Diane: Bakers, it’s been an eventful week in which you’ve turned all your attention to pies.
Sam: Pie, oh, my.
Diane: The judges were delighted by the skills you all showed throughout the week, but two of you really stood out.
Sam: Carter, after an off week last week that nearly saw you eliminated, you came roaring back with four flavorful bakes this week that left the judges absolutely delighted and wanting seconds!
Diane: Verna, all four of the pies you made for the judges truly took them on a flavor journey, with your savory and sweet elements coming together perfectly in your incredibly unique Specialty Challenge bake, which the judges called the best of the week.
Sam: Ultimately, while you were both masters of the kitchen, only one of you can be Top Baker this week, and that is… Carter!
Diane: What a rebound for you! Congratulations!
Sam: Sadly, the week didn’t go as well for some of you…
Diane: Jerome, your savory pie in the Grand Challenge was burnt and dry, and your Judge’s Challenge bake was the worst of the week.
Sam: Wilson, for the second week in a row, you simply left the judges wanting more. While none of your bakes were complete disasters, all of them left the judges wanting more. This far in the game, your bakes need to be more complex than this.
Diane: It was a tough decision, but ultimately, the judges felt there was only one choice. Sam, care to reveal this week’s eliminated contestant?
Sam: I think it’s your turn, Diane.
Diane: No…
Sam: I’m pretty sure I’ve eliminated every single contestant this season
Diane: I… uh… I don’t think that’s possibly true.
Sam: Just do it, as a favor. It’s my birthday!
Diane: Oh, I didn’t know.
Sam: As repayment for forgetting, you can reveal this week’s elimination.
Diane: Oh, all right. Jerome, Wilson, you are the bottom two this week, and sadly only one of you can continue in this competition. Today, we have to say goodbye to… Jerome. We are so sorry.
Sam: Thank you for sharing your gift with us. We have truly appreciated getting to know you these past weeks.
Diane: That’s all for Bake Your Heart Out, goodnight!
Leslie: Aaaaaannnndd…. cut! Great show, folks!
Garry: Sam, is it really your birthday?
Diane: It better be, you made me feel so guilty.
Sam: Of course it is! And none of you even bothered to get me a cake or even a card!
Frances: Isn’t your birthday in June?
Diane: It is! We spent the day together in Santa Monica getting our nails done!
Sam: Fine, I lied.
Diane: You lied about the most sacred thing imaginable.
Sam: A birthday? I don’t think that’s the mo-
Charlotte: Hey, uh, I don’t mean to interrupt, but have you seen this?
Leslie: Seen what? You have to show us before you ask.
Charlotte: I was getting to that, Leslie.
Leslie: Again, the proper time is -
Diane: Just show us what you wanted to ask us about.
Charlotte: This, DeAnna Clifton’s Instagram post.
Frances falls.
Garry: Frances! Are you okay?
Frances: I think I’m having a brain aneurysm from having to hear that woman’s name.
Sam: No, I think you just tripped over your own feel.
Frances: I taste blood!
Sam: Because you split your lip open!
Leslie: Oh, lord. You did! That’s gotta hurt!
Sam: No, I’m sure it feels phenomenal.
Leslie: I don’t think I said that, did I?
Frances: I can barely even feel. I’m just so triggered by being reminded of DeAnna.
Charlotte: I didn’t realize it was that stressful for you to hear her name mentioned.
Frances: It’s bad, Charlotte. The woman ruined my life.
Garry: What did she actually do to you to make you hate her this much?
Frances: She knows.
Diane: Should we get her to the hospital? She has a gash in her lip, she’s going to need stitches.
Frances: I’m fine!
Diane: Frances, your lip looks like the parting of the Red Sea!
Garry: It’s bad, Frances.
Frances: Sam, hand me my purse.
Sam: Why?
Garry: I’ll do it. No questions asked.
Frances: Thank you, Garry.
Sam: Those words scare me when they’re put together.
Garry: Here you go.
Frances pulls a hand mirror out of her purse.
Frances: Oh my god! Why did none of you tell me it was this bad?
Diane: Why do I talk?
Sam: Good question.
Frances: Can someone drive me to the ER? Not Charlotte, I can’t risk her talking about… you know who again.
Charlotte: I wouldn’t talk about her! God, if I knew it would’ve caused this I never would’ve spoken of her at all.
Garry: I’ll take you, Frances. You guys just tell Carly where I am, I don’t want her thinking I’m up to no good.
Sam: Look at Carly. Then look at you. She knows that you know she’s way out of your league. You’re not gonna do anything to screw that up.
Leslie: You’r really letting him have it today.
Sam: I’m on my absolute best behavior today. Trust me, that’s much nicer than I wanted to say.
At the Riviera Inn, one hour later…
Leslie: You guys, is that De-
Charlotte: That’s what I was trying to tell you all before Frances had her accident. DeAnna is here!
Leslie: What the hell does she want?
Diane: Maybe just to go on vacation? People do come here on vacation.
Leslie: What lunatic would come here on vacation in September?
Diane: We’re here.
Leslie: We’re working.
Sam: How about we just go in there and talk to her?
Leslie: Heck no!
Sam: Why not? It’s not like Frances is here to see it.
Leslie: Because she’s awful? How about we just go up the outside steps.
Diane: The outside steps? The ones with the slippery steps and pools of water on every level?
Leslie: It hasn’t rained in days, I’m sure they’re dry today.
Charlotte: I’m going in there. I’m sure Melanie is worried about us, we’re late.
Leslie: Don’t you dare! We don’t need her to know we’re staying here!
Charlotte opens the lobby door and walks in.
Leslie: What the hell was that?
Diane: In believe she walked into the lobby of the hotel we’re staying at. Not a crime.
Charlotte: Hey Melanie!
Melanie: Charlotte! I want you to meet our newest guest, I was telling her all about you guys.
DeAnna: Charlotte Keen! So funny to cross paths with you again.
Charlotte: DeAnna, what brings you to Rhode Island? It’s not like there’s much going on here for a big TV personality like you.
DeAnna: I’m here for the same reason as you, got a new project that I’m filming right here in Newport! I heard the tax credits are very lucrative so I thought it would be a good fit.
Charlotte: Oh, what are you working on?
DeAnna: That’s top secret!
Charlotte: I respect that. I had to be quiet when I was working on my acclaimed blockbuster last spring. Couldn’t tell a should what I was up to.
DeAnna: Sadly I’m not doing anything up to that level, but I think people will be quite surprised and excited about it.
Melanie: I just remembered that you two worked together before! How did I not realize it? This is like a mini Bake Your Heart Out reunion for you guys!
DeAnna: In fairness, no one watched the season of Bake Your Heart Out that I was on.
Charlotte: It wasn’t that bad!
DeAnna: I got fired after one cycle. They were so desperate for a rebound, they had to bring back Garry! He was considered an improvement on me!
Charlotte: It was more the hosts than you, they didn’t gel together like Sam and Diane.
DeAnna: I was one of the hosts!
Charlotte: Oh…
DeAnna: That was one of the worst parts of the experience! You have a James Beard Award-winning pastry chef like me there and instead of letting her be a judge on a baking competition, you have her hosting it with some washed-up sitcom star! I didn’t work so hard at perfecting my craft to co-host with Judith Light!
Charlotte: I wish we could've gotten Judith Light, people love Judith Light.
DeAnna: Who did actually co-host with me? I forget her name.
Charlotte: I think it was so bad that we just tried to forget it.
Melanie: Oh, hi guys! I was wondering where you were!
Diane: Hello. We were just chatting outside.
DeAnna: Well if it isn’t the people that stole my job!
Sam: I’d say you were the one who stole our job, but -
DeAnna: I’m kidding! Geez, surely you don’t think I’m actually that full of myself to believe that it was ever my show! It was always yours, always will be!
Leslie: It’s actually mine…
DeAnna: Which is what gave you the power to fire me!
Leslie: Well it’s been lovely seeing you, but I think it really is time for me to go. I need to get ready for dinner.
Melanie: You look great just like that! Stick around and talk for a while!
DeAnna: Yeah! Stick around and talk! It’s been almost two years since we’ve seen each other!
Leslie: I, I can’t, sorry.
Sam: Don’t leave us here alone.
Leslie: We all need to get ready, we gotta meet up with Garry and Frances in an hour.
DeAnna: Where is Frances? I wanted to talk to her!
Leslie: She’s very busy.
DeAnna: With what?
Diane: She’s at the hospital, she cut her lip and needs stitches.
Sam kicks Diane.
Diane: What was that for?
Sam kicks Diane again.
Diane: That was uncalled for.
Charlotte: DeAnna, I’m sorry they’re being rude. You and I can talk later. How long are you here?
DeAnna: Hoping for about a month.
Charlotte: Oh! Well, we’ll have plenty of time, then. What room are you in?
DeAnne: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten to check in yet. I just got here thirty minutes ago, I was in a pretty long business meeting today that made me arrive here late. You know, the business life...
Melanie: We were deep in conversation, I didn’t get to check her in.
Sam: We know how you are, Melanie. We can believe it.
Melanie: I know, I am a talker.
Diane: I wish I liked strangers as much as Melanie does.
Sam: I wish I liked any people that much.
Leslie: You like us!
Sam: Eh…
Charlotte: I’m in room 202, stop in and see me sometime.
DeAnna: Will do! See you soon!
One hour later, at the restaurant…
Leslie: I can’t believe you told DeAnna to stop up at your room and see you.
Charlotte: I’m nice! It’s a feature, not a bug!
Leslie: That woman ruined Frances’s life… somehow.
Charlotte: I showed her kindness, you gave her a job and forced Frances to work with her.
Leslie: I was trying to drum up controversy to save the show. It backfired.
Charlotte: Of course it did! It’s a fun, light-hearted show, and controversy and light-heartedness go together like orange juice and toothpaste.
Leslie: Whatever, it’s behind us now. Let’s just try to enjoy our dinner.
Melanie: I didn’t realize Frances hated DeAnna.
Sam: Oh, here we go…
Melanie: What happened?
Leslie: No one really knows, they just have a long history. Frances is in the hospital because she fell just from the rage of hearing DeAnna’s name.
Melanie: What?
Leslie: Yeah…
Sam: You should really be expecting that from Frances, she’s not a rational person.
Diane: And you are?
Sam: Good point.
Garry: Ta-da! We’re here!
Sam: Frances, you look -
Frances: I look terrible.
Sam: You look good!
Diane: You really look better than I expected.
Frances: Such high praise.
Garry: I tried to tell her she looks good, but she won’t listen.
Frances: I have eyes, Garry. Unlike you, because you don’t even realize that your wife’s not here.
Garry: Where is Carly?
Diane: Oh god, I knew we were forgetting something!
Leslie: It’s not too late to call, right?
Garry: You forgot to do the one thing I asked?
Leslie: In our defense, we were distracted by something. And also, we did tell her and she’s just running a bit late.
Garry: You monsters! I thought I was going to go home to disaster!
Frances: Hold up. What were you distracted by? Because I know it wasn’t worry for me.
Leslie: Nothing, nothing at all.
Frances: Don’t leave anything from me…
Melanie: DeAnna is staying at the hotel.
Frances screams.
Diane: Oh my god, my ears are bleeding.
Charlotte: We’re going to get thrown out of this restaurant.
Sam: As we would deserve.
Frances: Of all the places to stay, why does she have to stay where I’m staying?
Melanie: It’s a very small state, there’s only like two hotels.
Frances: You were going to keep this from me? What if I ran into her in the hallway? I fainted at the sound of her name, surely I’d not be able to contain myself if I actually had to see the beast.
Leslie: I think we should just focus on having a nice dinner.
Frances: No, we’re talking about DeAnna now.
Leslie: Oh, joy.
Diane: She wasn’t that bad when I saw her.
Frances: You saw her?
Sam: Charlotte invited her to stop by her room whenever she wants.
Frances: Charlotte, in the words of that sad girl the Diane likes, you betrayed me! You’re a traitor!
Diane: Her name is Ol-
Frances: I don’t care.
Diane: Then don’t bring her up!
Sam: You did know the risks in bringing her up around Diane.
Charlotte: I didn’t try to betray her, I just didn’t want to provoke her. Leslie had that covered.
Leslie: I didn’t try to provoke her! I just didn’t want to see her and cut off our conversation. I had a perfectly valid excuse.
Charlotte: We have to live in the same hotel as this woman for a month, a bit of grace certainly won’t hurt.
Leslie: I think we all need to calm down.
Sam: The waiter is walking over to us, you guys.
Diane: He’s gonna ask us to leave.
Leslie: We’re already going, sir.
Waiter: I was just coming to ask if you were ready to order your drinks.
Leslie: Five minutes.
Waiter: No problem.
Diane: Oh, there’s plenty of problems here.
Leslie’s phone rings…
Leslie: Who the hell could that be?
Frances: If it were Charlotte’s phone, I’d guess that it were her bestie DeAnna.
Charlotte: We are not “besties!”
Leslie: It’s Paul.
Sam: Ugh. Almost as bad as DeAnna..
Leslie: Let me step away and take this.
Leslie walks outside and answers her phone.
Leslie: What is it, Paul?
Paul: Leslie, I’ve got some bad news for you.
Leslie: Very funny, Paul.
Paul: I’m not joking.
Leslie: What bad news could you possibly have have to share with me? I produce your number one show!
Paul: Well, it involves DeAnna Clifton…
To be continued…
What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
