WBL superstar Debra Andreesi is on her couch watching the College Women’s Basketball Championship game.
George Katz (sportscaster): Annie Carter for three… and it’s good! Carter has put up thirty of Lehigh’s fifty-eight points, and it’s just halfway through the third quarter. It’s her fifth triple of the night!
Marcia Derringer (analyst): This is what Annie Carter does. She keeps her team in the game even when no one else is really producing, she is a one-woman show. She is a marvel. She’s unlike anything we’ve ever seen before in this game. Lehigh was on no one’s radar before she came along, they’ve never had a player drafted to the WBL before, and she brought them to the final four twice before and now she’s brought them all the way. They’re down just five on UNH, the gold standard in women’s basketball - my alum - and she’s the only reason they’re still in this.
Debra: My god, Whit, can you believe this kid?
Whitney Proctor (Debra’s wife): They’re saying she’s the next you.
Debra: The next me? There will never be another me. No one else is as much of a bitch.
Whitney: Ah, come on, you’re too hard on yourself.
Debra: Many people also say I’m too hard on them. Several coaches, my parents, the kids, almost everyone else in the WBL…
Whitney: So what’s going on in this game? I haven’t followed this year’s tournament. Too busy with life.
Debra: New Hampshire is in a dogfight with a team no one’s heard of, where I’m not even sure what state they’re from. I’ve punched the TV twice.
Whitney: I can see that.
Debra: Is it that noticeable?
Whitney: Yes, my dear.
Marcia: There’s a lot of talk about whether Carter will declare for this year’s draft. This is her fourth year in college, but she’s allowed to compete for a fifth, and she’s outright stated she will do that. Still, if Lehigh emerges triumphant today -
Debra: They won’t!
Marcia: it does beg the question of whether or not Carter will decide to go out on top, having already broken every college scoring record in the books.
Whitney: She beat your records? She really is fantastic.
Debra: I never had them.
Whitney: You didn’t?
Debra: It’s a great shame of mine. We don’t need to drag this out any further.
The next day, at the offices of the Colorado Cougars…
Celia Durr (general manager of Debra’s team, the Colorado Cougars): Sheryl, I just got off the phone with the team from the Detroit Supremes. I initiated a trade in exchange for their #1 pick in the draft.
Sheryl Wilson (coach of the Colorado Cougars)(: They gave up their #1 draft pick?
Celia: Word on the street is they’re tanking for Annie Carter next season. This is a weak draft, they didn’t see the value in retaining the #1 pick if they’re not getting anyone great out of it.
Sheryl: I mean, the owner’s wife is their coach, and she has seemingly never watched a game of basketball before.
Celia: Exactly. It’s not a serious team right now. They want to use Carter to start building something good. We need help now. Who knows how long Debra’s going to want to play. She’s not what she once was, you know that.
Sheryl: She’s still incredibly skilled.
Celia: Yes, she is. But we have to prepare for a world without her. She’s not a young woman. The end is nigh. So whoever we can get to help her out that’s young and has some promise, we’re taking them.
Sheryl: And who are we giving up in exchange for this mythical underdeveloped college player who’ll help us rise from the pits of hell?
Celia: Bethany Gribble.
Sheryl: Bethany? You drafted our one-time all-WBL First Team player, a former MVP candidate, the backbone of our team, who we just signed to a three-year contract, in exchange for a yet-unnamed college player that most people widely believe will be a role player? And you didn’t even consult me about it?
Celia: Coach, what we have isn’t working. We need a change. This is a change.
Sheryl: I suppose you have a point there. We need something to turn this around. I just hope your gambit pays off. I don’t want to pay for your potential mistake with my job.
Celia: I always have good points if you’d just bother listening to them.
Sheryl: Let’s not get too carried away.
Meanwhile, in Chicago, Annie Carter is discussing her basketball future with her family.
Stella (Annie’s mom): Honey, you look despondent. I can make you some chocolate chip cookies when we get home I that’ll make you feel better. I know they’re your favorite.
Trixie (Annie’s sister): Mom, she totally whiffed her chance at winning the national championship. Of course she’s upset.
Stella: She did not whiff anything! She had forty points and nine assists! She was responsible for the majority of the team’s points!
Trixie: Yes, but if she’d chosen a better team…
Annie: Lehigh allowed me to hone my skills. I got all the attention from coach.
Trixie: Yes, because the rest of the team barely knows what the sport of basketball is.
Vince (Annie’s dad): Enough. There’s a time and a place for this discussion, and it’s not now. Annie, are you all right? We have to be out of the hotel in an hour, and I know those paparazzi ghouls are out there ready to snap any picture of you that they can get, so I just want to see if I have to figure out some other way to get out out of here.
Trixie: Are you going to stuff her in the luggage? She’s six feet tall. That’ll be pretty hard.
Annie: I’m fine. Really, I am. Losses happen, this isn’t the first nor the last time I’ve lost an important basketball game. But I just can’t help but feel a sense of closure. I think I’m done here.
Stella: Here as in Chicago? We’re going back home today, so that’s to be expected.
Annie: Done in college. In Lehigh. I’m ready to move on.
Stella: But you said you were doing a fifth college year no matter what?
Annie: That’s how I felt at the time. Right now, I just feel different. I don’t want to abandon my squad, but my heart is just telling me I have to go embark on a new journey, you know?
Stella: Don’t leave me!
Vince: Stella…
Trixie (dramatically): Stellaaaaaaaaa!!!
Vince: Do you even know what that’s from?
Trixie: Over the Hedge. Duh.
Vince: My goodness.
Annie: I’m going to declare for the WBL draft. I don’t want to get presumptuous, but I expect to get picked #1, so I’d be on my way to Detroit.
Stella: Detroit? I don’t think you’re made for Detroit, sweetie. It’s no Allentown.
Annie: Detroit’s fine! I’m not a kid anymore, I don’t need you to protect me.
Stella: But I worry!
Annie: And you don’t need to. You have Trixie to worry about.
Trixie: Don’t go directing her crazy at me! No ma’am!
Annie: Don’t call me ma’am! I’m three years older than you, not thirty!
Vince: Annie, I’ll say it, since no one else seems willing to: if going off to play in the WBL and starting up a pro career is what you want, you have my full support. You’re going to crush it. I know that as a fact.
Stella: Obviously, I support my daughter. Don’t try painting me as unsupportive just because I want her closer to home.
Annie: You can come visit whenever you want! And Philly has a team, you can come cheer me on then!
Stella: That’s not enough!
Trixie: Mom, she’s clearly made up her mind. And you know how Annie gets when she’s got a made-up mind…
Stella: I’ll only ever be a phone call away.
Annie: Of course. That’s exactly how I’d want it to be. Your encouragement and support means the world.
Stella: And you’ll always have it.
Later that day, Sheryl calls Debra.
Debra: Coach! What’s up, how’s life? How’s the wife?
Sheryl: All is well, yourself? You still keeping up with your gym regimen?
Debra: Of course! At my age, I gotta work twice as hard as these kids to stay half as fit as they are.
Sheryl: Well, you’ve done a tremendous job, you’re still the MVP of our squad.
Debra: I hear it in your voice. Something is amiss. Give me the news. Something wrong? You guys trading me? You waiving me? You canceling training camp because we have no hope so what’s the point?
Sheryl: So, it’s Celia.
Debra: Did she die? She’s very old.
Sheryl: Debra, I would not be calling so calmly if our general manager died.
Debra: Is she finally retiring? Thank god, the woman is a fo-
Sheryl: She’s traded Bethany to Detroit in exchange or their #1 pick in the draft.
Debra: Are you fu-
Sheryl: To spare you the energy - no, I am not kidding you.
Debra: How could she - Bethany’s my best friend!
Sheryl: I know. And she’s one of our stars. I was not consulted myself. Celia just wanted to go in another direction.
Debra: She decided this a week before the draft? Not when she was recruiting free agents?
Sheryl: It’s not ideal, I know. Just bare with me. I’m going to get us through this mess. I promise you that. You’re still my top priority!
Debra: I trust you, coach.
Sheryl: That’s all I needed to hear. I’ll see you at training camp in a few weeks.
Debra: I’m not exempt from that yet? It has been almost twenty years…
Sheryl: Very funny!
Debra hangs up.
Whitney: Something the matter?
Debra: They traded Bethany. That’s my basketball soulmate.
Whitney: Excuse me?
Debra: Other than you, babe!
Whitney: You better say “other than you!” We won three championships together, and I left my husband for you.
Debra: You’re a lesbian, Whitney.
Whitney: The world didn’t know that! My husband didn’t know that!
Debra: Don’t worry, you’re always #1 in my heart. But Bethany was special, too I’m gonna miss her.
Whitney: I know you two have a bond, and that’s something you’re going to miss. I’m sorry they traded her away.
Debra: I just hope she’s coping well. She’s been sent to Detroit. I wouldn’t cope well with it! That team’s been a clown show ever since they joined the league. I wouldn’t be shocked to see them fold if they don’t get Annie Carter in next year’s draft, like they’re clearly banking on. Whitney: How do you figure that’s what they’re going for?
Debra: They’re obviously tanking. Their coach is a total joke and they keep her around because losing’s the goal. They just need big names like Bethany to still fill their seats as their team continues to suck.
Whitney: You don’t think Bethany can turn it around for them?
Debra: Our team has a better roster than Detroit’s, it had me and Bethany together, and it’s still sucked for years.
Whitney: Well, maybe this trade will be good, then. Shake things up a bit, get some new blood on the team. What did they trade for Bethany?
Debra: The #1 pick, but it’s a pretty weak draft. Hell, we might as well tank and see if we can get Carter next year!
Whitney: That’s a wonderful strategy, honey. However, Sofia has a science project due tomorrow, and I have to help her with it.
Debra: Does she really? Or is that just a convenient excuse to get away from my whining and self-pity because you know I have absolutely zero idea what our kids are up to at school?
Whitney: Yes!
Debra: Not an answer!
The next day, Debra is at the gym and the TV is on in the background.
Debra: Hey, can you turn that up?
Melissa Hoover (a fellow Cougars player): I can’t work out when the volume’s on on the TV. I find it distracting.
Carmen Hale (another Cougars player): But there’s always noise during practice and during games.
Melissa: That’s different.
Carmen: I really don’t see how.
Debra: Someone, just turn the damn TV up! It feels important that we hear what’s being said.
Aubrey Billings (another Cougars player): I’ll do it.
Debra: Thank you! God, it’s like you’re the only sane one left on the damn team. I gotta get out of this place.
Aubrey: Please, no. Don’t leave me with the twins and the rest of these losers!
Carmen: Losers?
Debra: We were 10-30 last season. We’re not superstars.
On the TV, college basketball phenom Annie Carter is speaking at a press conference.
Annie: Thank you very much, everyone. I know this press conference is short notice. It did have to be today, though, so I thank everyone who could make it. I’ve done a lot of thinking about my future in the last few days. Helping to bring my team to the championship game is the greatest thing to happen in my life, and I did expect to return or another season regardless of the ending. I certainly expected to in the even that we lost, which we did. But when I stepped off that court and into the locker room, I felt something I didn’t expect: a sense that my work with the team was done. It’s time to move on, and I won’t be returning to Lehigh in the fall. I will be declaring for the WBL draft, and beginning my professional career.
Melissa: Oh my god!
Aubrey: That’s a plot twist.
Debra: Get ready ladies, a storm’s coming.
In Sheryl’s office…
Celia: Sheryl! Sheryl! Oh my god! Did you hear?
Sheryl: Hear what?
Celia: You didn’t hear.
Sheryl: Celia, you shouldn’t be running like that at your age. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.
Celia: Annie Carter just declared for the draft!
Sheryl: Oh my god!
Celia: That’s what I said!
Sheryl: Celia, your hare-brained trade got us the #1 draft pick. The most important #1 draft pick since, well, maybe ever.
Celia: I told you this would work out! I’m a genius!
Sheryl: Don’t go pulling a muscle while you’re reaching to pat yourself on your back.
Celia: I think I’ve earned it.
Sheryl: You have. Here, let me give you a pat on the back myself. You may well have saved this team.
Celia: Do you think I can win Basketball Executive of the Year this year?
Sheryl: Only I you think I can win Coach of the year.
Celia: Well, it’ll be an honor just to be nominated again.
Sheryl: You bitch!
Later that day, Sheryl gets a phone call from Detroit Supremes coach Jill Herecliff.
Sheryl: Jill, always a pleasure to speak with you. What’s up today? Any big news you have to discuss or anything?
Jill: Sheryl, you know damn well that something has to be discussed.
Sheryl: Do I?
Jill: Annie Carter is supposed to be our #1 draft pick! Not yours!
Sheryl: First, you should know that this is an issue for the general managers, not the coaches. Second, I am not surprised you don’t know that. Third, that trade was entirely air game. You knew there was a chance Annie Carter could declare, and your team traded away your draft pick. You loss is our gain. Have a lovely day, Jill!
Jill: This isn’t o -
Sheryl hangs up.
Sheryl: It’s over.
Meanwhile, Annie and her family are discussing her decision.
Annie: Did I make a mistake? Have I ruined my life?
Stella: Of course not, honey. This will be a big change for you, but you were very confident it needed to be made, and we’re all going to support you through it.
Trixie: Besides, you’re probably going to Colorado now. Colorado’s beautiful! We went skiing there last Thanksgiving!
Annie: I’m just worried, you know? I wasn’t preparing for this. It was a spur-off-the-moment thing, I made it with no time to think it over, and what if I jumped the gun?
Stella: Even if you aren’t 100% ready, you have the talent to make it work. But I know you, and I know you’re ready. So stop fretting, and get ready to take on this new step.
Annie: I’m gonna miss the Lehigh Valley. I’m going to miss being so close to all of you. I’m going to -
Vince: You don’t need to miss us. We’ll always be around. You’re gonna get sick of seeing us at your games!
Annie: Yeah, I kinda did in college. Mom’s so loud.
Stella: I see it more as being supportive.
Annie: Very, very supportive.
Stella: I do what I can.
Two weeks later…
Marcia: Well, we are here in New York for the 32nd annual WBL Draft. It’s a big night, as college phenom Annie Carter’s last-minute decision to declare has thrown a wrench in every plan, after she previously stated vehemently that she would not be declaring this year, and she is now widely expected to be the #1 draft pick this year.
George: Thanks to an impeccably-timed trade for the #1 pick, Carter is expected be rated by the Colorado Cougars, joining legendary veteran Debra Andreesi and last year’s #1 draft pick, Aubrey Billings.
Marcia: We have Debra and Aubrey with us now here in Radio City Music Hall. Ladies, thanks for joining us!
Debra: Pleasure, as always.
Aubrey: Great to see you again.
Marcia: So, ladies, what is it like getting all this attention on your team? You struggled last year, but you got the #4 pick in the draft lottery this year, so even having the chance at drafting Annie Carter wasn’t seen as possible or you, even if she did declare.
Debra: Yeah, it’s been a shock. We’re real excited to have her - if she does get pick, that is. She really is what we need to complement Aubrey as part of our young core and really get this team back on its feet. She’s fun to watch, too. I’m real excited to get to play with her and get to know her. I’ve only really met her in passing before.
George: She’s great, such a nice young lady. We’ve had her on SportsTalk several times.
Debra: She seems lovely. The generation that’s coming up now, with Aubrey and now Annie and just a bunch of them, they have their heads on their shoulders, they’re responsible, they’re good role models. I don’t know if I could say the same about me at my age.
Aubrey: You were my role model!
Debra: Aww! Well, not enough to play the same position as me, but that’s okay - that means we can play together more.
Marcia: Debra Andreesi, always looking on the bright side. Thank you ladies for joining us. The draft seems to be getting underway. We’re going to toss it over to WBL commissioner, Cynthia Etterton.
Cynthia: Thank you all for joining us. We are so thrilled and honored to be here celebrating our thirty-second draft for the Women’s Basketball League. Our league has a long history of empowering women and girls, and we’re proud proof that little girls across America can grow up to be sports starts, just like the boys. Our league is a league or change and social justice, and a league that pushes us all to do and be better. Now, let’s familiarize ourselves with the rules of the draft. The first round of the draft will consist of sixteen picks. There will be forty-eight picks overall. Draftees will attend training camps with their new teams, and then teams will create final rosters based on performance at training camp. Due to a trade from the Detroit Supremes, the Colorado Cougars will pick first. They’ll be succeeded by the San Francisco Fins, Baltimore Bay, Detroit Supremes, Seattle Sirens, the New York Empire by way of a trade with the San Antonio Fiesta, the Portsmouth Schooners, the Myrtle Beach Loggerheads, the Albuquerque Bighorns, the New Orleans Mardi Gras, the New York Empire again, the Philadelphia Liberty Belles, and - rounding out the first round - the Virginia Vampires. So, let’s get it started. Colorado Cougars, you’re on the clock.
Meanwhile, in the audience…
Annie: I’m so nervous.
Jane LaGarde (Annie’s best friend): You have no reason to be. I do.
Annie: You’ll get drafted!
Jane: I’m not so sure. No player from our school has ever been drafted in the WBL before.
Stella: but you two are special. You’e a dynamic duo.
Trixie: Weren’t you just saying -
Stella: Hush.
Jane: No, I wanna know what you were just saying.
Stella: It was nothing. I simply downplayed the rest of the Lehigh team to inflate my daughter’s ego. Any mother would do it.
Jane: Yeah, my mom does it, too.
Stella: She downplays the accomplishments of my Annie? I’ll be having a talk with her…
Annie: Oh my god…
Vince: Yeah, Stella, this is the biggest day of our daughter’s life, again. So let’s not add stress to it with this nonsense.
Stella: It’s not nonsense. It’s justice.
Annie: Mom, shut up! There are cameras on us, and so many heroes of mine are in this room. I see Debra Andreesi, my favorite player ever. Angela Watters is here, she was just the MVP and Finals MVP last year. Sadie Cojocaru is here, she was a #1 pick before. Naya Komolafe is here, the prudent of the player’s union. I ran into two-time MVP Isabelle Sullivan in the bathroom. I threw up watching these people, I modeled my game after them. Don’t embarrass me in front of them.
Stella: Got it.
Meanwhile, in the Colorado Cougars’ war room…
Celia: All right, what are we doing, gals? You wanna just send the pick in right now, or should we make them wait a couple minutes just to see if they start questioning our sanity?
Sheryl: I think maybe it’s better to not mess around.
Tamara Elmer (the Cougars’ president of basketball operations): Yeah, I we somehow let Carter slip out of our hands after Celia did that witchcraft to get this pick, we’re all getting fired and the team is probably getting shut down.
Sheryl: Well, you’d probably be able to just go get a job with your sister’s team.
Tamara: I don’t want to work with Missy. She’s a tyrant. I can do whatever I want here.
Sheryl: In hindsight, that’s probably part of why our team has been so bad for so long.
Tamara: Oh, don’t go blaming me! You’re the one coaching the damn team!
Sheryl: And you and Celia are making the roster!
Celia: Just remember what ole’ Celia did for us today! I’m making the call. Let’s lock this in. A new Cougars era begins TODAY!
Keith Fowler (assistant coach): Everyone look happy, smile. They’re recording this for Instagram.
Sheryl: Ah, shit. Can we get a do-over? I look like a massive bitch, giving Tamara a hard time. The people at home don’t know our history and our playful banter.
Tamara: Is it playful?
Sheryl: Of course!
Back on the stage of the Draft…
Cynthia: With the first pick in the 2026 WBL Draft, the Colorado Cougars select Annie Carter, Lehigh University.
Annie: Is this real?
Stella: As real as you or I, kiddo. I’m so proud of you.
Annie: This is surreal.
Marcia (speaking on TV broadcast): Well this is exactly what we were expecting to happen since her late declaration for the draft. This is one of the greatest college careers we have ever seen, one of the most promising incoming players the league’s ever seen. Colorado lucked out here.
George (speaking on TV broadcast: Yes, the trade of Bethany Gribble to Detroit puzzled us and other analysts when it was announced, but the Cougars managed to luck out majorly in the end, with memes online suggesting that general manager Celia Durr is surely psychic for having made this trade.
Cynthia: Congratulations, Annie. You’ve got the weight of our league on your shoulders.
Annie: Thank you? I think?
Cynthia: Don’t screw this up for us.
Annie: I’m… not planning on it.
Annie and Cynthia pose for some pictures as Annie stares out to see her family proudly cheering her on.
Cynthia: Our number one pick, everyone! Now, San Francisco, you’re on the clock!
Annie leaves the stage and is greeted by Debra and Aubrey, who were in the audience to cheer her on.
Debra: Welcome to the family, kid! We’re real glad to have you!
Annie: You’re Debra Andreesi. Debra Andreesi is talking to me!
Aubrey: Trust me: she’s going to be talking to you a lot. You’re going to get sick of it.
Debra: You never get sick of it.
Aubrey: You sure about that?
Annie: This is unbelievable.
Aubrey: I thought the same thing when I got drafted last year.
Debra: Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Soon enough. You were born for this moment, just like we were.
Aubrey: I think I’m looking at our franchise’s third Rookie of the Year!
Annie: Wow, that’s a lot of pressure.
Debra: Coach knows to expect the best of you. I know you won’t let her down. I’ll see you at training camp, but here’s my number. Call me if you need any advice, this is a lot or anyone to go through, let alone a twenty-two year-old.
Annie: The District Attorney just gave me her number. Oh my god!
Debra: That’s really just a fan nickname. Everyone on the team just calls me Debra, or Deb, or D.A., or even Andreesi. I’m not a wrestler.
Aubrey: Most of the time she’s not. But sometimes…
Debra: You’re making me look bad in front of the new kid. Knock that off.
Aubrey: Will do, District Attorney.
What did you think of the series premiere of Foul Play? Let us know in the comments and make sure to read a new episode next week!
