Bake Your Heart Out Season 3 Episode 11 - Frances Conner’s Revenge

Bake Your Heart Out Season 3, Episode 11
Frances Conner's Revenge

Leslie: Paul, what news do you have for me that could possibly involve DeAnna Clifton? Don’t tell me you actually hired her to be on the network. Oh god, do you want her show to be our lead-out? Our lead-in? Frances is going to flip.

Paul: I would never hire her again, you know that. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, some things matter more to me than ratings. Like friends.

Leslie: I don’t think Frances sees you as a friend but it’s a nice sentiment. So, what is it about DeAnna then? Is another network going to air her new show against Bake Your Heart Out? We’ll crush her, she’s a has-been.

Paul: Leslie, can I just tell you so I can rip the bandage off?

Leslie: Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Paul: I don’t really know how this happened, but DeAnna met with members of the government in Rhode Island and convinced them to not renew our tax credits for 2022 and instead give them to her show.

Leslie: What does that mean?

Paul: It means it’s going to be too expensive to continue filming here in Rhode Island without those tax credits. I don’t know what she told them, but being dropped like a hot potato is certainly suspect.

Leslie: We can’t film in Rhode Island anymore?

Paul: It wouldn’t be cost effective, not when just about any other state would be more than willing to give tax credits to get TV’s number one show to film there.

Leslie: So where are we going to end up filming, then? Oklahoma?

Paul: I heard Pennsylvania is beautiful this time of year.

Leslie: No, you didn’t.

Paul: Don’t be so negative!

Leslie: How could I not be negative? We’re going to have to leave this state that’s come to feel like home? We have a great crew here, we’ve made friends, this is terrible!

Paul: I know, and I’m so sorry.

Leslie: Is there anything you can do?

Paul: I’ve explored all of my options. Let’s just enjoy our last few months here. I’ve come to love it as well, I’m going to miss it.

Leslie: You don’t have to leave, it’s not like you’re essential to production.

Paul: Ouch!

Leslie: I didn't mean it as a dig. It is just the truth.

Paul: I know. And I’m sorry, I know the cast will all be disappointed, just like you are.

Leslie: ‘Cause who am I if not exploited? Oh, god. Diane’s music is starting to rub off on me now. Damn you, Olivia Rodrigo!

Paul: I’m gonna let you go break the news to them. Talk soon.

Leslie: Bye Paul.

Leslie hangs up and walks back to the gang’s table.

Sam: Why the long face, Leslie? I know talking to Paul is bad, but it’s not that bad.

Leslie: I got some bad news.

Frances: Is Charlotte betraying you? Or is she only doing that to me?

Charlotte: Frances, I don’t want to be friends with DeAnna! I’m just trying to avoid making her even more angry with us and the show.

Frances: Your way of accomplishing that was to invite her to your room?

Sam: This conversation is so exhausting.

Leslie: Can I share my news or are you two going to bicker?

Charlotte: I wasn’t bickering. I don’t want to argue at all!

Leslie: Okay, so moving on..

Frances: I ju-

Leslie: Let me talk!

Frances: Sorry…

Leslie: Paul called to tell me some news, some bad news.

Diane: Is he dying? I hope he’s not dying.

Sam: Why is that your first guess all the time?

Diane: I’m very emotionally damaged.

Leslie: It’s about DeAnna.

Diane: Oh no, is DeAnna dying?

Frances: I hope so! Poor Charlotte, though.

Leslie: DeAnna came up with a plan to get our tax credits revoked and given to her show and somehow, it worked.

Melanie: What does that mean?

Leslie: Well Melanie, without those tax credits it’s going to be too expensive to keep filming in Rhode Island. We’re going to have to go somewhere else. So we won’t be seeing you for five months out of the year anymore.

Melanie: That’s terrible!

Leslie: Tell me about it.

Diane: I don’t understand, Leslie. Why would the government take our tax credits away and give them to DeAnna? Can they even do that?

Leslie: Technically we didn’t have them to begin with for next year. Our credits are up for renewal and they chose not to renew them. So yes, they can do it. They can do whatever they want. As for why they’d choose not to renew, Paul thinks DeAnna made up stories about us to get them to turn on us.

Sam: What sort of stories?

Leslie: Clearly something bad.

Frances: None of you know her like I know her. That woman can come up with some wild stories but still make them season realistic. I’m not surprised that they believed her and cut us loose.

Diane: What are we going to do? This has become a second home to all of us, I don’t want to just up and leave.

Leslie: The network won’t pay for us to film here when they can get the same product in some other state. We don’t have a choice here, unfortunately.

Diane: We can go on strike!

Sam: It’s not called a strike when millionaires do it, Diane. It’s called a hissy fit.

Diane: It’s empowering whenever anyone stands up for what they believe in!

Sam: Not when they own a yacht.

Diane: None of us own a yacht!

Charlotte: Sam, do you have something to share?

Sam: Nope.

Diane: Did you buy a yacht?

Sam: It was a metaphor!

Garry: What I don’t get is why the network isn’t willing to shell out a bit more so the stars of the number one show on television can be happy. Do they not care about that? Do they not remember what happened the last time they upset us?

Melanie: What happened? I don’t think I was around when that happened.

Frances: Care to share, Diane?

Diane: We found out we were being paid less than our network colleagues whose show rates worse than our, so Sam, Garry and I quit. That’s when Charlotte, DeAnna and some other lady got hired and the show’s ratings collapsed. 

Melanie: That’s why you left?

Diane: Have we really never talked about this with you?

Melanie: No, I don’t think you did. I only realized that you ever left when I binged that season earlier this year.

Diane: It almost got the show canceled.

Garry: So why won’t they just fork over the money to let us stay filming here?

Leslie: Because networks are a business, and businesses don’t just burn money. We have to be willing to give a little.

Frances: I don’t want to give. I want to fight.

Charlotte: We know.

Frances: Not with you, actually.

Charlotte: I appreciate that, our argument was remarkably stupid.

Frances: It was not but that’s beside the point. I want to fight to get our tax credits back. We have to prove that DeAnna lied about us.

Garry: How are we going to do that?

Frances: London -

Charlotte: I have a name.

Frances: I’m mad at you, I’m calling you London.

Charlotte: Fine.

Frances: We’re going to fake your firing from the show. Release it to the press that you’ve been let go for “creative differences” or something.

Charlotte: I have thoughts.

Frances: We’ll have Melanie tell DeAnna that you want to see her in your room so you can vent to her.

Melanie: Oh boy, how did I get involved.

Frances: You’re in the group, you’re involved.

Melanie: Fine by me, happy to help.

Frances: Charlotte’s a great actress -

Charlotte: Thank you!

Frances: She can easily sell to DeAnna that she actually got fired from the show. They can complain about how awful we are. Meanwhile, she’s actually recording the whole conversation. She hopefully can get DeAnna to spill that she made something up about us to get our credits revoked. DeAnna loves to brag about her little schemes so it shouldn't be hard. Rhode Island is a one-party consent state, so we don’t have to worry about the legal repercussions of recording her without her knowledge.

Garry: Why do you know about the recording consent laws of Rhode Island?

Frances: That’s not relevant. So, what do we think of the plan, folks?

Charlotte: I think it’s better than nothing.

Sam: It doesn’t require me doing anything, so, sure.

Frances: That’s where you're wrong!

Sam: Oh, the plan’s not done yet.

Garry: It’s quite elaborate.

Frances: Nicolle’s coming to town on Friday, right?

Sam: I did say that, yes.

Frances: We’re going to have her write an exposé about DeAnna for her paper.

Sam: My wife is not involving herself in tabloid drama about baking shows!

Frances: DeAnna defrauded the government of Rhode Island. This is not some petty squabble.

Sam: You’ll have to talk to her about it.

Diane: If worse comes to worst, we just publish it independently.

Frances: I guess, but having published by a reputable paper in an article written by a Pulitzer winner would help us far more.

Leslie: So, can we get back to eating now?

Garry: Why does she ask that so often?

Leslie: I work hard, it makes me hungry.

The next day, in the lobby…

Melanie: Ms. Clifton!

DeAnna: You really can just call me DeAnna.

Melanie: Okay, DeAnna. Charlotte wants to see you in her room. She’s really upset, she needs someone to talk with.

DeAnna: I heard about her ouster. I can’t say I’m too shocked, those people are vicious.

Melanie: Should I tell her you’re heading up?

DeAnna: Sure, go ahead.

In Charlotte’s room…

DeAnna: Honey, I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Charlotte: I really don’t know what I did wrong.

DeAnna: Nothing. They just use people and dispose of them when they no longer serve a purpose to them. That’s what they did to me.

Charlotte: I think Leslie blames me for getting the tax credits taken away. I don’t now why she would but she certainly insinuated that much during the conversation where she fired me.

DeAnna: Why would she blame you for that?

Charlotte: I don’t know. You know how stubborn she can be when an idea pops into her head.

DeAnna: I sure do. Thankfully I’m out of there, and now you are, too.

Charlotte: I still don’t know how we lost our tax credits, it makes no sense to me. I’m glad they don’t have them anymore but still, so curious.

DeAnna: Can I tell you a secret?

Charlotte: We’re friends, why not?

DeAnna: I met with the lieutenant governor, who was acting as governor for a few days, to discuss my new project that I told you about.

Charlotte: Oh yeah, how’s that going?

DeAnna: I didn’t start filming yet, soon though.

Charlotte: So what’s this about meeting with the lieutenant governor?

DeAnna: Sorry, got distracted.

Charlotte: You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m the one who distracted you.

DeAnna: That is true. Anyhow, I talked with the lieutenant governor and showed her some documents that I forged “proving” that Leslie and the network were using the show’s tax credits to line their own pockets instead of paying for the show. I further an “expert” someone to lie and say that the set was unsafe and a fire hazard.

Charlotte: Oh, wow! That’s devious! I like it!

DeAnna: I tried to think of some way to pin it on Frances but I figured that would seem far-fetched so I just left that part out.

Charlotte: She doesn’t have much power and everyone knows it, so that’s good thinking.

DeAnna: I never would’ve gotten hired in the first place if she had any power at all.

Charlotte: Even Garry has more power than her!

DeAnna: That’s quite pathetic but very true!

One hour later…

DeAnna: Well, it’s getting late. I really ought to get to dinner before I drink any more whiskey.

Charlotte: It’s been nice. Stop in and see me again whenever you want to.

DeAnna: I definitely will, thanks for inviting me. Have a good night.

DeAnna walks out of Charlotte’s room and Sam, Diane, Leslie and Garry walk out of the bedroom.

Frances: Even Garry has more power?

Charlotte: I was trying to sell it!

Frances: You didn’t have to insult me like that!

Garry: What’s that supposed to mean?

Frances: Get real, Garry.

Garry: Again, what’s that supposed to mean?

Leslie: We got everything we needed, it worked brilliantly.

Sam: You did turn on your phone recording, right, Charlotte?

Charlotte: Of course I did I’m not a complete idiot.

Sam: Frances would disagree…

Frances: Charlotte may have saved us all, she’s no idiot.

Sam: Yeah, Garry’s really the only idiot here.

Garry: What did I do?

Sam: Nothing, that’s the point.

Garry: I don’t think I was involved in the plan.

Sam: You weren’t, because you would’ve screwed it up.

Frances: Speaking of plan, when is Nicolle getting to town?

Sam: Tomorrow morning.

Frances: Okay, then I think our work here is done until then. Gonna be fun tomorrow, guys!

Leslie: Dinner time?

Diane: Do you think of nothing else?

Sam: I think the person who’s spent the whole filming season talking about Olivia Rodrigo should stay out of this conversation.

The next day…

Sam: She’s here, everyone!

Nicolle: Wow, I feel like a celebrity.

Frances: Well…

Sam: Oh, give her some times before you throw this on her!

Frances: We don’t have much time, Sam. It’s time-sensitive.

Sam: Okay, fine.

Nicolle: Now I’m worried.

Sam: Don’t be worried! If it was that bad I’d let you just ignore it.

Nicolle: Okay, that is true.

Diane: How often has she told you to ignore us?

Nicolle: More times than I can count.

Frances: So, Nicolle. We need a favor.

Nicolle: Let me just sit down and soak it in.

Melanie: I just cleaned that seat, it’s still wet. Sit in the other one.

Nicolle: Why’d you clean it?

Melanie: You don’t want to know…

Nicolle: Yikes.

Frances: Long story short, DeAnna lied to the government about us and accused us of defrauding them so that she could get our tax credits taken away. She admitted this on tape with Charlotte. We would really appreciate if you did an exposé about it in the paper and let the world know just who she is.

Nicolle: Wow! That’s… a lot.

Charlotte: It’s been quite the stressful couple of days.

Nicolle: I’ll do the article. It’s not necessarily in my wheelhouse but it does in some way involve exposing corruption so it’s worth writing about for me. Also, Sam would probably divorce me if I didn’t help because she loves getting revenge on her enemies.

Sam: Damn right I do.

Frances: When will the article be published? I’m just so excited to see DeAnna get hers.

Nicolle: Monday, probably? Just give me the recording and I’ll work on the article and get it done over the weekend.

Frances: You are, truly, a lifesaver.

Nicolle: Let’s not go that far.

Sam: Yeah, she’s great but not THAT great. She’s not me.

Nicolle: You better be joking.

Three days later…

Paul: I’m so glad to find you all here!

Sam: We eat breakfast at the same place every morning, where else did you anticipate finding us?

Paul: It was just a greeting, okay?

Sam: Well, think before you speak next time.

Paul: I come bearing news. Good news.

Leslie: Thank god.

Paul: Governor Raymond just phoned me to tell me that she apologizes for lieutenant governor Pratt’s incompetence and that she will personally ensure that Bake Your Heart Out receives full tax accreditation for next season. We’re back, baby!

Charlotte: Oh my god, Frances’s plan worked!

Diane: Not going to lie, I had my doubts it would work. It’s so unlike us for a plan to work

Frances: Thankfully, DeAnna is narrowly dumber than we are.

Diane: We should tell Melanie.

Frances: We’re almost done eating, we can go back to the hotel and tell her.

Garry: I’m glad we have your permission.

Frances: Shut up, Garry.

Garry: Will do.

At the Rivera Inn…

Melanie: I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ms. Clifton.

DeAnna: Where are they, Melanie?

Frances: You mean us?

DeAnna: Frances Conner…

Frances: DeAnna Clifton! Your fourth facelift looks terrible!

DeAnna: Charlotte, you're the only one I’m disappointed in. I expect this from the rest of you. Why would you help people that fired you?

Charlotte: That was a lie, too. Oops!

DeAnna: Why would you betray me?

Diane: Because you betrayed us first! We never did anything to you.

Charlotte: What she said.

Frances: I can’t believe you really thought you could outsmart me. Well, us.

DeAnna: It was worth a shot.

Frances: When you come for the queen, you best not miss.

DeAnna: The queen of what? Delusion?

Frances: Only one of us committed fraud against the government so I don’t think I’m the delusional one. You’re probably going to jail, actually.

Nicolle: It’s true, I’ve seen this many times. Never ends well when you get the government involved.

DeAnna: You can’t scare me with your lies.

Frances: You’re one to talk about lies. You lie so much, your name should be Liza Minnelli!

Diane: Don’t bring Liza’s good name into this.

Frances: I think we should get to work on our government-credited smash hit show, don’t y’all think?

Leslie: That would be lovely!

Frances: Have fun in Guantanamo, DeAnna!

What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments, vote in the poll of the week and make sure to read a new episode next week!

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