Bake Your Heart Out Season 3 Episode 9 - Grand Opening

Bake Your Heart Out Season 3, Episode 9
Grand Opening

Sam, Diane, Garry, Frances and Charlotte are sitting in Diane’s dressing room.

Frances: Your dressing room’s nice, Diane. Why don’t we ever talk in here.

Garry: Because Sam is so bossy.

Sam: Mine is nicer! You gotta admit that. This looks like a room at grandma’s house.

Frances: That’s my aesthetic. I love a good mauve paint job.

Sam: That’s because you’re as o-

Frances: Don’t say it.

Sam: ol-

Frances: Don’t.

Sam: Old as the hills.

Charlotte: Sam, knock it off. Don’t you remember what happened the last time you mocked Frances?

Frances: Let’s not talk about that…

Diane: What’s taking Leslie so long?

Garry: Wow, did I just hear Diane complain? I’m flabbergasted!

Diane: No, never! I’m just curious as to why she doesn’t need us yet. It’s been over three hours since they started the Grand Challenge, it’s time to get back out there and get to filming.

Sam: Maybe there was a fire.

Frances: I just know that if Garry or I said that, you’d be making fun of us. With that said… Sam, you really think there was a fire that we just didn’t know about?

Sam: Could’ve been a small fire.

Frances: Sam, there wasn’t a fire.

Charlotte: That suggestion sounds so much like something Frances or Diane would say.

Diane: That’s what I was thinking.

There is a knock at the door.

Paul: Ladies, it’s time.

Garry: Ahem.

Paul; Ladies and Garry.

Garry: That’s more like it.

Sam: I liked the first one better. Don’t remind me of him.

Garry: Admit it, you love me.

Sam: The next time you say that, I’m grabbing you by the tongue and ripping it out of your damn mouth.

In the studio…

Diane: Leslie, what was the holdup today?

Leslie: Carter’s oven wasn’t set up right and his babka caught fire and we had to give him extra time.

Sam: A fire you say?

Frances: Fine, you were right.

Sam: When will you learn to not doubt me?

Frances: Never. Never ever.

Leslie: Now that you all know the reason for the delay, let’s get to work. I wanna get home, I’m starving.

Charlotte: I don’t know if you realize this, but we do have food on the set of Bake Your Heart Out. That’s sort of our thing.

Leslie: I need real food, not sweets. Not that there’s anything wrong with sweets, bakers!

Sam: They’re gonna go on strike now. You’ve insulted their life’s work.

Leslie: I don’t think they even heard me.

Sam: They can sense it.

Leslie: Enough nonsense! Let’s get to work!

Sam: You are no fun…

Leslie: Assume your positions, everyone! We’re back to filming in 3…2…1…

Diane: Bakers, it is time to present your Grand Challenge bakes to the judges! Up first is Verna!

Sam: Verna, what chocolate masterpiece did you make for the judges today?

Verna: I mad-

Diane’s phone rings.

Leslie: Did someone forget to turn her ringer off?

Charlotte: It’s probably just a span call.

Diane: I’m sorry, everyone! My mistake!

Sam: Why do you even have your phone with you on the set?

Diane: In case of an eme- oh, it’s my son!

Sam: So for reasons like this. Go ahead and answer…

Diane: Thanks for the permission, boss.

Diane answers her phone.

Diane: Ben! For what do I owe the pleasure?

Ben: Hi, Mom. I have some news.

Diane: Oh no, is something wrong? You only say that when something is wrong.

Ben: Nothing is wrong! The opposite, in fact.

Diane: Oh, thank god. We had a fire here, I’m very on edge.

Ben: A fire? Are you okay?

Diane: Oh, I’m fine. Just a small fire in one of the ovens on the set.

Ben: That’s much less serious than I was assuming, I’m very glad.

Diane: So what is your news?

Ben: Is there a seat nearby?

Diane: Leslie, where can I sit?

Leslie: There’s a chair right next to you.

Diane: Oh, right. Ben, I’m sitting.

Ben: Okay… here it goes.

Diane: You have me very nervous.

Ben: Don’t be nervous! It’s very good news!

Diane: Can you please say it before you give your mother a heart attack.

Ben: All right. Mom, you are a grandmother!

Diane: I… I… I’m what?

Charlotte: Is she okay?

Sam: She does this sometimes.

Diane: Honey, did I hear you correctly? I’m a grandmother?

Leslie: You’re a what? When did this happen?

Diane: I’m finding out!

Sam: Geez, Leslie. Give her some time.

Diane: Ben, did I hear you right? I’m a grandmother?

Ben: You sure did. Veronica had a healthy baby girl last night.

Diane: Aww, it’s a girl!

Frances: What are we talking about? I was reading the menu at that seafood place we’re going to tonight.

Leslie: Diane’s son had a baby and it’s a girl!

Frances: Oh, good for you, Diane!

Sam: She's so distracted right now by the news that she may not realize that’s also the title of a song by her fa-

Diane: Not everything’s about Olivia Rodrigo, Sam. This is far more important.

Frances: What’s the baby’s name?

Charlotte: May I suggest “Charlotte?”

Diane: Honey, does she have a name yet?

Ben: We named her Alice.

Diane: That’s a beautiful name! Nice and classic, just like me!

Ben: I hope you know that I didn’t want to keep this from you. She came prematurely and -

Diane: Prematurely? Is everything all right?

Ben: Yes, it’s all good. The doctors assure us that she’s extremely healthy.

Diane: That’s wonderful news! I’m pretty sure you already told me and I just forgot, but still, wonderful news.

Ben: Speaking of news, I really wanted to tell you earlier but we’ve had miscarriages in the past and we didn’t want to go through the heartbreak of telling people and then having to tell them about a miscarriage.

Diane: I understand! I’m not mad at all!

Ben: I just wanted to make sure. We’ve had some communication failures recently, I didn’t want you to think this was purposefully kept from you.

Diane: I know you wouldn't do that. Did your sister know?

Ben: Well, we’ve seen Ashley. So she did know. We didn’t tell her on purpose, though. She had to drag it out of us.

Diane: Tell her to call me the next time you see her! I know she’s busy, but a girl needs to speak with her mother every once in a while.

Ben: I will tell her.

Diane: Thank you, you’re a doll. Now, you’ve spent enough time on your phone with your mother. You need to go enjoy that new baby of yours! I’m going to fly out as soon as I can but I do have a show to film so it may be a few weeks.

Ben: I understand completely. Focus on your job, we’ll be here when it’s done.

Diane: Love you, honey. Talk to you later.

Ben: Love you, mom. Bye.

Diane hangs up.

Diane: Sorry about that, bakers! I just became a grandmother, I’d say that’s a pretty good reason to hold up the show.

Leslie: I agree, but it’s not a good enough reason to keep holding it up. Back to work, guys!

Garry: Frances, we’re going back to filming. Put your phone away.

Frances: You don’t get to boss me around, Garry. Not now, not ever.

Charlotte: Frances, put it away.

Frances: Okay, will do.

Thirty minutes later…

Diane: We’ve come once again to the worst part of the show.

Sam: Wilson, Carter, you are our bottom two for the week. In some key elements, you didn’t rise to the competition

Diane: It was an extremely close week in which the bottom was barely separated from the top. You all truly deserve a round of applause this week.

Sam: That’s why it pains us to reveal the person going home. And that person is…

Diane: No one! That’s right, we’re in such a fire -

Sam: She means “fine.” Her eyes are going, sorry guys.

Diane: We’re in such a fine mood from your excellent bakes that we aren’t sending anyone home at all for the first time in the history of Bake Your Heart Out!

Sam: Congratulations, everyone! You made history!

Diane: For all of us here at Bake Your Heart Out, thanks for tuning in and goodnight!

Leslie: Cut! That’s a wrap!

Diane: Was I okay? I’m so distracted.

Leslie: You missed a few cues, but you did fine considering that your whole world just sorta blew up, you know?

Diane: Thank you, I tried my best.

Sam: I had to save your ass back there the one time. Other than that, I didn’t notice anything.

Frances: And we all know that if Sam didn’t notice any slip-ups, there were none. She knows all!

Sam: Damn right I do.

Leslie: So we can get to dinner now? Please?

Diane: I don’t see why not. I’m hungry after all that emotion.

Charlotte: I’m hungry, too. Not because of emotion, Frances just wouldn’t let me eat as much of the bakes as I wanted to.

Frances: You were ready to devour Tianna’s chocolate mousse cheesecake. You ate a whole slice and went back for more!

Charlotte: It was delicious!

Frances: Was it worth a stomach ache? It was so rich!

Charlotte: It was -

Leslie: Girls, please stop. We’re going to eat at the best seafood place in town, stop arguing about cheesecake.

Frances: I’m not a girl, Leslie.

Sam: Oh, we know. About fifty years past that.

Frances: You’re older than me, so shut up.

Sam: I am? Wow, I look incredible for my age.

At the Riviera Inn…

Melanie: My goodness! You were all worrying me! Where were you?

Leslie: Diane, you wanna take this?

Garry: Who else would tell Melanie about Dia-

Sam: Can you shut up?

Garry: Can you not be rude?

Frances: That’s never going to happen.

Diane: Well… I got some news today.

Melanie: Oh no. Did something happen? Are you all right?

Diane: I’m great, actually. So great.

Melanie: So what’s up?

Diane: My son called today and told me he and his wife had a baby. I’m a grandmother.

Melanie: That is amazing! Congratulations, Diane! I feel like I should get you something. Let me go buy you a fruit basket.

Sam: She’s a millionaire, don’t buy her anything. You not spitting in her face for flashing her immense wealth around you is a gift enough. Eat the rich!

Charlotte: Since when is Sam a socialist?

Garry: I think it’s a joke. I don’t know? You never can tell with her.

Melanie: I’m being serious, Sam. We should do something to celebrate! You only become a grandparent for the first time once.

Sam: No one else here ever will. I mean, Leslie’s clearly menopausal -

Leslie: I am not!

Sam: Frances is destined to die a lonely old spinster -

Frances: I mean… yeah.

Sam: I’m a lesbian and Garry’s like a hundred. He’ll never be here when Rose has her kids.

Garry: First of all, that is so rude. Second, who the hell is Rose?

Sam: Your daughter. Wow, Garry. You’re so old you already forget the name of your only child.

Charlotte: Her name is June, you ignoramus!

Frances: Wow, London is practically fuming. We never see her like this!

Charlotte: Well, the picking on Garry is getting old.

Sam: I wasn’t picking on him! I just forgot his kid’s name. Happens all the time!

Leslie: Can we turn the focus back to Diane? This is a huge day for her. I agree with Melanie, let’s go celebrate with dinner!

Frances: You just want to go now because you’re hungry, don’t use Diane as an excuse.

Leslie: While that is true, I also want to do something special for Diane. I’m gonna pay for her meal.

Frances: On second thought, Melanie, the fruit basket is a great idea.

Leslie: What’s wrong with paying for Diane’s meal?

Frances: She eats like a bird, we need to do something else. A cake?

Diane: I am right here, you guys.

Frances: You are?

Diane: For some reason, yeah.

Melanie: What do you want us to do to celebrate?

Diane: I think a seafood dinner would be great. Can we go there? Please?

Leslie: That’s a great idea! I think it was my idea, actually. Let’s get out of here!

Garry: I need to get Carly and “Rose.” Then we can go.

Leslie: Is there any reason you didn’t do that earlier? Like, while we were talking to Melanie?

Garry: I wanted to talk to Melanie!

Melanie: I’m flattered, but I’m not that great. Not great enough to risk Leslie ripping your head off because you’re delaying dinner.

At dinner…

Leslie: Can I just say how stellar it feels to be here at last and to be eating?

Frances: I think we understand that you’re glad to be here. You don’t have to spell it out for us.

Leslie: Well it just feels so great! I was so hungry and now I’m filling my stomach, I’m in heaven.

Melanie: Diane, how are you feeling?

Diane: About?

Melanie: You know…

Diane: Being a grandmother? Well, aside from being a reminder that I’m old, it feels pretty great. There is a feeling of… I don’t know, sadness. Sadness that I can’t be there.

Melanie: Where does your son live? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned it.

Diane: My son and my daughter both live in Las Vegas. I don’t know why, but after their father died, they both up and left and that’s where they landed.

Sam: It’s where all the depressed folks go.

Diane: You’re not living there so not all of them.

Sam: I am not depressed!

Diane: You cried for two days when Nicolle said she had to go back early to New York.

Sam: It would’ve been longer if she didn’t promise to come back in a few weeks once her work situation was settled. So I’m excited, not depressed.

Diane: Uh-huh.

Frances: They haven’t brought me my lobster roll yet. They’re lucky I’m not Leslie or I’d be screaming at them.

Melanie: Diane, can I ask you something?

Diane: Any time.

Melanie: Why not fly out to Vegas to see you new granddaughter? I think everyone here would be okay with you doing that and missing out on the sights of Rhode Island for a few days.

Diane: Oh, I couldn’t. I hate flying.

Sam: Didn’t you go to Cabo during the break?

Frances: Didn’t you fly here?

Diane: I didn’t know I was on trial today!

Leslie: Why don’t you want to go?

Diane: I don’t want to intrude, and I don’t want to mess with your plans. We have to film another episode in five days, that’s a lot of traveling to do in five days’ time.

Garry: Who would you be intruding on? Your son?

Diane: Yes. I don’t visit him regularly enough so as it is, I certainly don’t want to just pop in now, during one of the busiest times of his life.

Sam: Diane, you need to go. Call Ben up and tell him you’re visiting and then go. Him calling you was probably his way of telling you he wants you to come and see the baby.

Diane: He told me to focus on my work. He didn’t say to come to Vegas.

Sam: I told Garry I liked him once. People lie.

Garry: Hey!

Diane: I’ll give him a call. But, I don’t know how this will work out with filming. Four days is not enough time when the first and fourth day will be centered on traveling.

Leslie: I’ll call Paul, I’ll ask him if we can push back filming a couple of days so you can go.

Diane: You can do that?

Leslie: I can do anything. I own this network.

Frances: DO you really thing that or are you exaggerating? I really can’t tell at this point.

Leslie: Exaggerating. Obviously.

Diane: When are you going to call? I don’t want to call Ben until I know I can come.

Leslie: I’ll call now, as much as it pains me to leave my surf and turf.

Diane: You’d really delay your dinner for me? Aww.

Leslie gets up and calls Paul.

Paul: Leslie? Wow, what are you calling me after hours for? You never do that!

Leslie: Paul, I need a favor.

Paul: That scares me so much.

Leslie: Diane’s son and his wife just had a baby and Diane wants to fly out to meet the baby. Could we possibly push back filming for next week’s episode by a few days? It really won’t be much trouble for me, I’m completely fine with it.

Paul: If it were Sam, no. It’s for Diane, though, so I can make an exception. I think she’s earned this.

Leslie: Exactly what I thought! Thanks for the understanding. You’re really not nearly as awful as people say.

Paul: That’s so sweet, thanks.

Leslie hangs up and returns to the table.

Diane: That was quick!

Leslie: It was a simple request and so a simple phone call

Diane: What did he say?

Leslie: Pack your bags…

Sam: Oh no, she got fired.

Leslie: You’re gonna meet your granddaughter!

Diane: Oh, Leslie! Thank you for pushing me to do this and rearranging things for me, it was so sweet of you.

Sam: I believe we were all involved in the pushing of you.

Diane: You certainly push my buttons…

What did you think of this episode of Bake Your Heart Out? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!

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