him!

Paul: She must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. That makes most people angry but I bet it has a reverse effect on someone as interesting as Sam.

Sam: For your information, I just got some incredible news so that’s the reason for being so cheery. Even Paul can’t put a damper on my mood.

Garry: What is it?

Sam: Now Garry, he can still put a damper on it. He’s a different breed.

Charlotte: Tell us your big news! We’re all mildly interested in hearing it!

Diane: You know what I just noticed? Frances isn’t here.

Sam: Diane! Don’t rain on my parade!

Diane: The parade was a few weeks ago, silly.

Charlotte: I know Diane is the flighty one around here but she’s usually a bit more put-together than this. What’s going on?

Diane: I didn’t get much sl-

Sam: My! News!

Charlotte: Apologies, Sam. Continue.

Sam: Finally!

Leslie:  Are you guys coming or not?

Paul: I told them, Leslie. Don’t blame me for this one.

Sam: Let me say my big news and I will do whatever you need me to!

Garry: The good mood’s gone.

Charlotte: We do have that effect on people.

Leslie: Say it quickly. The bakers are waiting for us, I think a few of their bakes look like they’re about to collapse.

Sam: I spoke to Nicolle today and she's coming up here in a few days and she’s staying for ten whole days!

Diane: Ten days? That’s, like, a year in her time!

Sam: I know! She’s spent a collective total of about eight days away from New York in the past year so this is a big change for her.

Leslie: Sam, you know how supportive I am of your marriage. I am an ally.

Sam: And we have always appreciated that.

Leslie: We can talk about this more extensively at dinner. We have a show to film right now.

Sam: I shared my news, I’m ready. I don’t tell overly-detailed stories like Frances or Diane.

Charlotte: No one gives more unnecessary detail than Frances. She started describing the colors of people’s shoes and goes off on tangents about unrelated topics and her stories are really such a mess.

Garry: Remember that time she told us the story about being taken hostage and she took like two minutes to describe the blue hue of the hostage-taker’s hoodie?

Sam: “It was a navy blue, but closer to royal blue than it was to black. It’s probably darker than you’re imagining, but don’t imagine anything too dark.”

Diane: We get taken hostage a lot. That feels like a problem. We get taken hostage more than my favorite Olivia does.

Charlotte: How often is Olivia Rodrigo being taken hostage? She needs a better bodyguard.

Diane: No, my other favorite Olivia! The lead character on my favorite show, Law & Order: SVU. Olivia Benson!

Sam: Since when do you watch Law & Order: SVU?

Diane: Two decades!

Sam: I think I’d know that if it were true.

Diane: I was on an episode! I hugged Mariska Hargitay!

Leslie: Yeah, that’s great. Work. Now!

Sam: You’re such a hard-ass lately.

Leslie: Only because you guys are getting even more difficult to get back to work.

Paul: You’re still far nicer than you should be.

Leslie: They’re my friends, Paul. I can’t scream at them like you would. I’d like to some days, but I can’t.

Diane: We’re coming. Right, guys?

Charlotte: I’ve been ready.

Sam: We’re just waiting on Frances, really.

Frances: Where is Frances? I haven’t seen her all day.

The door to Frances’ dressing room swings open.

Frances: Frances was in her dressing room because Frances was having a very difficult time. Frances could her you all making fun of her and would like it to stop.

Diane: Frances, I -

Frances: No, I am tired of being the punching bag for all of you people. I’m done.

Frances storms off the set.

Charlotte: Did she just steal my car?

Garry: Did you drive her here today?

Charlotte: Yes…

Garry: And did you leave your car keys on that table near the entrance?

Charlotte: Yes…

Garry: She definitely stole your car.

Leslie: You know what? I don’t care about her right now. We’re getting back to work, our bakers worked hard and it’s time for judging.

Garry: How can we film without Frances?

Leslie: We have two judges, you and Charlotte. I know you forget you’re supposed to be a judge sometimes but that is why you get a paycheck in the mail. You can do it, I believe in you!

Diane: Frances was in part of the episode, how can we explain her being gone all the sudden?

Leslie: We’ll say she got explosive diarrhea and had to take time off. I don’t care, whatever we think of is fine. Let’s film!

Sam: Wow, an episode without Frances. I’d prefer one without Garry but okay.

Garry: And Frances says she’s the punching bag…

Two hours later, as they finish filming the episode…

Diane: Wow, Sam! It feels like pie week has practically flown by!

Sam: That’s because time flies when you’re having fun!

Diane: I do like pie.

Sam: Yeah, me too. Especially a good pecan. Why’d no one make a pecan pie?

Diane: Nut shortage, perhaps?

Sam: Nah, I think they just went in other directions.

Diane: I’ll look into the nut shortage.

Sam: Let’s wrap up the show first.

Diane: Oh, okay! Reasonable!

Sam: We’ll start with the good news, we all need some good in our lives.

Diane: Francine, for a second week in a row, you masterfully executed all three bakes. Your lemon chiffon pie from the Judge’s Challenge was the standout, and the tour of Italian pies that you gave us in the Grand Challenge left Garry and Charlotte awe-struck.

Sam: Verna, your lemon chiffon pie wasn’t the judges’ favorite, but it was quite close. Your Specialty Challenge bake contained such vivid flavors that no one else came close to, and you effortlessly nailed the Grand Challenge with both sweet and savory bakes that left our mouths watering.

Diane: Only one of you can win Top Baker this week, and that baker is… Verna!

Sam: Congratulations!

Diane: That shepherd’s pie was to die for, I need your recipe.

Verna: That’s top secret, but I can make an exception for you!

Diane: I’m honored!

Sam: Now comes the hard part.

Diane: Oh, wow. You’re really jumping into ti.

Sam: As I say every week, it’s only an hour show.

Diane: Then let’s get to it. Jerome, your lemon chiffon pie was a disaster and even you could acknowledge that. Your Specialty Challenge was strong, but a middle-of-the-road Grand Challenge let the judges wanting a bit more. Nevertheless, you are safe.

Sam: Sharon, for the second week in a row, your Grand Challenge just didn’t come together. Your savory pie was runny and your sweet pie majorly lacked in presentation, which was a common theme throughout all of your bakes this week. You sort of sunk like a stone this week.

Diane: Tianna, after back-to-back weeks as Top Baker, the judges were sorely disappointed this week with a bland coconut custard pie that simply felt too simple in the Specialty Challenge, as well as a simplistic chicken pot pie in the Grand Challenge. The judges felt like you were out of your element this week because the baking felt a lot more like something you’d get at a family dinner than in a world-class bakery.

Sam: It was a tough decision, but the judges took this week’s bakes as well as your prior bakes into consideration, and the choice was, to them, pretty clear. Diane, care to share who’s going home?

Diane: No, I don’t want to do that.

Sam: Fine, I’ll break someone’s heart.

Diane: Thank you, friend.

Sam: Sadly, this week we have to say goodbye to… Sharon.

Diane: Sharon, it’s been a privilege to get to know you and to see your craft in the kitchen.

Sam: And that’s a wrap on pie week! See you next week for chocolate week, right here on Bake Your Heart Out!

Leslie: That’s a wrap, guys! We can go home now!

Charlotte: Don’t you think we should focus on finding Frances now? I really need my car, it’s a rental!

Leslie: Oh god! I forgot about that!

Diane: Hey! I’m supposed to be the forgetful one!

Leslie: Don’t worry, you still are.

Garry: Does anyone have any idea where Frances could’ve gone?

Paul: I don’t mean to bud in -

Sam: Then don’t.

Paul But I have an inkling of where Frances could be.

Leslie: You barely know her, Paul. I think we may know her a bit better than you.

Garry: Just let him say it, this should be pretty funny.

Paul: Not to sound like Captain Obvious over here, but maybe you should start at the hotel. She may have just decided to drive home to relax after a taxing day.

Garry: That actually would make sense.

Sam: That’s the easiest solution so it won’t be the answer. We may as well try it, though. If only because maybe I’ll get to take a nap. This day’s been exhausting.

Charlotte: Can someone drive me back to the hotel? I kinda… well, you know.

Garry: I’ll drive you, no problem.

Charlotte: Thank you! You’re too kind!

Sam: Ew. I feel sick.

Leslie: I also rode with Leslie so can I -

Garry: No problem!

Leslie: Thank you, Garry. I really didn’t need to hear Sam’s snark or Diane’s Olivia Rodrigo CD the entire ride home.

Diane: Your loss.

At the Riviera Inn…

Melanie: Hey guys! The group looks different but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Leslie: We’re missing a middle-aged drama queen.

Melanie: Yeah, where’s Frances?

Leslie: That’s what we’re trying to figure out.

Charlotte: She stole my car!

Melanie: She did what?

Leslie: It’s been a rough day for everyone.

Melanie: She stole your car?

Charlotte: She stole my car!

Garry: Thankfully, I was there to give Charlotte and Leslie a ride home.

Diane: So were we, we just weren’t given that opportunity.

Sam: Because you’re a vulture, Garry. You swept in to try and make them like you more by being their hero.

Garry: We’re friends! Friends help friends! If you want a vulture, why’s Paul still here? Frances isn’t his friend.

Paul: I’m just trying to help find Frances, one of my network’s top talents.

Sam: Now now, I believe Diane and I are your top talents. The show’s ratings tanked even when Frances was still on it.

Paul: Please don’t remind me of that season.

Diane: Does it remind you of the massive raises you had to give us?

Paul: You earned those.

Diane: Damn right we did.

Leslie: So I take it you haven’t seen Frances?

Melanie: No, I have not.

Leslie: So she’s not here!

Melanie: She could be in her room. If she went straight up the outside stairs, I never would’ve seen her.

Leslie: I doubt she’d answer the door for us.

Sam: Yeah, she was really in a mood. The fact that it took us a few hours to even start looking for her can’t have helped that mood.

Melanie: I could get in trouble for this, but -

Leslie: Melanie, we just got you your job back. Let’s not get into any more trouble.

Paul: Yeah, I had to blackmail your manager! I don’t like doing that.

Sam: Don’t act like you’re an angel, Paul. You’re a cold-hearted snake. You’re Paul-a Abdul.

Paul: That was clever, Sam.

Sam: I’m a comedian, it’s what I do best.

Melanie: It’s not a problem, I’ll just head up there. You guys stay down here. If I get caught, I can make up some excuse that there was a noise complaint or something.

Diane: Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t think we’d be able to get your job back for you a second time.

Melanie: I’m doing it. I’m going right now.

Leslie: Just be careful!

Melanie: I’m not going into a field of landmines, I’m gonna be okay.

Sam: I really hope she finds her, I don’t have the energy to look anywhere else.

Ten minutes later…

Leslie: She’s coming, people! Moment of truth!

Diane: It sounds like she’s alone. Bad sign!

Melanie: Well… she’s not here.

Sam: Dammit!

Diane: Did you look everywhere in the room?

Garry: Diane, I doubt she’s hiding in the closet or under her bed.

Melanie: I did look there, though! No luck!

Garry: I admire your dedication to the search.

Melanie: Friends help friends. You guys told me that.

Leslie: I believe it was me who said that exact phrase but, yes, friends do help friends.

Diane: So where are we looking next?

Charlotte: If I were a car thief, where would I go?

Garry: Where does Frances like to go around here?

Sam: The bakery, the grocery store, the park in the center of town, that Italian restaurant with the good tiramisu-

Garry: Those are just places you like to go.

Sam: Yes, exactly. Can we go to those places?

Leslie: Be serious, Sam! Frances is missing!

Sam: She’s not missing! She’s just annoyed. People like to be alone when they’re annoyed. I know I do.

Diane: Sam is right about the park, though. Frances likes to go down to the waterfall sometimes and throw pennies in it. I tell her it’s bad for the wildlife, but she doesn’t really care.

Charlotte: That does sound like Frances.

Paul: So should we go there?

Sam: Paul, I’m gonna be completely honest. I forgot you were even here.

Paul: It’s in my interest and the network’s to make sure that Frances is found. I’m going to help you track her down.

Diane: Paul sounds like an FBI agent. I’m gonna start calling him Mulder.

Paul: Please don’t.

Diane: More of a Scully guy?

Paul: I have never seen The X-Files.

Diane: Don’t talk to me.

Leslie: Let’s go to the park.

Melanie: I have like ten minutes left in my shift, but I think I can check out early. Nothing’s really happening.

Sam: You’re really gambling with you job today, aren’t ya?

Melanie: I’m only trying to make sure my friend is found safely.

Sam: Tell that to the folks at unemployment.

Leslie: Can we stop screwing around, guys? Let’s go get Frances!

Melanie: I can drive us. My minivan can easily fit seven.

Garry: We know. Remember when we used it to stalk my wife?

Melanie: Yes, that was fun!

Paul: You did what?

Leslie: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

Paul: It can if all the stars of my top show go to jail!

Diane: This was like three weeks ago, Paul. We haven’t been committing any crimes since then.

Sam: Other than Melanie breaking-and-entering a couple minutes ago.

Diane: Other than that, yeah.

Thirty minutes later, in the Newport City Park…

Leslie: Does anyone see Frances?

Diane: Should we call out her name?

Sam: Like she’s a lost dog?

Diane: Sorta, yeah.

Sam: I see no harm in it.

Garry: Frances!

Sam: Never mind, I see some harm in it. If I heard Garry call my name, I’d flee.

Leslie: Frances, come here!

Melanie: Fraaaaaanceeeeeesssss!!!

Sam: We look insane. We sound insane. Someone’s gonna call the cops on us and have us thrown in the damn looney bin.

Charlotte: It’s where we belong, really.

Paul: Diane, did you say Frances likes to go to the waterfall?

Diane: Yes.

Paul: I see something over at the waterfall.

Charlotte: My car?

Sam: You’re not letting that one go, are you?

Charlotte: No!

Leslie: Let’s head over to the waterfall, then. Every lead is worth following!

Sam: This better not be some random homeless woman feeding pigeons.

The group walks over to the waterfall…

Leslie: Frances! Is that you?

Frances: What do you want? Are you here to mock me again?

Diane: Why would we do that?

Frances: All day, from the moment we got to breakfast, you’ve been on my case. I’m tired of it.

Garry: One day and you lost your mind over it? I get it 24/7.

Leslie: Garry, that attitude doesn’t help anybody.

Frances: It’s just a rough day for me. It’s a really rough day.

Diane: Well we can turn it around, can’t we? Get off that bench and let’s go for a nice dinner.

Frances: It’s not that easy.

Diane: I’m sorry for any role I played in making you feel bad. It was never my intention to hurt your feelings.

Frances: Diane, it wasn’t you. You’re the sweetest person I know.

Melanie: That hurts.

Frances: You, too.

Sam: I thought I was the sweetest person you knew!

Frances: You wouldn’t be the sweetest person I knew if you were the only person I knew.

Garry: That’s fair.

Leslie: Why are you so down today? You even seemed off at breakfast. I think that’s why we got on your case, we were trying to make you laugh.

Frances: Today’s the anniversary of my divorce being finalized. It gets me down every year but this year is especially hard.

Garry: Well if it makes you feel any better, at least your marriage didn’t end with your husband driving off a bridge to his death on his way to a weekend trip with his mistress.

Frances: Sometimes I wish that’s what happened.

Sam: Don’t we all?

Frances: What would you know about divorce, Sam? You’re happily married and you’re about to spend the week with the woman you love.

Sam: The first week in months. Now I don’t want my wife to drive off a bridge but I’d like her to drive over a bridge a bit more and come visit me. It’s brutal not seeing her for so long.

Diane: There’s a music reference I want to make but I don’t want to be made fun of.

Leslie: It’s a safe space, you can say it.

Sam: Yeah, say it.

Diane: God, it’s brutal out here!

Sam: I’m throwing that CD out the window when we get back to our car.

Melanie: My daughter loves that song, she loves the whole album, really!

Sam: Of course she does, she’s a child.

Leslie: I think we’re straying off-topic here.

Garry: When don’t we.

Leslie: Frances, none of us wanted to make you feel bad. We love you.

Frances: I know. I just needed some time alone. It means a lot to me that you came looking for me. Even if it was a bit late.

Charlotte: I don’t mean to interrupt the moment we’re having here, but, Frances, here’s my car?

Frances: In the parking lot. Don’t worry, I took great care of it. I even threw my crying tissues away so they weren’t left in the car.

Charlotte: How sweet.

Leslie: So, shall we go? Maybe grab dinner?

Frances: Don’t we have to finish filming the episode first?

Leslie: That’s been done.

Diane: I believe Leslie told us to tel the viewers you were suffering from explosive diarrhea and had to leave the set early.

Frances: Really?

Leslie: I was mad at you. I’m over it now.

Frances: You people are insane.

Diane: We know!

Frances: Let’s grab some dinner.

Sam: The Italian place, right?

Frances: I was thinking French.

Sam: I want tiramisu!

Frances: It’s my special day.

Sam: Fine…

Frances: You guys are the best!

What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!

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