Welcome to week 5 of Off Topic! We are now five weeks into the season. Let's discuss away!
Orange is this week's new trend, as Halloween fast looms around the corner, spooking up shows with softer ratings and threats of serial killer cancellations. So what can Halloween teach the crowd?
1. They say never build your house on a bad foundation or sand. Would pumpkin guts be in that category? Pumpkin is the latest fall color and trend, so why don't we flaunt them instead of dice and perch them on our porches with a candle resting in the middle of their disemboweled shells? Show 'em off with style!
2. If pumpkin blood built this holiday, why don't we bathe in it!? Lather up, as the soaps on the roster are giving us scares in their ratings. Along with several FOX, Friday and Sunday ratings reports.
3. Only bite off what you can chew, as spitting out a sour, round head can knock out your yellowing teeth. See a dentist if your teeth look like this poor soul's shredded teeth, as they will have rotted and attract flies within two weeks if proper care is not sought.
4. A hearty helping of pumpkin goodness, or vodka jello shots disguised in orange offerings? Take this to your local PTA meeting or HOA meeting to loosen up political stiffs and backbiting meanies. Or perhaps your child's classroom "broom mother."
5. And of course, guacamole and pitas make an excellent appetizer and filler. Just remember not to spoil your appetite, or add coffee to your bourbon or you will lose your meal in front of guests. Proper etiquette tells a gracious host to leave plenty for your guests, only dining quietly in the kitchen for an early snack. So try not to souse your appetite with spirits, or that heartily-mashed dip won't be the only green thing your guests strewn across your dishware. And always remember to replenish your accompaniments regularly, or else guests won't enjoy what you spit out.6. Always send your friends home at a decent hour, or this is what will become of your front porch. Remind them to recycle their bottles and cans after they clean out the local liquor store around the corner, as cheap beer can be bad for the environment if their containers can take up to 90 years to biodegrade. Their livers will have disintegrated faster than the very vessel they sought spirits from!
