FELIX
It’s good to be bad in the locker room. I missed this place. The smelly cleats, sweaty towels, racing heart from nerves of about to go into the game…
ROBERT
Sounds terrible.
FELIX
You wouldn’t understand.
MANNY
Guys! We only have this area for a few minutes before the team arrives. We have to be out of here by then or else we’ll get in big trouble.
ACE
Don’t you mean you’ll get in big trouble?
MANNY
No.
ACE
I’m just saying, you’re the coach.
MANNY
I’ll just say it was Harry’s idea.
HARRY
And you really think one person would believe that?
DEVIN
Checks out with me.
HARRY
You really think I would lead the plan to get us away from the bullpen?
FELIX
Who else? Certainly not Lorenzo.
LORENZO
Just because I miss my bench doesn’t mean I don’t like it here. It just makes I strongly prefer being on the bench and want to get out of here.
HARRY
I knew you would rather be on the bench with me making you food.
LORENZO
Wow, talk about being fat-phobic.
HARRY
Lorenzo, you can’t use your fatness—
ACE
What Harry means is advanced weight.
HARRY
No it’s not. But as I was saying, you can’t use your fatness as a defense mechanism.
DEVIN
Seems to me you went at him unnecessarily, Harry.
CHARLES
Can I weigh in here?
FELIX
Oh nice, another punny person.
CHARLES
No pun intended. I just mean to say I think while Lorenzo may be overweight, fat is actually subjective.
MANNY
Time for a vote. All in favor of classifying Lorenzo as fat—
LORENZO
I!
MANNY
No I from you, Harry?
HARRY
Not worth it.
MANNY
Then it’s settled, Lorenzo’s not fat—wait a minute we’re off topic!
CHARLES
We’re good at that.
MANNY
We don’t have much time left so I’m gonna just cut to the chase.
LORENZO
Don’t tell Chase that.
ROBERT
Who?
LORENZO
My lawyer from from Lorenzo’s Kitchen. Actually, Lorenzo’s Kitchen by SugarCity. Wait—SugarCity Presents Lorenzo’s Kitchen by SugarCity. Nope—SugarCity’s Kitchen. That’s it. That’s making me hungry, anyone know where I can find a strawberry rhubarb pie?
HARRY
A what now?
LORENZO
Hmm. Yeah, I don’t know what got into me there.
CHARLES
Besides the point!
MANNY
As I was about to say, I have some news. You know how there’s a 25-man roster and a 40-man roster, right?
FELIX
Yeah about that, they just called up 15 guys from the minors and not one of them is sitting in the bullpen with us? What’s up with that?
MANNY
Turns out when you have the five best pitchers in the league, you don’t need a bullpen to cover for you, never mind some guys in the minors.
FELIX
That could change. You never know.
MANNY
Anyways, being on the 40-man roster but not the 25-man roster is a pretty bad sign for anyone wanting to be on the team next year.
CHARLES
Manny, I understand. I had a lot of fun but I never expected to make it past a year given that’s how long my consolation prize is for.
MANNY
Actually, you’re on the 25-man roster. Devin isn’t.
DEVIN
I’m…I’m not?
MANNY
Sorry Devin.
DEVIN
You mean I might not be in the bullpen next season? Do they think I lack entertainment value and live in the shadows of the likes of Lorenzo? Because I do!
MANNY
We’ll see how things work out. Hey, worst comes to worst maybe you can anchor the bullpen in the minors!
LORENZO
Devin’s under 18?
ACE
The minor leagues. You know, the level below this?
LORENZO
Yeah, for people under 18.
ACE
No, actually—
MANNY
No time to try to get through to Lorenzo about how baseball works. I think I hear footsteps.
Everyone runs away.